Late at night, when we were about to put our phones on DND and head to bed, Asake drew us back with the release of his new single “Amapiano” featuring his label boss, Olamide. The audio launched with its video, without prior announcement from him or his team. Though four hours before then, fans were already excited about his sophomore title, its release date and album art that’s been floating around on socials .
🚨NEW ASAKE ALBUM
Asake’s sophomore album, ‘Work of Art’ is set to drop on June 15th, featuring singles Yoga, 2:30, and latest release ‘Amapiano’ ft @Olamidepic.twitter.com/UQIhExOAit
Amapiano just dropped and I have listened to it like 10 times already. When Asake said “Amapiano piano It’s a vibe all the girls dem know” immediately after Olamide’s verse, I lost my home training 😂
Mr. Money is back, and these are the things we know about his forthcoming album:
It’s titled Work of Art
Literally that’s what an album is. And it’s not hard to tell when you see his new album cover.
Asake
With a classic debut “Mr Money With the Vibes” already in the bag, Asake, who has served us hits back-to-back, isn’t taking his foot off our necks. He’s set to deliver his second body of work barely nine months after his first one. He’s loaded! Here are a few facts about the upcoming album:
Ololade to Basquiat.
Asake is in his Basquiat Era. Everything about the album cover artwork screams “inspired by Jean-Michel Basquiat.” This also shows where his head is, and we know he’ll prove it on the iconic level he’s hinting at.
But these are not Basquiat’s works.
Asake shows his deep appreciation for art and even more lovely, we discovered Nigerian artist Ayanfe, is behind the paintings displayed on his Work of Art album cover. Ayanfe, who had her debut solo exhibition in London a month ago, has been receiving well-deserved “congratulations.”
Okay Africa
“Yoga”
Asake has decided to remove the sample at the beginning of “Yoga”. Catch the new version on the album.
But “Amapiano” will join “2:30” as the only released singles to be on the album. On the Olamide-assisted “Amapiano”, you can hear the distinct approach the song production imbibed; the logs and break snares played as the drums, giving the sound a lush, bouncy feel.
Zikoko Memes
“Work of Art” is 14-tracks long
His new album will be two songs longer than his debut, “Mr Money With the Vibes”, which had only twelve tracks. Asake heard us when we said “MMWTV” was too short. We feast.
Zikoko Memes
The Album will be out two months before O2 Concert
You can see the intentionality that goes into this project. It’s tactical because he’d have enough material to perform to the raving behest of his fans at the O2 show. We’re sure he’ll sell multiple show dates this time also. We just hope the unfortunate events of his last London show don’t happen again. Let’s all maintain orderliness.
Zikoko Memes
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Before singles by artists became popular in Nollywood, theme songs were the real deal. And we couldn’t help but sing along to them when they were used in films and TV shows.
Soundtracks were used in Nollywood as a narration device for stories, complementing scenes with focused lyrics. Though soundtrack songwriters and performers were not as popular as other players in the movie industry, their contribution is undisputed. We bring you some old Nollywood soundtracks that are evergreen. Which ones do you remember?
Karishika (Queen of Demons)
The plot of Karishika, in usual Nollywood fashion, is about a battle between darkness and light. Karishika came out in 1996 and still remains one of the industry’s biggest horror flicks. Bianca’s naivety or Karishika and Jonathan’s evil doings may make you cringe, but the bouncy, melodious “lucifer, lucifer, prince of darkness, Karishika, Karishika, queen of demons” soundtrack made by singer-songwriter Stanley Okorie, still sends chills down my back. It sounds like something Cruel Santino would make.
Chain Reaction
In simple lyrics, Stanley Okorie — whose name you’ll see more than twice in this article, performed the gloomy soundtrack. “Chain Reaction” came out in 1999 and its cast boasts of established names like Pete Edochie, Onyeka Onwenu, Liz Benson, Klint Da Drunk. The soundtrack warned “in this life you reap what you sow,” but the movie’s antagonist, Eucharia (Liz Benson), still didn’t get exactly what she deserved.
Nneka the Pretty Serpent
A horror-mystery film from Nollywood that dates back to 1994, written and directed by Zeb Ejiro. Millennials regard it as one of the best horror films from old Nollywood. The classic Nneka the Pretty Serpent‘s soundtrack was composed by Mike Nliam, performed by Mike and Doris Madu, and produced by Kingsley Ogoro. The mellow soundtrack is one of one. You’re instantly reminded of the old movie that sent morbid fear into your 12-year old self.
Final Whistle
Back in the good old days when the barber’s shop was the Netflix we knew, this romance starring Nollywood OG bad boy, Saint Obi (of blessed memory), was a fav.
