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  • My Bro is a bi-weekly Zikoko series that explores and celebrates male friendships of all forms.

    A year after Olumide read Jude’s book, their friendship started. On this week’s #ZikokoMyBro, they share how their work brought them together. Now they’ve kept it together for 18 years and even co-wrote a book, despite living on different continents.

    Take us to the beginning of this friendship. How long have you been friends?

    Jude: I’ve known him since my first novel “Walking With Shadow” came out in 2005. But we connected in 2006.

    Olumide: Yeah.

    Jude: That makes it about 18 years now. 

    How did you guys meet?

    Jude: Work. Olumide used to work with a human rights organisation that catered to the LGBTQ community. My novel tackled the presence of the LGBTQ community in Nigeria, and how it has been denied over the years.

    Olumide: At the time when “Walking With Shadow” was written, anyone who did that would’ve been considered crazy. There was nobody within the writing space that would have written about a queer character and humanised them. So I read the book, and was like, “who is this crazy person that decided to write about a gay character?” It was quite good. Many of us could relate to the story — having to hide and pretend about who you’re. 

    A year or two later, I found out that Jude worked in the corporate sector. I thought it was interesting he had a day job, too. I was like, “this guy really has guts.”

    Then I read his second book “Blackbird” to be sure he wasn’t a one-hit wonder writer. After that, I asked mutual friends to introduce us. From there, if we wanted to do anything creative at TIERs— the NGO I worked at — I reached to Jude to see if he wanted to contribute or be part of it. That’s how we started getting close.

    What was your first impression of each other?

    Jude: Deep respect. I found the work Olumide’s organisation was doing very important. If I wasn’t already steeped into the corporate world, I’d probably be in an NGO too.

    Olumide: Before I met Jude the guy, I met the Jude the writer. At that time, I still looked at him from Blackbird’s point of view. I thought he’d be one of those queer writers who wrote about queer people but also wanted to be distant from the community. Well, I was wrong. He gave support. He gave his voice without turning himself into a frontline activist. 

    Away from his work as a writer, I found Jude to be very gentle. Any wahala, he doesn’t want. He creates a safe space for everyone; you can do your thing, and he can do his. 

    Jude: Wow, Olumide, thank you so much. I’m blushing here.

    So when was the moment you bonded?

    Olumide: I think this was 2014, when he left Nigeria.

    What? But you’d been friends for almost a decade

    Jude: We talked but hardly saw each other. I was out of Lagos every two weeks. We knew we could trust each other, which was why he was one of the people I discussed my relocation plans with.

    But the bond started getting stronger around 2017. Olumide called me and told me about the birthday of one of our close friends in the UK. He wanted to surprise her and asked if I wanted to come. I was like, “sure” and jumped on a plane from Sweden to the UK.

    Why did you leave Nigeria though?

    Jude: I was just tired about the situation in Nigeria, and the fact that Jonathan was introducing a new law.  As a public figure, especially if you don’t conform to societal ideas of what a man should be, it’s more difficult when you’re out queer and out. It was just uncomfortable for me. I went to the US first and lived there for a year before moving to Sweden, where I’m now a citizen. 

    How did you feel about Jude leaving Nigeria?

    Olumide: At that time, we were all on the edge. Goodluck Jonathan was going to sign the SSMPA. I know staying back in a place like Nigeria that can become unsafe.

    But going to start all over in another climate is also a very complex decision to make. I had that conversation with Jude about how being in a new terrain coud be difficult. But he knew he’d be okay by himself. He was a very soft guy, there wasn’t much worry.

    Did it affect your friendship?

    Jude: Our friendship is very difficult to categorise or put into a specific box. I don’t have to see Olumide every day to know he’s my friend. 

    Sometimes, we just text or call and catch up on what’s going on. To me, that’s real friendship. I’m a very private person, but if I can open up to you and talk about important things, then you know that I trust you. That’s the kind of friendship I have. 

    I don’t have too many friends, but friendships are special. We’re linked together, regardless of time, space or when we last saw each other and things like that. Olumide and I don’t see and chat all the time, but every time we catch up, we text or call for hours. So, that’s the only way I can describe the bonding. 

    Olumide: What you just said is very important because my friends know that I’m a very low-touch person. Sometimes, friends require a certain kind of performance. But not Jude and many of the people I’m very close to. I can go days without talking to Jude, but if there’s something important to do or talk about, I’d jump on the phone and have that conversation. 

    So, we have that understanding that there has to be space in togetherness. We have assurance in our friendship and feel very secure in it, even when we don’t see each other. We’ve even done a book together without having to see each other. It’s coming out on August 29, 2023.

    How long have you guys gone without talking to each other?

    Jude: My God. I think COVID-19 was the longest. I hardly spoke to people during COVID period. But the book kept us in. We’ve been running this book since 2017 or 2018.

    Olumide: I think the book has actually kept us really close.

    Jude: Because of that, we’ve been in each other’s lives. So yeah, we’ve been very much in contact the last five, six years. 

    This book must be a special one 

    Olumide: That doesn’t mean that we talk everyday. But it’s been one of the key things that makes our conversation very regular now. Before then, we caught up once in a while to talk. 

    Jude: I agree our best bonding experience was working on this book —we had a lot of ups and downs from figuring out what to put in the book and what to take out. It’s been nice.

    Tell me about a time one person came through for the other?

    Jude: I remember the amount of work he did to get my book “Walking with Shadows” to the screens in 2019. I thought  it was almost impossible, but he came through. He was one of the hardest working producers on the project and raised the most money. He also coordinated people during the shoot of the film when the movie producer wasn’t around.

    Also, he buys and recommends my books, and I get my royalties at the end of the day.

    Olumide: I mean, I think it depends on how we look at times that people come through, but I remember when we invited him to Aké Festival, and he showed up. He was in Nigeria for almost a week.

    Is there anything you would change about your friendship?

    Olumide: It’d be great if we see more in person and talk over things that have happened in our private lives. For example, when I had my son, I wished I could talk to you about what that was like and all.

    Jude: I think I was one of the first people you even told you have a kid.

    Olumide: If we lived in the same city, you’d have been in the house the next day.

    What’s one thing you’ve always wanted the other person to know?

    Jude: I think I’ve told Olumide this already; leave Nigeria and move to London. Anyway, I love when he posts photos of his home and his outfits. That’s what I miss about Nigeria. I think we are much more adventurous with male fashion. Olumide has a good taste in clothing. So yeah, I’ve never told you that before.

    Olumide: I like the way Jude disappears. I feel like he’s in control of how he engages the world. Jude isn’t on Twitter or IG all the time. He’s living and breathing. Jude is doing things. I really like that because I feel like it gives a lot of people some time to reflect and introspect. So you have enough time for yourself and I really appreciate that. One of the things I appreciate about him is his calmness and self-awareness. He carefully picks his words. He’s very grounded in himself. I appreciate somebody who is soft, but still bold.

    Do you have an interesting bro story you’d like to share? Fill this form and we’ll get back to you.

  • My Bro is a bi-weekly Zikoko series that explores and celebrates male friendships of different forms.

    Toby and Shonnen became friends in 2013 through their love for games and anime. On today #ZikokoMyBro edition, these young men share their friendship story of watching anime together and playing online games to bridge the distance between them.

    Over a decade of friendship

    Toby: We’ve been friends for about ten years. But we were acquaintances three years before we actually became friends.

    Shonnen: We’ve known each other since 2010, our first year of secondary school.

    Toby: We became friends in JSS 3, when we found out we had things in common. We started hanging out to play games and then got into anime together. 

    He was already into anime, but I was quite new to it. I’d only watched one season of Naruto. So one day, I saw him exchanging a season of Naruto with a classmate of ours, and we got to talking about it. Then we started exchanging CDs and would talk about the episodes every chance we got.

    Shonnen: Our love for anime and games brought us together. Naruto had a lot of seasons, and we couldn’t afford to buy them all, so we came up with the idea of buying different ones and swapping them. We used to swap PC games too.

    Toby: Especially the role-playing ones.

    Shonnen: The good old Naruto Base days. Life was so simple then.

    Our first impression of each other

    Toby: He was a cool kid, one of those who also wore ironed uniforms. He’s always had a crazy imagination, which drew us closer because we could concoct stories on paper and build storylines for days.

    Shonnen: He was one of those loud and playful kids. I was playful too but nowhere near his level.

    Toby: I became gentle later, but omo, I overplayed for a while.

    Shonnen: But after we started sharing anime and playing games together, I realised he was more than just the loud classmate. I really got to know him as a person.

    Toby: Over time, we both moved towards the midpoint of our extremes. I became a bit less playful, and he got a little more outspoken.

    Growing up together

    Shonnen: It was a lot of fun.

    Toby: We always found ways to hang out, play games and have a lot of adventures together — we had crazy imaginations, so we created storylines and universes based on just words based roleplaying. We’d build a character and level it up well with nice characteristics and basically roleplay them in our imaginary world all with the words and texts we came up with.

    Even after graduating from secondary school in 2015, we kept in touch online and reached out whenever we were home from uni.

    Shonnen: Now, we have less time for fun with adult things to worry about. Also, I stayed back in Ibadan since I entered uni, while he frequents between IB and Osun state.

