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  • Women are constantly raising the bar for every industry they operate in and the Nigerian music scene is no different. Despite the challenges women have continued to show up and show out — thriving and kicking butts like it’s nobody’s business. To celebrate International Women’s Day, we join TurnTable Charts in documenting the incredible ways Nigerian women have made history in the music industry.

    1. 2006 — Asa becomes the first artist to win the Headies’ Next Rated Award

    No one was doing it like Asa when her album Asha  dropped back in the day. With songs like Fire on the Mountain and Jailer, we were introduced to a thought-provoking artist amid the feel-good dance music that had overtaken the airwaves. Asa was a game-changer back then, and if her new album is any indicator of the future, our queen will remain a game-changer for a long time to come. 

    2. 2008 — TY Bello wins Best New Act at the Nigerian Entertainment Awards

    TY Bello’s solo album after years in the band, Kush, was a major success with its lead single, Green Land, becoming an anthem and a choreography presentation staple at graduations all over the country (we all did that dance, don’t worry). Even though the land is looking like it’s no longer green, and baby girl is now heavily focused on photography, she’ll always remain an iconic part of our modern music history. 

    3. 2010 — Mocheddah becomes the youngest winner of the MTV Africa award for Best New Artist

    Please, where is Mocheddah? This babe came out of nowhere, dropped a couple of bangers and just…disappeared. Once upon a time, Wizkid and Mocheddah were tipped as the future of Nigerian music and boy, do we miss the good old days. From Ko Ma Roll to If You Want Me, Mocheddah was THAT girl abeg. 

    4. 2018, 2019, 2021 — Tope Alabi becomes the most played artist on Boomplay

    Religious or not, Tope Alabi’s music gets us in our gut. We don’t know how she does it, but we know for sure that she does it well. An icon when it comes to gospel music in Nigeria, Tope overtook everyone from Wizkid to Burna Boy, becoming the most played artist on Boomplay in 2018. Her album, Yes & Amen was also the most streamed album on Boomplay in 2018 and 2019, with its title track leading the Year-End Songs Chart on the app in 2019 as well. Come through, ma’am. So much love it!

    RELATED: These Women Paved the Way for Afrobeats, So Give Them Their Flowers 

    5. 2019 — Teni’s Uyo Meyo is the last song by a female artist to win Record of the Year at the Headies

    There’s something about Uyo Meyo that just injects ginger into our veins and inspires us to hustle. While songs like Askamaya and Case showed Teni as a feel-good artist who didn’t take herself too seriously, Uyo Meyo showed us another side of the hitmaker. Now with her debut album from 2021 still blazing up the charts, it’s touching to see all the dreams she sang about coming true in real-time. *hold’s back tears*

    6. 2020 — Simi’s Duduke is the first song by a female artist to lead the YouTube Nigeria Top Songs Year-End Chart

    • It was also the number one song on YouTube Nigeria in 2020
    • Simi also ended as the number one female artiste in 2020

    When she’s not out on the interwebs doing cute stuff with Adekunle Gold, Simi is steadily dropping bangers left, right and centre. Duduke became a big anthem in 2020, and even though some of us can’t afford those troublesome tiny humans, for a split second, we considered ordering them online or something. By the way, Miss Simi, how far the new album you’ve been teasing? We’re already in March dear. 

    7. 2020 — Mercy Chinwo becomes the overall top gospel artist

    From competing at Project Fame to dropping one of the most popular gospel songs of all time, Excess Love, Mercy Chinwo has been really busy. 

    8. 2021 — Tiwa Savage becomes the most awarded female afrobeats artist in history

    Number one African bad gyal is not a title you give yourself unless you have the receipts to prove it and omo, Tiwa has plenty of receipts. How do you want it: PDF or Word? From the Headies to the MOBOS and the MTV EMAs, Tiwa’s award cabinet must be the size of a small football pitch by now. And with three albums, three EPs and a truckload of hits to her name, Ms. Savage deserves all her flowers.

    9. 2021 — Tems becomes the first female artist to receive an RIAA certification with Essence

    • She was also the most streamed female artist in Nigeria

    t’s Tems’ world, and we’re all just renting self-contains in it. While Try Me made her a household name in Nigeria, 2020’s Essence with Wizkid turned our homegirl into a global superstar with everyone from Rihanna to Adele famzing our fave. She also made history debuting on the Billboard Hot 100 and becoming a Tommy Hilfiger spokesperson. There’s no stopping Tems and for the rest of us, well, we’re just here for the ride. 

    10. 2021 — Sinach is the most viewed Nigerian music artist on YouTube 

    Are you surprised? With the countless Way Maker covers and remixes, it’s clear that Sinach is walking in serious power and miracles, and we’re here for all of it. 

