Let’s talk about something many babes experience but hardly anyone wants to discuss at parties. Sex that hurts. Not the good kind of hurt that some women are into, but the “this is definitely not supposed to feel like this” kind of hurt. You know what we’re talking about. That moment when you’re trying to spice things up with a new position and suddenly your body is screaming louder than you are.

The truth is that nearly 75% of women report have had painful sex at some point. Yes, you read that right. If sex has ever hurt you, you’re definitely not alone, and you’re certainly not broken. The medical term for pain before, during or after sexual intercourse is dyspareunia, which sounds fancy but basically just means “ouch, that hurts a lot.”

Your body is basically a very complex machine, and like any machine, certain angles and movements work better than others. When sex hurts in certain positions, it’s usually because of how deeply your partner can penetrate, the angle of entry, or what body parts are being pressed against.

Think about it like this. Your vagina is only about 3 to 4 inches long when you’re not aroused, and while it can expand to about twice that size when you’re turned on, there’s still a limit. Pain during deep penetration, also known as collision dyspareunia, may feel worse in certain sexual positions.

So when your partner goes too deep in certain positions, they might be literally hitting your cervix or pushing against sensitive areas that were never meant to be pummeled like a punching bag.

The Worst Offenders: Positions That Can Cause Pain

Let’s get more specific about which positions are more likely to cause problems. According to research on intimate injuries, doggy style accounted for a significant percentage of painful experiences, along with the missionary position. But here’s where it gets interesting. What causes pain for one person might feel amazing for another.

Doggy style, for instance, allows for some of the deepest penetration possible. If you have conditions like endometriosis, this position typically involves deep penetration and is often too painful. The angle in this position means that your partner’s penis can reach all the way to your cervix and even beyond, which can feel like being poked by a stick. That’s not fun.

Then there’s reverse cowgirl, which, according to research, caused more than 1 in 5 sore penis experiences and a quarter of broken or fractured penises. Yes, you read that correctly. Penises can break. This position is dangerous for the person doing the penetrating because if someone moves at the wrong angle, their penis can bend in ways it absolutely should not bend.

But wait, there’s more! Even the classic missionary isn’t safe for everyone. Many people find the missionary position painful due to the penile angle. The pressure and angle can cause discomfort, especially if your partner is going too deep or too hard.

Why Does This Keep Happening?

There are actually tons of reasons why certain positions hurt more than others, and they’re not all about geometry. The causes usually reflect a mix of factors, such as hormone shifts, pelvic floor tension, stress, or past experiences.

Sometimes, it’s as simple as not being wet enough. Your body needs to be properly lubricated for sex to feel good, and if you’re not fully aroused or if your hormones are playing games with you (menopause and birth control pills), things can get dry and uncomfortable real quick. Not enough lubrication is often the result of not enough foreplay. The solution? More foreplay, more lube, or ideally, both.

Other times, there are medical conditions at play. Endometriosis can cause pain that is more intense in certain sexual positions than in others, depending on where exactly the endometriosis is located. This happens because the endometrial tissue growing outside the uterus can stick to the vagina or the rectum, making movement painful.

Conditions like pelvic inflammatory disease, uterine fibroids, ovarian cysts, and irritable bowel syndrome can all make certain positions feel like torture. And sometimes, it’s about pelvic floor muscles that are too tight or muscles that spasm involuntarily, a condition called vaginismus.

The Science Behind Position Pain

Scientists actually did the work of figuring out which positions are best for different types of pain. Researchers at the University of Waterloo used motion capture technology (like in video games) to track how people’s spines move during sex. They discovered that spooning during sex can actually trigger more pain for people with certain kinds of lower back problems, which is wild because doctors used to recommend it for everyone with back pain.

The study published by the University of Waterloo was groundbreaking because it gave actual scientific evidence for which positions work better for different pain types. Turns out, your spine doesn’t lie, and certain positions put more strain on your back than others.

Positions That Might Actually Help

So what should you try instead? The good news is that there are positions designed to reduce pain, and they might even feel better overall.

If you’re dealing with deep penetration pain, try spooning or side-by-side positions. When you lie on your side, you change the angle of penetration, making it harder for your partner to deeply penetrate you. Your butt basically acts as a natural buffer, which is honestly one of the best uses for a booty.

For people with conditions like endometriosis, being on top puts you in control of the depth of penetration and speed of sex. This is huge because you can adjust immediately if something doesn’t feel right, and you’re not at the mercy of your partner’s enthusiasm. Plus, according to experts at the Cleveland Clinic, you can modify missionary by elevating your hips with a pillow to change the angle.

The cowgirl position is another winner. Experts say it’s best for the woman to go on top as she will have control over how deep the penetration will go. You’re literally in the driver’s seat, which means you can slow down, speed up, or change direction whenever you need to.

When to See a Doctor

Experimenting with positions is great, but if sex consistently hurts no matter what position you try, it’s time to talk to a healthcare provider. Dyspareunia isn’t just part of life or a part of getting older. According to the Cleveland Clinic, you should contact your healthcare provider if you have new or worsening pain during sex, genital lesions, irregular periods, or abnormal discharge.