    Toby: We don’t see each other as much because when I’m not in Osun state with my family, I’m on a work trip. But we keep in touch via online games and social media. 

    Shonnen: But distance only affects the time we spend having fun together, not our friendship itself. The connection is always intact whenever we link up.

    Our friendship outside of anime and games

    Shonnen: Our tastes in everything else are almost worlds apart.

    Toby: Actually, they’re not completely different.

    Shonnen: He’s like an Alan Walker (producer and electro pop DJ) guy, while I’m more of a Sufjan Stevens (alternative and rock/indie folk artist) guy. He listens to upbeat music generally, and I prefer calm and slow music — indie, alté and the likes.

    Toby: That’s the summary. But we jam to the same music sometimes.

    I’m more of a beat lover than a lyrics person. I’m more passionate about the symphony, beat and tempo of the whole song. It’s why I enjoy DJ fusions.

    Shonnen: But our shared interest in anime and games, and the constant search for money, is what holds our friendship together. Hanging out once in a while just to game online or enjoy anime together is how we hold it together.

    Toby: Our friendship is the type where, no matter how long it takes for us to hang out, we always pick up right where we left off. It never feels like we’ve not seen each other in a long time. We still know ourselves at the core; the things that brought us together are still very much things we are interested in.

    Shonnen: And we discuss great money making ideas.

    Getting used to a long-distance friendship

    Toby: It gets weird sometimes. I feel like I might’ve missed a bunch of things that went on in his life, but when we get the chance to catch up, we talk about everything and get each other up to speed. It just comes naturally because we understand that we get busy. No matter how far apart we are, when we’re gaming, we feel like we’re in the same room.

    Shonnen: We spent a lot of time growing up together, so a few months of not communicating is nothing.

    Toby: We don’t see it as ghosting. We know we’re always a DM away. Chatting online feels almost the same as chatting in real life.

    You came through for me

    Toby: The first time I ever earned money, in 2020, he was the one who got me the gig. 

    I do crypto. There are a lot of times when it gets frustrating, like when I get hacked or lose a lot of money. He’s always there to encourage me, and sometimes, even lend me capital to start over.

    Shonnen: One time in 2022, things were a little rough financially, and he put me on this arbitrage stuff — to gain from the difference in FX bank rate and black market rate — and I made enough money till things got better. We come through for each other whenever it’s needed.

    What I’d change about you

    Shonnen: Maybe have him make less noise, or tune his music taste to be a bit more similar to mine. I’d also change the amount of time we spend together.

    Toby: I don’t want any changes. But if I had my way, things would remain the way they were when we were in secondary school. We plan hangouts every now and then, but it’s never enough. I travel a lot for work, and outside that, I split my time between Ibadan and visiting my family in Osun state. When I’m finally in Ibadan, I don’t feel like leaving home for weeks. It takes a lot of willpower to visit him.

    Shonnen: We actually have a hangout planned. He should be in IB on Monday (July 17). 

    I want you to know

    Toby: I always tell him everything I need to tell him without any sort of filter. 

    He doesn’t visit enough. I know your side is more active than mine, but I don’t always have to do the visiting.

    Shonnen: I’ll visit more.

    Do you have an interesting bro story you’d like to share? Fill this form and we’ll get back to you.

  • My Bro is a bi-weekly Zikoko series that explores and celebrates male friendships of different forms.

    Nine and Mudi’s friendship started in 2019 with a similar taste for certain types of music. With over three years of friendship, they talk to #ZikokoMyBro about ditching classes for their interests in crypto and tech, which has improved their standard of living.

    Nine and Mudi

    How long have you been friends?

    Mudi: Four years. That was probably around 2019.

    Nine: June, 2019 actually.

    How did you meet?

    Mudi: It was in uni. We stayed on the same hostel block.

    Nine: And we’re both engineering students. We’ve seen each other in class and hostel.

    What was the first connection?

    Nine: It was our matric day. Both of us stayed back in the hostel (laughs).

    Mudi: Yeah, I didn’t want to go for the matric. I woke up late and I saw somebody who also didn’t feel like going. I approached him and asked, “how far, you no go matric?” He said he’d go most likely later. Did he go? Find out next year.

    Nine: (Laughs) Bro, that was like our first interaction. The whole matric vibe was dead. So we stayed back.

    That was the only connection?

    Mudi: When Post Malone’s Hollywood’s Bleeding album came out, I didn’t have a music player to jam it. But someone constantly played the music out loud on my hostel floor. I always wondered who it was because I really fuck with Posty’s music, then I went to check who the DJ was and turned out it was Nine.

    Nine: So from there, we started talking about music and school.

    Mudi: We skipped classes a lot too (laughs).

    Nine: Sometimes I’d be in class, he’d be nowhere to be found. When I wake up sometimes, I often discover I’m not the only one sitting back in the hostel, Mudi is around too. We began spending time together.

    Mudi: One time, a math test was coming up, so we went to the class. We didn’t understand a single thing the lecturer taught. We eventually left and did our first night class together to read for the course. That made us closer. My fellow unserious nigga.

    Nine: We didn’t want to fail. We knew who sent us to school. Even though we’ve never liked school, we still wanted to try our best with it. And that’s how it has been until now. I think that’s a bond for us too.

    Mudi: Thankfully we’re almost done. Just a year left.

    What was your first impression of each other?

    Mudi: He seemed cool, but I wasn’t sure until he interacted during the matric. He was a calm guy and he minded his business. The music too, no one was listening to Post Malone on the hostel floor that time. 

    Nine: Other guys would bash our taste.

    Mudi: Na Naira Marley boys dey play for speaker. I’ve nothing against that, but I was happy immediately when I heard Post Malone from him. I was happy I wasn’t alone; like thank God o, make e no go be like na me be the only foreigner for this entire place.

    Nine: It was just cool. The vibes were just right. Having someone that likes the same things as you, almost the same way you do, I couldn’t ask for more.

    Apart from stabbing classes?

    Mudi: We actually went through sapa together too.

    Nine: Ah. Fuck. We don suffer before we begin soft. Now, things are better than good.

    Mudi: We don dey soft small, I’ll not lie. ‘Cause previously, it was sick man. We’d be cooking spaghetti when it’s past 12 a.m because that was when we had money. Just two of us. It wasn’t funny, man.

    Nine: It’s plenty o, but there was another mad phase in 100 level. We stayed away from parties because we couldn’t afford tickets. Other guys were there, not us.

    Mudi: We no get 1k for ticket, even though we always dress nice. But there was no money. We’d tell each other about parties that were happening but we’d discourage each other from going.

    Nine: We’d decide not to go. When people asked we just told them it’d be a boring party and kept it moving.

    Mudi: When we stroll past the party venues, we’d just shake our heads. Because of 1k. The only parties we went to happened because I was part of the organisers and I quickly pocketed some tickets. Looking back at it now, it’s crazy. Now, we’re the ones hosting parties and running things.

    What was your situation after 100 level?

    Nine: Things got a bit better. We began staying together from 200 level till now. We went from hostel floormates to flatmates off campus. I moved out and he moved in with me.

    Mudi: Aside from the music and truancy, we decided to grow together. It was like, this is what I’m doing at this point, what are you doing? Let’s make each other’s lives better. It was still rough, but way better than how we used to be.

    How did you guys go from being broke to renting out an apartment off campus?

    Mudi: Na bull run o. It saved our lives. That period, the prices of tokens were generally rising. There was more inflow of cash to the crypto market and that in turn yielded more profits on investments.

    Nine: It was the bull run, man. We thank God.

    Mudi: Nine actually introduced me to crypto. In fact, he had been eating good from it before I got into it. It was around the lockdown period. There was distance between us. I was in Lagos but we got talking and he gradually introduced me to it. And we started working hand-in-hand. Little money here and there served us.

    Nine: We did stuff together to make money. We’re like the real life crypto bros. There’s also tech stuff. Mudi is a game developer. Got into tech before me. He taught me basic things I needed at that time. Supplied me tutorial materials and made sure I didn’t miss anything. I do UI/UX now.

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    And how has it been?

    Mudi: Omo, let me not lie, it’s hard sometimes. Trading coins, buying and selling NFTs, creating and running crypto projects, etc. Dem dey chop our eyes, we dey chop their eyes too sha. It’s wins and losses; steady wins, major losses. I remember how hard it was starting from the ground up a couple times. Same as getting back up from a couple of bad investments. The space is very unkind to whoever gives up and we just pull through with knowledge and experience.

    Nine: It’s what has kept us not only afloat but majorly above what we should be running at this level. Nobody wants to hire an undergraduate for doing something they don’t know entirely and man has to feed, look good and still chest billings. I think we’ve been trying sha; learning, working and taking care of self. It’s been better.

    How do you hold yourselves accountable?

    Mudi: Hmm.. by being vocal. I don’t mind if disagreements probably come from it (we’d settle in few hours). Long as I let you know you’re know when you fuck up and need to do better. He knows me.

    Nine: You know I’m the same way too, bro. In doing that and getting things off our chests, we also make sure no one has any pent up resentments or anger. Air out the grievances and make the other party knows how we can do better moving forward.