    11. 2021 — Ayra Starr becomes the first female artist to reach number one in Nigeria as a solo artist with Bloody Samaritan  

    How did a 19 year-old Lagos girl become one of the biggest stars of 2021? Well, Ayra Starr was born for this. Coming into the game with confidence and artistry well beyond her age, Ayra’s debut single, Away, dropped from nowhere and immediately became a hit. By the time Bloody Samaritan dropped, we were all registered members of the Ayra Starr fan club (Mobstarrs?). The best part?  She’s just getting started. 

    12. 2021 — Fave becomes the first artist to reach number one in Nigeria with a single off their debut project with Baby Riddim

    There was no way we could escape Baby Riddim last year, even if we tried. If you turned to your right, “My baby good!” and if you mistakenly turned to your left, “My baby bad!” — this song was everywhere. With other songs from her new EP, Riddim 5, slowly catching steam, there’s a high chance we’re going to be hearing FAVE’s voice for a long time and honestly, we can’t complain. 

    CONTINUE READING: 6 Female African Artists Topping the Charts Right Now 

  • If you skip intros when watching anime, you need to be fed semo for 100 days and 100 nights because what sort of disrespect is that? Please do better. These opening theme songs and their series are good enough that I can at least breathe better knowing that no sane otaku will skip any of them. 

    1. Blue Bird by Per Fredrik Åsly

     There’s no list of best opening theme songs from anime series without Blue Bird. Let’s pretend like it’s not 99% influenced by the scary Nigerian weebs that’ll come for me if I don’t add something about Naruto. Just kidding, BlueBird is a banger. 

    2. Fukashigi no Carte by Fonzi M

    Just the fact that it’s a popular audio track on TikTok says a lot about how memorable it is. This opening song can’t come up without you singing along if you’ve seen Bunny Girl Senpai. Also, this anime is so criminally underrated, it makes no sense. 

    RELATED: 31 Anime Names That Can Replace Popular Nigerian Names

    3. Shinzou wo Sasageyo by AmaLee

    Attack on Titan has one of the best opening theme songs ever. If the part where they say, “Sasageyo,” comes on and you don’t start screaming along, what sort of otaku are you? I feel like this should become the official weeb national anthem. 

    4. Gurenge  by LiSA

    Demon Slayer is relatively new to the scene, but its opening theme song is already such a bop. They didn’t have to go that hard. I especially love every scene with that werey Zenitsu, because of the way he scammed me into thinking he’d be a badass. He is, though… when he is asleep. 

    5. Guren no Yumiya by AmaLee

    Do you know how good an anime has to be for all its opening theme songs to be a hit? Every AOT fan watches this and immediately becomes patriotic for a country that doesn’t even exist. It’s insane. 

    6. Top by Stray Kids 

    If these K-pop idols sing an opening theme song, you can always expect perfection. Stray Kids have no bad songs, but they sang Top like their rent was due. If the opening theme song doesn’t make you watch Tower of God, you may need deliverance. 

    RELATED: Top 7 BTS Music Videos Everyone Should Watch

    7. Travel by Toru Kitajima

    First of all, Tokyo Ghoul is top tier anime, so of course the opening theme song bangs. Is the series sometimes scary? Yes but if you say the blood of Jesus twice, you’ll be fine. Plus, all the characters are hot, so you’ll get over it anyway. Thirst over fear, people!

    8. All Haikyuu opening songs

    I said what I said come and beat me. How can I pick one when they are all so good? Please come off it. Haikyuu is just so feel-good, all the opening songs make you feel like you’ve been friends with those boys for years. 

    9. History Maker by Dean Fujioka

    Every single song in the Yuri on Ice OST was a hit, back-to-back but History Maker was special. It’s the sheer brilliance for me. Yuri on Ice was precious and from the opening theme song, you can just tell.  Watch it for clear skin.

    10.  Cry Baby by Hinge Dandism

    The title is fitting because the main character, Takemich, is such a cry baby. If I had a dollar for every time he cried in the opening theme and the series (Tokyo Revengers), I might be able to japa.

    Continue Reading: Anime Cosplays Even Broke Bitches Can Try

  • Have you all noticed how Nigerian artists like to shout, “Folake!” unprovoked? Wizkid kept disturbing her to Pakurumo, Tekno kept begging her to love him like an annoying Old Nollywood campus pest and now, Pheelz and BNXN have turned her name into a national anthem in Finesse. Does every artist know a Folake or are they just on a mission to stress everyone with that name? We may  never know. But so that this babe can rest and the lyrical breakfast can reach everyone, here’s an interesting list of names our favourite artists should explore.

    Think outside the box for diversity sake.

