Quizzes

Stacks

Shows

Podcasts

Newsletters

Naira Life

Love Life

Hustleprint

Love Currency

Sunken Ships

What She Said

My Bro

So You Don’t Have To

Interview With…

Zikoko Memes

Jollof Road

Cholera Outbreak Update

Follow our socials

  • My Bro is a biweekly Zikoko series that interrogates and celebrates male friendships of different forms.

    People often say, “Distance makes the heart grow fonder”, but listening to Brian (in Enugu) go back and forth on a virtual call with EL (in Abuja), I’m convinced distance had little to do with the strong bond these men share. A casual encounter over ten years ago created a relationship built on the foundation of honesty, humour and love that runs real deep. Brian and EL aren’t just friends, they’re practically brothers or, as EL likes to say, “Twins”.

    In this episode of My Bro, they talk about being each other’s soulmate, the depressive episode that threatened their friendship and the day they almost died.

    Let’s take a trip down memory lane

    Brian: We met twice before we became friends. My first recollection of meeting you was when my high school friend brought you to me and asked that we form a crew of guys to protect each other. I was standing there thinking, “Is this nigga asking us to form a gang?” You just stood behind him with your muscles and everything. 

    We never formed this crew, and I didn’t see you again for a while. I know we met a second time. I just can’t remember where. 

    EL: Yeah, it was at some random party. I looked at you and was expecting an accent or some bougie talk. Instead, you started blowing pidgin, and I was shocked. You also had so many funny stories I’m sure I developed abs laughing that night. I was like, “This guy is as crazy as I am, probably even worse.” I finally felt like I’d met someone who understood and would indulge my craziness at any level. 

    Brian: I remember now! We couldn’t stop laughing that night. We also bonded over making music and decided to hit the studio to record a song together. Even though we’ve wiped that song off the internet, it was a dope jam. We will share new music when we’re ready. By the way, that was the day we almost died. 

    EL: Oh shit! Fun times. LOL. 

    Fast and Furious: Abuja Version

    Brian: I remember we were recording in the studio when I gave my other friend, Nnanna, the keys to my car to get us shawarmas because mandem was hungry. By the time he got back, we’d finished recording, so I told him to drive so I could concentrate on texting my babe at the time. This guy started driving like James Bond for no reason. 

    EL: Omo, I can’t forget because as soon as he pulled out of where we were parked, I knew shit was about to get real. Do you know me and the producer in the back seat wore our seatbelts? Who wears a seatbelt in the backseat, bro? 

    Brian: LOL. We dropped the producer off, and that’s when the accident happened. I was focused on the bikini pictures my babe was sending me, so I didn’t even know what happened. I just looked up, and the car was spinning. EL, what happened, abeg? 

    EL: Guy, where I fucked up was taking off my seatbelt to collect the aux chord. I wanted to play our song, as per, we don make hit. We were around Silverbird, it was raining, and I could swear this guy was taking a bend at 120km/hr. As soon as he started, I just shouted “Fuck” because I knew we were screwed. I remember you were screaming, “Nnanna”, and the Nnanna guy was shouting, “Jesus”. 

    We kept spinning until we hit a tree, and I hit my head, compressing my spine. I came out of the car, but I couldn’t breathe. You came to me yarning shit like, “Look at me, bro. Don’t go into the light.” And I was lying on the floor thinking, “What the fuck? Can this guy shift so I can breathe?”

    Brian: LOL. That day was wild. 

    EL: My back still hurts today. 

    Brian: I remember telling you if the devil heard one track and tried to kill us, we needed to drop a full album to pepper him some more. But till now, no album. 

    EL: Life keeps getting in the way, but there’s still time. We must make that album. I’ve promised myself we’ll make one before my 35th birthday sha.  

    Brian: Did you know I paid ₦80k to replace the streetlight we hit that day, and 11 years later, they still haven’t replaced it? 

    EL: Have you forgotten we live in Nigeria? LOL. 

    I remember the time you came through for me 

    EL: One thing that really stood out to me when we started hanging out was how supportive you were of all the things I was doing at the time. You made it a habit of showing up at every event I was hosting and it wasn’t just showing up, you were there asking for ways you could make my job easier. 

    I’ve always been the guy to run things on my own, so having someone showing concern and offering to help all the time was really new to me. You probably don’t know this, but the way you always hype me up and down got me one of my first major gigs. 

    Brian: Wait, really? 

    EL: Yeah. So I’d pulled up for an interview with this company, and after giving them the big talk about how I was the man for the job, the owner went into another office with some other guy to talk about me. The next thing I know, he comes out and asks me how much I want for the job. Bro, I had zero qualifications, but I just told him ₦400k, and he said, “Ok. How soon can you start?” I was confused because I felt I’d bullshitted my way into a major company. 

    Months into the job, I was talking to the man, and he asked about my “light-skinned friend”. That’s when I started asking questions. Apparently, he’d overheard you talking to your friend who worked there about me and how there was nothing I couldn’t do. It was a random gist, but when I coincidentally showed up looking for a job, he confirmed with your friend if I was the same EL and just offered me the job based on everything you’d said. 

    Brian: Oh wow. I remember we celebrated this job when you got it, but I had no idea about this backstory. 

    EL: Bro, I didn’t know it at first either. When I found out, I was shocked because, what are the odds? I needed a job and I got it because you wouldn’t shut up about me. Imagine that?

    Brian: That’s dope, man. Wow. You’ve come through for me so many times too. But I think the one that stands out to me was when I was going through some mental shit, and you dropped everything to come and live with me. I knew I needed help at the time, but with how I’m wired, I wasn’t open to receiving it, so I kept taking you for granted. 

    You saw me at my lowest point, and even though other people would’ve yelled or fought with me, you were patient and calm. When you eventually couldn’t handle it anymore, you just quietly left, but not without reminding me you’d still be there whenever I needed you. I knew I’d fucked up, but how you handled everything made me respect you more. 

    EL: I’m not going to lie, I was angry at the time. But more than anger, what I felt was fear. How you were closing yourself off from everyone around you reminded me of my brothers and how our relationship got fucked up. They had done the same thing years ago. At that moment, it felt like I was losing another brother, and it scared me shitless. 

    All I wanted to do was help, but you weren’t opening up. It was tough for me. I have a terrible temper, but I still had to compose myself in the face of all the tantrums you were throwing. 

    Brian: I’m surprised you didn’t fuck me up. LOL.

    EL: Honestly… the only thing that held me back was the love I have for you. You’re my chosen family, my blood. I decided to walk away and give you space instead. But even as I was leaving, I felt a sense of guilt. I thought I should’ve done more and stayed with you, but at the same time, my head was getting messed up. 

    Despite everything, I still wanted you to know I loved you, and I’d always be there when you needed me. 

    How we resolve our differences

    Brian: What I cherish the most about you is how you can correct me without making it feel like an attack. It’s always, “This is how you messed up”, and not, “You’re a failure”, or anything like that. The best part is, whether I want to hear the truth or not, you’re always there to tell it to me, but with love. 

    Even after you left my house, all it took was one phone call to talk it out and move on. 

    EL: I know you get a lot of criticism from other people in your life, so I make sure that’s not what I’m giving you. Instead, I try to help you understand where they’re coming from. If your parents are upset with you, I try to get you to see things from their perspective. Even if it doesn’t make sense to you, it makes sense to them, and we can’t invalidate their feelings. 

    Brian: Yeah, we’ve had moments when we had to sit each other down and tell the other person the truth. I appreciate that our friendship is based on us being honest with one another. 

    EL: It’s our foundation. No matter how bad the situation is, once it’s me and you, we go run am. That’s our mantra. We don’t know where we’ll start, but we go run am. 

    Navigating a long-distance friendship

    EL: Let me start by saying you’re a selfish fool for leaving me in Abuja and moving to Enugu. 