    Mudi: Also, it’s harder than it seems most times because we regularly have to show up for both aspects of our lives (school and our individual career paths). The solution I put forward for us is to regularly have checks about school work outside our friendship. It helps us know what’s happening regarding school. For each other, we develop a reading schedule close to exams and tests and we get stuff done at least.

    What holds your friendship together?

    Mudi: We always stay in contact, whether we’re in the same area or not. We like to know what’s going on with each other, so there’s no information that’s lost between us at any point.

    Nine: We don’t have major friends outside of each other. We’re secluded from school right now. Another thing, we don’t hide anything from each other. Nobody does something without telling the other person what they are up to. Just like the crypto and the tech thing. That’s how it is.

    Mudi: I also think the drive for our friendship is fueled by our ability to be there for each other at any point; heartbreaks, finances, even school (laughs). As long as I know I have his back and he has mine, I’m good to go.

    Any particular time the other person came through for you?

    Mudi: There are countless times, but after we moved from the hostel to an apartment outside school, things were a bit slow for me because I’d just started getting into the crypto space. Nine helped me with funds, taking me through the baby steps, ensuring I was always in the know about what was happening, and helped me even when I needed help with cash.

    Nine: There’s been a lot but there was a time I was sick and had to go home. We had a test in school, he took my test for me and submitted.

    Mudi: Other things done for each other probably includes being wingmen for each other when it comes to getting women (laughs). Also basic house stuff like cooking and making sure the other person has something to eat when they get back from somewhere.

    What would you change about each other and your friendship?

    Nine: It’s the money sha. If we were richer, we’d be doing crazy things together.

    Mudi: There are many things we’ve been dreaming of doing together. We’ve banging ideas but funds are necessary. Nothing happens when the money is low. I just hope we’ll work harder than we’re now, so that we can get to where we want to be.

    Nine: There was a time we got supplies for clothing and made these custom lightning pants but we couldn’t continue with the mass production even though the final product was really nice. It’s little things like this that spark our desire to upgrade to better positions.

    So it’s not just crypto and tech?

    Mudi: No. We’ve a small fashion startup.

    I create custom made fits and I also paint on clothes. The lightning pants were for my fashion brand. Nine handles the creative direction for the brand and also in general. It launched during the lockdown. I made a couple of products, particularly painted trousers for a few people and demos and we got good reviews. 

    Where do you see yourselves together in five years?

    Mudi: Personally, I see myself managing Nine’s music career. Honestly I’d be content with that. He should blow up and I’ll manage his music. Funny thing, I didn’t even know he made music until later I heard some songs he did. I listened and loved them. Since then I’ve been telling him we’ve to push his music.

    Nine: I see us making more money together, travelling the world and just achieving.

    Music is just what I do when I am alone, tbh. It’s not really a major thing for me. That was why I hardly say anything about it. Most people still don’t know I make music. But I’ll work on being more visible.

    What have you always wanted to tell each other?

    Nine: Hmmm, it’s the usual sweet stuff we’ve always said na (laughs). Mudi is awesome, nice, cool and great. He knows I have his back anytime, though.

    Mudi: Na macho man, he no dey do emotions.

    As for me, what I always wanted to let him know is that I like how he works hard towards everything he gets his hands on. His attitude towards life is what I admire too. Although we can change and switch things up, for now this is it. Also, I want to thank him particularly for stuff he’s done for me in the past. I wouldn’t be here without him.

    Do you have an interesting bro story you’d like to share? Fill this form and we’ll get back to you.

  • My Bro is a biweekly Zikoko series that interrogates and celebrates male friendships of different forms.

    Dubem and Felix have been friends for over 20 years, even though they didn’t speak to each other for almost a decade. In this episode of #ZikokoMyBro, they talk about starting a rap group as teenagers, falling for the same girl in university and the tragic loss that reunited them again in 2020.

    Let’s start from the very beginning. How did you guys meet? 

    Dubem: We attended the same secondary school back in 1997. Felix was my older brother’s school son. It was a boarding school, my first time away from home, and my brother introduced us because he wanted someone to look out for me. 

    Felix: You were supposed to be my school son even though I was in JSS 2. But I knew you’d give me plenty wahala from the moment we met. 

    What were your first impressions of each other? 

    Dubem: Felix was a busybody. I come from a strict home, so being in boarding school was my first taste of freedom. I was among the most popular boys in JSS 1, skipping class and attending every social night. However, Felix was always there to tattletale on visiting days. He’d come over to my family and play the tape of all I’d been doing. I couldn’t stand him. 

    Felix: I thought he was a spoiled brat. I come from a family where we didn’t have much, so I understood responsibility early on. He was wasting his time gallivanting around instead of focusing on school. In hindsight, that freedom to be himself away from home must’ve been an enormous relief. I admit that I took my school father thing a little too seriously.

    It wasn’t until I got into SS 1 that we finally connected and became friends. 

    How did you guys connect? 

    Felix: Rap music. 

    Come again? 

    Felix: Yes, rap music o. This was the 1990s, and rap music was the biggest thing. Everyone thought they could be MCs, and I used to write bars and freestyle in private. 

    Dubem: I didn’t think he was cool until I heard him rapping DMX’s Get at Me Dog one day. I’ll never forget because DMX had just dropped Its Dark and Hell is Hot, and I was still learning his flow. This guy already knew everything word for word. I told him I was a DMX fan, and we started talking about rap. 

    Felix: I was shocked. I thought he’d be into the white pop music stuff, but this boy knew his shit when it came to rap, talking about Big Pun, Busta, Ice Cube and Dr Dre. We got so deep into the conversation that I did something I’d never done with anyone before, I shared some of my rap songs with him. 

    Dubem: I was blown away by how personal and tight they were. I gave him some of my mediocre bars, and we decided to start a rap group that day. We called ourselves Redemption Crew. 

    Like Rihanna fans say every day, “Where is the album?”

    Felix: We didn’t put one out. Now that I think about it, our name sounds like that of a hip Pentecostal church choir. But it was hot back then, sha. We really thought we’d become big-time rappers. 

    Dubem: It’s not too late. We can resign and chase our dreams. Abi, what do you think? 

    Felix: That’s a hard pass for me, please. LOL. 

    So what happened to the Redemption Crew? 

    Dubem: We both went to UNILAG, fell in love with the same girl and everything scattered. 

    Back up. It’s a lie.

    Felix: Unfortunately for all our potential fans, he’s telling the truth. We had a few popular songs in secondary school because we kept performing at social nights and parties. I eventually left for UNILAG in 2002, and Dubem came in a year later. University was different. The stakes were higher, and school was intense. Despite this, we still worked on the low and had plans to chase the rap thing once we were done. 

    Dubem: That was until I met Ebele. My first girlfriend in university and the first girl I ever loved. She was in her first year, just like me, and we had an elective course together. It was love at first sight for me, but it took a lot of convincing to get her to go out with me. We started dating, and my life was perfect. 

    Felix: I met Ebele through Dubem and didn’t think too much of her. They shared an elective, but she was in my department, so I saw her more often. We only started talking because of Dubem, and it was surface-level. However, when they started having problems, she came to me, and the conversations changed. 

    Dubem: Our problems started about a year into our relationship. I got involved with some weird guys and started struggling with school work. Instead of finding a solution, I took it out on her by being distant. I’d stay with these guys and disappear for weeks. It was my fault. I was also distant from Felix. I pushed you guys towards each other. 

    Felix: My friendship with Ebele started from our mutual complaints about Dubem. It helped that we both had someone to share the stress this man was putting us through. He eventually got his shit together, but it was too late because she was over it. I’m his friend, so I was still there. 

    Felix, how did your relationship with Ebele become romantic? 

    Felix: It started in 2005 when I was in my final year, and almost two years after they were together. Ebele and I had gotten closer, but I didn’t even know how much I liked her until she kissed me while I was tutoring her. We both felt guilty about that kiss, but our feelings had become undeniable. I couldn’t lie to myself or my friend. Dubem had to know. 

    Dubem: I knew about their friendship and thought it was cool, but kissing?  I lost my shit when he told me. He didn’t date anyone all the time he was in school, and now that he finally decided to see someone, he chose my ex? I was livid. I started replaying scenarios in my head. Had he been  playing me from the start? Did he always want my babe? 

    Felix: I explained how our feelings grew as best as I could, and just sat there and let him have a go at me. I deserved it. What I’d done was horrible, but I was tired of running away from how I felt. 

    How did you guys figure it out? 

    Dubem: I stopped talking to both of them. I couldn’t handle it, and I didn’t owe it to them to pretend that I was okay with it. I’d lost my best friend and a girl that was special to me, all at the same time. It was hard. And then I heard Felix moved abroad, which sealed it for me. We were done. RIP Redemption Crew. 

    Felix: Lagos, scratch that; Nigeria, wasn’t big enough for us after what I did. I felt so embarrassed. I’d become that guy who breaks bro code and gets with his friend’s ex. I had to move far away from those who knew us, so I pursued my master’s in America. Ebele came to join me, and we got married in 2008. 

    Dubem: I heard about their wedding from his cousin, which reopened the wound. I didn’t think I’d ever be able to be in the same room with him again. We didn’t see or talk again for 13 years until I got a call from Ebele after the lockdown in 2020. 