Saint Obi played Richard, a rich guy who fell in love with Fina (Rita Nwankwo), his mum’s housemaid. “Final Whistle” was a commercial success, thanks to its soundtrack. In the 2000 Nollywood production, we saw Richard and his babe Fina become R&B singers, singing to each other at sea, promising to never separate. We know you probably played it over and over as a kid because you wanted what they had when you grew up. Do you still want that Richard and Fina love?
It’s not in every movie you’d see a king pregnant with a bird. This Nollywood horror movie shows a village and its people suffering from the wickedness of witches who loudly chant what turns out to be the movie’s soundtrack. The Nollywood film got the most attention from 1989 to 1992, but even over a decade after, the youngins still watch it. The soundtrack is still as gripping as when it was first created.
The Campus Queen
This was definitely one of the coolest movies from old Nollywood. The Campus Queen, directed by Veteran director and producer Tunde Kelani, follows the story of a young lady Banke on her university adventure. The movie has a great cast of actors, including the late Sound Sultan who was also in charge of the movie’s soundtrack. On the official single, Sound Sultan, Faze and El-Dee were seen trying to impress the Campus Queen with their music.
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The Master
Coincidentally, Yahooze by Olu Maintain came out a year before The Master was produced. The former was a viral hit song that exalted cyber-fraud culture. The latter is a story of a 419 scammer who became a master of the craft, but everything went crashing down when he refused to pay dues to the person who taught him.
The soundtrack, written by Stanley Okorie and performed by the lead actor Nkem Owoh is definitely one of the most popular soundtracks in Nollywood ever. It’s hard to not sing along when you hear:
New Music Friday hasn’t seen this surge of new music in a long while.
In observance of music that came out last Friday and this one, here are the different types of homebodies:
The TGIF hypeman:
All week, you’ve been tweeting about your desire for the weekend to come quickly so you can enjoy yourself.
Today’s Friday and you’ve thanked God for it. But somehow, it’s already midnight, and you’re still in pyjamas. I think we can agree that you’re not going anywhere. You can still be hyped sha, enjoy these new club jams that’ll keep your neighbours sleepless and vexed but entertained still.
Kizz Daniel – Shu Peru
Kinfxlk feat. Tomi Obanure, Lobi – Kinfxlk Party
Yôrkk – Run!
MOJO AF & Ronehi – Sex Appeal
Ruger – Jonzing
Bella Shmurda & Tiwa Savage – Non Stop Vibe (NSV)
Smada feat. OdumoduBlvck – Papilo
KCee & Skiibii – Dum Dum
Sarz feat. Millymay_pod, Gimba & Fxrtune – Jam One Kele
The tired
You work hard all week but no flexing time in your calendar. Hot babe like you. Do you, but let it not be you that’s not sleeping on the night of May 26th to preserve energy for our HERtitude 2023, happening on May 27th. All the hot babes are coming to the yard! Cop your tix here.
Jams for your tired ass:
Obongjayar – Just Cool
Fasina – Reload
No-days off
Unfinished office work followed you home. Sorry dear, meet your KPIs and don’t shame your manager. Teni Makani and others got you, though.
If you’re in your feelings and would rather sit out this Friday’s outing, let these songs be your comfort.
Slimsyxx – Heart Off Sleeves
Tneeya – Complete
Aisé Maryah – Close To You
Blaqbonez feat. Ludacris – Cinderella Girl (Where You Dey?)
Bob Marley & The Wailers feat. Tiwa Savage – Waiting In Vain
Joeboy & CKay – Wetin Be Love
Omah Lay feat. Ozuna – Soso Remix
Inside with LOYL
Tay Iwar & Twelve XII – Undercover Lover
Ugoccie – Ifenkili
Tyla feat. Arya Starr – Girl Next Door
Brum3h – Hold You Down
Oxlade feat. Flavour – Ovami
Keep your romance hot with these love tunes.
Can’t go out alone
Your friend said they’re too busy for an outing because their boo is around. Sorry, dear. Maybe your own person will find you soon. Not if you’re always inside sha.
1da Banton – Nibolowa
The miser
You’re always telling others they’re being ripped off. Better spend that money.
Can’t afford outside
The country is hard, no funds to sponsor enjoyment. You can’t touch your savings. Buhari, you do this one.
Those were dark times when you thought it was a flex to not like Nigerian music. You said it was too loud. You asked why Banky W couldn’t move like Usher, and P-Square wasn’t giving Craig David vibes. You even called that one friend who knew all 9ice’s songs his grandparents’ favourite.
Now, afrobeats has diversified and “gone global”. Rema can make Location, but can Khalid do Dumebi? Let’s tell you why it wasn’t ever a flex to diss Nigerian music.