    1. Igboransanjueborurulo 

    This name means “Obedience is better than sacrifice”. While it sounds like the warning principals always give SS3 students after accusing  them for being the worst senior set the school has ever seen, it could totally work in a love song as well. Our artists just need to think outside the box and experiment a little. Who’s going to go first? Davido? Wande Coal? Zinolesky? Let’s make it happen. 

    2. Kosisochukwumakasiweme

    Nigerian artists, please, I dare you, do it! Lyricist up and down but you cannot find something that rhymes with Kosisochukwumakasiweme? Please, rise and don’t waste our money!

    3. Zubaydah 

    This name is giving wealth, henna and Senator’s daughter. And to be honest, there isn’t a lot of Northern representation in mainstream Nigerian music. If musicians are not disturbing Folake, they’re shouting Amaka’s name and after that, they just jump to Vanessa. It’s time to switch it up. 

    4. Ramota 

    Have you met a Ramota that is less than 45? If you have, then, omo, you’ve come in contact with the Last Airbender. Ramota is always an aunty. So while young artists like Pheelz and BNXN can’t shout this name anyhow out of respect, I’d like to call our daddies in music: 2Baba and Pasuma to the high table to give these aunties the much-needed representation they deserve. 

    RELATED : 12 Ridiculous Names You Shouldn’t Give to Children in 2022

    5. Enobong 

    In his original song, Gift, Iyanya sang “Gift, put off the light”, but imagine if he sang “Enobong, put off the light” instead. Now that sound like a banger I’d be into. If you don’t get the gist by now, Enobong means “God’s gift”, so basically, Iyanya would’ve been saying the same thing. So can we get a remix or something? Iyanya and Don Jazzy, what’s good?

    6. Agamadotuigwekuwamaranamuagbaliala

    No, I’m not even playing, this is a real name. According to Ebuka Obi-Uchendu, his law school classmate went by this name and it apparently loosely translates to: “I will pull down the heavens so the world will know I tried”. The meaning alone sounds like the story of a Nigerian love song. Inject it!

    7. Esukpofo 

    Sounds like the name of someone who ties China white, puts some leaves in their mouths and goes to drop a calabash of boiled yam and red oil at the nearest junction. Don’t blame me; blame Yoruba films for giving me these scarry ass visuals. But does this mean ritualists don’t deserve love? Please and please, let’s fix this.  

    8. Odinaka 

    I sort of get why artists are afraid of shouting this name repeatedly. Folake sounds like a soft babe, while Odinaka sounds like a no-nonsense babe who consumes three bottles of stout with hot akpu in the morning. If you say one, she’d probably say two and beat you on top. Since Davido is now a gym bro, he should be the one to try this name first. Take risks and succeed sir. 

    9. Yebojinsoko

    Adding my name to the mix because I, too, would like to shake my bumbum and do low-budget Dorime while my name is blasting in the club. What happened to the representation we’ve been fighting for? 

    10. Bisola

    Bisola is simple and cute. She literally sounds like she could be Folake’s sister or roommate. With all the love and attention these artists have been pouring on Folake and she’s probably airing them, I’d advise that they refocus on Bisola abeg. One day, Folake might actually be jealous and look your way. Delay is not denial. 

    CONTINUE READING: 10 Nigerian Names That Don’t Belong to Babies

  • You watch some animated films and forget about them because as kids you probably didn’t know how good they were.  Some animated films change your life after you watch them and are so feel-good, you could see them ten more times and they would be just as good as the first time. Here are 10 of the best animated films you watched growing up, but probably forgot about. 

    1. Atlantis

    Atlantis had no business being as good as it was. Was it a story of another white man falling in love with a black woman and almost ruining her life? Yes, but Milo was cute, so no wahala. Also, Kida‌ had no business being that hot as an animated character, but am I complaining? Obviously not. 

    2. Sinbad

    I’ve never seen a cartoon character make as many bad choices as Sinbad. This man lied to his best friend, fell in love with his best friend’s fiance, made a pact with the devil (ahn ahn!). At least we got to witness Eris be the hottest thing since sliced bread. I too would have let her ruin my life.

    RELATED: Encanto is a Nigerian Story, Let’s Explain

    3. Treasure Planet

    Nigerian parents probably watched this one because it was giving If-he-had-just listened-to-his-mum vibes at first. Treasure Planet made me question if people were good or bad because Silver tried to ruin Jim’s life and steal his treasure, especially after the poor boy had begun to trust him. But when it mattered most, he sacrificed himself and saved Jim’s life. If you watch hentai now, you can probably trace it back to seeing Captain Amelia for the first time. 