    What was the call about? 

    Dubem: She called to tell me that they’d lost their son in the height of the pandemic, my friend was a wreck, and they were moving back to Nigeria. I was shocked when I realised who I was speaking to. The Ebele I knew was soft-spoken, but this Ebele was direct and uncompromising. She didn’t beg me to show up for my friend; she told me to. 

    Felix: That’s Ebele for you. She’s always in control. But yes, that loss took me to a dark place. I had built a life in Texas, but I knew it was time to come back to the life I knew here. Losing my son in a place where my support system was shallow changed my perspective on coming home. I knew it was time, but I immediately started feeling anxious about Dubem, and I think my wife sensed that. 

    She eventually told me she’d spoken to him and set up a meeting for when we returned to Lagos. 

    How did this meeting go?

    Dubem: I’m not ashamed to say there was a lot of  crying. I’m a dad too, so I could connect to what they were both going through. These two people still matter to me regardless of what happened in university. Seeing Felix like that, I wanted to be there for him. 

    Felix: I was sweating a lot the day he came over to our place. Seeing him again brought back all the memories of writing lyrics in our notebooks and planning our lives together. It felt like I was in boarding school again. I didn’t know how much I’d missed him until I saw him. 

    Regardless of how I felt, I knew it was important to talk about what happened if we were going to move on from it. 

    Dubem: I think he wanted to be sure I wouldn’t randomly stab him one day . LOL. The talk was necessary sha. He apologised again and spoke for hours. But honestly, I’d moved on. I loved Ebele, but we were never meant to be, and that’s fine. I’m married to the love of my life. I’ve never been happier. 

    So how’s your relationship now? 

    Felix: We’re in a great place. We were intentional about not rushing into anything or overwhelming each other. We had the occasional family Sunday dinners and slowly graduated to hanging out alone and doing things together. I was scared we wouldn’t have anything to say to each other when we were alone, but we still had much in common. And most importantly, we still love each other. 

    Dubem: We always have something to talk about, Felix. We’re still the same guys who loved DMX in school, it’s just that you have some grey hairs, which makes you old, and you also think Pusha T is a better rapper than Kendrick Lamar. 

    Felix: But he is. 

    Dubem: I think that’s what our kids call a red flag. 

    With so much history between you two, would you change anything about your friendship? 

    Dubem: The time we spent apart. I wish we’d spent it getting to know each other better as we got older. We were apart for most of our 30s, and that’s time we’ll never get back again. 

    Felix: True. I would’ve loved to meet Dubem, the first-time dad. 

    Dubem: No, please. That was a crazy time. That girl wouldn’t stop crying and shouting everywhere we went. I always looked like a madman. 

    Here’s a link

    What’s something you’ve always wanted to tell the other person?

    Dubem: I know a part of you still carries some guilt because of what happened in school, but I want you to know that I forgive you. I meant it when I said it in 2020, and I mean it now. I’m so happy to have you back in my life. I can see us in our 80s arguing about rap music over glasses of scotch. You’re my man, and I’ll always have your back. 

    Felix: Thank you, Dubby. You’ve made moving back home such a seamless process; there’s no way it would’ve worked without you. I love you, and I’m so proud of the man you’ve become. Your authenticity has been consistent since the day we met, and it’s one of the few things I can always count on, no matter what. 

    No, I’m not crying. 

    Do you have an interesting bro story you’d like to share? Fill this form and we’ll get back to you.

  • My Bro is a bi-weekly Zikoko series that interrogates and celebrates male friendships of different forms. 

    A mutual friend brought Rhaffy and Dwin, the Stoic to work with them in a recording studio in 2018. They quickly bonded, and their work relationship has since blossomed into a friendship.

    Let’s start from the beginning. When and how did you guys meet?

    Dwin: We met at a recording studio in Victoria Island through Otims, a mutual friend who wanted to work with me after my first album dropped. Rhaffy was going to produce it. That night, we worked on a song and connected so well. 

    Rhaffy: I think I still have that song somewhere on my Drive.

    First impressions of each other?

    Rhaffy: He was open-minded. You know, sometimes, when you work with someone for the first time, they want to be in their space and do their own thing, but it was different with Dwin. He was calm; he didn’t even seem like an artist that had already dropped a body of work. Dwin’s personality is an interesting one — when you meet him, you get this feeling of “Oh, let’s keep this going.”

    Dwin: In this music business, you can work with someone once and never do it again. But that wasn’t the case with Rhaffy. We understood each other. I like how he works too. We began creating and things were coming together. At that point, I knew Rhaffy was malleable, just like me.

    Did you know each other’s musical work before you met?

    Rhaffy: Nahh, that was the first time actually.

    Dwin: It was the first time. But wait, Rhaffy, you’ve produced on Otims’ project, yeah?

    Rhaffy: All Otims’ songs from back then actually.

    Dwin: So before Otims hit me up about collaboration, I had listened to his EP and I really liked what I heard. The production was incredible. I felt it’s something I’d also like to explore in my music.

    What if the other person wasn’t feeling your sound?

    Rhaffy: I didn’t feel like that. Otims already told me Dwin was going to drop by. Otims is a talented guy, and I believe anyone he recommends would be equally talented. The synergy from the onset was positive.

    Dwin: Yeah, exactly. Nothing like that. I came through to the studio, Rhaffy played an instrumental, and we started vibing. We got into the song pretty much immediately.

    Rhaffy: I remember, after the session, I had to go listen to Dwin’s project, and I was like, “Wow”.

    How exactly did you go from working together to becoming friends?

    Rhaffy: It was immediate. The first song we worked on turned out to be a big one. So we knew we had to come together to make more music.

    Dwin: We’d link up to work on some great ideas we already had, then finish up and start new ones in the studio. This happened week after week, session after session. As we made the music, the friendship bond got stronger.

    Rhaffy: Prior to our linkups, we’d talk about what we’d do and stuff like that.

    Dwin: I was working a 9-5 that time. So sometimes I’d go to the studio from work on Fridays and go back home on Saturday mornings. We did that throughout 2018 and 2019.

    In my songs, I mostly talk about life and the things that affect us. While recording, we’d talk about our lives and the things we want to do. We’re aligned in terms of vision and how big we’re trying to be.

    Rhaffy: It’s beyond music now. In fact, music isn’t the top two or three of what connects us right now.

    What are the top two?

    Rhaffy: Life and money.

    Dwin: Yes, because this shit is also a business.

    We’re building a community as well; bringing people together from our different circles and sourcing opportunities. We’re grabbing all we can from every side.

    Do you do music full-time now?

    Dwin: Yeah, that’s our day job. That’s our major.

    How’s that going in this Buhari times turned agbado era?

    Dwin: It’s not easy. But we’re so sure about the music. Four years ago, the vision wasn’t as clear. Now, we’re just biding time. Soon enough, we hope to be out there.

    People come and go, but we believe our music connects with multiple generations on a personal level. We believe it can touch lives, and we know the more people it speaks to, the higher it will go.

    Rhaffy: So that’s it. That’s what we’re doing.

    Dwin: There’s a plan to do a show in Lagos soon. We’ve been rehearsing for that. There’s also a potential show in Dakar that we’re still trying to talk to the organisers about.

    Rhaffy: Yeah, we’re trying to be out there.

    Dwin: You’ll see us in shows very soon. If the plans fall through, Rhaffy and I will be making music with a couple of musician-friends of ours in whatever city you might happen to catch us.

    Dwin, can you remember a time Rhaffy came through for you?

    Dwin: Many times. I don’t think I can pick one. It started very early in the friendship; like when I’d need a quick mix for a song. Even when payment wasn’t ready, he’d do it. Also, it’s the little things that friends do. From seeking advice on certain things to needing a place to crash sometimes.

    What about you, Rhaffy?

    Rhaffy: Dwin hooks me up with great gigs. If I had other friends that could give me those kinds of gigs, they might ask for 10% or 20%.

    Like he said, “It’s the little things that friends do.” If I have to start writing them down, it’s going to cover a whole 60 leaves note.

    Do you guys fight at all?

    Rhaffy: If we get into fights, it’s because of the music. I won’t even call them fights or disagreements. We just share different opinions sometimes. But we’re always open-minded.

    Dwin: If someone wants to try something new, we talk about it and make suggestions. If it still doesn’t work, or you can’t talk about it, no issues.

    Who do you think is the most emotional?

    Rhaffy: I’m not emotional. I’m always direct.

    Dwin: I think I’m more emotional. Rhaffy, though, when he gives compliments, he means it.

    Rhaffy: I don’t think we’re emotional people, honestly. We’re only emotional when our songs drop.

    Dwin: We just call each other and gush about the music.

    Anything you’d like to change about your friendship?

    Rhaffy: Nothing. If there’s one thing we both want, it’s to make plenty money.

    Dwin: That’s it. There’s nothing to change. We’re aware of our growth. We’ve achieved a lot in the last four years. Imagine what the next few  years will look like, especially with the kind of music we’re working on. For example, we just made a record with Ogranya. 

    Rhaffy: That song is not from this planet, bro. Ogranya is the coolest guy. He was actually cooler than I thought. We played FIFA, I defeated him four or five times. Then after the recording, I was so excited that I allowed him to beat me 10-0. I have to say this because he posted it on his Instagram.