You actually lacked taste
Style Plus was outside. Mo’Hits delivered badass club bangers back-to-back. And despite all the grass to grace experiences 2Baba gave us in his classic tapes, the beautiful guitar notes Asa strummed, you weren’t moved. Hmmm.
You were just exhibiting oversabi
You sang and danced Gangnam Style mindlessly, but didn’t think Kcee went to school when you heard “Baby, baby, go Limpopo.” Then lectured us that Limpopo is a river, not a dance. Well, Gangnam is also a district, not a dance.
Herd mentality
You did what your guys did, blindly dismissing our music for reasons you thought you knew but didn’t. Neither do we.
What everyone loved turned you off. And for how long did that work out for you?
On top of that, you were a pick-me person
No thanks to your crush who told you they only jammed to Tao Cruz and Katy Perry on 2go that year. We hope they “noticed” you sha.
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They told you it was the devil’s music
In fact, you kicked against all secular music, home and abroad. You said we were going to hell. Look at you now, doing hypeman at parties for small change.
Too razz
You heard Durella for three minutes and got lost. Same way you judged Terry G for ringing bells and wearing many ‘bling-bling’ and colourful clothes. Now, you’re screaming, “It’s high fashion”.
And you didn’t have access
No phone, so you couldn’t download anything or stay updated on news and trends. When you heard Naija music was when you heard it. You just had to hate to disguise your lack of awareness.
We were surprised by this discovery too. And there’s more.
Sweet Boy
After dropping his controversial This is Nigeria in 2018, Falz made an anthem that brought all men under one umbrella. As members of Sweet Boy Association, every Nigerian man could identify as male slay queens.
Note: “Sweet boy” is not the direct opposite of “Yoruba demon”.
Soft Work
Two years before he became a soft boy, The Bahd Guy did the soft work that gave him his soft lifestyle. Off his 2016 Stories That Touch album, Soft Work was a hit that went on to become a phrase for “rich behaviour”.
Soft like Tony
In 2022, M.I Abaga released The Guy, his long-awaited fourth album and eleventh project. The biggest song off the album, it namedrops Tony Elumelu, and “Soft like Tony” has become the phrase of choice to show admiration for a wealthy businessman.
Chop Life Crew
Chop Life Crew is a musical collective that stormed into the mainstream in 2019 with the self-titled, viral single, Chop Life Crew, featuring Prettyboy D-O. “Chop Life Crew” isn’t just a cool name for a group of people who love enjoyment, it’s a lifestyle.
Something Light
Falz collaborated with another Nigerian rapper, YCee, to give stellar verses on one of the hottest songs of 2017. They go back and forth on the song, exploring Nigerian women’s wants and needs. “Something Light” is one of the popular sarcastic phrases Nigerian music has created.
Bad Belle
Late Nigerian comedian and actor Jagua, born James Afolabi Afolayan, had a popular sitcom on NTA that ran from the 70s to 80s. His series My Belle O, My Head O, mainly revolved around “neighbours” that waste their time being angry on unimportant things. Decades later, M.I a.k.a The Guy applied similar message and title in his 2014 single Bad Belle that featured popular OAP, Moti Cakes. The rap song dominated the airwaves and streets, and gave the phrase more popularity amongst younger generation.
Notable Nigerian rapper and voice of the street, Reminisce, integrates the phrase “OG before IG” in this song to describe how legendary he’s been even before the advent of IG. The phrase has since become a salutation in the streets.
KPK (Ko Por Ke)
Rexxie and Mohbad did a serious thing with the record, KPK (Ko Por Ke), in 2021. Every line stuck, pulsating throughout that year. KPK and its mates, OPP and OPG, are posh acronyms of Yoruba words that mean “abundance.”
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Alaye Jor Jor Jor
True Nigerian hip-hop fans were present at the peak of Vector tha Viper and M.I Abaga’s beef in 2019, when they attacked each other with diss tracks. But only one of them gave us a memorable phrase that’s become the Naija version of “Bitch, pleeease.”
Who U Epp
Undoubtedly one of the biggest Nigerian songs of 2017, Olamide Baddo — popularly known for dropping street OTs — linked up with Wande Coal and Phyno to give us Who U Epp. The jam and iconic street slang encourage us to dismiss arrogance and “smelling” entitlement.
Ekelebe Stunner
OdumoduBlvck’s latest single, named after English footballer Declan Rice, has a relaxed vibe but is lyrically focused on overcoming enemies. And “Ekelebe Stunner”, a phrase from the song, is now slang for a dirty Nigerian Police slap.
Omo x100
Respected rappers, Reminisce and Olamide, came together again on the sensational Omo x100. Immediately it dropped, other rappers did covers and freestyles that pushed the song as the inspiration for a generic internet term that describes feelings of shock, admiration and disgust.
