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  • After 84 years of waiting, Stranger Things is finally back with a new season. The show continues to traumatise Mike, Lucas, Dustin, Will, Max, and Eleven as they fight monsters from the alternate dimension known as the Upside Down. While some adults are involved, it’s mainly the children in this craziness, and this had me thinking, “How would these kids react if they were Nigerian?” But most importantly, would the show last past the first season? Let’s get into it. 

    1. All of them would’ve drank chilled Ribena and forgotten about Will.

    Let’s start from the beginning. These kids heard their friend, Will, was missing, and their first instinct was to go and investigate?  Please, it can’t be Nigerian kids. We’ve been taught to mind our business and sit in one place, so doing an investigation — in the middle of the night, to make matters worse — is not in our blood. Even if it wasn’t monsters, what if he had been kidnapped by gbomogbomo? So they can kidnap me too? Adieu, Will. You will  always be in our hearts. 

    2. Imagine seeing monsters and not telling your parents. 

    Even as an adult, if I hear or see anything weird, God knows I’m calling my parents. So tell me why these dumb kids were busy fighting monsters by themselves. Oshey, PowerPuff Girls. If they were Nigerian kids, one of them would’ve straight-up snitched after their first encounter with a Demogorgon. They would’ve just spilled that tea like they were presenting NTA nine o’clock news. I lowkey feel it would’ve been Dustin sha. Something about him screams “Amebo” to me.  

    3. Typical Nigerian parents would’ve called the kids detty liars and taken them for deliverance 

    After one kid snitches, Nigerian parents would’ve opened WhatsApp to share a BC about how children of nowadays are being possessed by demons that came out of video games. Then they would dress all the kids  in satin, hold candles and proceed to flog the demons out. By the time the kids have each drank one litre of Goya olive oil, even the Demogorgon will think twice before touching the Lord’s anointed. 

    4. Their Vecna song would’ve been Free Madness by Terry G

    Everyone is obsessed with Kate Bush’s Running Up That Hill because it was Max’ Vecna song. But hear me out, isn’t Terry G’s Free Madness a much better song to play when releasing someone from a demon? The ginger from the song alone will confuse Vecna. Last last, Terry G’s hold on Nigerians > Vecna’s powers. 

    5. Common entrance or Junior WAEC would’ve kept them busy 

    It’s clear the kids on Stranger Things aren’t focused. How many times have we seen them reading or paying attention in class? Imagine having time to fight monsters when you have to write Common Entrance or Junior WAEC? Between those big ass past question textbooks, extra lessons, and all the house chores they’d still have to do, I bet Mike and the gang would be too preoccupied to be doing inspector work up and down. 

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    6. Going out at night? It has to be crack 

    Nigerian kids riding bicycles in the middle of the night? Yeah, that’s white people behaviour. Even as an adult, Nigerian parents will still drag you for coming home late, but these kids were strolling in the middle of the night like witches. It just has to be crack. It’s no wonder bad things keep happening to them. Next time, sit in your house and watch Tales by Moonlight. 

    7. Imagine Mike talking back at a Nigerian parent. #RIP 

    Every time Mike yelled at his mum or dad, I kept thinking, “This boy, just thank God, you’re in America.” A true Nigerian mother doesn’t have to beat you to restore your factory settings. Just one look from her and Mike will never open his mouth again. When you really think about it, Demogorgons have nothing on Nigerian parents, and kids know this. 

    8. Max would’ve unfriended all the weirdos the minute they started talking about monsters

    The fact that Max heard and saw all the bullshit these nerds were talking about and still decided to be their friend is beyond me. Girl, are you okay? A Nigerian girl would’ve unfriended and blocked them everywhere sharp sharp. Her warning would sound something like, “My mother sent me to school to read and write. Don’t bring that demon shit near me.”

    9. Nigerian kids investigating and fighting Russians? I have to laugh 

    Nigerian kids? Russians? Please, let’s be serious here. 

    10. The show would’ve ended in season one because everyone would’ve moved from that demonic village 

    The fact that it took Joyce three seasons to finally leave Hawkins is insane. She had to lose two boyfriends before she realised that the gate to the city was not made of cement. If Stranger Things was Nigerian, the kids would’ve snitched, and their parents would’ve immediately moved the family to a different city, #OperationJapa. Nigerians don’t play that type of rough play. You see a monster and still decide to stay?? Sounds like real clown shit to me. 