    4. Anastasia

    I always felt like this film was some sort of a fever dream because it was just too good. The Once upon a December song takes you on a trip, and while the animation style was certainly…interesting, the storyline gave everything it was supposed to give. 

    5. 9

    Was this film even for kids? Why did our parents let us watch it? If the producers were trying to make us anti-war, they did a pretty fantastic job. It had steampunk vibes, but I recently found out that the animation style used was stitch punk. Anyway, those rag dolls went through a lot, and for what? To traumatise kids?

    6. Brother Bear

    Every time I think of Brother Bear, it brings tears to my eyes. It also makes me feel like I could hug a bear and not die, which is probably not true. (Fun fact: I bet you didn’t know that Joaquin Phoenix was Kenai’s voice actor). Of course, he did an amazing job making us fall in love with a bear, but what do you expect?

    7. The Road to El Dorado

    The score of the movie was a masterpiece, and if you can’t remember at least one song, it means you were watching the back of the TV. Why did so many animated shows for kids have that many hot women? Sure, the storyline was great and Tulio and Miguel had good chemistry, but I lived for every scene with Chel. The Road to El Dorado was my second time seeing a babalawo in an animated film. The first was the monkey in Lion King and the second was Tezekel-Kan. Werey man. 

    8. Monster House

    How was this marketed for kids? It was so scary back then, but now it’s a joke because why would a house be pursuing you? Just walk into a river or set it on fire abeg.  Or turn around and say, “Kal-El no!”. 

    9. Meet the Robinsons

    This was one of those few Disney movies that understood the assignment and asked for extra sheet. It made me want to grow up and have a family and live a beautiful life with interesting family members, and a wife that trains frogs. It made sense that we all ended up feeling bad for the villain because the man truly deserved better. Also, Goob gave off Doofenshmirtz vibes. 

    10. Astro Boy 

    This movie had an all-star cast, so of course, the voice acting was perfect. It’s probably where most people’s interest in Japanese animation came from, because even though it was released over a decade ago, it looks like something that could have been animated in 2021. Charlize Theron narrated the story, and it hit me that I wanted her to narrate my life story, but for free. Tell her to call me. 


    CONTINUE READING:10 Popular Studio Ghibli Animes, Ranked

  • It’s almost impossible to talk about the history of Nigerian music without mentioning names like Fela Anikulapo Kuti and Bongos Igwe. While these men, and many like them, inspired the world with different musically-led movements, the history books tend to forget or downplay equally important contributions made by female artists of that generation. To celebrate Women’s History Month and remind us of the badass women who paved the way for artists like Tiwa Savage, Simi, Ayra Starr, Tems, and Asa, we’ve decided to honour five female artists who changed the game. 

    1. The Lijadu Sisters

    Once upon a time, Nigerians made psychedelic rock music — believe it or not — and at the forefront of this musical movement were twin sisters, Kehinde and Taiwo Lijadu, popularly known as The Lijadu Sisters. Raised in Ibadan, the twins popped up on the rock scene in the late 1960s with a fresh take on punk rock music that mixed elements of other Yoruba genres and instruments. Their album, Horizon Unlimited was a big hit that featured the song Orere Elejigbo, which was sampled by Ayra Starr in her song Sare.

    Fun fact: The Lijadu sisters are also Fela’s cousins. There’s something in that family for real. 

    2. Evi Edna Ogholi

    Way before Stormzy’s Birthday Girl and Drake’s Ratchet Happy Birthday became the soundtrack to our Instagram birthday posts, one woman reigned supreme in the birthday song department: the one and only Evi Edna Ogholi. Oh, the sweet memories. Edna Ogholi’s Happy Birthday is such an important part of the Nigerian birthday culture that back then, your birthday wasn’t complete until it came on.

    But outside of this jam, Edna Ogholi had six other albums and was also famous for breaking out as a reggae artist in a time when the industry was dominated by men like Ras Kimono, Oritz Wiliki and Majek Fashek. Now that’s what we call iconic. 

    3. Nelly Uchendu

    Popularly referred to as the “Lady with the Golden Voice”, Nelly Uchendu is responsible for the song, Love Nwantinti, a popular tune that has been passed down from generation to generation, Love Nwantinti. Singing alongside Mike Obianwu, Love Nwantiti was a smash hit in the 1970s and was followed by other songs like Late Night Husband, Mamausa and Nigeria Amaka

    Fun fact: Nelly played Ikemefuna’s mother in the TV adaptation of Things Fall Apart and also played Tony’s mother in the original, but still as chaotic as hell, Nneka the Pretty Serpent. 