Japa
When Naira Marley released Japa in 2018, his style was still strange to listeners, but his sound was irresistible. Japa came out at a time travelling out of Nigeria in search of greener pastures. The desire to avoid a situation or leave Nigeria for a new dispensation is best expressed with “Japa.”
Boys Are Not Smiling
This is a classic statement that captures the hot anger and frustration of being Nigerian. It quickly became cool and gained public acceptance after Boys Are Not Smiling came out in 2011. It featured veteran rapper Terry tha Rapman, off Olamide’s debut album, Rapsodi.
Mafo
With Naira Marley on the verses and Young John handling the production, this 2019 banger made a huge impact on the Nigerian soundwaves and vocab. “Mafo” is a Yoruba word that means to “don’t be broken.” It was the Marlian president’s way of telling us not to fret in face of adversities. Even though you’re a Nigerian living in Nigeria, you’re stronger than your cross. Mafo.
You have to be living under a rock to not have heard of Hilda Baci, the 27-year-old chef who set out to break the Guinness World Record for the longest cooking marathon by an individual (86 hours and 45 minutes). And after a long weekend of back-to-back stirring and sprinkling, she finally did it on Monday, May 15, 2023.
Hilda Baci has united Nigerians like never before. But as the folks at Guinness get their ink ready to add her name to their list, here’s a brief history lesson on some of the other Guinness world record-breaking Nigerians you need to know.
Everyone knows Big W has a Grammy and one of the best Nigerian albums of all time with Made in Lagos, but did you know Ayo from Surulere is also in the Guinness Book of World Records? Wizkid made history as the first Afrobeats artiste to enter the book when One Dance, his collaboration with Drake and Kyla, became the first song ever to reach one billion streams on Spotify in 2018.
Chidera Anemege
Source: Getty Images
He is a Nigerian rapper based in the United States of America who set the record for the longest rap freestyle by an individual during the MTV O Music Awards in 2011. He rapped for nine hours straight.
DJ Obi
Source: The Guardian
DJ Obi might be famous for Obi’s House now, but in 2016, he set a record for the longest-ever DJ set, with 240 hours of nonstop music at Sao Cafe in Lagos.
Femi Kuti
Source: Global Citizen
Femi Kuti is an icon and the Guinness world record holder for holding a single note on a saxophone for 51 minutes and 35 seconds. He did this at a concert in the Fela Shrine in 2017.
Sandra Ikeji
Source: Instagram/Sandra Ikeji
The CEO of Black Dove Models and sister to our fave chaotic Real Housewife, Laura Ikeji, secured a spot in the Guinness Book of Records for the most bridesmaids any bride has ever had on her train, with 200 bridesmaids at her 2020 wedding. We can only imagine how interesting their WhatsApp group must be.
Rema
Source: Billboard
Rema is genuinely divine because there’s literally nothing he can’t do at this point. The Mavin/Jonzing singer entered the Guinness Book of Records in 2023 as the first artiste to top the MENA Charts with his single Calm Down. The MENA Charts is the inaugural Middle Eastern and North African chart that tracks the biggest songs in those regions.
Gbenga Ezekiel
Source: Radio Nigeria
Skipping can be stressful, but Gbenga Ezekiel can’t relate, especially after setting the record for the most skips on one leg when he skipped 265 times in 2022. There are levels to this thing.
The former Nigerian Super Eagles player and coach entered the Guinness Book of World Records when he became the youngest person to win the Africa Cup of Nations as both a player and coach. He first won the cup as a player and captain of the team in 1994 at 32, and then, as the team’s coach in 2013 when he was 51. He passed away in 2016.
Pinki Debbie
Source: Bella Naija
Pinki Debbie is a Nigerian dancer and fitness enthusiast who’s famous for gaining entry into the Guinness Book of Records after dancing for 150 hours (seven days) straight in 2017. This record was previously held by Kaffy who led a dance party that lasted for 52 hours and three minutes back in 2006.
Harrison Chinedu
Source: The Sun
Harrison Chinedu is a Nigerian footballer who entered the Guinness World Records after travelling 48.04 km for six hours and 15 minutes with a ball on his head. He set this record in 2016.
Haruna Abdulhazeez
Source: OloriSuperGal
Haruna Abdulhazeez is a Nigerian tennis player who set the record for the most hits of a tennis ball with a tennis racket in one minute. He did this in 2018 when he recorded 187 hits in just one minute.
Adetunwase Adenle
Source: OloriSuperGal
Adetunwase Adenle is a teacher and artiste with not one but four entries in the Guinness Book of World Records. He set his first record in 2010 when he brought 350 Nigerian children together to create the biggest painting by a large number of people — 63.5m x 49.3m. His second and third record came in 2011 when he organised an event with the most children (4,222) reading in one place, to encourage reading culture, and another with the highest number of children (37,809) washing their hands at the same time. Finally, in 2016, he set a new record for the world’s biggest post office stamp ( 2.448 m2).