    Dwin: Anyway, you’ll hear the song soon. It’s ridiculous.

    What’s something you’ve always wanted to tell the other person?

    Rhaffy: I always wanted to tell Dwin that he’s the best songwriter in the world. And you need to accept it with your full chest, my brother, because it’s something you shy away from.

    Dwin: I need to start saying it randomly.

    Rhaffy: You need to officially start saying it, bro. I’m serious. And it’s not just about writing alternative songs. Any genre, you kill it.

    Dwin: So here’s the thing about Rhaffy. He has the best ears. Just leave the music to Rhaffy; it doesn’t matter what genre. We did a random spontaneous thing on the rock version of Allez, a song on our new EP, Love Lane. He made the drums sound with his mouth. If you heard it, you wouldn’t know it’s Rhaffy. He has music inside him. I’ve always wanted him to know that. I think the fact that we met is unfair because there’s nothing we set our minds to that we can’t achieve together.

    Rhaffy: It’s like having Messi, Suarez and Neymar in one team. We’re like 2014/2015 Barcelona.

    Do you have an interesting bro story you’d like to share? Fill this form and we’ll get back to you.

  • My Bro is a biweekly Zikoko series that interrogates and celebrates male friendships of different forms.

    Michael and Faith’s friendship started with a not-so-random DM on Facebook in 2016. With over five years in this friendship thing, they talk to #ZikokoMyBro about surviving health challenges together, maintaining transparency when helping each other financially, and how they deal with Michael’s tendency to disappear without telling his friend. 

    Let’s start from the very beginning. How did you guys meet? 

    Michael: I met Faith on Facebook in 2016 when the app was still popping. We both wrote poems and were part of the same writing community. Our interactions were limited to the comment section until Faith DM’ed me one day. 

    Faith: Ah, I remember. I’d been reading your work and sent a DM saying, “Baba, you dey write gan.” 

    Michael: I’m reading that message now and cringing because I replied, “Good evening, sir.” You asked me how to publish your poem somewhere, and I kept adding “sir” to all my messages. I don’t even know why I was being so extra. 

    What was your first impression of the other person? 

    Faith: I thought he was very intelligent. I’d read this thought-provoking essay he wrote about LAUTECH being on strike and how no one was doing anything about it. He had his way with words that allowed him to express even the most complex thoughts with a sense of clarity. I also liked that one minute, he could be writing something like that, and the next, he’s writing something about all power belongs to your bumbum with the same passion. 

    Michael: What do you mean by that? I thought you were noisy. You were everywhere, and your comments were on everybody’s posts. Let’s not even get into your Facebook name; “Emmanuel GodHonoursMe Faith”. Bro, are you the only one God is honouring? LOL. 

    Another thing that stuck out to me was the way you used words. You used to blow big grammar like Wole Soyinka in the most random conversations. I thought that was really cool. 

    When did your relationship move from admiring each other’s writing to an actual friendship? 

    Michael: We met for the first time and started getting close when I got admission to his university. Faith was in his second year, and I was in my first. We attended the same campus fellowship, and over time I started hanging out in his room since I had 20 roommates. Plus, he used to cook a lot. We became close during the period I was eating free food and hanging out in his room. 

    So basically, you were like an Abuja man hanging out for food and shelter? 

    Michael: You know what? That’s understandable. I started hanging out with him for basic human needs. LOL 

    Faith: No, let me defend you small. I made food for almost everyone because I was a fellowship big bro. Remember you used to call me “Sir”? 

    My turning point in our relationship was when I fell sick that day in school. I never fall sick, but my village people caught me this time, and I broke down. Michael was the first person on my mind to call. He came over, took me to the health centre and stayed with me through everything. He also checked up on me and cooked during that whole period. He took care of me. That ordeal unlocked something for me, and I knew this guy had become my friend. 

    Michael: So I’ve saved you from untimely death? I’ve tried for you, sha. 

    Michael, outside of food, can you remember when Faith really came through for you? 

    Michael: When I first moved to Lagos after university, me and being broke were like five and six. Faith was more shocked when I didn’t come to borrow money than when I showed up to beg. But the money wasn’t really the moment for me. My favourite come-through moment was when I fell sick. 

    You too? 

    Michael: Yes, o! In 2021 I was really sick and needed to undergo a severe procedure. It was a terrifying moment in my life when I was like, “Maybe I’ll see God in a few seconds”, and Faith was right there by my side. I fall sick often, so I’m used to hospitals. On the other hand, Faith rarely falls sick, so hospitals make him very uncomfortable. He didn’t want to be in a hospital but was there for me. I was sick, but I was pitying him. Lol

    Faith: I followed you to the hospital because I know you, and you have a habit of just putting your phone on do not disturb while everyone else is worried about you. I’m always concerned about you, so I felt it’d be better to go with you and be updated in real-time. Nothing prepared me for all the medical equipment and terms I heard during that period sha. Plus, I was the only one your mum could reach. It was worth it when you got better. 

    Regarding coming through for me, I’m grateful to Michael for always telling me the truth. I’ve gotten to a point where I feel like I’m doing well and I’m one of the baddest when it comes to what I do, so it’s important to have someone who can pull me aside and keep me in check. Michael will explain a situation to me, and I’ll realise I was the one that messed up. He’ll still call me out today even if I sent him money yesterday.

    I also feel comfortable talking to Michael about everything. Most people don’t have that in their friendship. 

    Money has come up a couple of times now, and how as to how it might affect your friendship? 

    Michael: First of all, Faith has a lot more money than me, so money can’t even be a problem for us. LOL. But seriously, it all boils down to transparency and being honest with one another. Faith knows how much I make, and I know how much he makes. I can’t ask him for anything that’ll inconvenience him, and he also knows when I’ll be able to pay back based on how much I make. We’ve refused to allow money to become a big deal in our friendship. 

    Faith: The transparency part is important. If Michael asks me for money twice a month, I’ll know there’s a serious problem and follow up before he tells me, “Oh, he had to send money home” or something like that. But another thing is knowing our financial capacities because we only make big financial decisions with the other person knowing. Michael keeps me in check when it comes to spending. This guy once spent N5k from Monday to Friday. I don’t know how he did it. 

    Michael: I’m not even trying to be frugal. I don’t know what I’m spending money on if I have food and water at home. You’re always going out, while I’m usually in my house, so it makes sense that you spend more money than me. 

    Outside of knowing each other’s finances down to the last penny, what’s another unconventional part of your friendship? 

    Faith: We’re very open about how much we love each other and unafraid to say it anywhere from the middle of Ikeja City Mall (ICM) to bus parks and emails. 

    Michael: Not you listing some of the places I’ve told you “I love you.” 

    Faith: The one at ICM is funny because you said it loudly in a restaurant after I bought you rice. Everyone was staring at us. It was embarrassing but beautiful. 

    Another unconventional thing about our friendship is that we write to each other a lot. Not texting, but writing via email to catch up and share how much we mean to each other. This guy can ghost everyone for a long time, but every time I write, he responds. 

    Ghosting in friendship again? Michael, please explain

    Michael: I’ve ruined a lot of potential friendships because I suck at responding to messages and social media. Instant messaging doesn’t make sense because I can’t keep up with talking to multiple people at once about different things. Many people don’t get it and assume I just don’t rate them. That whole thing on Twitter about “People make time for people they care about”. It’s not about time; messaging is just not my thing. 

    What I love about my relationship with Faith is that he gets it. We don’t always text, but we talk via long emails. I can send a mail on Monday and not get a response until the following Monday, but that’s totally fine. I know he’s still there for me. Constantly talking doesn’t validate our friendship. 

    Faith, how did you get comfortable with this communication style since it’s not the most conventional in friendships? 

    Faith: It was a bit challenging initially, but I had to learn that not everyone will be like me. Not everyone has the energy to fill up a room or talk on the phone for 30 minutes straight. It doesn’t make them any less amazing. 

    I know Michael trusts and feels safe with me, so he’ll come around on his own terms. Just because he’s nowhere to be found doesn’t mean he’s not thinking of me. He’s disappeared so many times only to send a bottle of wine or the hardcover of a book he thinks I’d like. People are different. 

    Michael: I’m a great friend if you manage your communication expectations. Faith gets it, and that’s why we work well.

    Faith: We’re on the same wavelength. He can disappear today, but when he returns, he can take up  six hours of my time. 

    Six hours, doing what? 

    Faith: We’ve watched a TV show virtually before, episode by episode. We also read together virtually at the same time. I’ll ask what page he’s on, and we’ll read together. If we poured this energy into dating, we wouldn’t be single. LOL. 

    Would you consider changing something about your friendship or the other person? 

    Michael: I wish we saw each other more, but that’s on me. Faith is always available while I’m usually in my house, hiding or working. Then, for Faith, I’d like you to please calm down more often because it’s not everything or everyone that deserves the amount of emotional strength you put into them. Don’t you like peace, joy and happiness? These are things you could imbibe. Your gragra is too much. 

    Faith: I totally agree with the second one. My emotions are always all over the place. For our friendship, I’d like us to have more money so Michael can spoil me with trips to Abuja— 

    Michael: Abuja? That’s your holiday destination? I need to unfriend you after this. 

