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  • My Bro is a biweekly Zikoko series that interrogates and celebrates male friendships of different forms.

    Joey and Akah met in 2008 when Joey was dating Akah’s sister. On this week’s #ZikokoMyBro, they talk about why Akah thought Joey was fake when they first met, their surprise connection and picking sides after Joey’s break-up with Akah’s sister. 

    Let’s take a trip down memory lane

    Joey: We met in 2008 when I was still dating your sis. She introduced you to me as her “overprotective brother”. She’d hyped you up as the guy who’d beat me if I fucked up. But then, you pulled up, and I was like, “Omo, if I racked with this guy, I’d definitely win.” 

    Akah: I won’t beat you up because I still want to follow you to eat banga at your mum’s place. 

    Joey: You’re a cute teddy bear who only pretends to like violence. The more I spoke to you about basketball the night we met, the more I realised you’re cool AF. We eventually turned your sister into a third wheel. 

    Akah: I might’ve laughed with you that night, but it didn’t mean I liked you. I told my sister to break up with you when we got home. 

    Joey: Guy, for real? 

    Trust issues and initial gragra 

    Akah: I don’t trust the guys my sister dates, so I didn’t trust you one bit. You moved like a player, and you were trying too hard to be liked with all your dead jokes and compliments. 

    Joey: Na wa o. I was extra because I genuinely wanted you to like me. 

    Akah: Exactly. And I could see the desperation. But my sister was so into you she made us hang out over and over again until I liked you. It was like when the radio rinses a song so bad you end up knowing the lyrics even though you can’t stand it. 

    Joey: So you’re calling me a Drake song? Well done. I knew I wanted to be friends with you from the start. But I was also scared of how we’d navigate my relationship with your sister. 

    The moment we became friends

    Akah: I was also avoiding being friends with my sister’s guy. What would happen if you guys broke up? Plus, I wasn’t looking for new friends, so what was the point? 

    But one day, our gist moved from basketball to our late dads, and for the first time, I felt a connection to you beyond bants. We’re both first sons who had to step up at a young age because we lost our dads. 

    Joey: I don’t even know how that gist happened because I never used to talk about growing up or my dad. It’s too painful for me, even after all these years. I’d rather use jokes to cover it up. 

    Akah: Are you telling me? 

    Joey: Guy, abeg. Talking to you about not crying when my dad died because I wanted to hold it together for my mum opened the floodgates. I can count on one hand how many times I’d cried before that moment. It was weird that I was opening up to my babe’s brother, but I rolled with it and made you my free therapist. 

    Akah: I didn’t mind. I love listening to people, and part of why I thought you were somehow before was because you only made jokes. Nothing about you sounded real. But talking about your family made you an actual human being to me. 

    This was until you broke my sister’s heart in 2011, and everything became so fucking complicated. 

    Joey: Oh, shit!

    Picking between my sister and her ex

    Akah: Imagine you breaking up with my sister just when I started to actually like you? Please, explain yourself. 

    Joey: That breakup was mutual, but somehow, I got labelled as the bad guy. Someone would think I cheated or did something bad. We just ran out of fuel. 

    Akah: And you couldn’t queue and refuel your relationship at NNPC? 

    Joey: I knew you’d say something stupid. I remember thinking, “Bruh, Akah is going to hate me now”. It was the first consequence I actually thought of when we were breaking up. 

    Akah: Then you should’ve stayed together for me. I was pissed when she told me sha. I was angry to see her in pain, but I was also mad that I would lose a friendship I hadn’t even wanted in the first place. Then I felt guilty because my sister had just ended a three-year relationship, and instead of me to ginger and go beat the guy up, I was worried about him too. 

    Joey: You actually love me, man. It’s cute. 

    Akah: No, I don’t. I was being a nice guy. But I also knew we couldn’t hang out or talk to each other for a while, so I avoided your calls and texts for about a month after the breakup. 

    Joey: I was so angry. It felt like I was being punished, and I actually wasn’t going to talk to you again, but all that anger disappeared when you texted me asking if you could come to watch a game at my place. I had to stop coming to your place because of her. We could hang out anywhere but there.

    Akah: I had to let things calm down and have my sister confirm it was okay before I contacted you. It was the right thing to do. She wasn’t completely fine with our friendship, but she knew we had our thing separate from her. 

    Joey: It was tricky, but our friendship was worth it. I’d lost a relationship I’d invested in. I wasn’t about to lose a friend too. 

    She’s married now, and you like her husband (not as much as me, though), so we can see it all worked out. Or would you have preferred if she married me? 

    Akah: Imagine me walking her down the aisle then coming over to stand behind you as your best man? That sounds like stress, bro. 

    Coming through for one another

    Akah: We’ve been friends for over ten years now. I can’t begin to pinpoint a time you came through for me. 

    Joey: So I’m a shitty friend? 

    Akah: You come for me a lot. That sounds wrong. Oh, yes, you come through for me a lot. 

    Joey: Even I was like, “I do what now?” 

    I know a moment I’ll pick, and that’s in 2020, when you made me your son’s godfather. I know it’s just bants in Nigeria, but that level of trust mattered to me. I’m unmarried and don’t have kids, so it’s like you made me a dad without having to pay school fees or feed the child daily. It’s the best blessing I could ask for. 

    Akah: We can change it anytime, so keep saying rubbish. 

    What holds our friendship together? 

    Akah: My therapist, for sure. I need somewhere to dump all your wahala when you’re done with me. It’s expensive, but it works. 

    Joey: Thank her for me. Trust is what holds our friendship together. I know you have my back, and I want to believe you know I have yours too. 

    I want you to know

    Joey: My mood automatically gets better every time I think about you. You’re the human version of drugs because you always have a way of making everyone around you feel better. It’s even more beautiful because you’re not doing it intentionally to get them to like you. It’s just your thing. I think that makes you an incredible person. 

    Akah: I agree, but I’m not a drug IJN (Amen). I’m really proud of how open you’ve become over the years. You’ve moved from someone who’d joke about a situation instead of addressing it. Humour is great, but sometimes, sitting in or addressing your other emotions is good. I’m glad you’ve learnt a lot from me, and I’ve made you a better man. I’m so proud of myself on your behalf. 

    Joey: LOL. You’re a clown, and that’s why I keep you around.

    Do you have an interesting bro story you’d like to share? Fill this form and we’ll get back to you.

  • In school, men become friends because of shared classes or extracurricular activities. But as we get older, it sometimes gets harder to make new friends since everyone is either in an established friend group or too busy chasing the bag to focus on friendships. 

    We spoke to seven 30+ Nigerian men who’ve made friends through unconventional means in recent times. They share their interesting friendship stories and what it’s like to make friends at this stage of their lives. 

    “We moved from gym bros to actual brothers.”

    — Tade*, 32

    I used to hate being at the gym until I met my best friend, Obidinma, in 2019. I was a chubby guy new to the gym life, so every piece of equipment was confusing to me, and everyone seemed intimidating. Obidinma was the first person to talk to me in the gym. I wasn’t using the lats pull machine correctly, so he came over and explained how. He didn’t sound condescending or like one of those ITK gym bros.

    After our first interaction, I made it a habit of saying “Hi” to Obidinma every time I was in the gym, and he helped me understand the equipment, diets, etc. He was my free personal trainer. We got closer when he started dating my sister after I introduced the both of them on a night out. Fast forward to 2023, and Obidinma has married my sister, which makes him my brother-in-law. He’s stuck with me legally now. 

    “I didn’t want to go through the NYSC camp alone.”