Tuedon Morgan
Source: Wikipedia
Tuedon Morgan is a two-time Guinness world record holder with the quickest half marathon on each continent (female) at ten days, 23 hours, and 37 minutes, and the quickest half marathon on each continent and the North Pole (female), with a record of 62 days, 12 hours, 58 minutes and 49 seconds.
Olawumi Treasure Bayode
Source: The Nation
Bayo Treasure Olawunmi is the Guinness World Record holder for the longest reading marathon, after reading aloud for 120 hours (five days) nonstop in 2018.
Folashade Oluwafemiayo
Source: Premium Times
Folashade Oluwafemiayo not only set a new record for the heaviest power lift by a female paralympic athlete with 155 kg at the 2022 Commonwealth Games, but she also broke her own record from 2020. Talk about iconic.
While septum piercings are nothing new, they’ve become more popular over the years, regardless of gender. Nigerian parents might rain hail and brimstone at the sight of their kids with one, but septum piercings are cool, and that’s the tea.
From the pricing to the pain and how long it takes to heal, we’ve answered all your burning questions about septum piercings.
Is a septum piercing different from a nose piercing?
Source: Racked.com
No, dear, it’s not. The septum is basically like a cartilage fence between both nostrils. While traditional nose piercings sit on either of your nostrils, a septum piercing is at the bottom (piercers call it the “sweet spot”) of your nose.
What health concerns should you be worried about?
Source: Zikoko Memes
A septum piercing is more or less a wound that heals around fancy jewellery to make you look fabulous. But it’s still a wound, and like most, there’s a chance it would get infected, which’ll make your septum swell, hurt or create pus. It’s important to monitor your piercing and see a doctor at the slightest sign of these three things. It could result in granulation tissue or scarring.
But those are worst-case scenarios. You could get your septum pierced and live happily ever after. Getting a piercing is a risk, but so is living in Nigeria at all.
How painful is this septum piercing thing?
Source: Zikoko Memes
As someone with a septum piercing, I can tell you for free that getting pierced hurts. You’re literally making a hole in your body, duh. But pain thresholds vary, so you might be a Marvel Avenger and feel nothing. The pain tends to come like a quick, sharp pain, but once the needle comes out and your jewellery has been added, the world will feel alright again.
Fun fact: septum piercings are less painful than ear piercings. Who would’ve thought?
What are your options when it comes to septum jewellery?
Source: Pinterest
From bead rings, captive rings, septum pinchers, clickers to circular barbells, the world is your oyster.
The cost of a septum piercing varies based on location. But a cute one should cost somewhere between ₦8k and ₦20k.
You’ve gotten your septum pierced. Now, what?
Source: Pinterest
Imagine going through the process of getting your septum pierced just to take it out because you have an infection?
Source: Zikoko Memes
Practising aftercare is the best way to ensure your septum piercing fully heals without any wahala. First things first, avoid touching your piercing, especially with unwashed hands. You’re excited; I get it. But to avoid getting bacteria on it, please, keep your fingers to yourself. Don’t twist or fiddle with it. In fact, ignore the piercing like it’s a toxic ex.
The next step is to do a saline (salt and water) cleanse twice daily. No one said you should scrub it with salt like kponmo, just dip a towel in saline solution and gently clean around it. And gently pat the skin dry afterwards. By the way, skincare girlies, don’t allow the products in your 12-step Korean routine to touch your piercing until it’s fully healed.
How long does a septum piercing take to heal?
Source: Zikoko Memes
The healing time varies from person to person, just like the pain of getting the piercing. But, if you practise good aftercare and stop playing with your piercing, then you’re looking at four to six months before your septum fully heals. It also depends on factors like stress levels and skin sensitivity. But last last, your septum should be back to its full strength in a year.
Can I change my septum jewellery during the healing period?
Source: Zikoko Memes
No, dear. But, as I said, the healing period varies. So while it might take me eight months to fully heal, it might take four months for you. The best thing to do here is to consult your piercer, so they can track your progress and change the jewellery themselves if it’s time to do so.
Why should you get your septum pierced?
Source: Stocksey
Because you’re a bad bitch who can’t be stopped, period.
Source: Zikoko Memes
But seriously, getting a piercing of any kind should be a personal choice. If you want one, get it. Do septum piercings look cool? Yes. But they’re also not everyone’s cup of zobo. Do you, boo.
As someone who’s seen iRobot, Westworld and that Transformer-esque film with Osas Ighodaro, Ratnik, I’d like to announce with my full chest that I don’t trust Artificial Intelligence. Sure, it’s cute to hear an AI version of Drake singing Sungba, but what happens when they take over everything and enslave humans?
