The topic of how young Nigerians navigate romantic relationships with their earnings is a minefield of hot takes. In Love Currency, we get into what relationships across income brackets look like in different cities.
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How long have you been with your partner?
Temi and I dated for two years, and have been married for two. That’s four years.
How did you meet?
We met at her sister’s wedding in 2021. We were both part of the wedding party; she was one of the bride’s aso-ebi girls, and I was a groomsman. I found her really attractive, so I asked for her number during the reception. She gave it to me, but she didn’t remember who I was when I called the next day. She kept saying, “Sorry. From where?”
My chest
I thought she did that deliberately to get me off the phone. But she eventually remembered and apologised, explaining how stressful the wedding was for her. I used the opportunity to convince her to go on a date with me to make up for forgetting me.
We went to a restaurant, and I spent around ₦55k on the food and cab ride. We had a really good conversation, and sparks flew. A week later, we started dating.
How were your finances then?
I was balling. I worked remotely at a fintech company, earning ₦450k/month. Things weren’t as expensive then as they are now. Even though I lived alone and paid my bills myself, my salary was more than enough for me. I could pay my ₦300k rent, sort out important bills, hang out with friends, and still save small money.
Temi wasn’t doing badly either. She has always been a hustler, trying different businesses. When we started dating, she was selling wigs. I’m not sure how much she was making, but she was pretty independent. She lived alone and often got me gifts and paid for dates. She may have been richer than I was, actually.
Ahn ahn. Love it. How often did these gifts and dates happen?
They were quite random. We often spent time at each other’s houses, so we ordered food to have indoor dates. Sometimes we did outdoor picnics, cinemas and restaurants.
The gifts were usually for birthdays and anniversaries. In the first year, we did a monthly anniversary thing, and we’d both get something small for each other: perfume, shoes, accessories, or handwritten cards. Gift-giving is our love language, so we ate each other’s money. I remember going broke in February 2022 when I proposed because I spent over half my salary to buy a ring and organise a surprise proposal.
We calmed down a bit with the gifts in 2022 because of wedding planning. We sat down and said, “Guy, we need to save for wedding o.”
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Did you both share wedding expenses?
Yes, we did. However, our parents handled a significant chunk of the cost. They helped us with the venue, decoration, food, and souvenirs. We paid for our clothes, photography, videography, accessories, and other small things here and there.
Temi and I each saved money monthly (₦100k from me and ₦50k from her) for the whole of 2022, and that money was used to handle our part of the wedding expenses in 2023.
I think the wedding planning period set the tone for how we’ve handled finances in our marriage. Before then, we didn’t really talk about money. We just spent money on each other. But wedding planning in our church means compulsory marriage counselling sessions, and we learnt to take a more active approach towards financial planning, among other things. We discussed expectations and who would handle what bill, which has worked for us since.
Tell me about it
We operate a “What you have is ours and vice versa” approach. We’re open with our finances and plan our lives around what we both bring to the table.
Let me break it down. I handle the bills: house rent, food, utilities, everything. If, while settling these bills, money finishes in my account, Temi steps in. Or if I’m not around and Temi has to recharge electricity or buy fuel, she does it and doesn’t need to ask me to pay her back because it’s still our money, just in different accounts.
Interesting
This approach has particularly helped us this year. I got laid off at work towards the end of 2024 and had to take a pay cut at my new job after I job-hunted without success for two months. We’ve had to scale down our living expenses a little, but it’s not too big a change because we’ve always done everything together.
The only downside is we can’t save as much anymore. Before, Temi could save as much as ₦200k from her monthly business profit average of ₦450k because my salary (which had grown to ₦600k) covered a good percentage of our expenses. Now she has to support more, so saving is more difficult. But we’re making it work. I’m still job-hunting, and I’m confident something will click soon.
Rooting for you. Besides scaling down savings and expenses, how has the pay cut impacted your relationship?
You know how I mentioned gift-giving is our love language? Well, I can’t do that as much anymore. When I had more money in my account, I could afford surprises. It’s now more difficult to do that because while I can ask my wife to send me money, it’ll ruin the surprise. She’ll surely ask what I want to get, and I have to talk. If I don’t tell her what I need it for, she’ll correctly guess that I want to buy something for her. So, yeah, poverty is affecting my intentionality. I don’t like that I can’t spoil my wife as often as I’d like.
Also, we argue more about spending decisions now. We used to be spontaneous spenders, but Temi has assumed the manager role since my job situation started. She’s always trying to see how we can stretch what we have to last. I like that, but sometimes I just want us to go on dates or give our parents money. My madam will disagree and remind me that we have bills to pay.
Oh, and she’s pregnant, so saving for delivery and all the baby expenses is another headache. Temi has gone into full mummy planning mode, so she’s always ready to bite my head off if I make an unnecessary expense. Sometimes, I push back. Most of the time, I just let her have her way.
You mentioned saving. What does your safety net look like?
Our savings typically go to rent and major expenses, like buying our freezer and air conditioner last year. Currently, we have ₦1m saved for rent. Rent is ₦1.5m, and we’re due in August. Then there’s another ₦300k saved for baby expenses. We hope to triple that before the baby comes, just in case of unplanned expenses. We can’t do that with my current salary, so I’m job-hunting like crazy.
What’s your ideal financial future as a couple?
One where we’re financially comfortable with several means of passive income. I’m thinking in terms of real estate and businesses. My wife is an excellent entrepreneur, and it’s just a matter of time before we create something that will take us nationwide. I just need to make money so I can invest in her.
Interested in talking about how money moves in your relationship? If yes, click here.
*Names have been changed for the sake of anonymity.
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