    4. Christy Essien – Igbokwe 

    Also known as “Nigeria’s Lady of Songs,” Christy Essien-Igbokwe is one of Nigeria’s most legendary singers — so legendary that she was honoured by Google. While she broke out in 1977 with her debut album Freedom, it was 1981’s Ever Liked My Person? that solidified her position as one of the most exciting artists of her time, thanks to songs like Seun Rere and Akwa Ibom Mmi. She was also the founder and first female president of the Performing Musicians Association of Nigeria (PMAN).

    Is it weird that Seun Rere constantly reminds us of the traumatic novel, Mother’s Choice? Hmmmm. 

    5. Salawa Abeni 

    Before Ayra Starr and Rema became teen sensations, Queen Salawa Abeni was killing it as a 15-year-old singer thanks to her 1976 debut album, Late General Murtala Ramat Mohammed — the first album by a Yoruba-singing female Nigerian artist to sell over one million copies.

    Shaking up the fuji scene and taking over its sub-genre Waka, Queen Salawa Abeni was officially crowned the Queen of Waka Music by the Alaafin of Oyo in 1992. Yes, queen! Still making music to this day, her influence can be found in artists like Simi and Teni the Entertainer. 

  • Historical K-dramas and Nollywood Epics use the same script with minor tweaks from time to time. You can’t tell me otherwise, especially not when I have this much proof. 

    1.  Misunderstandings always start because the Prince talked to a girl that isn’t betrothed to him.  

    When they write these characters, they don’t write the ability to communicate like human beings into their lines. For some reason, this only always happens but is necessary to move the plot. 

    2. Flashbacks

    Nollywood epics and Historical K-dramas loooove flashbacks, even for the stupidest things, too. Their flashbacks are the movie equivalent of “this could have just been an email”. 

    3. Romantic interlude

    Not the way they do in Indian movies, but there’s always that interlude where the prince and his love interest finally get to enjoy being in love, but that’s also how you know one of them is about to be kidnapped or killed. Can’t win with these guys. 

    4. Wicked queen mother/auntie

    I mean, this character has to exist. Who else will poison the king and get all the maids to make the prince’s love interest’s life hell? Someone has to take one of the team and it has to be her. 

    5. An uncle plotting to steal the throne

    There are two ways to write this character: he either has to be the younger brother of the dead king or the older brother of the queen with a son that somehow isn’t as wicked as him. His only goal is to get the throne at any cost, no character development, please. 

    6. A character willing to do anything for the prince’s affection

    See, if I’d been told that I was going to marry some rich prince when I was five and he falls in love with a peasant because she smiled at him once, I too would try to kill her. 

    7. A big fight scene in the place or forest 

    Come on, it’s not a historical drama if they don’t fight in the palace or the forest. Bonus point if the prince is trying to protect his love interest and gets injured or short term amnesia. Historical K-dramas can give you hypertension.

    8. A court maid that makes life easy for the Prince’s love interest

    This character can be young or old, but the only reason she’s there is to be the Prince’s love interest’s ride-or-die. She always knows all the gist and uses it to keep her lady safe.  The best character for real.

    9. The clown

    This one is always oblivious to all the bad things happening in the palace because all he does is drink and womanise.  And also, he has to take that sword to the stomach for the prince. 

  • What if all your faves were in one musical group like Styl Plus or Plantashun Boiz? Wouldn’t that be lit AF? Well, we recently sat down, looked at some of the coolest Nigerian musicians popping right now and decided to arrange them into groups, inter-house sports-style. 

    1. Davido, Wizkid and Burna Boy

    They’d fight every day, but from that violence, they’d make music that slaps. Think about it: we’ve gotten four Wizkid and Burna collaborations so far, and they were all bangers. Now, imagine if Davido popped in to drop one or two philosophical lines? Their album would be a certified worldwide hit. But we wouldn’t see them perform because Burna Boy might attack Wizkid for not dancing during the show. 

    2. Obongjayar, Lojay and Wurld

    Since Sarz decided to make EPs with each of Wurld, Lojay and Obongjayar, our minds have been circling the possibility of what a song — or songs — with all three of them would sound like. Imagine EGO, Monalisa and Gone Girl as one song. Omo, our heads are on fire and our waists are ready for maximum gbedu. 

    3. Tay Iwar, Ladipoe and Seyi Shay 

    This is the group that will increase Nigeria’s population. Just imagine the pure R&B baby-making-music these three would put out. Tay Iwar has proven himself as the king of seductive vocals on songs like Peaking and True Love. Ladipoe’s rhymes have internet babes looking for his wife to talk, woman to woman, while songs like Right Now and Gimme Love show that Seyi Shay truly shines when excess beats are stripped away. If these three came together, the fornication rate in Nigeria might reach an all-time high. 