Source: Zikoko Memes
Maybe I’m exaggerating. But before any of that happens, I asked ChatGPT — the Beyonce of AI — for its top ten Nollywood movies of all time. While the list looks good, I don’t quite agree with everything.
Let’s get into this ranking.
10. 76
Rita Dominic giving the performance of a lifetime in an afro wig, Chidi Mokeme and Ramsey Nouah competing for “who looks sexier while under duress” and tons of wide-legged trousers — what’s not to love about Izu Ojukwu’s 76? This film works well because of its perfect casting, set design and costumes that’ll make you feel like you’ve stepped into one of your grandparents’ pictures from the 1970s.
My ranking: 5
9. The CEO
Despite a star-studded cast of Angélique Kidjo, Wale Ojo, Jimmy Jean-Louis and a cameo from AG Baby himself, nothing could stop Kunle Afolayan’s corporate crime thriller, The CEO from being a bore. How do you have all the right actors and a killer premise and still fail to excite an audience? The CEO isn’t one of Nollywood’s best films. Hell, it’s not even one of Kunle Afolayan’s best films.
My ranking: 10
8. Half of a Yellow Sun
Finding a movie adaptation of a book that actually does its source subject justice is hard, and unfortunately, Half of a Yellow Sun isn’t one of them. While the book cemented Chimamanda Adichie’s name as one of the best storytellers of our time, the film adaptation of Olanna and Odenigbo’s love story set against the backdrop of the Biafran War doesn’t quite translate the tension and heart of the book on screen. Half of a Yellow Sun, the movie, would’ve been great if we didn’t already have something to compare it to, but we do, and that’s the problem.
My ranking: 8. It’s right where it’s supposed to be.
7. The Wedding Party
Films like A Sunday Affair, Your Excellency and Chief Daddy may have tainted EbonyLife’s image, but let’s not forget the time they captured lightning in a bottle with The Wedding Party. This ensemble comedy kickstarted the “ensembles at a wedding or funeral” trope in Nollywood. The Wedding Party made Adesua Etomi a superstar, reminded us of Sola Sobowale’s greatness, showed us that RMD had officially entered zaddy status and warned us about all that could go wrong if amala finishes at a Yoruba wedding. Kemi Adetiba, the woman that you are.
Genevieve is mother, and that’s on period. After years of giving us iconic performances, the actress pivoted to directing with 2018’s Lionheart and slayed again because why not?
Source: Zikoko Memes
The best thing about Genevieve’s Lionheart is how it holds your attention with a simple and familiar story about family. Relying on beautiful shots of Enugu, the acting skills of legends, Genevieve’s killer wardrobe and a cringe singing scene between Peter Okoye and its director, Lionheart has earned this ChatGPT-given spot as one of Nollywood’s best films to date.
My ranking: 3
5. October 1
Kunle Afolyan’s October 1 is ambitious AF. From getting real-life Peugeots from the 1950s to casting the incredible Sadiq Daba as the lead, Kunle Afolayan pulled all the stops on this psychological thriller. Although the big reveal at the end falls flat because almost everyone can spot the serial killer from the start, October 1 is still an enjoyable ride, proving that Kunle Afolyan thrives best when helping his audience solve a mystery.
My ranking: 6
4. The Figurine
The Figurine is hands down one of my favourite Nollywood films of all time. Kunle Afolayan’s twisted, haunting tale delivers the most unexpected twist in its third act, leaving you at the edge of your seat screaming, “WTF?” Ramsey Nouah, the underrated Funlola Aofiyebi-Raimi, Omoni Oboli and Kunle himself gave a masterclass in acting. If aliens ever came to earth and asked to see a Nollywood film, best believe this is the film I’ll be showing them.
My ranking: 2
3. Ije
Chineze Anyaene’s Ije didn’t reunite Omotola Jalade Ekeinde and Genevieve Nnaji on screen for the fourth time, or use Asa’s Awe in its trailer, for ChatGPT not to include it on its list of the most iconic Nollywood films of all time. But while Ije is a beautifully shot and acted movie, giving it the third spot is a reach, dear. Not even the intense acting between two titans could elevate a mid script.
My ranking: 9
2. Osuofia in London
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=L8ID3gAcMMQ
Maybe it’s nostalgia for when Nollywood comedies were funny without being forced or watching a Nollywood film shot abroad was a novelty. But something about my memories of Osuofia in London makes me incredibly happy. This film was so big back then, everyone practically aired Nkem Owoh’s real name and started calling him Osuofia. I heard a remake is in the works; honestly, they can keep it. I know I’ll prefer the original.