    Brian: But when we became friends, I was still going back and forth from Nigeria to England. I don’t think the distance has affected our relationship in any way. We don’t see each other much, but we always talk. 

    EL: To be fair, I’m already used to you disappearing because, even when you were here, once you had a babe like this, I didn’t see you. Any small thing, “I’m with my madam.” Now that you’ve gone, I have my own madam so everyone will be fine las las. LOL. 

    What holds this friendship together

    Brian: We always root for one another. I genuinely want to see you win, so even when I’m supposed to feel left out, I don’t because your win is very much my win. 

    EL: Same. It’s the love we have for each other, bro. No matter how angry we are at each other, we consistently lead with love and kindness. We’ve never had an actual outburst because of this. And that’s shocking for someone like me whose first instinct is always to start roaring up and down.

    I want you to know

    EL: I’ll go first because I’m not your mate. 

    I want you to know I see you. I love you, and you’ll forever have my respect. I know you know this, but I want to remind you that whatever bullshit we’ve had in the past was all very important in creating the men we are today. You can look back and cringe, but never regret the past because we had beautiful moments together. 

    I look forward to you being at you one billion percent because I can’t wait for people to see you the way I see you. You’re my blood, my twin, my guy and my soulmate. I love you, bro. 

    Brian: You want me to cry? But, yeah, you already know how much I love you, so I’ll just say something you don’t get enough of, which is how proud I am of you and all you’ve accomplished. 

    Most people don’t know what you’ve been through. I’ve seen you go through shit that would break me. Even when it’s not, you tell yourself it’s alright, and then, you go out there and make it alright. I’m so proud of you and want you to know everything will pay off in the end. 

    I love you, EL. 

    Do you have an interesting bro story you’d like to share? Fill this form and we’ll get back to you.

  • My Bro is a biweekly Zikoko series that interrogates and celebrates male friendships of different forms.

    If there’s one striking thing about Chinazom and Tunmise’s friendship, it’s how much they can say to each other even when they’re saying nothing at all. While this is a great thing for their friendship, it sucks for me as a writer. But it’s hard to be mad at this seven-year-old friendship that’s helped the two men be more open with themselves and the people around them. 

    In this episode of My Bro, they talk about bonding in their early Unilag days, late-night calls that involve tears and navigating a friendship in which no topic is out of bounds. 

    Our origin story

    Tunmise: My earliest recollection of you is when we met at a tutorial class while doing a Diploma course at the University of Lagos. I struggled with the class and asked you some questions. I remember thinking, “Mehn, this guy is brilliant.”  

    Chinazom: Not going to lie, I’m smart. LOL. I can’t explain it, but from the first time we spoke, I knew we would be friends. Sometimes, I meet people and can just sense their good vibes. This intuition has never led me astray, so I trusted it with you. It didn’t even take up to an hour to know I wanted to be your friend. 

    Tunmise: Look at that! But do you think ending up on different campuses when we got admission changed our relationship? 

    Chinazom: I don’t think so. I mean, you were studying microbiology, and I was studying medicine, which put us on two different campuses, but we still maintained our bond. I no longer saw you every day, and that was hard. But whenever I picked up my phone to text or call you, it felt like nothing had changed between us.

    Tunmise: I agree. I don’t think there was any change. We were still tight and shit. 

    Chinazom: I’d call and we’d catch up. Even when we didn’t have the answers to each other’s problems, we still found a way to make it work. You’d listen when I had issues, and I did the same. 

    What makes our friendship work? 

    Tunmise: One of my favourite things about you is your non-judgemental attitude. I know I can come to you with anything and you won’t make me feel bad about my choices. I tend to have a lot of women issues; my relationships with them can get crazy sometimes. But I roll up on you with the gist and you talk me through the drama. I know Nazom will be around to tell me, “Do it this way” or “Maybe you shouldn’t have said this thing.” 

    We come from different backgrounds, which means we see life in different ways. It’s normal, but I’m happy I have you in my corner because you’re always willing to see things from my perspective when necessary. This type of understanding is why our friendship has lasted this long. 

    Chinazom: Thanks, man. I think you’re easy to talk to. I’m not even sure you know it. It doesn’t matter if it’s just internet bants or something serious and personal to us. One thing I know is we’ll always find a middle ground. I also like that we don’t have boundaries on what we can discuss. We’ve spoken about everything from sex to how we’re dealing with mental health stress. Nothing is off-limits! It might be hard to start the conversation sometimes, but I know one way or the other, I’ll run it by you. 

    Tunmise: Yes! You make me feel so comfortable, I can tell you even my most embarrassing secrets without fear. I literally start some of my messages with, “Nazom, can you imagine? The most embarrassing thing happened to me today.” And you’ll respond with something like, “What did you do again?” LOL. 

    The moment I knew we were real friends

    Chinazom: Now, let me tell you about the one moment I’ll never forget regarding our friendship. Remember late last year when I was going through that tough phase? 

    Tunmise: Oh, yeah. 

    Chinazom: I was mentally stressed and called you in the middle of the night to talk about it. It was the first time in my life I considered therapy. And with school, it was just a lot. The following day, you showed up at my building, and omo, I was surprised. Even though you had a lot of errands to run, you made time for me. We took a long drive to talk about how I was feeling, watched a movie and got something to eat after. Whenever I think about our friendship, I remember that day. I didn’t know how much I needed you until you showed up. It’s a perfect description of our friendship.

    Tunmise: I’d known you for a long time, and you’d never broken down the way you did that night. It was a rare moment. I knew I had to be there to ensure you were okay. That was all I could think about. 

    For me, it goes back to our diploma days. We were reading at Unilag A.k.T Library one night, and I was so disconnected from everything, I couldn’t understand what we were reading. It was scary because we had an exam the next day and nothing was clicking in my brain. 

    I spoke to you about it, and you did this cool thing where you read for the both of us. You’d read from my book, process it then break it down for me in a way I could understand. It really helped me in the exam, I can’t even lie. I still appreciate you for that night, man. Thank you. 

    Fight? We can’t relate 

    Tunmise: I don’t think we’ve ever had a fight or argument. 

    Chinazom: Hmmmmm. 

    Tunmise: We’ve fought before? 

    Chinazam: I can’t remember the full gist, but I know you told me about a plan you had, and I wasn’t in the best of moods, so I was rude in my response. I checked myself and apologised sha. It wasn’t that big of a deal. You really don’t remember? 

    Tunmise: Nothing is coming to me. 

    Chinazam: Okay, that settles it. We’ve never fought before. LOL. 

    You came through for me

    Tunmise: I’ve never said this before, but you helped my business, bro. When I started out selling sneakers, and I was just marketing it in person, you were the one who pushed me to set up a Twitter account and, after that, Instagram. I wasn’t sure about putting myself or business out there, but you helped me draw up a plan and all that good stuff. You probably don’t know this, but it changed my business.

    Chinazom: Nice. So I like this unspoken rule that whenever one person calls the other and says they need to talk, we’re always ready to drop everything and listen, no matter what. You do that for me, and I appreciate it. When my brother was in the hospital last year, and I called you crying, you stayed on the other end and listened. It happened again in January (2022), when my classmate died and I called you. Having a space to be vulnerable means a lot to me because most male friendships don’t have that. 

    Tunmise: I get that. I struggled with vulnerability too because I didn’t want to appear weak. There’s something about men crying or talking about their emotions that felt wrong to me growing up. But now, I know it’s necessary, and I can be open with you. It all comes down to not feeling judged whenever I’m around you. 

    What I would change about you

    Chinazom: Tumi, I feel you second-guess yourself a lot, and it’s unnecessary. You’re literally the kind of person who kills anything they set their mind to do, so I’m always shocked when you doubt yourself. Most of your calls to ask if your plan makes sense feel like you’re seeking validation or permission to do something. You don’t need it. I put a star beside your name on my phone because I think you’re a superstar. Does this doubt have anything to do with a fear of failure? 