    ALSO READ: Historical K-dramas Are Just Nollywood Epics With Bigger Budgets; Here’s Why

  • 2022, why are you running? Just a couple of months ago, we were out on the streets shouting happy new year, and now, we’re in the sixth month of the year. But before we settle into June, find out the people running for president after the election primaries (We hope you have your PVC) and face Nigeria with full vim, let’s dive into some of the fun projects we’re looking forward to in the new month. 

    1. Another Nollywood remake……will this slap? Let’s see. 

    Glamour Girls — Bunmi Akajaiye 

    Nollywood is taking this remake — or should we say “using the title of an old film to sell a new film with a similar story” route — seriously. Following the success of Living in Bondage: Breaking Free, Charles of Play has made it his life’s mission to remake all our favourite Nollywood classics, whether we like it or not. While his plans haven’t always slapped (Nneka the Pretty Flop was a moment we’d like to forget), we’re intrigued by a new take on the OG bad bitches from 1994’s Glamour Girls. This retelling of a story of women trying to hustle their way to the top features Sharon Ooja, Toke Makinwa, Joselyn Dumas, Lily Afe and Nse Ikpe-Etim. Are we in love with the trailer? Next question, please. But this is a major Netflix production produced, directed and starring women. So if there’s one thing we’ll do, it’s support women’s rights (and wrongs, in case the movie ends up being terrible). 

    2. Falz has a six-pack now….oh, and there’s an album too. 

    Bahd — Falz

    Whether you like it or not, Falz is an icon for this generation. When he’s not leading movements and giving the government headache, he’s creating amapiano bangers with Niniola and tearing up the dance floor. Following up 2019’s Moral Instruction, Falz is set to drop a new album titled, Bahd, with guest features from Tiwa Savage, The Cavemen, Chike and BNXN. While his abs on the album cover might be distracting, we’re really excited for this one. 

    3. New Omah Lay album? Inject it!

    Boy Alone — Omah Lay

    Breaking out at the height of Ms. Rona with the hits, Bad Influence and Damn, Omah Lay has since become an unstoppable force in the Nigerian music scene. He has dropped banger after banger nonstop (show us a bad Omah Lay song, and we’ll show you the bin your taste has been hiding) and is set to put out his first solo album this month. If the album sounds anything like our current obsession, Woman or our last obsession, Understand, then we’re in for a treat. 

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    4. Nollywood is going back to juju and we’re here for it.

    Ile Owo — Dare Olaitan 

    With New Nollywood constantly churning out ensemble comedies to break even at the box office, it’s always exciting to see a project that goes in a completely different direction. Ile Owo is a horror film that follows a young woman who discovers that her billionaire fiancé isn’t who she thought he was. Then again, is any man who he says he is? Starring Efa Iwara, Tina Mba, Bisola Aiyeola, Temisan Emmanuel and Mofe Duncan, the film’s trailer is scary AF and has us trying to figure out what the hell is going on. It also has a lowkey old Nollywood feel, and we’re here for it. We have high expectations for this film because the director Dare Olaitan is the brains behind one of our favourite ensembles, Ojukokoro. Dare, please, don’t disgrace us. 

    5. Simi has taken a break from giving us couple envy to drop a new album. 

    TBH — Simi 

    Can you believe it’s been almost ten years since Simi decided to give her heart to an armed robber in the name of love? Tiff came out in 2014 and yes, we’re all old as shit.. TBH is Simi’s second album after 2017’s Simisola, and so far, we think it was worth the wait. There are many standouts tracks on the album, but Balance with Adekunle Gold has to be our fave.  And no, it’s not because we’re still praying for them to open their marriage to the public. 

    6. Dr. Sid is moving from your playlist to a cinema near you.

    The Order of Things — Dr. Sid 

    Remember when Pop Champagne and Surulere had us in a chokehold? Dr. Sid is making a big comeback to the scene, but it’s not in the way you might expect. The award-winning singer is releasing his debut film as a director, and we’ll definitely have our eyes out for this one. His film, The Order of Things, stars Timini Egbuson, Lily Afe, Lateef Adedimeji and Di’ja (Yes, the same Dorobucci Di’ja). While an artist pivoting to a different field can be tricky, Dr. Sid schooled at the New York Film Academy, so maybe this could work. We’ll just have to wait and see. 

    ALSO READ: With These 7 Steps, You Too Can Have Your Very Own Nollywood Romance

  • I was scrolling through a very legal anime site one Saturday, looking for what to watch and saw Spy x Family.  The description was ridiculous: “The story follows Loid, a spy who has to “build a family” to execute a mission. He adopts a little girl, Anya, who, unknown to him, is a telepath, and Yor, the woman that agrees to marry him, is a skilled assassin.”