My ranking: 4
1. Living in Bondage
I know I said I couldn’t trust any AI, but it looks like ChatGPT snapped with their choice for the number one film. Nostalgia aside, the 1992 original is one of the best Nollywood movies ever.
Source: Zikoko Memes
From an original story that started Nollywood’s obsession with money rituals to its unforgettable lead characters, Andy and Merit, Living in Bondage was chaotic but iconic. It’s hard to talk about Nollywood without talking about the film that started it all, and Living in Bondage will always be THAT GIRL.
Nothing screams high fashion on a global scale like the MET Gala. Hosted by Vogue Magazine editor-in-chief, Anna Wintour (AKA the real-life version of Miranda from The Devil Wears Prada), the MET Gala brings together the biggest stars on the planet for some music, finger food, and of course, fashion.
With this MET Gala 2023 honouring the late Chanel head designer, Karl Lagerfeld, stars like Rihanna, Tems, Doja Cat and Viola Davis all showed up in designed or inspired outfits by the late fashion icon.
These were some of the night’s most memorable looks, good and bad.
Rihanna
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Let’s kick things off with the queen of the MET, Miss Robyn Rihanna Fenty. This woman made me stay up till 2 a.m. WAT, waiting for her to show up on that damn carpet. But was it worth it? Yes, it absolutely was. This Valentino look gave me life. Our makeup sis knows this fashion thing, and no one is seeing the hem of her dress.
Verdict: Best Dressed
Lil Nas X
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Lil Nas X’s dependence on the shock factor was cute when it started, but now it’s plain tired, and we’re over it. Tell me this man doesn’t look like one of those Nollywood demons that haunt Tony Umez or Kanayo O. Kanayo after they use their wives and children for blood money. You see it, too, right?
Verdict: Worst Dressed
Tems
Source: Getty Images
Temilade Openiyi, the woman that you are. Thank you for not embarrassing us on a global platform like the MET Gala. The hat and gloves with the feather details, and the bottom half of the dress clearly reference vintage Chanel. Tems and her stylist, Dunsin Wright, are a match made in fashion heaven.
Verdict: Best Dressed
Ice Spice
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Like Tyra Banks once said:
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Ice Spice pulling up to the MET in a longer version of what the girlies wear to Quilox on a Friday night in Lagos is not the serve I expected from hood Princess Diana. If she thought people would feel this dress, then I’m sorry to say, she’s the munch here.
Verdict: Worst Dressed
Michaela Coel
Source: Getty Images
One word, “iconic”. You know what? One more word, “mother”. This dress is so stunning I had to clutch my imaginary Chanel pearls when Michaela showed up on the carpet. While I wouldn’t have immediately thought of cornrows (AKA “all back”, to all my Nigerian secondary school girlies) with this dress, Michaela slays this look so hard it’d be a crime to find any fault. By the way, can we get into that face? Sheesh.
Verdict: Best Dressed
Letitia Wright
Source: Getty Images
The strength of this blek pentha has definitely been stripped away. I love me some Letitia Wright, but this Pentecostal youth pastor look is not for the MET Gala. It’s giving Covenant University graduation fashion, and like M’baku said in Black Panther:
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Verdict: Worst Dressed
Anok Yai
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I don’t want to say much when it comes to Anok Yai’s consistent slayage of the MET Gala red carpet. Instead, I leave you with this message from philosopher and life coach, Tiffany Pollard:
Source: Giphy
Verdict: Best Dressed
Viola Davis
Source: Getty Images
Viola Davis is a queen, and that’s on Annalise and her bottle of vodka. But you want to know what’s not queenly at all? This look. Viola’s love for bright colours has always been one of my favourite things about her red carpet style. And while this pink looks stunning on her, the feathers on this dress do nothing for her look. Maybe it would’ve been better if the feathers were smaller. Mrs V is an icon, but even Bobrisky pulled this look off better than she did.
Source: Instagram/Bobrisky22
Doja Cat
Source: Getty Images
Doja Cat showing up as Karl Lagerfeld’s cat and meowing her way through all her interviews is my definition of camp. You have to admire Doja for always committing to a look (her fingernails were designed to look like claws), no matter how unhinged it sounds on paper. Plus, this dress is a beauty, cat or no cat.
Verdict: Best Dressed
Lizzo
Source: Getty Images
Lizzo is always a mood, but this black dress with pearl detailing is not a serve. It looks like something we’d see on the AMVCA red carpet, and that’s not a compliment if I’m keeping it one hundred.
What we’d give to be part of Halle Bailey’s world. Our Ariel is a vision in this dress, giving old Hollywood glamour but in melanin and natural beauty. Major props to her hair stylist because I don’t know what jazz they use to transform her dreadlocks into something new every time she steps out. You can’t convince me that she and Chloe’s hair styling is done by a mere mortal.