    — Michael*, 30

    The first time I shot a friendship shot as an adult was in NYSC camp. I live in Lagos but ended up in Akwa Ibom where I didn’t know anyone. I spent the first week in my shell, praying for time to pass, but the days were so slow I knew I had to make friends before I died of loneliness. That’s when Eyo came into the picture. 

    He was the DJ with the camp’s version of a radio station (OBS) and was very popular. What better way to make new friends than by befriending the most popular kid, who could then introduce me to other popular kids? So I sat close to him at the canteen and struck up a conversation about rap. Our gist was so long that day that I followed him everywhere. By the time I left camp, I’d become almost as popular as Eyo. I don’t regret making that first move, even though he thinks our meeting was by chance. 

    “He forced this friendship on me, but I love him for it”

    — Emmanuel*, 35

    I like to keep my work life separate from my personal life, so I wasn’t thrilled when my coworker started shooting his friendship shots at me. At first, it was invitations to get drinks after work with the rest of the team, which I always said “no” to. Later, it was messages and calls during the weekend to hang out at W Bar or some restaurant he was trying out. Honestly, I was confused about how badly he wanted us to be friends because this man had a lot of friends at work already. 

    After almost a year of dodging him, I finally agreed to attend his birthday party, and it was the best night of my life. I got so wasted that I only remember stripping for a girl at some point in the night while everyone watched. As an introvert who only focused on work, that changed a lot for me. I started hanging out with him, and he’s helped me come out of my shell and have fun in Lagos. I can’t lie, my life was dull before I accepted this friendship shot. 

    “The trauma of protesting for #EndSARS brought us together.”

    — Pelumi*, 30

    I met my best friend while the Nigerian police were shooting teargas at us during #EndSARS in 2020. I protested in Abuja with some friends, and everything was peaceful until the Nigerian police started attacking protesters. Amid all the running, I lost my friends and was on the floor, unable to see. This guy came over and carried me while running for his own life. I don’t know how he did it, but I also don’t know what would’ve happened if he hadn’t. He disappeared after he dropped me off where everyone else was resting. 

    About two days later, someone reposted the guy’s image to my TL on Twitter, and I slid into his DMs to say, “Thank you.” That’s how we started talking and going to the protest grounds together. The events of October 20, 2020, happened shortly after we started talking, and I remember calling him crying. I didn’t know who else to call. We’ve been each other’s coping partners since. I still feel guilty that I found my best friend during those tragic moments. 

    RECOMMENDED: My Bro: I Felt Abandoned After You Got Married — Jacob and Seun

    “I always shoot my shot when I like someone. What’s the worst that could happen?”

    — Nnamdi*, 33

    I strongly believe in going after what you want in life, no matter what. I use this energy when it comes to work, my love life and any other type of relationship. I’ve shot a lot of friendship shots on social media, and while I get aired sometimes, or I meet the person and we don’t click, most times, it actually works, and I make a new friend. 

    My most recent friendship shot was at this guy on IG who’s always serving looks. One day, he wore a shirt I had, so I messaged him with a picture of me in the shirt and wrote, “Fashion bros.” He messaged me back, and we started a back-and-forth about fashion. These days, he’s my shopping buddy and the first person I’ll message if I want to order a fit online. I’ve shot other shots that had to do with music, career or even something as basic as me liking the perfume a guy has on. I’m the Jason Statham of friendship shots, my bullet no dey finish. 

    “I’ve become best friends with my ex’s brother.”

    — Joey*, 30

    I met my current best friend through his sister, who’s now my ex-girlfriend. We’d been dating for about a month when she finally invited her “overprotective” brother to my house so we could all hang out and hopefully get along. I knew we’d hit it off the minute this guy started talking. We had the same taste in music, video games, liquor and basketball. You see that basketball one? That’s what sealed the deal. We gisted so much that evening, you’d have thought my ex was a third wheel and I was dating her brother. 

    When I broke up with her, I was worried about how he’d take it and if we’d still be friends, but it looks like being a Lebron fan is thicker than blood because we’re still cool. It took my ex a while to adjust, but now that she’s in a happy relationship, I can come to the house to hang with my guy. He’s the best thing my ex gave me. 

    “I’ve discovered friendship with my brother in my 30s.”

    — Ehis*, 37

    My younger brother and I were never close growing up; we were competitive. From school to sports, he always wanted to prove he was better than me because everyone around us kept comparing both of us. He was living under my shadow. The competition between us never allowed me to really know him as a person. 

    I only yearned for my brother when I started having my own kids. Watching my boys build such a close bond, looking out for each other, forced me to face the fact that my brother and I never had that bond. I started calling him more often, even if we didn’t have much to say, and now, we’ve both made it a rule to grab drinks or do some activity together once a week. I have other friends, but I realise my brother is also cool enough to be my friend. 

    ALSO READ: My Bro: We’ve Been Best Friends For Six Years But Only Met Last Year — Desmond and Collins

  • My Bro is a biweekly Zikoko series that interrogates and celebrates male friendships of different forms.

    Desmond and Collins have just taken their six-year friendship from Instagram and texting to hanging out in real life. In this episode of #ZikokoMyBro, they talk about shooting friendship shots and becoming best friends over the internet, holding each other accountable when one messes up and how alcohol helped their first hangout.

    Let’s take a trip down memory lane 

    Desmond: We started talking in 2016 when I joined Instagram for the first time. I’d followed a bunch of bloggers I thought were cool, and you were one of them. You looked like you had sense, so I sent you a DM even though I didn’t know you. 

    Collins: I was trying to be polite when I responded to your DM. My first reaction was, “Hey, God. Why is this person disturbing me?” You were asking a bunch of questions, trying to get to know me, and I wasn’t here for it at all. 

    Desmond: That’s why I carried our conversation for the first couple of weeks. See, I was very shameless and direct with my friendship shot. I had a goal, and I was going to achieve it. Period. 

    Collins: A part of me wondered if I was cool enough to have someone shoot a friendship shot at me, but I rolled with it. 

    Our conversations didn’t have structure, but they worked 

    Desmond: The more we spoke, the more I realised we had much in common, even if our conversations were random AF. We talked about any and everything from work to the Billboard Music Charts. After a few months, we even moved past “Hi” and “Hello”. It was just hot gist after hot gist. 

    Collins: With you, I didn’t have to start thinking if you’d care for the gist I was bringing. It was just seamless. This made us close even though we only chatted online. 

    Desmond: Exactly. It had to be seamless for us to maintain our friendship for six years without seeing each other. 

    Our friendship has travelled from Port Harcourt to Ilorin to Ibadan to Lagos, and now, Ghana

    Desmond: When we started talking, I was in Port Harcourt trying to get into school while you were in school in Ilorin. I remember you moved to Ibadan for your IT, but we were facing financial challenges so we couldn’t actually plan to travel and see each other. By the time I secured the bag and moved to Lagos, you’d moved to Ghana. We kept missing each other. 

    There are limitations to having a long-distance friend. Many things happened in my life that I wished you were around to witness in real-time. Texting and calling are great, but I’d rather go to a party with you than gist you about a party I attended. 

    Collins: People talk about love languages in romantic relationships, but for me, it’s the same for my friendships. For me, it’s physical touch and quality time, so having a best friend I couldn’t do these things with was very somehow. 

    We communicated a lot, but as more time passed, I knew we had to fix our distance. 

    Desmond: Seeing you was important to me too. So many cool things happened for me in 2022, so I said, “Fuck it”, meeting you had to happen as soon as possible. 

    Planning our first hangout, anxiety and alcohol 

    Collins: Planning to finally see each other took about one week, and you handled everything. I was planning to stay back in Accra after exams, to get an internship or something, but you were like, “No, you’re coming to Lagos”. I was nervous when I packed my load, boarded my flight and landed in Nigeria. I kept thinking, “Is this really happening?”

