Work Romance | Zikoko!

Christmas is coming, and with the way things are going, we need to find creative ways to enjoy ourselves. Today, we’ll learn how to bill our work wives.

Step 1

Get a work wife

It’s not difficult at all. Just find someone and make her laugh until she starts @-ing you on Slack for funny stuff. The more senior she is, the better. Ideally, you should’ve done and maintained this since January.

Now, we can start the real work.

PHASE 1

Buy her food

This is strategic investment. You’re buying her one bowl of creamy pasta, but what you’ll get in return is way more — if she’s not stingy. If she’s stingy, sorry for you.

Change your Slack avi to her picture

This one works like a charm. When she opens Slack, let her see herself.

If she has relationship issues, this is your time to shine

Your shoulder is for her tears, but don’t do anything to help the relationship o. In fact, destroy it even further. Bring up the fact that her partner doesn’t buy her gifts too.

Help her with work

Before she asks, do her work for her. If she needs a document, provide it. Whatever she needs, do it. Trust us on this one.

Compliment her like there’s no tomorrow

Use good judgement sha. You don’t want to catch an HR case because of money, or singlet and boxers.

PHASE 2

Ghost her shortly before Christmas

She’ll overcompensate because she has no idea what’s going on. You win. Money, gifts, food, tickets to Asake’s concert, everything.

IF ALL GOES WRONG

Rig the office secret Santa

One way or another, you’ll get something from her.

7 Reasons Why You Should Sleep With Your Coworkers
1. When you come to the office together but still enter the office at different times.

Nobody can find out please!

2. When other girls in the office are talking about how handsome he is, you’re like.

Look at these ones oh!

3. When you have to pretend you don’t really care about him so people don’t start to suspect you.

Before they ask why you defend him so passionately.

4. When his ex comes to visit in the office you’re like:

This one wants to spoil your happy home!

5. When your ex comes to visit you in the office, you’re like:

Ah!

6. When he starts talking about work stuff at home, you’re like:

Please leave work in the office oh!

7. When he shouts at you in front of everybody at the office, you’re like:

Who is this one talking to?

8. When HR sends another memo advising against relationships between senior and junior colleagues.

Mind your business, please.

9. When someone says he gives you preferential treatment, you’re like:

“I’m just very good at my job”

10. When you are out on a date and see one of your colleagues.

Nobody can find out!

Step 1

Get a work wife

PHASE 1

Buy her food

Change your Slack avi to her picture

If she has relationship issues, this is your time to shine

Help her with work

Compliment her like there’s no tomorrow

PHASE 2

Ghost her shortly before Christmas

IF ALL GOES WRONG

Rig the office secret Santa

1. When you come to the office together but still enter the office at different times.

2. When other girls in the office are talking about how handsome he is, you’re like.

3. When you have to pretend you don’t really care about him so people don’t start to suspect you.

4. When his ex comes to visit in the office you’re like:

5. When your ex comes to visit you in the office, you’re like:

6. When he starts talking about work stuff at home, you’re like:

7. When he shouts at you in front of everybody at the office, you’re like:

8. When HR sends another memo advising against relationships between senior and junior colleagues.

9. When someone says he gives you preferential treatment, you’re like:

10. When you are out on a date and see one of your colleagues.