    Tunmise: Yeah, I think so. But right now, I think I’m in a different mental space where I’m willing to take more risks. 

    By the way, the only thing I’d want you to change is the way you’re always fighting on Twitter. Bros, be calming down. 

    This friendship has helped me open up

    Tunmise: You’re one of the most selfless people I know, and it’s not just with me. Almost everyone says it.

     
    Chinazom: Thanks, man! I feel like this friendship happens to be the first one in which I’ve fully explored what it means to be open and honest with someone. I’ve learnt I should be able to talk to my friend about anything and everything. People always put romantic relationships above friendships, but getting to know you, I understand friendship comes first. I’m taking that energy into my other friendships.

    Do you have an interesting bro story you’d like to share? Fill this form and we’ll get back to you.

  • My Bro is a biweekly Zikoko series that interrogates and celebrates male friendships of different forms.

    Anny and Victor are all about the hustle. The self-proclaimed workaholics can’t go two seconds without talking about work, and while it may be annoying to some, it’s super inspiring to me. They both understand the unique struggles of being a creative in a country like Nigeria. And that ginger to be the best at what they do is what forges the bond they have as friends. One of them is always around to either motivate or drag the other person. If this isn’t bromance, I don’t know what it is. 

    In this episode of My Bro, they talk about why Anny had Victor on a beef list when they first met, pushing each other to be the best version of themselves and whether or not they’d even be friends if they weren’t in the same industry. 

    Our origin story

    Anny: Hmm. I have a shitty memory, so I’ll let you take this one. But I think we met through work. 

    Victor: Look at this one. We met way before we started working together. I remember hearing about you back when you called yourself the bearded coquet. I remember thinking, “Who is this razz guy?” I was still very fresh in my videography career and was experimenting with photography when I saw your work, liked it and decided to reach out. After that, we started hanging out doing street photography and shit. But shey you know that wasn’t our first interaction? 

    Anny: Ah!

    Victor: So you’ve forgotten the time you gave me bad eye at Ebeano because you thought I was moving to your babe at the time? I’d say her name, but she’s now “she who must not be named”. 

    Anny: That chick? LOL. I don’t remember, but I’m sure I looked angry. That babe was a serial cheater and I was insecure AF in that relationship. I even had a list of guys I was beefing because of her. But after we broke up, I reconciled with all my bros. I was still a small boy. 

    Victor: LOL. And the crazy thing is, I was just friends with this babe. You just suspected every guy she was with, and that’s why I waited until after you broke up to reach out so you and I could work together. I messaged and asked if I could join you for your next photo walk, but you just asked me to pull up to your studio and that was it. We later worked on a shoot for one of my wife’s clients and our work relationship took off. 

    Anny: I don’t remember half of these things. Thank God for pictures that prove you were around for most of my shoots because, omo, I’m forgetful. 

    Transitioning from colleagues to bros 

    Victor: For me, respect came first. I’d been a fan of your work, but then getting to work with you personally, it was crazy just experiencing your insane work ethic. You hustle like someone that hasn’t made it yet. It’s like if you don’t put out content, the world will leave you behind. That’s the ginger I needed to tap into back then. I wanted to hang out with you because I hoped your energy would rub off on me. 

    Over time, I think respect just evolved into a friendship. I don’t think there was a significant moment. When you work with someone the way we creatively collaborated, you’re bound to start sharing your plans and life with them. 

    Anny: Yeah, I don’t think we even knew when it happened. It was a work friendship that turned to mutual respect and then friendship just entered the chat. It became a thing where we started hanging out even when it didn’t involve work. 

    What holds this friendship together?

    Anny: You know I don’t have a lot of friends. Also, most of my friendships, including ours, are built around work. I’ve realised that there’s you, my partner who I shoot and live with, and just about a handful of other people who are my friends, and I know work has something to do with most of them. I think that’s why we don’t have a major moment we can pinpoint as the official start of our friendship. 

    You, on the other hand, you’re friendly AF! You know people and you’ve opened me up to your other circles, which has been a good way for me to meet new people. I don’t have any circle for you to join sha. 

    Victor: Ehn, you have a circle of big booty women. But, yeah, I’m a married lover boy, so I’m not part of that circle. 

    I feel like you’re only friends with people whose work you respect. Because I know you and you’re so blunt, you’re not above dragging someone if you feel their work is mediocre. You’re amazing, but you’re very rude. But knowing you, I’ve learnt it’s all from a place of love. Still rude in the end. 

    Anny: Man, but you know work is the core of my existence. I didn’t move to Lagos all the way from Niger state to play. One of the primary reasons I left that place was because people in my environment at the time were lackadaisical in how they approached work. I didn’t want that then, so why would I want it now? If you’re my friend and I have reservations about something, especially work, I can’t help myself. I just have to say it. I want to succeed and have the people around me do the same. 

    Victor: No broke friends in our circle! But I like that you also try to help. You’re not just saying, “Oh, your work is shit.” Of all my creative friends, you’re the only one I trust to give me good feedback on my work, not just hailing me up and down. On social media, I could post something, and everyone would come into the comments with their flames and heart emojis. You don’t let me off easy. My work might be good, but you always remind me that it could be better. You’ve told me my work is rubbish a lot of times. LOL. 

    Anny: Trust me, it’s not easy being honest with people about something they’ve made. If it’s boring, I have to tell you it’s boring. Does it ever bother you? 

    Victor: How? Of all my friends, you’re the one who’s made the most negative comments about my work. But you’re also the person who’s brought me the most work in terms of referrals. So I know when you’re criticising my work, it’s also a thing of you not wanting me to fall your hand. I get it. 

    Anny: I’m big on friendship, but the quality of work is more important. If you don’t step up, I’ll leave you. 

    He came through for me 

    Victor: You come through for me every week. 

    Anny: You do the same thing too. I’m always coming to your studio to disturb you and shoot pictures. Many of the dope projects I’ve done were shot in your studio. Now imagine if I didn’t push you? This is why we need to always ginger each other. If you hammer, I hammer too. 

    Victor: Look at you taking credit for my success. Okay o! Take your flowers. 

    Anny: That’s not what I said. LOL. You also come through for me with moral support and funds when I need them. I think we’re each other’s guys when it’s time to hustle money. 

    Victor: Omo, as creatives, we need this for all the times the client will owe you for an extended period. Man dem need that urgent 2k we can hold on to until the big cheque comes along. 


    Would we be bros if we didn’t work together? 

    Victor: We work in the same industry, but outside of work, I feel we’d still be friends if we’d met randomly. I have tech bro friends, lawyer friends and so many other friends from different fields. I was attracted to your work ethic, and I know that even if you were doing something else, you’d still maintain that level of dedication and I’d want to be your friend. I know so many photographers out there, but I’m not close to them. 

    Anny: Hmm. I’m not sure. You’re great at making friends, work or not, but I’m terrible. If work isn’t involved, the chances of getting to know someone are slim for me. You’re also a people person, and we all come to you for advice. 

    Victor: So you’re admitting that I’m wise? 

    Anny: LOL. Yes, you have small sense. Being your friend, you’ve helped me face my trust issues and self-sabotaging tendencies regarding relationships. You always call me back when I’m heading in that direction, even though I might still do what I want to do sha. 

    The hardest part about being your friend 

    Anny: This man, why are you always late? 

    Victor: See, if it’s not work, settle your mind that I’m going to be late. You’re the one that’s super early. If we say we want to have drinks by six, you’ll be there by five-ish. Who does that? We’re Lagosians. That’s not fair. Do you really think we’d start by six on the dot? Nobody has time for that. 

    Anny: Because we’re in Lagos is why you should even be early. Another thing is your stubbornness. It’s hard to convince you to do something unless it’s what you wanted to do from the start. 

    Victor: I’m dead. The hard part of being your friend is the constant fear that you might be rude to a random stranger and put me in trouble. 