    4. Blaqbonez, Ayra Starr and Rema 

    While there’s a certain level of confidence that comes with years spent in the music industry, Blaqbonez, Ayra Starr and Rema are three artists that came with this level of confidence right out of the gate. From the very beginning, these three knew they were the shit; they just needed the rest of us to catch up and we eventually did. Something about three of them making music and doing TikTok videos together just makes us happy. Don Jazzy and Audu Makori, how far? 

    5. Zinolesky, Lady Donli and Bad Boy Timz 

    We know what you’re thinking: “What is Lady Donli doing there?” On paper, Bad Boy Timz and Zinolesky work, as they’re two artists who currently have the streets in a major chokehold. But let’s not forget that Lady Donli is Nigeria’s first unofficial female president with her personal currency, Donlars. Who better to add some cash madam flavor and nostalgia to Zino and Timz’ sounds? Fink about it. 

    6. Dwin The Stoic, Susu and Speed Darlington 

    You see this one, we just like chaos to be honest. Then again, who knows? It might actually work. Susu and Dwin on vocals, while Speed comes out like Bangdadadang to drop some melodious nuggets of wisdom. Truth is, we never know these things until we try. 

    7. BNXN, Oxlade and Ckay 

    This group is on every Gen Z’s wish list. The three most wanted Nigerian musicians of their generation? TikTok and Reels are about to be in shambles based on all the challenges this trio would inspire. Since Buju has changed his name (BNXN), he should also consider joining a group.Do it for awon fans: it’s what we want. 

    8. Chike, The Cavemen and Phyno 

    Be prepared to dance to this imaginary album at every Igbo wedding you find yourself. These three have given Yoruba demons a run for their money with their sweet mouths and lyrics that have us confused and ready to abandon our hopes and dreams for man. To be honest, we’re not even sure we’d want this group because it might be too much heat. But do too many good cooks spoil the broth? 

    9. Tomi Thomas, Asa and Falz 

    Tomi started in a band (LOS);. Falz showed he was open to joint albums when he made one with Simi and now Asa is also telling us she’s open to more collaborations. If this isn’t a sign that the stars have aligned for this group to happen, we don’t know what is. Tomi and Asa are experts at dissecting love and loss, and  Falz’ ability to make anything funny will make for a perfect break-up album. We’d be  shedding hot tears and laughing at the same time. 

    10. Lagbaja, Made Kuti and Niniola 

    First of all, have any of you finally seen Lagbaja’s face? Maybe if he decides to join our little group, he’d be inspired to take off his mask and take a selfie with us, who knows? But until then, there’s something about these three on a song that just gives us imaginary eargasms. Made killing it on the saxophones, Niniola telling us to shake what our mama gave us and Lagbaja reminding us to have small shame — a perfect trio, if you ask us. 

  • If you want to start a war, ask football fans to choose between Lionel Messi and Cristiano Ronaldo. Over here, we do usually like violence, so we decided to ask these Nigerian men to pick their football faves and tell us why. The shade was plenty, but these are some of the answers they gave us. 

    Ryan, 33

    I hate both of them, but let me start with all the reasons I can’t stand that short man devil, Messi. First off, he has scored countless goals against my team, Arsenal, including a hattrick. I also hate the fact that his stans continue to suck him off even though he hasn’t won a Champions League without Xavi and Iniesta. He is currently fighting for his life in a farmers’ league right now, but FIFA and the media keep giving him awards to support their propaganda that he is the greatest footballer. 

    I admire Ronaldo, but I’m not a fan. I only support him because doing so makes Messi stans angry. 

    Bolu, 20 

    Ronaldo is a finished player abeg. Can’t you see what he’s playing for Manchester United? It’s rubbish. He’s just staying there for no reason and you can tell he’s the type of player that wants everything to rotate around him. I prefer Messi because he’s a more technical player. When you see Messi playing, you can tell that he knows what he’s doing. He knows how to dribble better, pass better and finish better. As a whole, Messi’s a better team player, but Ronaldo is very lazy — he only knows how to score. Even if Messi has not been scoring goals this season, he impacts and assists his other teammates. 

    Mikey, 28

    Ronaldo all the way Most people underrate the guy because what he does looks easy, but he’s killing it day in, day out. A lot of players have tried hard to keep up with Ronaldo when it comes to goals and finesse, and they’ve all failed. People say Messi is effortless and it’s “God-given talent”, but what is talent without hard work? So far, Ronaldo has conquered Spain, Italy, England and Portugal. Has Messi achieved something like that? No, he was too comfortable in Spain and even the PSG he plays for now, he has been terrible with like one goal in about 20 games. That’s very poor. 