Verdict: Best Dressed
Asap Rocky
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Maybe it’s beef that he’s with my wife. Or perhaps, it’s beef that he put her in the family way AGAIN, and now, we don’t know when R9 is dropping. Either way, Rakim Mayers, it’s on sight whenever we jam. On sight, bro.
Verdict: He shouldn’t be on the worst dressed list, but I have bad belle.
Cardi B
Source: Getty Images
None of the other rap girls are seeing Cardi B when it comes to fashion. None of them. Cardi served four looks last night, but this Thom Browne number is my favourite. She looks like a character out of a Tim Burton fantasy film, and I’m gagging. I love a woman who likes to have fun with her looks, and it’s clear Cardi is having the time of her life as a fashion “it” girl.
Verdict: Best Dressed
Yara Shahidi
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For someone who has the potential to be a fashion baby girl, Yara Shahidi has refused to give us the serve we deserve. This look isn’t bad, but knowing the potential for greatness both Yara Shahidi and her stylist Jason Bolden have, it doesn’t work for me at all.
Verdict: Worst Dressed
Brian Tyree Henry
Source: Getty Images
Finally, a man who didn’t show up to the red carpet in a boring suit. Brian Tyree Henry pulling up looking like a monarch who colonises continents over tea and crumpets is a serve I wasn’t expecting at the MET Gala. I’m always here for men playing with proportions and taking risks. This will probably go down as one of the most iconic looks from any man to ever walk the MET steps.
Verdict: Best Dressed
Skepta
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Skepta, what is this blanket you have on? This looks like something a Chelsea FC stan would wear for a match, and I won’t stand for it. The annoying part is the suit on its own might’ve been a hit.
Verdict: Confused
Keke Palmer
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Baby, this is Keke Palmer, AKA True Jackson VP, one of Hollywood’s funniest women. Keke hasn’t taken her foot off our necks since she had her baby. We can all see how much she loves her post-baby body. Like the Gen Z babies would say, “She’s taking it”.
Verdict: Best Dressed
Idris and Sabrina Elba
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Sabrina’s decision to stick with her man through COVID and bad fashion choices should be applauded. This is a woman who takes the “In sickness and in health” part of her vows seriously. Their look wasn’t the worst on the red carpet; it was just boring. Give us something, guys.
Verdict: Mid
Teyana Taylor
Source: Getty Images
Is it a Teyana Taylor look if we’re not reminded that this woman’s six-pack can be used to grind pepper? This look is sickening, and now, I can’t help but wonder why I’m not in the gym.
Verdict: Best Dressed
Mary J Blige
Source: Getty Images
Mary J Blige’s dress would’ve worked better for the BET or MTV VMAs. But I have to give it to my fave for staying consistent with her thigh-high boots. The MET said, “Karl Lagerfeld”, but Mary heard, “Let’s take it to the dancery”.
Have you ever been to a game night and ended up bored out of your mind with the games they were playing — especially when they’re not daring people to remove 15 articles of clothing? Then you haven’t tried the Zikoko Never Have I Ever Guide.
Source: Zikoko Memes
How to play Never Have I Ever
Never Have I Ever is one of the most chaotic games in existence, as long as you do it right.
For the alcohol lovers in the building: Each player will take turns mentioning an experience or activity they’ve never done and whoever’s done these things has to take a shot or a sip of whatever they’re drinking (extra points if the drink tastes like petrol). If no one has done that thing, then the person who mentioned it has to take a drink. The winner of the game is the person who takes the least amount of drinks.
For sparkling wine lovers: Instead of using alcohol, every participant holds up their 10 fingers and takes one finger down for each thing they’ve done on the list of “Never Have I Ever” questions. The person with the last finger wins.
To make the game more fun, make sure people who’ve done the most insane activities spill the tea about how it went down.
Here are some Never Have I Ever questions to get you started:
Never Have I Ever: Relationship and Sex Edition
Source: Zikoko Memes
1. Never have I ever had my wig fall off during intense fornication
2. Never have I ever been served breakfast by someone I wasn’t even in a relationship with
3. Never have I ever faked moaned during phone sex
4. Never have I ever slept with someone I know my friend likes
5. Never have I ever pretended to be cool with my friend’s partner after I told them to break up with the person
6. Never have I ever fantasised about a dead (hot, but dead) person during fornication
7. Never have I pretended not to know how an equipment works in gym just so I could get my crush’s attention
8. Never have I ever prayed for someone’s relationship to scatter so I could shoot my shot
9. Never have I ever measured my penis with a tape rule
10. Never have I ever pretended to like an artistes, TV show, movie or song because I wanted someone to like me