    Faith: Oya, let’s do Venice or Bali. Regarding what I’d like to change about you, I’ll say it’s the ghosting thing, but not for me, for our other friends. I’m already used to you disappearing, but most of our mutual friends don’t get it, so they become worried, and I have to reassure them that you’re good. Drop a message for them that says, “Hi guys. I’ll be disappearing for three days. Cheers.” 

    Michael: I don’t plan it. But I’m trying to be better. 

    Do you have an interesting bro story you’d like to share? Fill this form and we’ll get back to you.

    What’s something you’ve always wanted to tell the other person? 

    Michael: I want us to write more. Our emails are some of my most treasured possessions in the world. I love how we write each other those long emails, and I want more of that. 

    Faith: I’m so proud of how you’ve hacked capitalism. You used to hate it, but now you’re killing it. I love seeing that growth. I’m so so proud of you. 

    Michael: That’s so sweet. Look at you being a sweet person. 

  • My Bro is a biweekly Zikoko series that interrogates and celebrates male friendships of different forms.

    Josh and Kelechi became friends after they both participated in a threesome. Now five years into their friendship, the two talk about the interesting sexual encounter that brought them together, bonding over therapy and why boundaries are important even in an unconventional friendship like theirs. 

    Let’s take a trip down memory lane. How did you guys meet? 

    Kelechi: I met Josh in 2018. I was in my second year of university while he was in his third and dating a girl in my class. I didn’t really know him, but their relationship was popular because both of them were the king and queen of PDA on campus. You wouldn’t see one without the other; they were always holding hands or kissing. 

    Josh: What can I say? We were in love. I’d seen you around too, but I only started paying attention when my girlfriend started talking about this cute guy in class she wanted us to hook up with. She had a crush on you, but I needed to know more if we were both going to pursue something with you. 

    Pursue something? 

    Kelechi: Josh and his girlfriend are in an open relationship, although they’re only allowed to be with the same person. Guy, please explain it yourself. 

    Josh: LOL. You’ve dropped the basic synopsis of our situation. The full gist is that my girl and I are open, but we only hook up with thirds. We’re not allowed to see other people separately. If I like someone, then two of us must like the person and vice-versa. It’s also purely sexual, no feelings attached.  

    My girl liked Kelechi back then, so I had to scope the guy on my own too. You’re a fine guy, so it didn’t take too much convincing. Getting you on board was surprisingly easy too. But I can still remember the shock on your face when we told you we wanted to sleep with you. 

    Kelechi: Bruh. Let me not lie and say I was a saint or anything. But I’d never been in a threesome, much more being approached by a couple to have one. I liked your girlfriend too, but I didn’t overthink it since she wasn’t available. She asked me to hang out after class, and that’s when you made the proposition. I thought it was a prank. 

    Josh: Prank as per you’re on Punk’d? You really think you’re a celebrity for real. 

    Kelechi: My friend, shut up. I had to pick my jaw up from the floor that day. My brain told me to say “No”, but I watched myself say, “Yes”. 

    Josh: Omo, I was shocked, too o. That was the fastest “Yes” we’d ever gotten. Most people would ask to think about it and either come back for some *cough cough* or start avoiding us. But you said “Yes” on the first ask. Why? 

    Kelechi: I don’t know. But there was something about the both of you — being the hottest couple in school and all, wanting me that immediately turned me on. I also felt really special, like I was chosen. 

    Josh: DFKM

    How did this friendship form from your threesome? 

    Josh: Like Omawunmi once sang, “If you ask me, na who I go ask?” 

    Kelechi: Behave, jare. I was too irresistible for just a one-night stand. You needed me to be a part of your life. 

    Josh: Honestly, yes. The sex was great, and all three of us enjoyed it, but the conversation after really struck me, and I was like, “This boy is cool AF”. 

    What did you guys talk about? 

    Kelechi: Therapy. 

    Josh: That’s not a topic anyone would expect to hear, especially when the people involved just had a spicy threesome. But I’d just started therapy, and when Kelechi joked about telling his therapist about us, I just started pouring my whole life’s story to him.

    This was the first time I was meeting another guy who was in therapy. I’m sure there are other guys, but I’d never seen someone who was that open to talking about it. It started from jokes about how therapy is expensive AF and making us poor, and then we just segued into how helpful it’s been for us. 

    Kelechi: Do you get? I’d be more of a mess if it wasn’t for therapy. I have a serious anxiety issue and most Nigerians don’t even take it seriously. People think I’m lazy or avoidant. Therapy helped me figure out the problem and learn how to confront it.

    Talking to another guy who knew something was wrong and was taking the necessary steps to fix it reaffirmed my decision. 

    Josh: Me too. My girl and I usually keep a distance from our thirds unless we’re planning a hook-up, but I started hanging out with you more, and it was just what I needed. She supported me but didn’t get the therapy thing. And that’s fine. I also needed to be around someone who could relate on a personal level. 

    Was your girlfriend okay with that? 

    Josh: Not at first, but I think she also understood that the sex thing with Kelechi was more her than me. My girl is my best friend, so I didn’t have a lot of friends in school I could talk to. I made her understand that I needed Kelechi on a friendship level and it didn’t have anything to do with her not being enough. 

    Kelechi: This guy and sweet mouth. “Anything to do with her not being enough”? Bars, my guy. 

    Josh: I dey try. But it really wasn’t. My entire existence was wrapped around one relationship in my life, and it wasn’t fair on her. It’s also part of why I started seeing a therapist. I needed people to talk to. 

    It’s been five years, and I’m curious how your friendship has evolved. 

    Josh: I realised a couple of months into our friendship that I was doing to Kelechi what I did to my girlfriend, making them the centre of my world. Like, I was talking to just two of them, and I know it’s good to keep my circle small, but it doesn’t mean I should suffocate the people in it. Kelechi was also too polite to ask for space. Now we have these difficult conversations and draw boundaries where necessary.

    Kelechi: I’m a people pleaser, and I wanted to be a good friend, so it was hard for me to say, “Oh, I feel you dude. But I can’t process your stuff now because my life’s a mess.” 

    We enjoy talking to each other, and it’s helped to have someone to listen to and bounce ideas off of, but that boundary thing was necessary. Then again, how do you set boundaries in such a complicated friendship? 

    Josh: Talking about it. Shoutout to my therapist because she was the one who pointed out how in trying to be each other’s person, there was a high chance we might lose ourselves. I brought it up with Kelechi, and we had that conversation. We have an “I’m at my mental capacity” safeword. I know he wants to be there for me, and me, him, but we also had to learn how to be there for ourselves once in a while. 

    You guys seem so zen. Do you even fight? 

    Kelechi: It’s hard to fight with someone who doesn’t like confrontation. Whenever we almost have an issue, Josh will apologise whether he was right or wrong. I admire it, but it can be annoying. 

    Josh: Wow. But it’s because I love you, bro. I genuinely don’t like people being upset at me. Plus, we’ve never had an issue worth fighting over. Our only problems are you always being late and me taking five years to text back sometimes. 

    Kelechi: Fair enough. 

    Is there anything you’d change about your friendship? 

    Josh: I wish we met earlier. I don’t regret how we met, and I wouldn’t change it, but I wish we got into each other’s lives earlier. You’ve made me more open to receiving non-romantic love. I can’t help but wonder sometimes how many friends and relationships I missed early on in life because I was closed off. 

    Kelechi: I wouldn’t change a thing. Not even timing. We met when we needed to meet, and it worked out well. I’d change your detty love for amala though. That right there is a character flaw. LOL. 

    Do you have an interesting bro story you’d like to share? Fill this form and we’ll get back to you.

    What’s something you’ve always wanted to tell the other person? 

    Kelechi: I’m open with how I feel about you and your importance to me. I love you, and If I had to choose a best friend in another life, even if I were a dog, I’d choose you. 

    Josh: A dog? Be calming down. But I love you too, and I’m grateful you’re in my corner. I don’t know how I’d do this life thing without you. You and my babe are the only ones I’d actually get in a fight for. Everyone else O.Y.O is their case. 

  • Let’s not even cap; making friends as a grown man is hard. Between Nigeria’s wahala, capitalism struggles, and societal rules about how we should interact, Nigerian men of a certain age struggle to make meaningful friendships. 

    Source: Zikoko Memes

    If you’re at the stage where you are looking to try anything to make new friends, then, sir, this article is for you. 

    Open a barbing salon 

    Source: Zikoko Memes

    If you want something, you need to invest in it — even if that investment is a barbing salon at your junction. Barbing salons are safe havens for men to vent, let loose, and have some time away from the world. While it might seem like an over-the-top move to land friends, opening a barbing salon will introduce you to a wide range of men from all walks of life. You could literally hold a friend audition, and they wouldn’t even know. 

    Go back to school 

    Source: Netflix Naija

    Most men who talk about their oldest friendships often refer to the friends they made in secondary school or university. If the cast of Far From Home could “convince” us they were secondary school students, then look, you can do it too. But if going back to secondary school sounds crazy, there’s nothing wrong with going back to university to get a new degree and make new friends. Nothing builds friendships faster than a mutual fear of carryovers. 