    Your impact on my life 

    Victor: I’d always considered myself a high achiever until I met you. Seeing someone younger than me work so hard and make a name for themselves has gingered me to be the hustler version of myself. I can’t sleep at night knowing you’re out there somewhere working. It’s not possible. You’ve helped me grow as a creative and you inspire me more than you know. 

    Anny: How do I follow this one now? You’re like the perfect sounding board. It doesn’t matter if it’s work or relationships; every conversation with you is productive. You’re like my love guru. I’m very closed off, and you’ve helped me with my relationship with people. You’ve shown me what it’s like to open up, and I like that. 

    Do you have an interesting bro story you’d like to share? Fill this form and we’ll get back to you.

  • My Bro is a biweekly Zikoko series that interrogates and celebrates male friendships of different forms.

    When Adesegun and Demi met for the first time over five years ago, their interaction was what anyone, especially Demi, would describe as a hot mess. However, listening in on their conversation now, it’s hard to think of a time when these two weren’t obsessed with each other. In their friendship, the “I love yous” flow freely and without hesitation as I watch them remind themselves of just how much they mean to each other. 

    In this episode of My Bro, they talk about the transition from hatred to friendship, bonding over the losses in their lives, accepting each other’s differences and how this friendship has made them more receptive to love. 

    Our origin story

    Demi: I hated you the first time I met you. 

    Adesegun: Wow! Not this story again. I have zero recollection of this event you like to tell people about. 

    Demi: Of course, you don’t. In 2016, I attended my very first Nollywood premiere with a friend. I was very nervous because I was new to Nollywood and all of that. I remember I was having a conversation with this friend, and out of nowhere, you just walked in between us, faced him and started talking to him like I wasn’t there. I was like, “Wait, am I invisible?” You guys didn’t even realise when I walked away. I overheard you introduce yourself to someone as “The Movie Pencil”, and I marked your name and face. In my head, I just knew we’d be enemies for life. We met at another premiere where you introduced yourself to me, and I was like, “I know who you are”.

    Adesegun: I don’t remember any of this, and I’ve asked around. No one else does. But I love you, so I’ll allow you to run with this gist. My first recollection of meeting you was at the other event where I introduced myself to you. We kept running into each other because we had the same circle of friends, and over time, we became intentional about hanging out together, so we became friends ourselves.  

    First Impressions

    Demi: Apart from the fact that I hated you, in a way, I was also intrigued by you. Listening to you, I could tell you knew a lot about Nollywood — an industry I was trying to enter. Your style stood out for me too. This guy, you were wearing suspenders, and that’s my thing. So I was like, “I hate this guy, but he’s smart and can dress”. LOL. 

    Adesegun: You probably don’t know this, but something about you makes people gravitate towards you. I’m also very attracted to people I perceive to be good. I can’t pinpoint why, but I felt you had that vibe. The older I’ve gotten, the more intentional I’ve become about my friendships and telling people how much they mean to me. From your interactions with our other friends, I could tell that you’d have my back no matter what happens. I liked that feeling. 

    We knew our friendship was real when…

    Adesegun: I think we became really close when your mum passed away. I’d lost my mum four years before that, so I was familiar with that kind of loss. It’s easy to get sucked into entertaining people and planning the funeral that sometimes, we forget to process that we just lost someone. I knew you needed someone to pay attention to you, so I did my best to show up for you. 

    Demi: Show up? You were at my house every day after it happened and wouldn’t leave until I went to bed. You lived on the mainland at the time, your office was on Victoria Island and I lived further into the island. Yet, you showed up every day. 

    Adesegun: That was when it hit me that I must really care about this person, to go to their house every day after work. I worked in consulting, with one of the big four, and I would leave your place at night and still get myself to work the following day. We were friends before that, but this period changed everything for me. It kind of sealed our friendship. 

    Demi: Oh, I knew our friendship was real even before my mum passed. I think it was one of your birthdays and you had sent me this long message that ended with, “I can’t believe Demi Banwo is actually my friend”. I don’t usually get messages like that. In that moment, I knew I had to be intentional about being a good friend to you. And the way you showed up for me when my mum passed, I knew I’d never be able to get rid of you. 

    Working through grief together 

    Demi: There was a moment when I lost my mum that I didn’t want to see anyone. I retreated into myself. For about a month, I stayed at home, refusing to see or talk to anyone. Distancing myself ruined many of my friendships because they didn’t understand that I needed space, but you did. And even though you wanted to be there for me physically, you knew that I needed space, and you were gracious enough to give it to me. It helped to know that there was someone who understood what I was going through. I didn’t have to explain myself. 

    Adesegun: I lost my mum unexpectedly years before, and it shattered something in me. I’m just like you in the way I retreat into a shell when I don’t feel like the best version of myself. One night, I cried so hard I fell asleep. When I woke up, I was surrounded by friends who’d waited for me. I didn’t realise how much I needed them around me until that moment. That experience taught me the importance of letting people in and allowing them to be there for me in whatever way they could. 

    In your case, I wasn’t even sure if I was doing the right thing until you thanked me one day for giving you space when you needed it. Since I stopped visiting and started sending texts instead, I felt like I was still checking in. But it was also important for me not to let your need for space be about me or our friendship. You were navigating your grief in your own way. It was important for me to understand that and let it be a part of our friendship journey.

    Demi: True. I feel you’ve always been the guy to wear his heart on his sleeve. You tell everyone exactly how you feel, which is a rare vulnerability. I mean, It was a massive adjustment for me when you first started saying “I love you” to me. Even though it was refreshing, I wasn’t used to displays of emotion on that level. One thing you’ve done is shown me that it’s okay for me to be vulnerable too. Meeting you, being open about my emotions, all of this has been a turning point in my life. 

    What holds our friendship together? 

    Demi: Blood covenant. But shey you know you’re a stressful guy? 

    Adesegun: LOL. I’ll admit, it’s not easy to be my friend. I can be very vocal about things, and it might not always be the sweet parts. I’m the friend who won’t hesitate to call you out. You have this habit of saying “I’ll call you back” when we’re on the phone and you never do. I make it my mission to drag you for it. 

    Outside of the grief we both experienced, we have similar world views, shared values and now, we run a production company together. I can see the goodness you exude and it just makes me want to hold on to you being a part of my life. I always tell people that you’re the love of my life. I’ve kept you there and it was my decision to do so. Remember I told you about it and you accepted? 

    Demi: The title o, not the responsibility. 

    Adesegun: Wow! Funny thing is, I used to hate using “best friend” when referring to people in my life, but I’ve been intentional about saying it with you. Many people will fight us after this sha because we’ve declared that even though we have other male friends, you and I are the main friends of the group. To be fair, I told all my other friends at my surprise birthday party last year, and you were there. 

    Demi: You wanted them to look at me with bad eye. That was the surprise birthday party you made us throw for you. Who asks for a surprise birthday party? 

    Adesegun: Me!

    Demi: Anyway, we threw the party sha. What holds our friendship together for me is the support you give me. I tend to come up with ideas and talk myself out of them because of doubt. But every time I share something with you, you never shut it down. If it doesn’t make sense, you’d work with me to make it make sense. That’s very encouraging for me. You’ve also broken down all the barriers I had with letting people in and I didn’t even realise when it happened. 

    I love our friendship because it doesn’t feel like we’re forcing anything. There’s this feeling of ease. I could be thinking about something, and the next thing, you’re saying it. I also love that we both understand the need to give each other grace. So we’re not judging each other because of situations where one person cannot meet the other person’s expectations. 

    Adesegun: One more thing. I don’t know if I’ve ever told you this, but for some weird reason, I trust you. 

    Demi: You do? Technically, I know your signature, so you have no choice. 

    Adesegun: Why are you so annoying? 

    What we would change about our friendship 

    Adesegun: This guy, I need you to blow quickly so you can take care of me. I’m tired of labour. 