    It was chaotic but also funny as fuck, and here’s why you should let them become a big part of your weekend for the next few months. 

    It’s funny

    The whole charm of Spy X Family is watching Loid and Yor interact with each other, completely unaware of their secret identities. Anya, of course, is the little weirdo that knows all their secrets but is there for the laughs and giggles. Please, close your doors before watching sha. Your laughter will have people worried. 

    RELATED: 10 Best Feel-good Anime for Beginners

    Unconventional love story

    Of course, there’s a little romance between Loid and Yor, but that’s not what I’m talking about. It’s the love Loid, Yor, and Anya develop for each other that makes the show. One time Loid rented a castle to recreate an episode of Anya’s favourite show, and Yor used her assassin fighting skills to beat up her daughter’s bully. I just had to root for them. 

    Anya 

    If not for anything, watch it for Anya; saint of all children, lover of peanuts, spy movies, fangirl, and best in foolish jokes. Since Anya can read minds, when Yor and Loid are busy lying to each other, she speaks the audience’s mind when she’s just there like, wow, these guys lie a lot, but what’s my own? 

    Kids are the ghetto, but she makes them seem great. 

    The series is a bad bitch that does it all

    Spy X Family transcends genre. If you want action, Yor and Loid will give that to you in abundance. If you want to laugh your head off, Anya exists. Don’t forget the romance between Yor and Loid. Honestly, which anime series is out there doing it like them? 

    The very sexy age-appropriate  main character

    This is very important. Yor and Loid are hot as fuck and age-appropriate to thirst after. If you’re into thirsting after animated characters — not us, though, y’all be easy — prepare to be obsessed with both of them. Sorry, not sorry. 

    If they ask me to jump, I’ll ask how high.

    It’s healing 

    As we are all currently in the business of healing our inner children, if you watch Spy x Family, you’ll be 50 per cent close to your goal. Sources have even said that it cures depression. It’s me. I am “Sources”.  

    READ ALSO: Don’t Watch These 6 Anime Series With Your Nigerian Parents

  • Can you believe it’s been almost a year since Big Brother: Shine Ya Eye ended? Please, where is time running to? The reunion show is back with sequin gowns, interesting lace wigs and pointlessly intense drama. But since it’s been a while (and the last housemates were dull), I’ve decided to jog your memory with some of the hot gist from last year, so you’re not lost when they start throwing hands or water. 

    1. Angel and Cross’ friends with small benefits 

    These two kept stressing the audience out. Even though they were swallowing each other’s tongues up and down, they kept telling everyone they were just friends. Sorry dears, but that’s not how people do this friendship thing where I’m from. The best part of their “friendship” is how they constantly stood up for each other. Who can forget the time Angel comforted Cross after Nini called him an olodo? Sweet. 

    2. Nollywood lover boys had nothing on Saga 

    When it comes to love, no Old Nollywood lover boy comes close to Saga. Ramsey Noah, Emeka Ike and Desmond Elliot probably looked at him last year and thought, “Guy, it’s enough now.” Remember when Big Brother kidnapped Nini and Saga looked like he was about to die? This man had just met this girl, but I’m sure he’d have taken a bullet for her if it came to it. 

    3. If you have a relationship outside, forget it when you come into the house

    Once again, these housemates reminded us that the moment you step into the house, any love you have outside is automatically placed on pause. Yes, Saskay and Jaypaul, we’re looking at both of you. Don’t worry, we haven’t forgotten Miracle and Nina, so you’ll be fine. 

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    4. Liquorose came to dance, and nothing else

    Everyone comes into the Big Brother house with a plan of how they intend to win all the money for themselves, but my girl Liquorose came to dance, and I respect that. Yes, we all know she had her thing with Emmanuel, but we know her step game was the highlight of her time on the show. And before you come for her, look how far she went on the show. I stan a Maltina Dance-All queen. 

    5. Pere and his frustrating alpha male character 

    No one displayed toxic energy like Pere, not even Sammie. This man walked around that house like he was everyone’s daddy, and once he honked at the gate, everyone needed to scatter. From constantly harassing Whitemoney to just being a dick to everyone but Maria, Pere was the villain we didn’t know we needed. When he needed to be, he was still a stand-up guy, especially when he consoled Saga when Mr. Loverboy thought rapture had taken Nini from the house. 