    You gave me the longest and tightest hug when I got out of the cab at your place. But all I was thinking was, “Damn, Desmond is fucking tall.” I thought you were my height? 

    Desmond: I cosplay as a short man to lower people’s expectations so they can be impressed when they realise I’m way taller than they expected. 

    I wanted you to come in December [2022] because I was finally in a good place with a spacious apartment, a social life and friends I knew you’d like. I know you’re shy, so I lowkey planned your arrival to fall on the day I had a party at my house, so there’d be a lot of alcohol. 

    Collins: Wow. Were you nervous? 

    Desmond: For just a moment right before you arrived, I thought about us not getting along in person. But I wasn’t really bothered by it because we’d been talking too long for it not to work. You know all my tea, from my sex life to how much I have. Last last, we’d join our heads together and figure it out. 

    But just in case things got awkward we did some drugs and downed alcohol at the party. By the night’s end, you were dancing shirtless in just a pair of shorts. 

    We’re sensitive people, so we avoid looking for each other’s trouble

    Collins: We’ve never fought because I know the things that’ll piss you off, and I avoid them. 

    Desmond: Same. We’re both really sensitive that the chances of offending each other are high, but we’re conscious about avoiding them. I used to drag Taylor Swift, but you’re a stan, so I’ve stopped. That’s how you know a good friend. LOL.

    We’re also very clear about how we feel about things. I always tell you when you’re doing something I don’t like. It’s a plain “I don’t like this thing. Please, don’t do it again” conversation. Like when you get high and start talking a lot. Once you start, I pinch you like a Nigerian mother so you can adjust yourself. 

    Collins: It wasn’t a big deal because I understood your intention.

    Desmond: Exactly. I’d want someone to do that for me if the case was reversed and I was misbehaving because of alcohol. We make sure our communication lines are open and direct. 

    He came through for me

    Desmond: You come through for me a lot, but off the top of my head, I can pinpoint two situations that stick out to me. You were one of the few people who stuck by me and helped me get through life after I came out to my mum. One day, she flogged me with a belt. I called you that night crying on the phone. You gave me a safe space. 

    Another time was in 2021, when I did something messed up. I called you to talk about it, and you clearly pointed out that I’d fucked up. Not a lot of friends do that. Not having people to hold you accountable is how you become a horrible person. 

    Collins: I hate knowing you’re in pain, so I’m always in action mode when it comes to you. LOL. I also try not to judge you while being as honest as possible, because that’s what we do. 

    You did the same thing for me in 2019 when I dropped out of university in my final year. Things were going to shit, and I couldn’t do it anymore. My mum hung up when I called to tell her, and everyone around me kept asking why I didn’t just endure. But with you, it was different. 

    You didn’t belittle my feelings or decision. You asked what I needed and even helped me research new schools before I ended up at my current school. I wouldn’t have made it through that period without you. 

    Desmond: I’d dropped out of school before, so I understood that bugging you at that time would only fuck things up. It was from a “How did I want to be treated when I made my own choice” POV. I wanted to be there for you, but only in the way you wanted me to be. I was there to listen and help you explore your options, not add more stress to your plate. 

    What makes this friendship different for us

    Desmond: I don’t need to hold back when sharing my thoughts. In some friendships, some things are too much to talk about, but not with you. I can’t be anything but who I am when I’m with you. 

    Collins: Mehn, you know everything about me. Even the things I’ve forgotten, you know them. I overthink things a lot when interacting with other people because I’m not good with words, but with you, it’s just easy to talk. 

    What I’d change about you

    Desmond: I wish you’d see yourself the way I see you. You underrate yourself a lot, and I have to constantly remind you that you’re the shit. 

    Collins: I can only fix something that’s broken. There’s nothing I’d change when it comes to you or our friendship. 

    I want you to know

    Desmond: We profess love to each other every day. But I’m always grateful I get to do life with such a wonderful person by my side. It feels good to have a friendship I feel this confident in. 

    Collins: If there’s one thing I thank God for whenever I get to talk to Him, it’s you. You make everything so easy and beautiful. I’m glad I get to be a part of your life, and you get to be part of mine. I wouldn’t trade you for anything in the world. 

    Desmond: Not even Beyoncé Renaissance tickets? 

    Collins: Hell, no. But maybe Taylor Swift’s Eras Tour tickets.

    Do you have an interesting bro story you’d like to share? Fill this form and we’ll get back to you.

  • There’s no bromance without romance. So while you might be paying that saxophonist to serenade your lover and annoy their co-workers, consider doing something for your bro this Valentine’s Day. 

    Here are some affordable and super thoughtful options: 

    ₦10k cash in new naira notes 

    Before we go too far, have you considered giving your bro this ₦10k in crisp ₦1000 notes? In case you don’t know, the naira note is almost as scarce as the dollar these days. So make your friend’s life easier by being his personal Meffy baby. 

    A framed picture of his dream house 

    Since you can’t buy your friend his dream house, why not buy a picture of said house, frame it and give that to him today? This way, he’ll be gingered to double his hustle to afford the house every time he sees your gift. A good friend motivates in the face of sapa.

    Tinder premium subscription 

    Who knows, your friend might find love on Tinder and make you his best man. Then at the wedding reception, you get to tell the story of how he met his bride on the dating app you paid for. Think ahead.

    A PS5 stand 

    I get it. Your friend doesn’t have a PS3, four or five. But it’s the thought that counts, not the practicality of your gift. 

    5-in-one shampoo, conditioner, face wash, deodoriser and body wash 

    His babe already got him that casted 3-in-one shampoo, body wash and conditioner. While it shouldn’t be a competition between you and his madam, nothing stops you from going the extra mile with this thoughtful gift. 

    RECOMMENDED: We Hooked Up Before We Became Best Friends — Edem and Chide

    A teddy bear 

    Boys need stuffed animals to cuddle too. Just because we grew up doesn’t mean we don’t miss our Pokemon and Barney teddies. Help your bro connect with his inner child today. 

    Ashawo shorts 

    The shorter the shorts, the better. Only enemies of progress buy shorts that touch the knees for their best friend. I’d like you to ponder on this for a minute: are you the weapon fashioned against your guy? You’d get him briefs disguised as short shorts if you’re not an opp. 

    ₦10k fuel 

    Queuing at the petrol station to buy a keg for your friend is the highest form of intimacy in the year of our Lord, 2023. Go the extra mile so your friend can go a few more miles in their car. 

    Creamy pasta 

    Nigerian babes are not the only ones obsessed with creamy pasta. Whether or not we want to admit it, we men love some thick creamy penne pasta. The only difference is we don’t order it seven days a week. Buy your guy pasta, but remind him he has to pay for delivery because ₦10k can’t perform magic. 

    Flowers 

    Miley Cyrus asked us to be independent and buy ourselves flowers, but that doesn’t mean you shouldn’t treat your best friend to a beautiful-smelling bouquet today. 

    ALSO READ: My Bro: 8 of the Most-Read Stories of 2022

  • My Bro is a biweekly Zikoko series that interrogates and celebrates male friendships of different forms.

    Chide and Edem are best friends who started out as fuck buddies. In this episode of #ZikokoMyBro, they talk about why they decided to stop having sex, the time Edem rescued Chide out of a toxic relationship and why a relationship between both of them can never work.

    Let’s take a trip down memory lane 

    Chide: We met in 2020 when we tried to have sex but you couldn’t get it up. 

    Edem: God, abeg. Is that how you want to start? Now, everyone will think I have erectile dysfunction or something. Please, tell the whole story because I’m still on the streets, and I don’t need people thinking I can’t blow their backs out. 