    Demi: Look at this one, so you don’t know you’re working hard so you can continue your role as my sugar daddy? But seriously, the only thing I’d change is time. I wish we’d been friends earlier because I would’ve loved for you to meet my mum. I realise that with the many close friends I have now, most of them never met my mum. She was very particular about who my friends were, and I know she would’ve loved you. 

    Adesegun: The interesting thing is, my head keeps telling me that maybe if we met earlier, we wouldn’t be as close as we are now. But really, I would’ve also loved for my mum to meet you. Even outside that, our friendship didn’t blossom until my 30s, and I wish it’d happened sooner. Notwithstanding, I’m happy we have this now because this friendship is one of the greatest accomplishments of my 30s. 

    Demi: Awww. Am I one of the greatest accomplishments of your 30s? Oh wow! 

    Adesegun: Don’t worry, I’ll get you a plaque. I wouldn’t like to change this feeling that we both have each other’s genuine interests at heart. 

    This friendship has changed me

    Adesegun: You can now say, “I love you”. We both know you couldn’t say it before you met me. 

    Demi: That was exactly what I was going to say! This friendship has made me more open to receiving love. I remember being shocked when you started saying it to me. Even though I knew you meant it, in my head, you didn’t have to say it out loud. I believe in showing that I love you through my actions, but meeting you has taught me that it’s important to say it too. 

    Adesegun: There’s something you like to say about being secure in your position in my life. It’s a tiny thing, but it’s important to me. I give a lot of love to people. Having someone acknowledge it and give it back has changed how I approach my other friendships. Now, more than ever, I know I need to remain open to giving myself to genuine friendships. Who would’ve guessed that it would take getting to my 30s to finally call someone my best friend? 

    I want you to know 

    Adesegun: Demi, I want you to know that I’m rooting for you in everything you do. My idea of success for you goes beyond money or blowing; I want you to see your dreams come to fruition. You’re such a giving person and you deserve the world. You’re part of my success story, no matter what. I’m in this friendship intentionally and willingly. I have your back till the end of time. 

    Okay, that sounded like a wedding thing. Let’s see if you can top it!

    Demi: I can’t. You’re the lover boy here. But what I want you to know is that you’re part of why I want to be successful. Every time I picture where I want to be in life, I see you there. I’m grateful for your openness. The fact that my family also loves you, I don’t even get it. I genuinely love you, and I don’t see that ever changing. 

    Do you have an interesting bro story you’d like to share? Fill this form and we’ll get back to you.

  • My Bro is a biweekly Zikoko series that interrogates and celebrates male friendships of different forms.

    Oli Ekun and Ajibola Grey have a friendship almost as hilarious as the skits that have made them trending names within Nigeria’s bustling pop culture scene. Connecting over their mutual love of humour and rarely passing over a chance to drag each other for filth, these two understand that to do the job they do, they’ll need to be each other’s ride or die (Ajibola might not feel comfortable with dying though). 

    In this episode of My Bro, they talk about being friends online for a year before meeting in person, navigating a friendship in which no one wants to be the serious friend and how they plan to share their money as business partners. 

    Let’s take a trip down memory lane.

    Ajibola: I remember I was a fan of your work even before we met. I bought your “Koni Baje” shirt in 2019 and sent you a DM to introduce myself. We started talking, and I found out that you’re not that bad. You also looked to me like you needed love in your life, so I decided to show you some brotherly love. 

    Oli: Jibola, you’re sick. 

    Ajibola: But, let’s be honest. It’s been a very difficult ride being your friend. It’s been really tough. 

    Oli: Wow! In this life, it’s important to help the less privileged, people who have nothing to do with their lives, and that’s what I did by responding to your DM that day. LOL. But seriously, do you remember the first time we met? It was at Mr. Macaroni’s house on the 27th of June, 2021, when we had to shoot a skit. 

    Ajibola: Of course, I remember. It was an exciting experience for you. Getting to meet me and all. I could see you were dumbfounded, and I’ve had to take you under my tutelage since then. 

    Oli: I was in awe of your stupidity. I don’t think I’d ever met anyone worse than me. We got on set and you didn’t even need a script. You were just killing it. I just saw you and I was like, “I love this guy so much”.

    First impressions 

    Oli: Our first real conversation felt good. We didn’t talk about anything serious, but we bonded almost immediately. It helped that we had been talking before then. 

    Ajibola: Can we not use the word “talking”? It sounds romantic, and I wouldn’t say I like it. 

    Oli: But are we not romantic? 

    Ajibola: You’re romantic with your father, not me. Anyways, I lived in Abuja and you lived in Ibadan, and that’s why it took us that long to meet and hang out. But now, I’m in Lagos, and any small thing, you’re in my house disturbing me. I knew we were going to be friends after you tweeted something one time, and in my head, I was like, “This is my nigga”. I can’t remember the tweet, but it was stupid, and I’m stupid too. That’s why I understood it. Getting to know you, I also realised that you’re a kind person just like me, which is rare. 

    Oli: I can’t even remember the tweet you’re talking about, but your humour and kindness drew me to you. You’re the type of person who would cut off his arm to make sure his friend is okay. 

    Ajibola: You and who, abeg? I’m not cutting my hand off for anyone!

    How do two funny guys maintain a friendship?

    Oli: It’s all about understan—

    Ajibola: Ogbeni, kill this your motivational talk. I’m always shouting because you’re annoying and never take anything seriously. Whenever I try to have a serious conversation with you, you start laughing. Let’s not pretend. 

    Oli: Why do you keep attacking me? You know what? I think we have a balance. When it’s time to be serious, we’re serious; when it’s time to play, we play. I know I stress you out, but you stress me out too. 

    Ajibola: Fair. The game is the game. I’ve learnt that I sometimes have to be tolerant no matter how serious I am. Because when it’s my turn to misbehave, I’ll do it well. Another issue is your lateness. We work together, and I’m always punctual, so your lateness can be annoying. 

    Friends who hustle together, survive together. 

    Ajibola: I think work has brought us closer together. We share the same goals, and we both know what we’re capable of when we work together. If I’m being honest, you’re the easiest person to work with, and you’re fucking creative. Before you say it, I’m a very creative person too. 

    Oli: Not what I was going to say, but okay. I love working with you. I’ve been doing skits since 2019, and sometimes, I get lazy, and I don’t have ginger to work. Collaborating with you keeps me on my toes. We’re constantly complementing each other’s ideas. 

    Ajibola: If that’s a thank you for the impact I’ve had on your life, you’re welcome. People who work together sometimes complain about money, but we don’t have that issue. First of all, I’m bigger than you, so if you try nonsense, I’ll beat you up. But seriously, I don’t think we’ve had issues with money. Or am I lying? 

    Oli: Nope! We get paid differently, and even if we get paid together, I don’t think we will have a problem. 

    Ajibola: Yeah, remember we have a couple of things coming where we’re going to get paid together? We’ve agreed that we’ll be splitting the money equally. There are pros and cons to this, but to hell with them. Even when we’re together and have to take care of bills, we don’t start taxing each other. We just pay them. I’m glad that we’re mature enough not to allow money to be a major issue in our friendship. We love what we do, and it supersedes money. 

    We didn’t set boundaries, but we know they’re there.

    Oli: I don’t think we’ve had any major issues in our friendship. 

    Ajibola: I’d like to think it’s because we’re two emotionally intelligent people who discuss and move on from things before it escalates. We both understand boundaries even though we didn’t have to spell them out first. I don’t walk on eggshells when I’m with you. There’s just this ease that comes with being your friend. 

    Oli: We could get to the point where we almost argue, but we manage to call each other back. I was on set for a whole week recently, and throughout that period, you came to pick me up every night at odd hours. How do I fight with you when minor issues can’t compare to what you do for me. 

    Ajibola: You’re living with me, and if anything happened to you, people would blame me. That’s the only reason I did any of that. I don’t care about you. 