    6. Maria was a focused queen with a sprinkle of bad vibes 

    Even though she was evicted earlier than I expected, Maria left an indelible impression on everyone. Maybe it’s the fact that Nigerians gravitate towards strange accents, either way, Maria was a fan fave. Her back and forth relationship with Pere was stressful but entertaining. It was also nice to see a female housemate who didn’t care about being liked. That is until she decided to slut-shame Angel like we’re in the 1950s. I love Maria, but she gave us girl boss, gate keep, Gal Gadot. 

    7. Nothing has changed; Nigerians still like to vote out of pity

    After multiple seasons of Big Brother and several winners, one thing remains constant: as long as you can make Nigerians pity you, they will vote for you like crazy. We saw it happen with Efe, Laycon, and Whitemoney. It’s the strategy that has been tried and tested. Even Bubu got sympathy votes in 2015, so why is anyone surprised? 

    ALSO READ: What Your Favourite BBNaija Housemate Says About You

  • As a Nigerian, I believe we should watch more medical dramas. Maybe then, we’d understand how stressful their job is and why they go on strike when they don’t get paid.  These seven medical K-dramas will entertain you if you appreciate doctors’ romance, watching people being sewn up, and hospital politics. 

    Dr Romantic

    Dr Romantic follows the life of Boo Yong-Joo, a famous surgeon nicknamed “Hand of God”, who disappeared one day and randomly came back to a small hospital called Doldam. Now he’s now known as teacher Kim but calls himself the romantic doctor. As Boo Yong-Joo is the best surgeon in Korea, he teaches Dong Jo and Seo Jung, two new doctors sent to the hospital, everything he knows. 

    Although his unconventional approach to medicine leaves his proteges conflicted about everything they learned in medical school, he’s mostly right in the end. This K-drama has its soft, funny and comforting moments.  But there’s also all that blood, the rushing to the ER, the almost-too=real-looking surgery. Fall in love with Dr Romantic in 36 emotionally wrecking episodes.

    RELATED: The Ultimate Nigerian K-drama Fan Starter Pack

    Doctor John

    Doctor John is a medical drama about doctors that specialise in pain management. As a person with chronic back pain in my twenties, there’s a relief from watching doctors search for the cause of their patient’s seemingly mysterious pain and trying to cure them. 

    Like in every medical drama, there’s a young genius doctor(anesthesiologist) Cha Yo Han whose nickname is “Ten Seconds” because he has this weird ability of diagnosing any patient’s illness in ten seconds. Years later, another genius, Kang Shi Young meets our ten seconds guy who changes her life. This drama has all the feels and is a good watch — with a box of tissue papers beside you. 

    Hospital Playlist

    There’s no medical K-drama as soft as Hospital Playlist. Five doctors entered the same medical university in 1999 and are now friends working in the same hospital. They’re also in a band together. This K-drama is a relaxing slice of life take on the medical drama sub-genre that shows the bond the five doctor friends have with their patients, co-workers, and one another. Get ready to fall in love with every patient, laugh at the banter and be jealous of the friendships. There are many easter eggs of characters from different shows for K-drama lovers.

    Doctor Stranger

    If watching all the conflict that happens in a hospital where the doctors are more focused on hospital politics than the patients is your cup of tea, you’ll enjoy this one. The main lead, Park Hoon and his father were kidnapped by North Korea when he was a child. In North Korea, he becomes a surgeon and somehow manages to escape back to South Korea after his father was killed, where he takes on many odd jobs until he is employed South Korea’s top hospital Myungwoo University Hospital. All the doctors mistreat him, but his primary concern is finding a way to bring the girl he loved from North Korea, only for him to meet a doctor in the hospital who looks exactly like her.  

    The Doctors

    Hye Jung is a reckless and troubled student that lives with her grandmother after her parents abandoned her. She meets Ji Hong, a doctor who decided to become a secondary school teacher. He also happens to be the new tenant her grandmother adopts. They form a deep bond. He helps her study for school, and they quickly get too close. After Hye Jung’s grandmother dies, a jealous student accuses Ji Hong of being in a romantic student-teacher relationship with Hye Jung and breaks her spirit. 13 years later, Hye Jung and Ji Hon  bump into each other under neurosurgery in the same hospital. Hye Jung’s main goal for becoming a doctor was to have the power to avenge her grandmother’s death due to medical malpractice. Insert romance, hospital politics, doctors rivalry and annoying patients, and you have the perfect binge-watch for the weekend.