    Chide: We met on a hookup app after they lifted the lockdown in 2020. I was bored with a sprinkle of horniness, so I started chatting with you, and luckily for both of us, you didn’t live far from me. 

    Edem: Imagine if you ended up being a catfish? I was ready to chase you with a cutlass. 

    Chide: When last did you see a cutlass in real life? 

    Edem: Fair enough. So we tried to have sex, but I was nervous AF. 

    Does FIFA work as viagra? 

    Chide: I really don’t get why you were nervous. It was frustrating and hilarious at the same time because you looked like you wanted to die. 

    Edem: I wanted to bury myself in the ground. But I also didn’t want to give up, so I asked you to play FIFA with me so we could get comfortable. It worked because we ended up smashing in between the game. Hallelujah. 

    Chide: So FIFA is your viagra? Interesting. 

    Transitioning from fuck buddies to regular buddies 

    Edem: We started hanging out regularly after that. We were hooking up, but we also started getting close. I’d just moved back to Nigeria and didn’t have a lot of gay friends, so our friends-with-benefits situation was heavy on the friendship part. You just got me. 

    Chide: My dear, I was giving you the Nigerian LGBTQ+ orientation. That one is more important than the NYSC camp you went to. We stopped hooking up around 2021, right? 

    Edem: Yeah, We became so comfortable with each other that the sex got weird. I remember the last time we tried. It was like the first time all over again, but worse. We were laughing like mumus, and no one could get anything done. 

    Chide: See, choosing not to have sex with you again wasn’t a hard decision, no offence. 

    Edem: Plenty of offences have been taken, Chide. You clearly don’t rate me, and now I know. 

    Chide: Guy, rest. LOL. I’d started talking to someone who wanted a relationship towards the end of 2021, so what was the point? 

    Edem: And where is that relationship today? That’s the same relationship that made me reassess our friendship. Your choice in men is the ghetto. 

    Chide: Like you weren’t one of those men. 

    Trouble in paradise? 

    Edem: Please, explain why you kept avoiding me and hiding me from your boyfriend? The whole thing really pissed me off. I didn’t want to say anything at first so no one would call me a bad belle, but even when I did, you didn’t take me seriously.

    Chide: I didn’t tell him about you because I wasn’t sure what we were. We were friends who’d hooked up, and I knew he wouldn’t like it. 

    Edem: That should’ve been your first red flag, but your shades were too thick. He didn’t need to like our friendship. The worst part is you started acting differently. You used to be “in your face”, which helped me accept myself as a gay man too. But you went into a shell with him and started moving like a boring straight man.  

    It felt like a betrayal because you helped me come out, only for you to now go back into the closet. We were still friends but only saw each other at general hangouts. We didn’t get to hang out on our own until I convinced our other friends to stage an intervention. 

    Staging an intervention and getting through heartbreak

    Chide: I remember the intervention lunch at your place. It looked like you guys watched the video for Girl by Destiny’s Child and decided to recreate it. I hadn’t heard from you in a while, so I didn’t know what to expect when you invited me over. I saw you and our other friends and knew shit was real. 

    LOL. It’s all jokes now, but omo, I needed to be saved. 

    It’s easy to say, “It can never happen to me”, until you find yourself cutting off your friends and dressing a certain way just to make some guy comfortable. 

    Edem: People stage interventions for drug addicts, but your own had to be different. We had to call a meeting on top of your matter because of man. Chai. Are you proud of yourself? 

    Chide: I left that relationship a mess. I don’t think I would’ve left or survived without you reminding me daily that I was loved. We were friends already, but that’s when I realised you’d become my personal person. 

    Edem: Look at me getting my flowers. I showed up at your house with either shawarma, pizza or ice cream (sometimes, all three) every other day after work, so I definitely deserve “friend of the year”. 

    We can never have a sexual relationship again

    Chide: If I’m being honest, just for a brief moment, I did reconsider you and me again after that breakup. You were there for me, and we got each other, so I thought, “Why the fuck not?” 

    Edem: You did? I don’t think it would’ve worked out, but I’m curious to know why you didn’t say anything. 

    Chide: I knew it would end in tears. LOL. I love you as a friend, but I genuinely don’t think I’m attracted to you romantically or sexually (at least, not anymore). I only considered it because I was lonely and you were there, but I’m comfortable with what we have. As a matter of fact, I love it. If we do anything else, we’ll be fucking up a good thing. 

    I didn’t leave a toxic relationship to end up with a guy who snores. Did they swear for me? 

    Edem: You won’t see the pearly gates of heaven for this thing you just said. But I agree. I can take a bullet, like a small skin-wound-only bullet, for you because I love you as a friend. I doubt I’d do that if we were dating. You and I would fight all the time and start resenting each other. 

    If I could change something about you 

    Chide: We’d always fight each other because you don’t know how to talk.

    Edem: Why am I catching strays? I know where this is going. 

    Chide: I know it’s from a place of love, but guy, sometimes, you’re too blunt. There’s a way you can tell someone the truth without them feeling like they’re being dragged. I’m used to it, sha. 

    Edem: I was raised in a family where my parents said it as it was and rubbed off on me. But I’m trying to be better now. These days, I do a lot of mental gymnastics before I say shit. I also apologise when I feel like you’re offended. You know I love you, right? 

    Chide: No, I don’t. Do I even know you? LOL. 

    I want you to know 

    Edem: As annoying as you are, I can’t imagine my life without you. We met when I was really hiding from the world because I was scared for my life as a gay man in Nigeria. Knowing you has helped me understand that shit is dangerous here, but it doesn’t mean I should cower in fear. You’ve helped me become comfortable in my queerness, and I love you for it. 

    Chide: Alexa, play Lady Gaga’s Born This Way. 

    Edem: Why are you like this? 

    Chide: I love you too, Edem. You can be a lot sometimes, but I’d rather have a lot of you than none of you. 

    Edem: Bars! Nicki Minaj and Jay Z are in the mud. 

    Chide: Who would I share this many pop culture references with if I didn’t have you around? You’re the real love of my life. At least, until I meet another hot guy and make you number two again. Love you for life, babes. 

    Do you have an interesting bro story you’d like to share? Fill this form and we’ll get back to you.

    Brought to you by LOVE LIFE

  • My Bro is a weekly Zikoko series that interrogates and celebrates male friendships of different forms.

    Jacob and Seun met in their first year of university, when they were just 18 years old. 30 years later, on #ZikokoMyBro, the two talk about transitioning from roommates who hated each other to best friends, going their separate ways in their 20s and reconnecting in their late 30s. 

    Let’s take a trip down memory lane 

    Jacob: My first memory of you was in our first year at Ahmadu Bello University, Zaria, back in 1992. I got in on the second list, so when I resumed, most of our coursemates already knew themselves. You were the crowned prince of parties, and I came to school all focused. Looking at you, I kept reminding myself, “This is the kind of guy I don’t want to be.” 

    Seun: I was the social prefect in secondary school, so I’ve always been popular. LOL. We didn’t talk throughout our first year because I never noticed you. It was when we became roommates that I actually got to know you. And we started fighting from the moment we started living together. 

    World War 1993

    Jacob: You were the worst roommate ever. I was constantly cleaning up after you, and you never even acknowledged all I was doing. Because I was brought up to be overly polite, I didn’t know how to tell you how frustrated I was, so I was always passive-aggressive. 

    Seun: That was the problem. There were weeks when you didn’t say a word to me, and I thought you were a snobbish ajebutter. It’s true sha. I’m not easy to live with. But we never had a real fight. We just hated each other in silence. 

    Getting drunk and becoming friends 

    Seun: The first time I ever felt close to you beyond our cold “heys” and “hellos” was that night in our second semester when I came back to the room drunk and sick after a party. 