    Oli: You’re a dirty liar! You picked me up at 2 am. Jibola, admit it, you love me. 

    Ajibola: I love driving at night. 

    Coming through for one another

    Oli: I can’t even single out one moment when you’ve come through for me because you do it all the time. I feel at home living with you because how many of my friends can wake me up with food every day? 

    Ajibola: You do so much for me with editing all my videos. I know it’s a lot of work because you’re working on your own stuff, but you still take time to edit ALL my videos. You also do the whole invoice thing because I’m not tech-savvy. And then, there are the random credit alerts. You know what? I’m giving you too much credit. Maybe it’s because I’m high. 

    Oli: That’s when you’re truthful and vulnerable. LOL

    What holds our friendship together

    Ajibola: Love. I love you. And honestly speaking, you’re my nigga. I know I’m a very annoying person, but you deal with it, and that’s love to me. I don’t have to hide parts of myself. I’m fully myself. If you were a woman, I would’ve put a ring on your finger. 

    Oli: Yes! I recently shared one of your tantrum messages on Twitter, and people were commenting, “This is gay”, blah blah. I don’t reply to tweets like that, but it’s wonderful that we can express our feelings. And looking at you — your stature, the way you behave — one wouldn’t expect that you’re this soft.

    Ajibola: Hold on. I need you to dead this “soft” talk that you always do. I’m as soft as I’m tough. What I was going to say: People say many things under our tweets. If there’s anything I’ll never be in my life, is rattled by strangers on the internet. I’m a free man — mentally and physically. I’m going to live my life to the fullest. I’m going to express myself to the fullest. I miss you when you’re not around me for a couple of days. Why can’t I tell you that? People who say stuff like this is gay; it says a lot about who they are, not us.

    If I could change something about you.

    Ajibola: I’d like you to stop being poor, and probably, get a house in Lagos, so we don’t have to live together again.  

    Oli: I’d like you to start gyming. You run your mouth more than your muscles. 

    Ajibola: Wow! I feel like you care about people to the point where you worry too much about them. I’m a much crazier person than you are, and I’d probably say, “You know what? To hell with you guys,” when I feel like people are pressuring me.  You need to do that sometimes. When you get all moody, I know it’s not about you. It’s probably someone close to you going through something you’re trying to but can’t fix. 

    I want you to tell people, “You know what, fuck it. Just leave me alone”, once in a while.  

    Oli: I feel you. It’s something I’m working on. 

    I want you to know 

    Oli: I’m grateful for the day we met. It’s been a jolly ride, and I hope nothing breaks us up. It’s been fantastic being your friend. You’re a fantastic human being.  

    Ajibola: Noted. I don’t think I have anything to say like that.

    Oli: Na wa o! 

    Ajibola: LOL. I genuinely want to say thank you. I know I’m difficult to deal with, so I appreciate you for being my friend. If there’s anything I’ve had to deal with in my life, it’s being misunderstood every time. To eventually meet someone who understands and loves me means so much to me. I don’t take it for granted. 

    I wish you were richer, though. I wish you had money with this lovely friendship. 

    Oli: I like the fact that you’re not uplifting me. It’ll drive away people that are always begging me for money. So, thank you. I’m not rich. 

    Ajibola: Anybody who looks at you and thinks you’re rich, is either blind or lying to themselves. You look poor. Bro, you look like you came out of an IDP camp. 

    Oli: Jibola, you know you look like Job when God took his blessings. You look like God blessed you and took his blessings back.

    Ajibola: You look like the corpse of Fela Anikolapo Kuti. 

    Oli: You look like you’re about to die. 

    Ajibola: It’s been a fantastic ride. I love you so much. It’s been 100% real, and I want to see you at the top. I want to see us do those things we’ve talked about. I’m grateful for our friendship, and I’m thankful for you. You’re a real one, my brother. I love you. 

    Do you have an interesting bro story you’d like to share? Fill this form and we’ll get back to you.

  • My Bro is a biweekly Zikoko series that interrogates and celebrates male friendships of different forms.

    While there might be a little confusion over when Muyiwa and BFG met for the first time, their unique bond and friendship is as clear as day. Connecting over beer, Twitter jokes, career moves and heartbreak, these two, over the past decade, have successfully built their friendship on a foundation of honesty and humour.

    In this episode of My Bro, they talk about why they’re the closest within their friend group, what people don’t understand about their friendship and why sometimes all you need after a bad breakup is your bro and a bottle of beer. 

    Our origin story

    Muyiwa: My earliest recollection of meeting you was at LUTH. I remember you had a birthday party, and our mutual friend Sochima invited me to tag along. Do you remember the year? It couldn’t have been earlier than 2015. 

    BFG: Hmmm. I think it was 2012 or 2013. 

    Muyiwa: So it’s been like ten years? I think there was beer in your room or something that night, and everyone knows how I feel about beer. We just chilled, drank and had a good time that night. 

    BFG: I no even remember that night. I’m sure it happened because you remember it, but I have no memories of that birthday party. I thought we met later on at one of the Twitter Premier League (TPL) events. That’s my earliest memory of you. 

    Muyiwa: Na wa o. LOL.

    When we became friends

    BFG: It took a while before we hit it off. We met through mutuals, then we kept running into each other and over time, our vibe clicked. We also started interacting on Twitter and discovered that we had similar interests and shit like that. I don’t think I can pinpoint a moment where I said, “Yeah, he’s now my friend.”  Most of my friendships are formed this way: we meet through someone else, link up in groups and over time after trading stories and experiences, they sort of become my guys. It’s the organic way I make friends. 

    Muyiwa: True. It’s just less stressful when there’s a mutual friend involved. Sochima and I grew up together. Since he was also friends with you, it was easier to get to know you over time. From “how far?” we started chilling and drinking beer together. 

    First impressions

    Muyiwa: I thought and still think you’re a very funny guy. Your primary thing is the way you make these stupid yet effortless analogies. We could all be talking about doing something, and from nowhere you’ll say shit like, “I’d rather eat boiled jeans”. Who says that? LOL. You also have the most hilarious responses on Twitter. Meeting someone with a lot of humour made me feel good and at ease. 

    BFG: We dey try. But do you know you tend to leave a bad impression on people most of the time? I don’t know how you do it, but a lot of people think you’re an asshole. I, however, didn’t have that experience with you. You had a  chill vibe and even though we were in a group, it felt like I could talk to you for hours. I liked that. This doesn’t mean you’re not an asshole o, but you were never an asshole to me. 

    Muyiwa: God abeg. 

    What makes this friendship different from our other friendships

    Muyiwa: Of all the guys in our friend group, you’re the funniest person, and I know you’re always going to do or say something that would make me laugh. LOL. 

    BFK: So I’m a joke to you? No wahala. 

    Muyiwa: LOL. But we also talk about a lot of serious things. I think because we mostly drink beer together and catch trips on Twitter, people assume that’s all we do. I’ve grown to understand that I can share my worries and thoughts about work and life with you.  Like recently I’ve had to think about my career and whether or not I’m letting go of opportunities that serve me. We talked about it and you helped me understand that the least I could do was explore my options before making hasty career decisions. 

    BFK: Our relationship is far from shallow and anyone who thinks it is, is simply hating from outside of the club. LOL. We talk about yansh on the TL, but it doesn’t mean that’s all we do. Also, everybody loves yansh, so what’s the big deal? There’s a depth of our friendship that’s just for the both of us and no one else can see it because they’re not part of it. You’re one of the few people I can count on and know that I’ll be okay. 

    Muyiwa: Right back at you, bro. I mean, in the last couple of months, we’ve talked a lot about work as it relates to our future and where we see ourselves in the coming years. 