    Blood

    What’s better than a doctor that has to deal with blood? One that’s also a vampire! In this K-drama, Park Ji Sang is a doctor specialising in hepato-pancreato-biliary surgery in Korea’s best cancer research hospital. He’s portrayed as cold and unfeeling, but we later realise that he wants to form bonds with people but hides it. He manages to be a doctor who deals with blood while being a vampire by suppressing his thirst for it. Of course, he meets a female colleague Yoo Ri Ta, a physician who is also the niece of the chaebol group chairman who owns the hospital. This babe is arrogant and annoying, yet he falls for her. Medical dramas can already be a handful. But when you add fantasy, you get a recipe for tears and heartbreak. Inject it, literally. 

    Ghost doctor

    In Ghost Doctor Cha Young Min is an arrogant and selfish, yet gifted surgeon. He lives in isolation and only cares about his career. His polar opposite is a resident surgeon named Go Seun,g who isn’t great at his job, but at least people like him. 

    The day Cha Young Min has an accident and slips into a coma ,his spirit somehow possesses Go Seung’s body — suddenly gifting the latter with all his medical skills. If you like humour, I highly recommend Ghost Doctor. 

    READ ALSO: Romantic K-dramas That Will Make You Shout, “God When?”

  • Romance is sweet, but there’s no romance sweeter than Nollywood romance. If you want to emulate such sweet love, here are some simple things you need to do.

    An ex who wants you back 

    What is love without a little love triangle? The only true way to make your life like a Nollywood romance movie is to have an ex who wants more than anything to have you back in their life. They’re promising you heaven and all the people inside, but you’d rather stick with the person you’re currently dating. Please, send your ex our way. Let them love us. 

    ,

    A family member who absolutely hates you 

    Your partner must have a member of their nuclear family who can’t stand you. They hate you and the oxygen you breathe and they make their disdain for you obvious. Maybe you stole their partner in secondary, but whatever it is, they want your head on a plate. Giving Jezebel vibes. 

    RELATED: 6 Ridiculous Ways to Bond With Your Family Members

    One misunderstanding that could be fixed if someone just sent a text 

    One thing Nollywood romance movies don’t lack is conflict. They have it in different shades and colours. This particular one that might cause the end of your relationship is actually something so small! All it’ll take to fix everything is a text message, but we live for the drama.  

    Money that grows more than grass

    There has to be at least one ridiculously rich person in your life. Could be your ex, current partner or even your partner’s ex. One of the recurring characters has to be stinkily stupidly rich or how else could they pull off ridiculous stunts? We need new money, old money and long money. Like philosopher, David. O Adeleke said, “Love is sweet o, but when money enter love is sweeter”.

    A bridge 

    According to Nollywood, a bridge is the ultimate display of love. If it’s not, then why is it in almost every movie that’s been made? If you live in Lagos, there are an array of bridges to choose from, but we personally recommend the Lekki-Ikoyi link bridge, and it’s not just because we’ve interviewed him for Zikoko. 

    RELATED: The Zikoko Guide to Making a Nollywood Romantic Comedy 

    A dating montage

    Because you are the main character and every other person is just a side of the bad bitchery that is your life, you need your own montage, a recording of the various dates you and bae have been on. It’s in slow motion and should summarise your relationship. It’s not for you but for the rest of us who are nothing but spectators of your life. 

    The best friend in the world 

    Romance can have your head in the clouds, so you need someone to bring your head back down. Every good Nollywood romance movie has that best friend who will bring you back to Earth when your brain starts moving differently. You might have a friend group (as an adult? We envy you), but you’d still need your bestie. 

    RELATED: These 7 Nigerian Movies Will Raise Your Standards for Love

    READ ALSO: Sunken Ship: Her Jealousy Almost Ruined My Life

  • Warning: this article contains spoilers

    Love, Death & Robots is an anthology series on Netflix with a unique blend of sci-fi, horror, and comedy. Some episodes are animated, while others lean into a realistic or CGI art style. The best part of Love, Death & Robots is not knowing what to expect next with each episode, and they never disappoint.

    Love, Death & Robots: Volume 3 slaps from the first episode.  It’s a series of animated shorts aimed at adults, so there’s an ungodly amount of blood, gore, and adult themes. I ranked all nine episodes in this article, from my least favourite to my favourite.

    “Mason’s Rats”

    This episode follows a Scottish farmer who purchases a small military-grade army of robots to fight off an army of rats that have infested his barn. The fact that this episode ends with the rats and the farmer calling a truce and sharing a drink made by the rats did not sit well with the Nigerian in me. Sentient or not, rats are disgusting. It’s an excellent episode. I just don’t support rats as living things. 