    Jacob: How could I ever forget that night? You usually came back drunk on weekends, but this time was different. You kept throwing up, and I thought you would vomit your intestine. I didn’t like you, but I wasn’t going to let you choke on your own vomit, so I got a bucket, sat beside you, rubbed your back and prayed you wouldn’t die right before exams started. 

    Seun: Jacob, you were thinking about exams? I was really sick that night, and you stayed up with me until I got it all out of my system and slept. I woke up the next day and just knew, this guy has seen me at my lowest, I have to get to know him. 

    Jacob: You’ve gotten lower than that, Seun. 

    I was taken aback by how nice you became after that night. I still didn’t like you, but you were persistent, always trying to start a conversation with me, so I started warming up to you too. You’re not that bad when you’re not causing wahala up and down. 

    We ended up getting a place together after our second  year. You still didn’t clean well, but I agreed it was a cross I’d bear for our friendship. 

    Seun: At least you managed me until we graduated. 

    Parties, late nights and life after university

    Jacob: Life after we finished university was wild. I was jealous of all the fun you and your other friends had when we were in school. You guys went to parties while I was spending my nights trying to maintain my first class. The pressure was a lot, so after university, I decided to do all the things I missed out on. 

    Seun: Those were the good times. We would close from work on Fridays, go dancing and only sleep on Sunday nights. We did that until you got tired of it. 

    Jacob: It wasn’t for me, but I was glad I got it out of my system. 

    Three years after university, I knew I wanted to settle down. I’d been dating my girlfriend back in university on and off, but we reconnected again, and I asked her to marry me when I was just 25. 

    Seun: I never felt like a third wheel when both of you were dating in university, but the moment you got married, I started noticing you becoming distant until I felt like a stranger. 

    Taking a break from our friendship

    Jacob: I don’t think I changed when I got married. I just rearranged my priorities. I’d done the partying thing with you and realised it wasn’t what I was into. The problem is, you were still really, and I mean, really into going to parties. You wanted to go out, and I wanted to stay at home all the time. We wanted different things. 

    Seun: But just like in university, you could have communicated this better. You never returned my calls, and I started seeing less of you. It was like I did something wrong but didn’t know what it was. 

    Jacob: I started feeling guilty for always postponing our outings, so I decided to avoid the conversation altogether. 

    Seun: Smart move. I asked you several times what was going on. 

    Jacob: I know now that it was wrong. I should’ve just spoken to you about it. Then the kids came, and life just revolved around them. That’s when the gap widened between us. 

    Seun: I felt unwanted, so I kept to myself too. It broke my heart because you’d been like my brother for so long. But it was clear you needed space, so I gave you space. Your move to the UK in 2003 didn’t make it easier — NITEL calls weren’t cheap. 

    Jacob: Sho get? Those bills used to be crazy. The break wasn’t expected, but it was necessary at the time. We were on different paths. 

    Reconnecting and rebuilding life together after a separation 

    Seun: I made new friends, but you were still my best friend, even if we didn’t talk. While you were away in the UK, I still found ways to find out how you were doing. Your wife and I share mutual friends; unlike you, she communicated with them.  

    I was shocked when I ran into you at a wedding in 2010. I didn’t know what to say. 

    Jacob: I was shocked too. I’d just separated from my wife in 2009, so I came back to Lagos to pull myself together. I remember I broke down that night when I was talking to you. So much time had passed. It was the first and only time you’ve seen me cry. 

    Seun: That’s why I didn’t know what to say. I’d heard about the separation but seeing how hard it hit you put things in perspective for me. You’ve always been a family guy, so having that part of your life end must’ve been really hard. I knew I couldn’t be angry anymore. I had to be there for you. 

    Jacob: You were my unofficial therapist back then. We talked and talked, and I was surprised by how you’d changed. You still liked parties, but you switched nightclubs for owambes. LOL. Just having someone to talk to helped me during that period. 

    40+, single and thriving together

    Seun: Crazy how we’re almost 50, and we’re still single men.

    Jacob: We’re not the same. I’ve been married, so my case is different. I never saw myself being single in my 50s, but it looks like that’s how it’ll be, and I’m getting comfortable with it. We’re the weird single uncles at weddings now. It would’ve been much more challenging if I didn’t have you to plan activities with. 

    Seun: I knew I wouldn’t ever get married, so I’ve mentally prepared for this phase of my life. But you’ll still meet someone soon, Mr Romantic. Hopefully, I’ll still be in your life if that happens again. 

    Jacob: You can count on it. 

    I want you to know

    Seun: Even though our friendship hasn’t been perfect, I want you to know I’ll always have your back. I shouldn’t have stepped back when I noticed you were pulling away. I feel sad about the time we lost, but I know we have the rest of our lives to make up for it. 

    Jacob: Do we have that much time? Remember we’re almost 50 o. 

    Seun: Thank you so much for holding my hand through one of the darkest periods of my life. Looking at our friendship, I realise many things can come and go, but real friendships hold you through everything. I appreciate you for doing just that. Here’s to 50 more years. 


    Seun: You and who? I plan on clocking out at 80 tops. LOL.

    Do you have an interesting bro story you’d like to share? Fill this form and we’ll get back to you.

  • My Bro is a biweekly Zikoko series that interrogates and celebrates male friendships of different forms.

    Osagie and Raymond have been friends since they fought and got beat up by a bully when they were eight years old. In this episode of My Bro, they talk about bonding as children and why Raymond’s parents are no longer in support of their friendship. 

    Our origin story

    Osagie: My first recollection of you was in 2009 when your family moved into our neighbourhood in Port Harcourt. I remember being eight years old and wondering how rich your family was to have not one but three gigantic “jeeps”. I saw you once or twice, walking with your maid, and I knew you were an ajebo to the core. 

    Raymond: Why would you start this thing by telling everyone I’m an ajebo? My reputation is on the line here, my guy. 

    My family used to move a lot because my dad was a professor, so it was mostly me and whichever maid we had. I was an only child, and they were my only friends. 

    I saw you too because we lived opposite each other, but I was very shy to talk to you. LOL. It wasn’t until school started that we finally started talking. 

    When we became friends 

    Raymond: Apparently, our parents gisted one time, and it had come up that you and I would be in the same school and class that year, so they agreed that our driver would pick you up every morning, and we’d go together. We did that shit for almost two weeks before we even started talking. 

    Osagie: What did you expect? I was mad intimidated at the time. New kid with fancy everything? I didn’t want to overdo it. I remember it was when we both had to fight this guy two classes above us that we finally cracked the wall. I couldn’t allow some bully to beat my carpool partner, so I stepped in, and we both received the beating of our lives. 

    Raymond: LOL. Plus, another round at home. 

    It was a long time ago, but I remember feeling a certain way that you were willing to stand with me to fight a bully, knowing fully well we’d get our ass beat. I think this was when everything changed, and we became guys. The car rides stopped being silent from then on.

    Osagie: We became inseparable after that one fight. We ended up going to the same secondary school, and we couldn’t spend 24 hours away from each other. It was insane. Fun fact: I saw the guy we fought recently, and he’s married. 

    Getting separated by life 

    Raymond: Omo, our life was good until my parents had to move again in 2014, when we were in JSS 3. 

    Osagie: Dark times, my brother. 

    Raymond: I thought Port Harcourt was it, but that year, they just broke the news that we had to pack our lives and move again. I was so fucking devastated. I’d built a life there with you and our other friends. The thought of starting all over again just made me depressed. 

    Osagie: I don’t know which broke me the most, losing you or my free ride to school. 

    Raymond: Wow! Men are truly scum. 