    Tochukwu, 30 

    Messi is clearly the best footballer ever! Ronaldo does a lot of work before he gets results, but Messi is pure, God-given talent. Nobody has ever been or will ever be like Messi. The guy scores goals, makes goals and dribbles — he makes football a beautiful sport to watch. Ronaldo is good, but Messi is a notch higher and the greatest footballer the world has ever seen. I dare say he’s greater than Maradona, Pele and Zidane.. 

    Danjuma, 23

    Ronaldo is better on and off the pitch. Yes, Ronaldo is a good player, but even outside football, he has a personality that’s just lit AF. Outside football, Messi is a dead guy. We all know Messi can play well, but I also think he’s overrated because he has fans that see whatever he does as something spectacular. Messi is nothing without his fanbase. For Ronaldo, I can justify why I think he’s great. Numbers don’t lie and he’s proven it. But like I said, outside the pitch, he’s also scoring because he’s a bigger public figure, and he has hacked how to interact with his fans. 

    Oche, 26 

    Messi over Ronaldo every day. Messi has more goals and assists than Ronaldo when we look at their goals-to-game ratio. In 2012 alone, Messi scored over 90 goals, a feat neither Ronaldo or any other player has been able to achieve. For anyone getting into football for the first time, Messi is more entertaining to watch, and finally, he doesn’t have rape allegations hovering over him. 

    Chuma, 28

    Ronaldo for sure because that guy is the GOAT among the two of them. Don’t get me wrong, Messi is brilliant, but what Ronaldo does is amazing. Ronaldo has that edge because he can walk into any league, any team and still kill it. Messi on the other hand has fewer goals than Werner this season. Plus, I don’t know how you can call the guy with the most goals in the world “overrated”. 

  • There are animated movies, and there are Studio Ghibli movies. These fairytale-like films appear to be intended for a younger audience at first appearance, yet the intricacy of the storytelling in each of these films make them suitable for older age groups. Studio Ghibli films make you yearn for places you’ll never visit. Studio From talking animals, to a living castle and a drama about a World War II aeroplane designer, Ghibli has a film for everyone. There are 23 feature films in the studio’s catalogue, but these are my top 10, ranked from good to amazing. 

    1. When Marnie Was There

    When Marnie Was There follows Anna, a  12 year-old foster child sent to a rural town to treat her asthma. She ends up meeting Marnie who may or may not be a ghost. It’s the most heartwarming thing. I’m still mad that it’s not a queer coming of age story, it’s also the only Studio Ghibli movie I liked enough to watch the dubbed version.

    2. Ponyo

    In Ponyo, a fish decides she wants to be human after meeting a human boy. It’s giving Little Mermaid realness, but for five-year-olds. Watching this, you fall in love with the boy, his hot mum, Ponyo’s weirdly hot dad that wants to destroy the earth looking for her, and even the annoying old women at her place of work. Everyone lowkey watches Ponyo for that one scene where they make noodles while it rains. 

    3. My Neighbour Totoro

    This film follows the story of two little girls who moved to a farmhouse with their dad and sick mum.  The girls have the time of their life hanging out with Totoro, a magical creature only kids can see and who makes space for them to escape the reality of life.  Let’s all just pretend like that cat bus was not scary as fuck, and say it’s for kids. 

    4. Whisper of the Heart

    Whisper of the Heart  is a tale  of 14-year-old aspiring writer, Shizuki., Shizuki spends her time wrapped in the fantastical world she’s created in her head, until she falls in love with a violin maker that pushes her to follow her dreams of being a writer.  This film had no magic about it, but it forces you to self reflect, especially as a creative person. People will always be better than you, but how willing are you to admit that and ‌still create art you like? The movie deserves all the flowers.

    5. The Wind Rises

    If you want to cry, this is the movie for you. The worst part is the fact that you never even expect the tears. Why should a simple story about the life of an aeroplane designer making plans for the war break your heart like this?  One thing is sure, you’ll become anti-war and fall in love with these two quotes from the movie: “Remember, aeroplanes are not tools for war, they are not for making money. Aeroplanes are beautiful dreams; engineers turn dreams into reality,” and “The wind is rising, we must try to live.”

    6. Howl’s Moving Castle

    You can’t watch Howl’s Moving Castle without falling in love with Calcifer’s annoying ass. This film is about Howl, a heartless magician — literally — and Sophie, a hatter that was cursed to look old, all thanks to Howl. 

    The both of them end up falling in love even after seeing that man at his worst. Sophie has issues she needs to work out because why? My babe even cleaned after him for free, please abeg. It gave Nollywood vibes, which is exactly why it’s the best one, quote us anywhere. 