    RELATED: QUIZ: You Can’t Call Yourself a Lover of Animations if You Don’t Get Up to 15/30 on This Quiz

    “Kill Team, Kill”

    This episode would have been my least favourite if “Mason’s Rats” had featured any other animal but rats. Kill Team Kill tells the story of a military squad who goes up against a genetically modified grizzly bear. The guys in the unit spend all their time making penis jokes, swearing at each other, and being in a non-stop blood bath.  It’s short but super chaotic. The good thing is that they die quickly enough for you to move on. If you like a weird mix of action and comedy, this is for you.,

    “Swarm”

     Swarm tells the story of two opportunistic scientists trying to learn the secrets of an alien hive to improve humanity. The whole episode features humans doing what they do best: exploiting and attempting to colonise and builds up to an underwhelming sex scene. On a deeper level, there’s the fundamental question of whether the aliens or the humans are being exploited. That question is never answered, though, and the story ends unresolved—shoutout to it for at least being the only episode to touch on the theme of love.

    “Night of the Mini Dead”

    In this episode, two foolish humans decide to have sex in a cemetery, triggering a series of unfortunate events that wipes out humanity via a zombie apocalypse. The gag of the episode is the stop motion animation method and the camera angle that makes the humans look like ants with squeaky voices.  Anyway, I blame konji for all of this.

    “Three Robots: Exit Strategies”

    Our favourite robot trio from volume one returns in this episode and continues their journey through the ruins of a post-apocalyptic Earth. They went to the last bunker for rich people, specifically an oil rig for millionaires and tech-bros. They found out that it was where the first robot uprising began because those guys had no survival skills and relied heavily on machines—the shade. The three of them criticised humans back and forth and made several points, but the real gag was the end, where the iconic line “Who were you expecting, Elon Musk?”  was said after they showed us who finally made it to Mars.

    RELATED: Did You Know These Animated Films Were Made by Nigerians?

    “In Vaulted Halls Entombed”

    Similar to Kill Team Kill  (a military squad goes on a mission to take out some terrorists in Afghanistan and ends up trying to take out a monster.  A lot of the plot would not exist if they’d seen the tomb, said “fuck no”, and gone home, but what’s the fun in that? The animation style is so realistic that when the sole survivor cut off her ears and gouged her eyes at the end, I nearly fainted.  This episode is just the right amount of action and horror, so if you like movies like Aliens vs Predator, you’ll enjoy this one.

    “Bad Travelling”

    In Bad Travelling, a sentient crab boards a ship containing a group of shark hunters and begins killing some of the crew. It forces the captain to take it to an island so it can kill more innocent people. The captain is torn between saving the rest of his crew and saving the people’s lives on the island.  This episode will have you at the edge of your seat, and you’ll have to remember to breathe. It’s that good.

    “The Very Pulse of the Machine”

    This episode is the ultimate trip and will make you question everything about existence. When it ends, you’ll wonder if you were high the entire time. An astronaut is stranded on one of Jupiter’s moons and has to drag the corpse of her comrade to safety. Along the way, She taps into the planet’s consciousness after taking drugs that make her hallucinate, and it claims to be a sort of machine. She starts to hear her dead companions talking to her, and we’re unsure if she’s hallucinating or if the moon is a machine talking to her.  She sha made near-death feel beautiful right up to the ending. The colour choice and music were vital in making this entire episode beautiful. 

    “Jibaro”

    This twisted episode left chills down my spine. Not a word was uttered between the two characters, but somehow that made it heavier. “Jibaro” follows a deaf knight whose entire battalion is killed by a siren-like creature covered in gold and jewels. She becomes obsessed with this man maybe because her cries have no effect on him, and at her most vulnerable, this man rips up all the gold and jewels from her body in the most horrific manner. Lowkey, it makes you feel like you’re having an anxiety attack, and the music sure doesn’t help, but that tension and the almost life-like animation stylish make it brilliant. It’s both disturbing and mesmerising with fantastic storytelling. 

    ALSO READ: Nigerians, Here’s What Your Favourite Adult Cartoon Says About You

  • One thing about Naira Marley, the man loves chaos. Four years after kicking his way into the Nigerian music scene with 2018’s Issa Goal, the infamous Marlian leader released his debut album, God’s Timing Is The Best on Monday, the 30th of May 2022. In a time where Fridays have become the official day to flood the airwaves and streamers with new music, Naira Marley’s decision to pick a Monday feels chaotic, but is also reflective of who he is — a disruptive artist whose star has been powered by controversy from the very start. 