    BFK: Exactly! And that’s one of the many things I get from you, because if you leave me, I won’t think of these things on my own. I tend to just make do with where I am at the moment and it’s cost me a lot of opportunities, but you constantly push me to face these things. Even though it’s annoying, you’re  gingering me to get my shit together. It’s nice having someone who wants me to be the best version of myself. 

    Muyiwa: I like when we talk about women too o. Like when I had relationship problems last year—

    BFK: So, we’re going there? 

    Muyiwa:  You’re a bastard. We spoke about what was going on at the time, and you reminded me that it wasn’t a do or die affair. I really needed that. 

    He came through for me.

    Muyiwa: A lot of my needs these days are emotional, not physical or financial. I need to be able to share my dreams, successes and frustrations with the people around me. The more successful I become, the more people think I have my shit together, but me, I don’t have anything together. You come through for me in the simplest ways. I can tell you I applied for something and I’ll notice that you’re worrying with me, so whether or not I get it, I know you’re in my corner. Life is full of disappointment and knowing that there’s someone who has your back, I don’t even know how to explain it makes me feel.

    There’s the physical aspect of just making out time for me. Sometimes we just go out and drink beer in silence. I remember going out for drinks with you the day my ex broke up with me, we didn’t say anything, but you being there was enough for me not to lose my shit. 

    BFK: Good times. LOL. We see each other as emotional backbones where if I have something on my mind, I know I can share it with you and you’d listen. I like knowing that I have this structure with you. I’m making a career change right now and it’s been back-to-back rejection emails, but I have you in my corner to prop me up and urge me to keep going. Our support leans towards a more emotional aspect and that’s what I need in my life. 

    Why our friendship is important 

    BFK: By virtue of us being men, we already have a lot in common. There are things that I go through that only another man can understand how it makes me feel. Even if I haven’t experienced something before, I can draw from how another man in my life handled said experience in the past. Shared experiences are what brings men together. 

    Muyiwa: I totally agree. Going through social media, I’ve noticed that the idea of what it means to be a man keeps shifting. I go online every day and see “men shouldn’t do this” or “a real man should do that”, and all of it feels jarring atimes.  You remind me that I’m not a crazy person. When I think I’m the only guy out here crying, I talk to you and realise, “Oh shit, other guys cry too.” We’re all going through the same things, and it’s just easier when you have a community. 

    If I could change something about you. 

    BFK: Because you’re very blunt and you say how you feel in the moment, people think you’re an asshole. I don’t have a problem with it because I’ve grown to know you, but your honesty often rubs people the wrong way. You need to work on that filter man. Other than that, I think you’re a pretty solid guy. 

    Muyiwa: I’ll change how uncertain you are about life. I know we don’t have the same risk tolerance, but I’d like you to take more risks. Nobody loves uncertainty, but you have to jump and hope for the best. 

    BFK: LOL. It’s a bad habit to break out from. I have a pattern of safety. But, yes, I’m trying.

    What holds our friendship together.

    Muyiwa: You know me. That’s good enough for me. I don’t need the whole world to like me, that’s too much. But I have you, and though I’m a cracked egg, you treat me like a fairly good egg. 

    BFK: It always comes back to our vibe. I’ve known you for years and can talk to you without judgement. It feels good to know I have someone who has my best interest at heart. 

    What I want to tell you. 

    Muyiwa: You don’t give yourself enough credit. If you see yourself the way I see you, you’d be more willing to take risks and try new things. Sometimes, lean into the belief other people have of you. I don’t think people would come together to lie to you about what your strengths are. 

    BFG: I’ve said it earlier, but you’re a big motivation in my life. This whole thing about me not betting on myself, I feel like it wouldn’t be a problem if I had met you earlier. This career change is something I should’ve done a long time ago and now, I’m getting to make that move and a lot of it is based on your influence. You push me to improve myself and I really appreciate that. Come, don’t allow your head swell o. 

    Muyiwa: LOL. I appreciate you too my guy. 

    Do you have an interesting bro story you’d like to share? Fill this form and we’ll get back to you.

  • My Bro is a biweekly Zikoko series that interrogates and celebrates male friendships of different forms.
    My Bro: You Completely Changed the Trajectory of My Life

    David and Dayo have known each other for over a decade. They started out as acquaintances in secondary school, lived together in university, and now, they work in the same office. In this episode of My Bro, they both talk about how they became friends, what they learnt from living together and the big fight that almost destroyed their friendship years ago. 

    How we met

    Dayo: I remember meeting you on the first day of my first year of secondary school. This was in 2009, so that’s like 13 years ago. Technically, our friendship has lasted longer than some people’s marriages. 

    David: Please stop. LOL. 

    Dayo: But it’s true. 

    David: Even though we met in first year, we didn’t become friends until much later. 

    I remember the first time I really noticed you was the day we were all outside in secondary school playing games. You broke your head and there was blood everywhere. I saw you on the floor with everyone running all around you. What happened that day again?

    Dayo: Someone set their leg for me while we were playing. I can’t believe nothing happened to that person. My Grandma cursed the person when she heard, but I don’t think it worked because he’s fine. 

    We became friends in

    Dayo: I think our friendship became real when you had to move in with me. We shared the same room in secondary school, then you had to leave after JSS 3. It wasn’t until I got to university and randomly saw you again that we became close. You were the only person I knew at the time in university, and we started hanging out a lot, then you got homeless. 

    David: You’re a detty liar! I didn’t need a place to stay. LOL. I was registering as a fresher and I just remember seeing you. It turned out we were in the same department as well, so I told myself, “If he was cool in secondary school, he’ll probably be cool now.” That’s why I gravitated towards you. Throughout university, we hung out and even though other people joined our clique at some point, you and I were the only constant over the years.

    Do you remember when people started thinking we were dating? 

    Dayo: Who can forget? They’d ask you if I was gay. 

    David: Yes. And then they’d ask if you were “my guy”. LOL.

    Dayo: I was used to being called gay in secondary school, but in university, you sort of want the attention of girls, which I wasn’t always getting it because I was “effeminate”. 

    I was initially offended by it, but now I enjoy the ambiguity that comes with people not knowing whether I’m straight or not. These days when people ask, I just play around with it to mess with them. 

    David: I didn’t care then and don’t care now. I just tell them no and keep it moving. I’d probably end up gisting with you about it. 

    Living together

    David: Living with you was a learning experience for me. I enjoyed annoying people, and it would upset the fuck out of you. The funny thing was your anger made me want to annoy you even more because I felt you took everything too seriously. But now, I realise that it was uncalled for. It doesn’t make sense to continuously do something someone tells you they don’t like. Pissing you off was entertaining to me, but I’ve outgrown it now. Just because I wouldn’t have reacted in the ways you did, doesn’t mean your anger wasn’t valid. 

    Dayo: Thank you. Then there’s the personal space part. 

    David: Oh yeah, I can’t sleep on a bed with another person and not want physical touch. LOL. This was a problem for you right? 

    Dayo: Yes. You would put your legs on mine, and it used to stress me out. Over time I just learnt to get over it. 

    David:  To be honest, it’s not like I want to or enjoy stressing you out, I’m just the kind of guy who enjoys body contact with my friends. That reminds me, this was also the house where we had our first major fight where we didn’t talk to each other for like a month. 

    Dayo: Shit. 

    Our big fight

    Dayo: I feel like that fight was inevitable. There was a lot of miscommunication between the both of us. There were times when you were dismissive of my feelings when I brought them up, and that got to me. All of this caused a build up I think we ignored for too long. Normally, we’d have an argument and resolve our issues almost immediately, but this argument kept escalating. It was so bad we had to choose between addressing the issue at hand or dissolving our friendship. 

    David: I don’t think I understood how heavy it was for you at the time. I’m always thinking, “It’s not that deep. Why are you so angry?” I remember the fight happened because we had made a bet playing video games and I’d scammed my way into winning. It’s really silly in hindsight. I won, and when I asked you to pay your bet, you started shaking. You were getting angry over a bet that was clearly a joke to me and that just made me upset as well. That’s why I kept pushing for the payment. I think I said something about you never paying your bets and that just set you off. The angrier you got, the angrier I did as well. 