    Stop calling every guy “Oga” or “Boss” and take time to know their names

    Source: Zikoko Memes

    Bruh. The number of “Oga”, “Chief”, and “Boss” you hear when men hang out around each other is wild. It’s like, “Do any of you have real names?” If you want to build a real connection with another man, you need to know the basics, like their actual name. If you left Nigerian men, they’d “Oga” each other to the grave. 

    Shoot friendship shots on social media 

    Source: Zikoko Memes

    Desmond thought Collins was cool and shot a friendship shot on Instagram. Please, what’s stopping you from doing the same thing? Shame? Pride? Chelsea, come on now. If you’re willing to work to get someone’s attention on social media for knacks or a romantic relationship, what’s stopping you from putting the same level of effort into making male friends? Granted, a few guys might find it weird at first, but real guys will appreciate it. Just make sure you’re not being extra by liking their pictures from 2014. 

    FYI, LinkedIn is a social media platform too *wink wink* 

    Become more active in the church or mosque

    Source: Zikoko Memes

    A God-fearing partner is not the only person you can find in your place of worship. What happened to a God-fearing friend? What does it profit a man to have a godly relationship, but a friendship built on sin? Okay, maybe don’t answer that. You sha get the gist. 

    RECOMMENDED: You’re Secretly a 40+ Man If You Spend Your Weekend Doing These Things

    Become a gym bro

    Source: Zikoko Memes

    The gym can be very intimidating, but when you really think about it, that space is also one of the best places to make a new friend. Even though everyone seems to be on a mission to outdo the next person in the gym, a certain level of vulnerability comes with the effort to be better at something regardless of how many kgs you’re lifting. Tap into that vulnerability. No one is asking you to become the annoying guy who won’t shut up in the gym, but try smiling or saying “hi” to other guys there once in a while. Who knows, you might move from gym bros to actual bros. 

    Date women who have cool brothers who don’t want to beat you up 

    Source: Zikoko Memes

    Why kill one bird or relationship with one stone when you could easily kill two with one stone? Meeting a cute girl who rocks your world is great, but things get ten times better when this girl has a brother who could become your soulmate. Even if the romantic relationship fails, no rule says you can’t be best friends with your ex’s brother. If she really loved you, then she’d be happy for you. 

    Argue about Messi or Wizkid in social gatherings

    Source: Zikoko Memes

    The moment you hear Nigerian men arguing, and they start throwing the word “goat” around while mentioning “Wizkid” or “Messi”, then, sir, it’s time to pull up a chair and join that argument. There’s a high chance you’ll get insulted during the argument, but there’s also a high chance you’ll make a new friend regardless of which side of the argument you stack your chips on. 

    Join dating apps 

    Source: Zikoko Memes

    If there’s anything we learnt from Edem and Chide’s My Bro story, it’s that men can become best friends with men they’ve hooked up with. It doesn’t always work, especially if you’re as straight as a ruler, but taking the lover-to-best-friend route isn’t that bad when it comes to friendship. To make this work, you must open your mind beyond sexual attraction and get to know the people you’re chatting with. It’s giving from guts to guys. 

    Read Zikoko My Bro and steal our subjects’ best friends

    If you can’t find a best friend of your own, who says you can’t go around stealing other people’s best friends? Thankfully, Zikoko My Bro has many options you can select from. All you have to do is read their story, choose the best friend you want to steal and then get ready to throw hands with their current best friend. Nothing good comes for free. 

    Become your own best friend 

    Source: Zikoko Memes

    I know everyone says this all the time, but who knows you better than you? To be the best friend you could possibly be to anyone else, you need to become your own best friend and show up for yourself. This is the friendship version of the corny, “No one’s going to love you if you don’t love yourself”, shit they say in romcoms. Love yourself, bro. 

    ALSO READ: The Best Places to Find the Perfect Nigerian Wife

  • My Bro is a biweekly Zikoko series that interrogates and celebrates male friendships of different forms.

    Tobi and Sadiq first met in 2001 but only became friends after an event changed their lives in 2020. In this episode of #ZikokoMyBro, the two talk about how they navigate their complicated 14-year age difference and the feeling of abandonment that comes with saying goodbye when someone you love japas. 

    Let’s take a trip down memory lane with your origin story

    Tobi: I can confidently say I’ve known this one since he was a baby because I met him when he was four. This was 2001, and I was roommates in university with Umar, his brother, so I’d come over to their place when I met “Junior”. 

    Sadiq: Bro, why would you tell everyone that? No one calls me Junior again. 

    Tobi: Does your dad know this? Because—

    Anyway, I don’t think he even remembers that day. Do you? 

    Sadiq: I was four, of course I don’t remember. But I remember you always came around our house when I was growing up. Because of the age gap between my brother and me, you naturally looked more like his brother than I did then. 

    What were your first impressions of each other? 

    Tobi: I thought he was clingy. It makes sense to now because I understand he was a child and only had his brother and parents. But I was an only child forced to be independent super early, so I didn’t get why he wanted to follow Umar and me everywhere. He was like this pest we couldn’t get rid of. 

    Sadiq: I just thought you guys were so cool. My parents will deny it, but I was a mistake; they only wanted one child. They had me when my brother was almost done with secondary school, so everyone around me was older. I also didn’t like kids my age because they were boring. I wanted to be a grown-up, so I attached myself to you and my brother. 

    Tobi: My own that time was this small boy was cock-blocking us. We’d want to go out, and his mum would say, “Can you guys take Sadiq too? He wants to go.” I couldn’t stand him. 

    So what changed? 

    Tobi: Time. The older he got, the less annoying his presence was. By the time he was a teenager, I had started to think, “Okay, maybe this kid is cool.” 

    Sadiq: You think I’m cool? Thank God we’re recording this because I’ll save this quote and use it whenever you try to yab me, especially my fashion choices. 

    Tobi: Enjoy the compliment while it lasts. You’ll only get it once every five years moving forward. 

    When did you guys become close? 

    Sadiq: We’ve always been close, but we got even closer after my brother moved abroad with his family in 2020. 

    Tobi: 2020 was a challenging year for everyone. But for me, it was Covid, switching careers after years of being miserable, #EndSARS and then my best friend packed his bags and japa’ed. It was the worst year of my life. 

    Damn

    Tobi: As an only child, I was used to doing things on my own until I met Umar. We were roommates, and even though he forced a friendship on me, he quickly became the brother I never had. We’d study and party together, and even when we left school, we ensured we lived close together. 

    Nothing prepares you for what it’s like to say goodbye to someone who was a big part of your life. Umar mentioned wanting to leave Nigeria, but the protests were the tipping point. It’s ironic because it further strengthened my resolve to stay in Nigeria. I miss him, but then I had to quickly use Sadiq as a replacement. LOL 

    Sadiq: I was about to say this gist is about our friendship, not you and my brother. Na wa o. But yes, Umar leaving was a lot for everyone. But imagine someone successfully getting everything they need to go, and you’re like, “Oh, I feel sad or angry that you’re leaving”? I couldn’t really express the sense of abandonment I felt at the time with anyone until we hung out the weekend after he left. 

    Tobi: That was the night we connected on a deeper level. Or maybe it was just the edibles. Either way, a connection sha happened.

    What did you guys talk about? 

    Tobi: Maybe it was because of alcohol and edibles, but after some small talk, I found myself opening up about how angry I was about Umar leaving. Just like Sadiq, I felt abandoned, but I also felt guilty for even feeling that way. Like, what right did I have? 

    Sadiq: Exactly. I felt guilty AF. Talking to you about it and knowing you felt the same way made it okay for me to acknowledge my feelings and eventually move from them. 

    I wasn’t sure how I’d function as a whole with my brother so far away, but I felt a lot better after our conversation. It was like I’d just gotten a new big bro that I could disturb and embarrass regularly.

    Tobi: If only you knew I’d be the one embarrassing you. LOL. 

    That conversation changed the way I looked at him. I’d always seen Sadiq as my best friend’s baby bro, but I saw him as a man in that moment. It wasn’t just an older and younger dynamic anymore. I felt we could be genuine friends. 

    Aww. How did you guys navigate this new friendship? 

    Tobi: It was weird at first, especially for me. I felt like I was cheating on Umar when we hung out without him. Plus, people, especially my partner found it odd that I always hung out with someone old young to be my son. She was a major opposition to our friendship, but it’s been two years now and she’s gotten used to him.  

    We have other friends, so it’s not like we desperately sought a connection. But I also wanted to put in the effort to have a relationship with him, separate from his brother. It helps that we both have a lot in common. No one loves to turn up more than both of us. 

    Sadiq: Please, don’t lie. We’re not the same. How is this man 40, and I, the guy in his 20s, that has to remind him that we have a home every time we go out? I love a good night out, but Tobi loves a good night into day outing. LOL 

    Tobi: What can I say? I love a good time. But outside of going out, we spend a lot of time talking too. From relationships to work, we always try to talk things out. I mean, I’m the reason his relationship has lasted this long. My golden advice has always been, “Don’t argue; just listen to her.” I better get a shoutout at your wedding. 

    Sadiq: Please, when did I mention marriage? Don’t set me up abeg. 