    7. Spirited Away

    Spirited Away was the first Studio Ghibli film to win an Academy Award, and rightfully so.  In Spirited AwayChihiro, a ten year-old girl who gets trapped in a resort full of supernatural beings after her parents ate food that doesn’t belong to them and turned into pigs. This babe became a maid at the worst resort ever just to free her parents. The best and worst thing about this movie is the No-Face character, and you’ll come out feeling like you aged ten years after watching this movie. Years later, you’ll still be able to hear Chihiro shouting “Okasan!” and “Otosan!” 

    8. My Neighbours the Yamadas

    My Neighbours the Yamadas stands out because of the comic strip-like art style. It follows the hilarious life of the Yamadas, which keeps you laughing throughout. It’s wild because they have the same energy as a typical Nigerian family. This movie takes slice-of-life anime to another level and I’m here for it.  

    9. Kiki’s Delivery Service

    Who doesn’t love a movie that talks about our favourite subject, depression? Kiki is a young witch that leaves home at 13 to hone her craft, with nothing but her stubborn ego and her talking cat, Jiji.  It’s a coming of age story about how lonely it can be growing up and how hard it can be to ask for help. Her closest companion Jiji had the audacity to fall in love with a regular cat, had kids with her and forgot how to talk. I’d be depressed too. Men of every species will disgrace and embarrass you. I’m just glad it still had a happy ending. 

    10. Princess Mononoke

    A recurring trope in most Studio Ghibli movies is a world where nature has taken over and humans are struggling to live in a world created by their lack of respect for the earth. Princess Mononoke is a coming of age movie about Ahitaka, a prince  who got cursed after an attacking a possessed boar by the spirit inside the boar. He goes on a quest to find a cure and has to deal with humans who still take advantage of nature for profit. It’s no wonder the gods of nature want to kill all humans. How princesses Mononoke and Ahitaka ‌find love in their dire situation is something that I’d never understand, but then, teenagers are not known for their good decisions.  If you enjoy this, you’d totally enjoy Nausicaä of the Valley of the Wind.

  • “Valentine’s is coming, Valentine’s is coming!” Well, it has come and gone and we’re still here. For those of you that didn’t allow us rest with posts of your teddy bears and chocolate, we hope you’re proud of yourselves? We recently realised that some of you are still on this love thing one week later, instead of focusing on your hustle. That doesn’t sit right with our spirit. To help you regain focus, we compiled a list of songs to remind you that the hustle is real and it’s time to jazz up. 

    1. Dangote — Burna Boy 

    If the richest black man and a Grammy award-winning musician are still out on these streets grinding for more money, alaye, who are you? But you’re here celebrating Valentine’s even after one week? You must be a joker. 

    2. No Lele — Wizkid

    You know the ginger is real every time Wizkid starts to call street names and Local Government Areas in Lagos. If you’re in doubt, look at his other songs like Ojuelegba and Surulere. No Lele reminds us that just like every other up-and-coming artist, people told Wizkid he wouldn’t come. But look at Big W today, he came! If you know what’s good for you, omo, you better draw inspiration from the man. 

    3. Jaga Jaga — Eedris Abdulkareem 

    This song is chaotic and violent AF, but honestly, it should be the first song you listen to every morning. Even though it’s been like 500 years ago since it first dropped, our man Eedris told no lies and we’re still living through most of this shit today. Listen to it, understand that Nigeria is out to kill you, and please find a way to survive the jaga jaga by making plenty money. 

    4. Gone Far — Zinolesky 

    In this life, having a good heart and diligent work spirit is cute, but you know what’s cuter? Having funds. In Gone Far, Zinolesky reminds us that money cancels nonsense, so unless you want to face nonsense every day, we suggest you drop that lovey-lovey thing you’re still doing and get your hustle on. 

    5. Never Stopped — Buju 

    This is the most ajebo hustle song on this list and we blame it on how sweet Buju (or is it now BNXN) voice is. Please, can you explain why you’re resting now after you’ve come so far? Do you want your village people to laugh at you? You better wake up and put in your 15 hour shift. 

    6. Double Your Hustle — Orezi 

    The title alone is explanatory. Jazz up.

    7. The Money — Davido 

    In this song, Davido introduces us to the three important Ls: Lowo, Lola and Lalafiya. They loosely translate to: “I want to have money”, “I want to be wealthy” and “I want peace of mind”. Notice how money is the first thing? That whole talk that money can’t buy happiness? Lies from the pits of hell. Crying in a private jet and crying in a danfo in Iyana Oworo traffic, which one do you prefer? Hm? We thought so too. 

    8. Koroba — Tiwa Savage 

    Please, if you came to this life to suffer, kindly raise your hand so we can avoid you in peace. Savage was not playing on this song, and while you’re jamming to it, we advise you also listen to the lyrics and fix your hustle so you don’t leg-work your way into poverty.