    Dayo: My main problem at the time was that we’d have an issue, resolve it, and just when I thought we had moved on from it, you’d bring that thing I did up again in a fresh unrelated argument. I felt like I was in this cycle and since I already have this deep rooted feeling that I’m inherently a bad person, you doing what you did felt like a confirmation. It was really bad for my mental health.

    I didn’t know you were joking. I just felt betrayed by my friend, especially after I had told you my family was struggling with money at the time. It was almost like you were trying to take advantage of me knowing my situation. I even tried to restore some form of normalcy. 

    David: You did? 

    Dayo: Yes. If you remember, an hour later, I came in and asked if you still wanted the money and you said yes. Before I asked you, I had told myself that if you said yes, I’d find a way to get you the money and just cut you off from my life. 

    David: Wait, what? 

    Dayo: LOL. I even sent a long voice note telling you I was hurt. After not talking to you for like a month, I realised I couldn’t do it anymore. You’re my primary support system. I hadn’t told you about the issue I had with how I viewed myself, and I think doing that just made it easier for the both of us to understand each other better. I’m glad we fixed it. 

    David: Me too. 

    Navigating other relationships

    David: We both have other friendships and relationships, but I feel like you hide people from me. 

    Dayo: Wow. Okay, the truth is if I’m not confident about a relationship, I tend not to share it with anyone else. There’s no point telling someone about something that might fail. I try to not bring too many people into the equation. Let me suffer in it alone, and when it blows up, I’ll tell other people. 

    David: But it makes me feel left out of an important part of your life. 

    Dayo: I’m sorry. I totally understand. It’s just that when something is fresh or young, I’m scared of putting it out there. 

    David: I understand. LOL. Just letting you know how it makes me feel. 

    Dayo: Not you giving me the “I see and understand you” therapy lingo. But then again, if the person is giving me headache, you’re the first person I’ll rant to. LOL.

    Dating

    Dayo: Our friendship has never threatened any of our relationships because we expect everyone to know that we’re a two for one package. I can’t date anyone who’s uncomfortable with you. Like where do we even go from there? 

    David: If anyone’s dating me, they’re automatically dating you. Not literally, but you get what I mean. 

    Dayo: Even when it comes to my other friendships, there’s a massive difference because we both share unique experiences. No matter how close I get to anyone else, it won’t be the same. We’ve known each other for too long.

    David: Yes, we’ve had like two friends who came and eventually  left our friend group. I don’t really like having a lot of friends, because what’s the point when I already have you? I doubt they’ll measure up to what we have. I’m too lazy to make other friends abeg. 

    What holds our friendship together?

    Dayo: We understand each other and also understand it’s important to give each other the necessary space needed to grow. One other thing that has kept our friendship is how we’ve learnt to communicate our issues without taking it personally. I’ve learnt it’s not about me, instead, it’s about how you’re feeling and vice versa.  Whatever you say is not an indictment of who I am. 

    David: Time has helped us understand each other better. We’ve gotten to know what makes the other person happy. Living together also helped. Because I lived with you, I don’t think I’m scared of marriage. Even though we had differences, it was still beautiful. So imagine I’m living with someone and there’s knacks involved, it’s going to be better. LOL. Our fights are also necessary because we get to talk and grow as emotional people who like to talk about how they’re feeling. 

    What should change about our friendship? 

    David: Looking at the way things are right now, I don’t think there’s anything I’d like to change. Maybe if I keep thinking about it, but for now, I like the way everything feels. 

    Dayo: It might not feel like a big deal, but I’ll change the distance between us. I really wish we still lived together. 

    I want you to know

    Dayo: I want you to know that In the grand scheme of my life, one of the most important factors that has made me the person I am today — good or bad — has been my friendship with you. You completely changed the trajectory of my life. You’ve taught me a lot about myself, the world and how people function. You taught me the life lessons I never got prior to meeting you. Watching you graciously flow through life has inspired me to do more. When we were in university, broke AF, you always had jobs. You’ve put so much effort into doing something for yourself, and I’m proud of you. You inspire me, and thank you so much for making me a better person. I hope I’ve done the same for you. 

    David: Thank you, Dayo. You know I love you. Oya, let me say my own. 

    Dayo: Ahh I need to record this. 

    David: LOL. There’s nothing I’ll say that you’ve not heard before. I’ll just say even if I had to start all over again, I wouldn’t want a version of you that’s different from the one I currently have. I like how perfect and complete our relationship is. I like that even with the good and bad, everything with us just works. I’d do this hundred times over again. I like that you’ve made me grow emotionally and the fact that I see you trying to be a refined version of yourself inspires me to want to do the same.  

    Dayo: Awwww. My impact! I love you too bro. 

    Do you have an interesting bro story you’d like to share? Fill this form and we’ll get back to you.

  • Navigating male friendships can be interesting, funny, and chaotic all at once. But how exactly do you know that your friend group is solid and that you’re all in it for the long ride? Here’s a list of activities and experiences that unite male friends together by thunder or by fire. 

    1. Going on long ass road trips 

    If there’s one thing that will reveal your friends’ true colours, it’s a road trip. We’re not talking about a one-hour drive. We’re talking about distances like from Port Harcourt to Zaria. These are the types of journeys that open your eyes and ears to the friends who snore, fart or just have really bad taste in music. If you can survive a long road trip together, then your friendship is set for life. 

    2. Supporting opposing teams at the Champion’s League

    Should you and your friends all support the same football club? In an ideal world, yes. But life is constantly turning on its own and good friends are scarce so we have to look beyond their poor club choices. If you jam each other at a match, openly support each other but secretly pray for the other to fail. The game is the game. Friend groups that survive multiple matches with its members on opposing sides tend to be stronger than the third mainland bridge. By the way, if your friend supports Arsenal, it doesn’t count because they won’t win either way. 

    3. Surviving concoction poverty food

    Are you really friends if you haven’t all contributed your last N20 to buy and soak garri together? Sometimes it’s concoction rice and other times it’s eating eba with palm oil. Poverty will humble even the biggest of us, but mehn, it also has a way of bringing men together. By the time you guys get to the last spoon and one person says, “You can finish it,” that’s true undiluted love right there. 

    RECOMMENDED: 6 Nigerian Men on Saying “I Love You” to Their Male Friends

    4. Liking the same person 

    If this hasn’t happened in your friend group, raise your hands. No hands? Whoever said they’re plenty of fishes in the sea was either a detty liar or someone who match-made human beings with actual fishes. People keep saying that line, but everyone you meet is either taken or about to be taken, sometimes, by your close friend!. It do usually scatter some friendships, but real ones know that it’s bros over everything. 

    5. Surviving unprovoked SARS stop and search 

    Yes, we went dark real quick. Nothing brings people together faster than shared trauma and unfortunately for us, we live in Nigeria, and trauma is just seemingly the country’s default mode now. There’s something about seeing more than one guy in a car that just gets SARS excited to the point of foaming at the mouth. If you’ve driven with friends before, then you’ve probably experienced this once or twice. Stay strong, bro. 

    6. Beer parlour arguments 

    There’s nothing more satisfying than sitting down with the mandem for some beer, Nkwobi, and pepper soup. However, beer parlour yarns only start getting real when the heated arguments start about touchy subjects.  Arguments like this can be long and exhausting, but deep down, you can’t help but live for the drama. 

    7. The drunken night no one seems to remember 

    You know that night everyone in your group references but no one seems to remember what happened during it or how you all got home? That’s the night we’re talking about. Even when one or two people remember what happened, their stories are never the same. It might sound like the plot of a Hollyood thriller, but ask around. It happens. 

    ALSO READ: 5 Nigerian Men Talk About the Best Things Their Friends Have Done For Them