    As I said, chaos is nothing new to the Lagos-born, Peckham-raised artist. Between 2018 and 2019, Naira Marley’s ascension to the top of the charts and social media conversations saw him go through police and EFCC raids, court sittings, social media backlash (or praise, depending on what side you’re on), sold-out shows, and countless hits. Between May and September of 2019 alone, he dropped the certified bangers, Am I A Yahoo Boy, Soapy, Opotoyi, Pxta, Tesumole and Mafo. 

    It doesn’t matter whether or not I subscribe to the Marlian way of life; it’s hard to deny the unstoppable force that is Naira Marley. The man drops a song, and suddenly, you can’t escape it. From rowdy bus stops to bougie clubs, Naira Marley is everywhere all at once. He is a movement. 

    With this much controversy, Naira Marley is not your conventional star. Going by his antics and shocking lyrics, this is the type of artist parents would ban their kids from listening to in a heartbeat. So why are we still obsessed with Naira Marley? 

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    One thing about Naira Marley that I recently discovered is how he taps into the dramatic chaos of some of the artists before him. Artists that we loved. Think back to Terry G’s Free Madness era and how the unhinged star had all of us in a chokehold. Then there’s early Timaya — not the mellow Cold Outside Timaya Gen Zs know today, but the one that frowned on all his album covers and sang about the killings in Bayelsa state. I also feel the need to add the king of the streets, Olamide, whose decision to name his record label Yahoo Boy No Laptop (YBNL) was a major conversation back in the day. Naira Marley leans into this feeling of nostalgia where everything and everyone was extra. Think Cruel Santino, but comprehensible. And it’s not just the music; it’s the energy—the rebellious energy of the ones that came before. 

    This rebellious energy is arguably why Naira Marley gets a pass, especially with a generation that is tired of being told what to do. While Naira Marley had built a massive fanbase before the #EndSARS protests of 2020, it took the protests happening for me to finally understand why he was such a modern day rockstar. Agreeing with his alleged lifestyle or not, his entire existence and success are a big middle finger to the powers that be, especially the police and other security agencies. And with more young Nigerians feeling the need to rage against the system, it makes sense for Naira Marley to be placed on an artistic pedestal. After all, it feels good to see someone beat the system over and over again. 

    Antics and controversy aside, the music still matters to me. And while I still describe myself as Marlian-adjacent, the music doesn’t slap like it used to. The shock value and repetitive beats have worn off, and now, I want more. The thing is, I know he’s capable of delivering. God’s Timing Is The Best has its moments, but I expected better from a debut album that was due like four years ago. When Naira Marley came on the scene, we didn’t have the Zinoleeskeys, MohBads or Zlatans killing the game and blurring the lines between the streets and our playlists. So to keep up, our favourite rebel might have to reinvent his sound because shock value won’t do much  for you in a time where Nigerians move on quickly. 

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  • K-pop idols have the best style. Watch their interviews and music videos to see for yourself. As a K-pop fan, it makes sense to want to copy them. To pull off the gorgeous aesthetic, you have to note a few things like wearing many silver accessories and owning lots of rings. Here are all the other awesome ways to look like your favourite K-pop idol.

    Lots of soft coloured dye

    Hair dye is obviously not an accessory, but with the way K-pop idols do it, it might as well be. Will you get disowned by your Nigerian parents? Probably. But at least you’ll maintain beauty.

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    Wear long earrings

    And I mean long ones. If it’s not the type that’ll make amebo people take another look when you pass by them, then you’ve not even started. Bonus points if you have multiple piercings.

    Buy leather accessories

    So what if the searing Nigerian sun peels off the leather and people look at you funny? What do they know? In fact, make it afro-fusion, leather belt and native wear, or leather vest and agbada. Go wild with it.

    Own boots

    You won’t even look too far off from most Nigerians these days because everyone owns boots. Boots will elevate your outfit and give you that K-pop “look”, but don’t go for the basic ones. Think spikes and platforms that’ll increase your height by seven. 

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    Fight the heat with heat

    Always wear leg warmers and hand warmers. You get to look like your favourite K-pop idol while manifesting a life in a country where you can’t wear those without fainting. 

    Chains

    At your discretion, layer the fuck out of your chains until your neck is heavy. It doesn’t even have to match or anything. Your neck is your oyster; go ham. 