    Becoming friends with him has made it easier for me to be honest in our conversations. That whole big brother thing created boundaries. Like he said, I’m not the best at relationships, but Tobi has been in one since World War I, so he has a lot of experience and is never afraid to call me out on my bullshit. He looks out for me like an older brother, but he’s also non-judgemental like a friend. That’s the sweet spot. 

    Tobi: World War I, abi? Well done. 

    Sadiq is very stubborn, and I’m just like that too. But having him in my life has taught me to be patient. Both of us can’t be the assholes here, so we take turns. He also calls me out on some of my BS, like my drinking, which I’ve cut down on since we started hanging out. I’m learning from him that it’s possible to have fun and still remember the fun I had by the time I woke up the next day. 

    How does Umar feel about this friendship? 

    Tobi: He finds it funny since I was very anti-Sadiq when he was younger. But he’s glad we have each other. He’s always complaining about FOMO on our group chat. 

    What holds your friendship together? 

    Sadiq: Mutual respect. Tobi doesn’t treat me like a child, and that’s important to me. I’ve always felt like the “baby” for the longest time, so it’s great to have someone older who doesn’t reduce my opinions or experience to age. 

    Tobi: Eyah, Junior. My boy. For me, it’s honesty. I like that he doesn’t judge me or see me as someone who should know everything. There’s this perception that once you’re in your 30s, you need to have life figured out. But I’m 40 now, and I’m still figuring shit out. I like that our friendship gives me space to do that. He doesn’t look at me like an agbaya. 

    What’s something you’ve always wanted to tell the other person? 

    Sadiq: I was always jealous of your friendship with Umar because I thought you guys were cool. Now that I’m older and have my own relationship with you, I understand that I admired the loyalty you guys had. Thank you for sharing that loyalty with me. Thank you for stepping up when I needed someone in my life. I know you don’t like sappy stuff, but I love you plenty. 
    Tobi: Did you just turn me into that “I’m not a stepfather; I’m the father that stepped up” meme? Jesus. You already know I love you. One thing I don’t say a lot is how proud I am of you. I was doing a lot more when I was your age, yes. But you’re doing well right now, and watching you kill it in your career, relationship, and life gives me so much joy.

    Do you have an interesting bro story you’d like to share? Fill this form and we’ll get back to you.

  • My Bro is a biweekly Zikoko series that interrogates and celebrates male friendships of different forms.

    They met eight years ago, when Emmanuel started cutting Tejiro’s hair. In this episode of #ZikokoMyBro, these two besties talk about the relationship secret that started their friendship, navigating a significant difference in wealth and influencing each other to be better. 

    Our origin story 

    Tejiro: We met in 2015, when I’d just moved back to Port Harcourt after my masters in the UK. I was looking for a barber that’d treasure my hairline, so my girlfriend at the time brought me to your salon. But I wasn’t the only guy she was bringing there sha. 

    Emmanuel:  This guy. Are we starting our story like this? 

    Tejiro: Is it your heart they broke? Anyway, I sat in the salon for a while, watching you and the other barbers cut people’s hair. By the time you guys were done, I decided you were the least likely to fuck up my hair. 

    Emmanuel: I didn’t notice you until you asked if you could sit in my chair. 

    First Impressions

    Tejiro: I remember you smelt really nice, not like aftershave or powder, but like this quality big boy scent. I really liked it. You were also acting all serious, like the hair you were cutting was further maths. 

    Emmanuel: Why do you think I’m the best at what I do? Cutting hair is like painting for me. 

    Tejiro: Come on, Picasso. Abi, are you Leonardo Da Vinci? Guy, abeg. 

    Emmanuel: I noticed you were restless that day. And I wished I had a biscuit to give you so you could calm down. 

    Planting the seed of our friendship 

    Tejiro: I was one of your regulars for almost a year before we had any serious conversation. I’d text you to see if you were in the salon. I’d come in, cut my hair and bounce. Nothing serious. At least, not until you told me my girlfriend was cheating on me. 

    Emmanuel: I knew your girlfriend before I knew you, and even before she brought you, she’d been bringing other guys to the salon. I didn’t think anything of it because I never got to know any of them. I also didn’t know the arrangement you guys had. But the gist about her, you and the other guys became a joke among the barbers, and even though it was a risk, I felt like I needed to ask you. I just had to be strategic about it. 

    The week before I told you, I made small talk with you about work and life before I was like, “Where is madam? Shey, we’re coming for wedding soon?” or something like that, and that’s when you just went into the whole gist about how she’s so special to you, blah blah blah. 

    It was like I’d given you the space to gush about your woman, and you didn’t want to stop. 

    Tejiro: I was down bad for love, bro. 

    Emmanuel: That’s when I decided to tell you what was happening. I could tell you really liked her, and it was unfair that you’d become a joke among my co-workers. What’s the worst that could happen? You’d say you knew and stop cutting your hair with me? No wahala. 

    So the next time you came, I asked to see you when you were leaving and told you everything I knew. 

    Tejiro: I didn’t want to believe it initially, but I had my suspicions. The weirdest thing is it wasn’t the cheating part for me. It was everybody knowing. It made me feel like a fool. 

    I considered changing salons after we broke up. I was too ashamed to come back. But I wasn’t going to allow a woman fuck up my life and then my hairline. You were my barber, and I’d rather cheat on a girl than a barber that understands my hair. 

    Emmanuel: LOL. I hope all the girls you meet next read this and understand that you’re trash. 

    Navigating our different backgrounds 

    Tejiro: One of the most significant issues for us when we got to know each other was our different upbringings. 

    Emmanuel: That part. You were this ajebo who was used to getting what he wanted, and I’d hustled my way on the streets of PH to get to where I was at the time. We saw life differently. You were always inviting me to the club and places I’d spend money unnecessarily, and I was like, “This one no know say I no get mama and papa with millions for their account.” 

    Tejiro: So, the break up pushed me to a crazy lifestyle. I also felt this need to prove to you (as the person who broke the news to me) that I was handling it well. But I wasn’t. I was a mess. 

    Emmanuel: I’d been there before, so I had a feeling you were avoiding your feelings. But outside of that, your clique treated me like shit, and I didn’t find it funny.

    Tejiro: Some of my friends at the time were assholes. They wondered how I was friends with the guy who cut my hair. To them, it was like being friends with your driver. I won’t lie; I started to look at it weirdly at some point too. But it came up in a conversation between my mum and me once, and she shut it down. 

    Emmanuel: I trust Mrs N. No time for rubbish. We became closer after you stopped hanging out with most of those guys and took time to get over your breakup. 

    You were trying to pretend like money wasn’t a factor in our friendship, but it is, and that’s normal. I can’t travel for summer like you, and I’ve accepted that there are things we can’t experience or do together (for now) because of money. 

    Tejiro: I’d never had a friend outside of my social class, so it was somehow. Plus, I don’t like addressing issues. I tried to pay for stuff most of the time, but your shoulder pad is too high. I respect that, though. 

    Emmanuel: Guy, abeg, you can’t pay for everything we do or get. You can pay for shawarma and bottles once in a while, but it’s okay to do something alone or with other people, if I can’t afford it. Shebi, we’re doing Ghana this December? That one I can do. 

    Pushing each other to be better 

    Tejiro: Where do I even start when it comes to how you’ve come through for me? 

    Emmanuel: I know mine. You pushed me to open my own salon. I always wanted to do it, but I second-guessed myself a lot and feared failure. 

    Tejiro: Look at you today with three branches. You should name one after me, out of gratitude and all. It’s just a suggestion. 

    Emmanuel: Get out! But seriously, these salons happened because of our different backgrounds. 

    Tejiro: I don’t get. 

    Emmanuel: Because I don’t come from a lot, I tend to limit myself, so I don’t lose the little I have. I make plans and dream, but something in my head always tells me to be “realistic”. But you? Bro, the way you make plans? You have the luxury to dream big because you have something to fall back on. Even though I don’t have that luxury, I needed some of that blind faith from you. 

    I don’t think I’d be this successful if you didn’t push me to jump. 

    Tejiro: You keep me grounded and make sure I’m not overdoing things, so I guess we’re in a “Scratch my back, and I’ll scratch your back situation.”  

    What I wish I could change about you

    Emmanuel: Please, stop being restless, or channel it into something that challenges you. You could do a lot of cool stuff, but it’s hard to focus because you’re trying to do too many at once. 

    Tejiro: It’s hard, but I’m working on it. 

    I want you to rate yourself more. You’re the baddest at what you do, but you need some oud de confidence. Move with the energy of someone who’s a rockstar. 

    I want you to know

    Tejiro: Outside of saving me from a shitty relationship, I want you to know you’ve changed my life in ways I could never imagine. Most of the friends I had before you were either too scared to tell me the truth when I did something wrong or just as oblivious as I was about life. You’re not like that. You’ll tell me I’m messing up even when I don’t want to hear it. 

    I’m grateful to know you and glad our friendship has lasted this long. I’m also happy I get free haircuts now because what’s the point of my best friend being my barber? 

    Emmanuel: You’ll soon start paying again. 

    I’m happy I know you. I’m happy your family has been warm and kind to me. And I’m excited to be that friend who’s rooting for you while you do cool stuff.

    Do you have an interesting bro story you’d like to share? Fill this form and we’ll get back to you.