    Osagie: Okay, seriously, it was hard for me too. We had other friends, but it was always you and me. We’d been together since I was eight. I wasn’t sure I knew who I was without you. 

    Raymond: Stop using these dead lines you use on your babes, abeg. 

    Moving to Kaduna was tough. I was angry all the time, and frustrated. It didn’t help that my parents were distant as usual. For them, it’s all about work and Jesus; everything else is by the way. Talking to you constantly got me through most of it. 

    Osagie: Shebi their love for Jesus is why they banned you from interacting with me. 

    Raymond: Ewo. You’ve chosen violence. 

    Moving back to Port Harcourt and falling out with Raymond’s parents

    Osagie: In 2016, while you were away in Kaduna, I lost my dad, and my life changed. I was very close to him; his death made me question a lot about life, one of those things being religion. My dad was the most devout Christian I knew, and for the longest time, he kept asking God for healing while he battled cancer. But nothing happened. 

    I wasn’t really into religion, but my dad’s death had me considering whether or not I still believed in God. By the time I got into university, I knew I’d become an atheist. Your parents weren’t exactly thrilled to hear that about their son’s best friend. 

    Raymond: A whole deacon and deaconess? Guy, let’s be serious here. 

    I hated that I couldn’t be there for you in person when your dad died. But I was excited when my dad retired and decided it was time to move back to Port Harcourt. Moving back meant I had my manchi back, but then the whole atheist thing got to my parents, and shit hit the fan for real. 

    Osagie: I don’t precisely recall what led to what, but I know I said something about being an atheist, and your dad was there. His face changed immediately, and I knew he didn’t like it. I had the chance to backtrack when he and your mum spoke to me about a week later, but I maintained that I was an atheist, and they asked me to never come to the house or talk to you again. 

    It’s crazy how people I’d known since I was eight were so quick to shut me out because I didn’t share their beliefs. They’ve known me all my life. 

    Raymond: I was shocked when they told me. I knew they’d freak out, but I didn’t think they’d ban us from hanging out. I talked to them, and it was the first time I had a big fight with my parents.

    Osagie: That’s not what I wanted. 

    Raymond: But it was necessary. I told them that banning you from the house was fine since it’s their house, but asking us not to be friends was impossible. They went on and on, but I’d made up my mind. I hate to admit it, but I’m still disappointed in them. 

    Osagie: They don’t want me to spoil you. LOL. 

    Raymond: If only they knew I’m the spoilt one in this friendship. Thank God, we’ll soon finish university and get our own place. All this wahala will end. 

    Why this friendship is important regardless of religion

    Raymond: You’re the first friend I ever had. I was lonely for a long time as an only child, but then we moved, and I met you. We’re more than friends at this point. We’re like twins. There’s no way I’d let all that history go because of what my parents wanted. 

    Osagie: I feel the exact way. I had siblings (before they drag me on socials), but I didn’t have actual friends. You changed that, Raymond. You’ve stuck by me from primary school fights to adulting stress. 

    Raymond: Ride or die for life. 

    Osagie: Please, who is dying with you? Not me. 

    If I could change something about you

    Raymond: Please, open up more, my guy. I always have to force you to tell me what’s going on, like when your dad died, and you were struggling. It’s okay to not say, “Fine” when I ask how you’re doing. 

    Osagie: But you know I’m trying. 

    Me, I need you not to take life so seriously. You’re cracking jokes now, but you’re always carrying face and forming deep on a normal day. Fix that, bro. 

    Raymond: Have you met my parents? Chilling is not in my blood, abeg. 

    I want you to know 

    Osagie: No long talk, guy; you know I love you, right? 

    Raymond: I do. 

    Osagie: That’s all I want to say. Full stop. 

    Raymond: Actually, me too. I love you, and I’m sure you know it, so full stop. 

  • My Bro is a weekly Zikoko series we started to interrogate and celebrate male friendships of different forms, and boy, have we done that this past year.
    From friendships built on shared loss to friends who haven’t seen each other for over a decade, we’ve shared many brostories (you’re free to laugh) since we launched in April. But out of all the crazy and fun stories, here are the eight bromances you all couldn’t get enough of. 

    1) I’m Difficult to Deal With, But You’re Always Around — Ajibola and Oli

    Oli Ekun and Ajibola Grey have a friendship almost as hilarious as the skits that have made them trending names within Nigeria’s bustling pop culture scene. Connecting over their mutual love of humour and rarely passing over a chance to drag each other for filth, these two understand that to do their jobs, they’ll need to be each other’s ride or die (Ajibola might not feel comfortable with dying, though). 

    In this episode of My Bro, they talk about being friends online for a year before meeting in person, navigating a friendship in which no one wants to be the serious friend and how they plan to share their money as business partners. 

    2) We Push Each Other Because We Don’t Want to Be Broke — Anny and Victor

    Anny and Victor are all about the hustle. The self-proclaimed workaholics can’t go two seconds without talking about work, and while it may be annoying to some, it’s super inspiring to me. They both understand the unique struggles of being creatives in a country like Nigeria. And that ginger to be the best at what they do is what forges the bond they have as friends. One is always around to motivate or drag the other person. If this isn’t bromance, I don’t know what it is. 

    In this episode of My Bro, they talk about why Anny had Victor on a beef list when they first met, pushing each other to be the best version of themselves and whether or not they’d even be friends if they weren’t in the same industry. 

    3) Our Fighting Has Only Brought Us Closer — Stephen and Pamilerin

    Stephen and Pamilerin started talking on social media five years ago, and now, they’re best friends who run a popular restaurant in Lagos. In this episode of My Bro, they talk about understanding each other’s love language, handling fights about work and how Pamilerin’s recent marriage has affected their friendship. 

    4) Our Long Distance Friendship Brought Us Closer — Caleb and Mofe

    Despite the distance and different time zones, Caleb and Mofe have remained best friends for the last eight years. They met ten years ago at a church competition in Nigeria, but life physically pulled them apart when Mofe had to move to the US for school. 

    In this episode of My Bro, they talk about connecting over shared family values, maintaining a long-distance friendship and the tragic event that reunited them after eight years. 

    5) I Can Count on You and Know That I’ll Be Okay — Muyiwa and BFG

    While there might be a little confusion over when Muyiwa and BFG met for the first time, their unique bond and friendship is as clear as day. Connecting over beer, Twitter jokes, career moves and heartbreak, these two, over the past decade, have successfully built their friendship on a foundation of honesty and humour.

    In this episode of My Bro, they talk about why they’re the closest within their friend group, what people don’t understand about their friendship and why sometimes all you need after a bad breakup is your bro and a bottle of beer. 

    6) We Became Friends Because I Was Trying to Beat You at FIFA — Bamiji and Tomiwa

    Friendships can be built on varying experiences — shared loss, beer parlour hangs or music careers that almost took off. But for Bamiji and Tomiwa, their nine-year friendship is built on FIFA video games and one friend’s mission to whoop the other’s ass at the game. 

    This love for video games has transformed them from campus acquaintances to housemates and cruise partners in crime. 

    In this episode of My Bro, they talk about making their friendship work despite being opposites, using bro code to handle girl trouble and why they feel seen in Batman and The Joker’s relationship. 

    7) We’re Best Friends Who Didn’t See Each Other For 13 Years — Okiki and Tobi

    Okiki and Tobi first became best friends 21 years ago but didn’t see each other for 13 years. In this episode of My Bro, they talk about their childhood friendship, why they chose not to stay in contact after life separated them, and the interesting family event that finally brought them back together.

    8) You Completely Changed the Trajectory of My Life — David and Dayo 

    David and Dayo have known each other for over a decade. They started out as acquaintances in secondary school, lived together in university, and now work in the same office. In this episode of My Bro, they both talk about how they became friends, what they learnt from living together and the big fight that almost destroyed their friendship years ago. 