    Fake tattoos

    Whether you want to believe it or not, your favourite idol probably uses fake tattoos. You too can do it, and the best part? It’s not permanent enough for you to get disowned!

    Rings

    Come on, if you didn’t know to stock up on rings, do you even like K-pop? With rings, the chunkier, the better. Think giant skulls or recent decorations.

    ALSO READ: These 10 K-Pop Bands Should Be on Your Next Playlist

  • Writing a romantic K-drama is easier than you think. Don’t worry about budgets or how you’ll even produce it, just pick your characters. 

    For this project, we’ll give them authentic Korean names. Our leading protagonist’s name will be  Cheon Sun-Hi, a simple girl from a poor home working as a secretary to her love interest, the suave playboy heir to a conglomerate, named Bin Jin-Ho.  Now that it’s settled, you can start creating the perfect romantic k-drama. Let’s go.

    Pick a theme

    It’s important because anyone you choose drastically changes the plot. Is it a fantasy, contemporary, high school, slice-of-life or romantic-detective drama? Choose the gbese you want them to carry for twenty episodes and stick to it. For this series, Sun Hi and Jin-Ho are in a contemporary romance.

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    Choose a trope

    Think of the trope as the biggest obstacle to their romance. Will one of them have sudden amnesia? Would they have met as kids but magically forgotten? Will one of them have parents who disapprove of their love? Will there be a love triangle, and will it be a Cinderella story? Go crazy with it. Choose two or three tropes and go ham.

    In our story, Sun Hi is dirt poor and unattractive, while Jin-Ho is rich and has fallen in love with a girl his parents will not approve of, even though he’s almost always mean to her. 

    Choose the antagonist

    One thing about K-drama, you don’t have to pick one antagonist. They can either be Jin-Ho’s wealthy mother or the girl betrothed to him at birth or Sun-HI’s best friend, who has loved her since they were kids. If you want to do too much, you can introduce a man from their past lives in the Joseon era that wanted to kill them and keeps reincarnating for that one purpose. Go crazy with it. 

    Make sure they have a meet-cute

    Now that you’ve done all that, the movie will write itself. Like this; 

    Sun-Hi and Jin-Ho have to meet in the most awkward but memorable way. Have her go to buy coffee, and then he cuts the line. She shouts at him and wins, goes to the office and who does she see? The man she shouted at for cutting the line. Or he can just hit her with his car. That works too.

    Build tension 

    Give people a reason to come back week after week even though their love life doesn’t exist. Make sure Sun-Hi and Jin-Ho keep meeting everywhere, and they now lowkey have a love-hate relationship. Make them argue all the time but also, have those moments when they look like they want to swallow each other. For this, you have to make sure someone interrupts them every time.

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    Make them become friends

    If Sun-Hi and Jin-ho fight forever, how will they fall in love? Create a common enemy like the man from their past they keep dreaming about or put them in a situation that makes them more friendly to each other. By now, Sun-Hi should be in love with Jin-Ho.  

    Stage the kiss

    Now that they’re friends, they’ll have to go drinking so that Jin-Ho can spill all his childhood trauma from growing up rich, and Sun-Hi will try to make him feel better by confessing her love, and then they’ll kiss. At first, they’ll try to pretend like it didn’t happen, but then it’ll happen ten more times, and they’ll finally start dating.

    Romance galore

    Go all out: make them go on dates and cook together. Make Jin-Ho fulfil all her childhood dreams her family could not afford. You must put that one scene where he takes her shopping and buys her a whole closet and transforms her look so she becomes suddenly more beautiful than the babe his mum wants him to marry. 

    Give them one final problem

    After all, what’s love without its ups and downs? Multiply the problems by six, though. Suddenly, Sun-Hi’s male best friend must confess his love for her. While she is dealing with that, make sure Jin-Ho’s mum forbids him from marrying her. While all this is happening, remember the serial killer man from their past life? he’ll use this opportunity to attempt to kill Sun-HI and almost succeed? but the police will catch him just in time after Jin-Ho has beaten him properly of course. 

    Perfect happy ending

    Make sure that Sun-Hi’s best friend somehow falls in love with Ji-Ho’s betrothed instead. The evil man from the past either dies or goes to jail. Ji-Ho stands up to his mum and chooses to marry Sun-Hi anyway, damning the consequences. Bonus points if he confesses to falling in love with Sun-Hi from the first day they met. Make sure you do the flashback thing. If people do not cry or say, “God when?” one billion times, message us to refund your money.

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