    Find all the the bromance stories we covered in 2022 here.

  • My Bro is a biweekly Zikoko series that interrogates and celebrates male friendships of different forms.

    The first time Demilade saw Michael in NYSC camp, he knew he wanted to be friends. Ten years later, they’re best friends who lived together but ended up separated thanks to japa syndrome. 

    In this episode of #ZikokoMyBro, they talk about letting their guards down to open up to each other, the accident that brought them closer and how they’ve maintained their friendship across two continents. 

    Our origin story

    Demilade: We met ten years ago in 2012 while we were both in NYSC camp. I remember you walked into one of the canteens in Maami Market with a friend of yours called Andrew, and I couldn’t stop staring at the both of you. Even though you guys were giving me bad eye, I decided in that moment I wanted to be friends with both of you. 

    Michael: We gave you bad eye? LOL. Andrew and I were wondering why you were staring at us. And we’d noticed you were always alone. 

    Demilade: I didn’t have any friends at the time. I wasn’t friends with the people from my university in camp, so it was just me. 

    After that canteen day, I saw you again by the field, watching something on your phone. I still don’t know what got into me because I’m normally shy, but I sat close to you and started asking questions about what you were watching. I could tell you were disgusted. 

    Michael: Not because I didn’t like you, but because you were asking so many questions, and I just wanted to watch my Vampire Diaries on my BlackBerry Bold 4 in peace. 

    Demilade: LOL. I sat with you sha, and when Andrew came, I followed you guys around. That was it. From then on, the three of us just kept hanging out. 

    Life after NYSC Camp

    Michael: Life outside of camp was tricky because you and Andrew weren’t that close, so I had to hang out with both of you separately, and it was exhausting. 

    Demilade: Becoming friends with Andrew was important to me too. I mean, I wanted to be friends with the BOTH of you when we met. 

    Michael: Wow. It took a while sha, but Andrew came around, and we became a group of three, hanging out all the time, going to restaurants and just chilling. It was NYSC service year, so we had time to have fun together. 

    The accident that brought us all closer

    Demilade: The first time I really felt connected to you as a friend was when we went swimming one afternoon in 2013. I have a lot of acquaintances, but having friends is hard for me because I can be very guarded and reserved. Hanging out with you and Andrew that day, I felt free and at ease. It wasn’t anything special. I just looked around and realised I wanted what we had to be long-term. 

    The second time it hit me that our friendship was genuine was when I had an accident. 

    Michael: That accident was the same time for me too!

    Demilade: Because of how private I was, you and Andrew didn’t know where I lived at the time. Since I wasn’t with my phone, and my family didn’t know both of you, there was no way they could tell you about my accident. All the time I was in the hospital, I kept wondering how you both would feel, thinking I’d just disappeared. 

    As soon as I was discharged, I got home and called you guys, crying. It was one of my most vulnerable moments, but it also helped me understand how important both of you were in my life. I realised you were my people. 

    Michael: I remember getting the call and being scared because you were crying. Before you called me, Andrew and I had talked about your disappearance. You’d mentioned leaving for Canada for your master’s, so we just thought that’s what happened, and in typical Nigerian fashion, you decided to do it silently. We expected a call after you settled, not about an accident. 

    I was very cranky that night and the following day, because family errands prevented me from coming to see you. I was very worried. We later came to your house; that’s how I finally knew where you lived and started coming over. 

    Living together 

    Michael: We lived together three different times. I stayed with you for three weeks in 2017 after moving to Lagos. Then there was the lockdown period in 2020 when I was looking for a new place to rent. And finally, in 2021, for three months while I waited for my UK visa. 

    After the accident, we’d gotten really comfortable with each other, and with Andrew moving to Canada in 2016, it was just the two of us. 

    Living with you showed me you’re a hard person to annoy, and people take advantage of that a lot. I didn’t want to be like that, so I was conscious of making sure I didn’t touch things without permission and kept everything back the way I saw it. But you just kept reminding me it was my house too. 

    Demilade: Having you over was exciting for my siblings and I. We had a very caged childhood. We didn’t have a lot of friends and never really invited anyone to our house. You moving in was something new, so I wanted to make you comfortable. But then, you were being so extra, washing the plates and things like that. 

    Whenever you did something wrong or forgot to put something back, I’d fix it myself. When I do that two or three times, you’d understand how it’s done, and it wouldn’t be a problem. I just wanted you to feel at home. I don’t know how to fight. 

    Michael: But sometimes, it’s necessary. It’s hard to be angry at someone who doesn’t get angry. Whenever I felt offended by something you did, I had no choice but to sulk and get over it as quickly as possible. There’s usually no point. 

    Japa separation 

    Demilade: Before you decided to leave Nigeria in 2021, I remember pushing you to do it because I could see you weren’t happy. Watching you apply to schools, try to get your visa, and everything else involved, helped me process your leaving, so it didn’t hurt as much when it finally happened. I was very sad because I realised I was the only one left, but It wasn’t a rude shock. 

    Michael: I was also worried you’d feel alone. That was my biggest fear, leaving you behind in Nigeria. I knew nothing would happen to our friendship, but I was scared of how lonely you’d feel. 

    Demilade: I’m okay. I don’t go out as much as we used to, but I’m doing my best to move on because I don’t like dwelling on things. 

    Michael: One thing I’ve noticed since I moved away is how often I talk about you and Andrew. Both of you are huge parts of my life, and everyone who knows me here has heard me mention you guys a lot of times. Both of you have also raised the standard when it comes to how I approach friendship. 

    He came through for me

    Demilade: When I had my accident in 2013. It wasn’t anything major, but before you and Andrew, I hadn’t felt love from people outside my family. The feeling that I was appreciated and important to people who weren’t related to me was strange in a good way.

    Michael: There have been too many times to count. I overthink people’s kindness, so accepting help is hard for me, even from my parents. I always need to do something in return. You’ve helped me understand how to accept kindness because I don’t have to repay anything to you. 

    I also can’t forget how you surprised me financially when I was getting ready to leave Nigeria. I didn’t expect that level of support at all. 

    What holds this friendship together

    Demilade: Love holds us together and is important in every relationship. 

    Michael: And effort, too, because no matter how much you love someone, if you don’t make an effort to be in their lives, your relationship won’t last. We both make that effort. I call you as often as possible to fill you in on what’s happening in my life. We still send each other our pictures to vet before posting them on social media. We’re both making a conscious effort to ensure our friendship works. 

    I want you to know

    Demilade: Thank you, Michael, for being there for me. Just knowing that someone has my back is very important to me. It makes me feel safe. 

    Michael: I appreciate you as a friend, Demilade. Please, why is this awkward? LOL. 

    I tend to get paranoid and overthink things, but you always find a way to calm me down and make me feel better. I really appreciate it. Thank you for being my additional brother since I even talk to you more than my real brother. 

    Do you have an interesting bro story you’d like to share? Fill this form and we’ll get back to you.

  • My Bro is a biweekly Zikoko series that interrogates and celebrates male friendships of different forms.

    Adnan and Michael didn’t like themselves when they met at a job orientation four years ago — one was very serious, while the other just couldn’t be bothered about anything. Despite their differences, the two have become best friends, with Adnan finally in the running to become Michael’s best man. 

    In this episode of My Bro, they talk about why they prefer their long-distance friendship, how being in relationships affects it and why Adnan is tired of Michael’s always telling him to do the right thing. 

    Our origin story

    Adnan: We met for the first time in March 2018 at a three-week orientation for a job we both got. I was looking for someone with sense that I could sit with when I saw you in a corner, pressing your laptop like an oversabi. I thought, “Definitely not this guy”. Even when we spoke for the first time, I was convinced we wouldn’t be friends because nothing about us clicked. 

    Michael: That’s because I was focused on getting the most out of the orientation, and you were a spoiled brat who couldn’t be bothered with anything going on. We were supposed to submit a form at work, and you didn’t care about the deadline while I was rushing to make sure I submitted it on time. 

    Adnan: We already had the job. What’s the worst that could happen? 

    Michael: You see my point? We didn’t know we had the job then, and I thought it was better to be safe than sorry. The worst part was when I found out you were a level above me at work because you had a master’s degree. I was so pained because I knew you were unserious, and I was here doing all the right things.

    I also didn’t think we’d be friends until you saw me watching a movie once, and we started talking about it. That’s when I realised our thoughts on art aligned. 

    How we became friends 

    Adnan: After orientation, you got posted to Enugu while I remained in Abuja. About three days after we both resumed in our different offices, I calledyou on the office extension, and we talked about movies for three hours straight. We did it the next day, until it became part of our schedule to call each other to talk about movies. Was it joblessness? 

    Michael: LOL. We hadn’t been assigned proper roles at work; it was also the office landline, so it was free. We gave each other a list of films to see, and we’d talk about them at work. 

    Adnan: I still can’t believe you made me see “Phantom Thread”. That’s two hours of my life I’ll never get back. 

    Michael: It’s because you don’t have taste. 

    Adnan: I’ll say it didn’t really hit me that we’d become friends until there was distance between us. You know I can only take you in small doses, so our long-distance friendship is perfect. 

    Michael: True. That’s why we rarely fight. You’re irritating from afar, so it’s hard for me to get angry at you. But I got to know our friendship was real when I started talking about you to other people. It’s not like I was lonely in Enugu, I had friends and family, but somehow, they all got to know you because I kept mentioning your name. If I could talk about you that much, you’re important to me. 

    We’re working on understanding boundaries 

    Adnan: One frustrating thing about you is you’re a Mr Know-It-All, so it’s either your way or the highway. I could tell you I want to do something, and you’ll go on and on about how I’m making the wrong decision. But to me, I’m like, “Is it your life?” It sometimes feels like you’re controlling. Even though I know it’s coming from a place of love. 

    Michael: I’m not trying to be controlling. Yes, sometimes you have to make your own mistakes. But if I see someone I care about making a mistake, I feel obligated to talk to them about it. 

    You don’t want to admit you seek out my opinion because you know I’m a voice of reason. Deep down, you want me to stop you from making stupid decisions. Like the time you wanted to buy a new car you didn’t need, and I asked if you had any landed property to your name. 

    Adanan: Imagine. Such a triggering question to ask someone. You were right, sha. But you need to understand that sometimes I don’t want to do the right or sensible thing. I want to do or get something because it feels right at the moment. That’s why I don’t tell you some things until I’ve done them. You’re like my mum, and I’m sure that’s why both of you get along. 

    I got the land instead, and I haven’t told you before, but it was one of the best decisions I’ve made because the value has almost tripled since we had that conversation in 2018. 

    Michael: See my point? Anyway, I’m working on my approach to dealing with these things, and it’s not just with you. Instead of saying what I think as e dey hot, I try to have an actual conversation. You say you want to buy an expensive card holder? Interesting. So, let’s talk about it. I hope that in talking about it, you’ll figure out whether or not you really need it, as opposed to me just telling you it’s unnecessary. That’s how I look at the whole boundary thing now. I don’t push it anymore. 

    Navigating religion 

    Adnan: When we first got to know each other, religion used to come up because I’m a Muslim and you’re a Christian who doesn’t practice anymore. LOL. 

    There was even a time we spoke on the phone for about five hours about religion. Do you remember?

    Michael: What? I don’t remember. 

    Adnan: I don’t remember the full gist either. But now, we’re in a place where we don’t care that much about religion. There’s no need to argue or defend it. Our friendship isn’t built on religion, so it’s not a factor for us. Even though I lowkey feel you’d fit into Islam perfectly. 

    Michael: I don’t know how we got there, but okay. I generally don’t care about anyone else’s religion or beliefs, so I don’t bother going there with my conversations. 

    Navigating relationships and how they affect our friendship

    Adnan: We used to talk every single day until a while last year when we didn’t speak for a very long time because you got into a relationship. *side eye* 

    Michael: This long time you’re talking about was like a month o! And it’s not like we didn’t text each other during that period. 

    Adnan: Haba, it was longer than that. I remember I brought it up, but you kept denying it wasn’t because of your relationship. 

    Michael: The irony is you think my babe pulled me away from you, but whenever I’m with you, my babe thinks you’re pulling me away from her. Whenever I come to Abuja, she’s always like, “I know you won’t talk to me because you’re with Adnaan.” I called you my babe once, and she hasn’t let it go. LOL. 

    Adnan: Who’s your babe? Please, I’m in a committed relationship too. I don’t know you like that. 

    He came through for me

    Adnan: I rarely go through dark times, so last year [2021], when my mum had a stroke, it was a really hard period for me to process. I remember talking to you about it, and not long after, you flew into Abuja and saw my mum. You showing up like that to support me meant a lot. 

    Michael: Awww. But you know your mum is my mum too. I remember talking to her, and even though she was making light of the whole situation, she mentioned how hard it was on you and how you cried. It was crazy, but I’m glad she’s okay now. 

    When did you come through for me? Let me think. You haven’t come through for me yet o! You owe me a Liverpool jersey from the last time you travelled. 

    Adnan: You’ve forgotten all the stress I went through to get you an aquarium? 

    Michael: Oh, shit! LOL. Yes, I remember. The guy I got to make it was in Abuja, so you had to go on this long drive multiple times to check on him. I really appreciated you doing that for me because I know it’s not something you’d do on a normal day. You picked it up and sent it to me. I appreciated that. You do little things here and there. 

    What holds our friendship together

    Michael: Our mutual appreciation for film and the fact that we’re both open-minded keep this friendship together. I’m still waiting for the day you’ll make a film. You have a good eye for filmmaking. 

    Adnan: We’ll see. But yes, movies, art and photography hold our friendship together. 

    What we’d change about each other 

    Michael: I need you to be serious about life. You’re serious about selective things like Marvel films, but I need you to be serious about everything, this guy. 

    Adnan: Life is not that deep. 

    I wouldn’t change anything because I like you and all the baggage you come with; they’re what makes you, you. 

    Michael: The reason I want to change—

    Adnan: Oh, now you feel bad because I don’t want to change anything about you. You stupid cow. 

    Michael: LOL. I said I wanted you to be serious because you have a lot of potential you’re not exploring. If I say I want to make a film, I’d find a way to get it done no matter what, even if I have no idea how to run it. But you said you wanted to make a film, and we are still waiting to see something. The things you think are not that deep, imagine the things you’d do if you took them seriously.

    Adnan: You’re not wrong sha. I’m trying to change that. 

    I want you to know 

    Michael: I have this cousin who’s really important to me and really knows me. Every time I’ve imagined doing something important, like getting married, I’ve pictured him beside me. But now, when I think of a best man for my wedding (whenever it happens), I see you as an option. 

    Adnan: Wow. This feels like an Oscar nomination. 

    Michael: You’re not well. That’s how I can explain how important you are to me. 

    Adnan: Don’t worry, I’ll be the best, best man. I’ll do the job so well, you’ll forget about your cousin. 

    You already know I love you. That’s all I can say. 

    Michael: I love you too. 

    Do you have an interesting bro story you’d like to share? Fill this form and we’ll get back to you.