The thing is, painful sex can be treated. Whether it’s medication, pelvic floor therapy, using better lubrication, or addressing underlying conditions like infections or hormonal issues, there are solutions. Don’t just suffer in silence because you think this is just how it is. It’s not.

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Davida Opara graduated with a first-class degree from the Nigerian Law School and was called to the bar this year, yet she has never worked in a law firm. Her only experience with traditional practice was during her externship program, and even then, she knew she wouldn’t be staying.

The courtroom drama, the client meetings, the bragging rights that come with being a hotshot lawyer? She left it all on the table. But here’s the interesting part: she’s making more money than she would have if she had stayed.

“There are several times that I earned more from other things I was doing, than I would have in a non-tier one law firm,” Davida says, describing her work as a development communications professional. Currently, her base income rivals what she would earn at a reputable law firm. But the real difference? The flexibility. It allows for side projects, consulting gigs, grant writing, policy advisory, and content creation. Multiple income streams are flowing in because she has the time to pursue them.

It’s the kind of career move that makes traditional Nigerian parents nervous. Law is supposed to be the dream, the prestige, the security. You don’t just walk away from it, especially not for something as vague-sounding as “Dev Comms.” But Davida did, and she is living proof that the old script about sacrificing money for purpose is outdated.

When the Dream Course Becomes a Nightmare

The wake-up call came early for Davida. She was in her first year, in her first semester at the University of Ibadan. Davida was excelling at everything, particularly her arts and humanities courses. Until she got her Legal Methods results: 46. That was a D; two marks away from failure.

“It just dawned on me: what did I do to myself?” she recalls. That was the moment she knew she was going to pivot, even though she was just getting started. By the time she got to law school, she’d made peace with legal studies enough to graduate with a first class. But the plan to leave traditional practice? That was already set in stone.

The funny thing is that law was never forced on her. Her dad’s first suggestion was actually English Literature. Then communications. The exact thing she’s doing now. “So it’s quite funny that even though I decided on law myself, communication still came back to me,” she says. She’d written her first story at six years old, back when storytelling was just something she did naturally, the way other kids played with toys.

But she’d chosen law because she thought it was the way to make real change in Nigeria. What she discovered in university was that traditional legal practice, with its courtrooms and contracts, wasn’t going to give her the room she needed to actually shift things.

The False Choice Between Purpose and Profit

Here’s where Davida’s story gets interesting for anyone trying to figure out their own career path. She refuses to accept that purpose and money are fighting each other for space in anyone’s life.

“If you are pursuing purpose, so long as you do it diligently, as long as you commit to learning the skill set, you commit to developing the knowledge competencies, technical competencies, you are still going to do well in terms of finances,” she explains. “They are not fighting each other.”

This isn’t just motivational talk. Davida has a strategy, and it’s built on a simple principle. There is money everywhere. The question is whether you have the skills in your area of interest that people are willing to pay for. Program management. Fundraising. Grant writing. Policy advisory. Gender work. Climate communications. Tech policy. Pick your lane, build your expertise, and the money will follow.

Right now, she’s working in development communications, which means she’s essentially marketing development ideas instead of products. She’s worked in climate and green growth, and she’s currently transitioning into tech policy. Her most recent project, the African Privacy Roundup, has her working as communications lead on a continent-wide initiative examining how Africa can take ownership of its digital future, moving beyond the copy and paste of European regulatory frameworks.

“Getting to work on a project that involves multiple researchers across the continent and basically people that on a normal day would have taken me so much to even get in contact with them, and I get to call them team members,” she says. It’s the kind of exposure and network building that rigid law firm schedules wouldn’t allow.

Earlier this year, she was selected as top 20 out of 900 applicants across Africa for a tech policy fellowship with the Africa Centre for Digital Transformation. Three research projects. Continental level work. The kind of opportunity that requires time and flexibility to pursue. “If I were working in a traditional law firm with how rigorous and demanding they are, there is no way I would have been able to participate in that fellowship,” she points out.

The Skill Building Strategy

Davida is frank about one thing she’s noticed with people who say they’re passionate about development. “A lot of them just want to follow noise without getting the skills that will enable them to actually make change.”

This is the part that matters for anyone reading this and wondering if they can afford to chase purpose. The answer, according to Davida, is that you can’t afford not to, but only if you’re serious about building real skills. Technical competencies that organisations will pay for. Knowledge that solves actual problems.

She’s mapping out her financial future with the same precision a corporate lawyer would. She already knows what she wants to earn in the next two years. She knows what skill sets will get her there, and she’s building toward it while doing work that aligns with her values.

“I already know what I’m aiming for in terms of what I want to earn within the next two years, and I already know what that would take,” she says. Her target? An average of $40,000 a year. That’s serious money, and she’s building toward it through purpose-driven work.

The Daily Weight of Choosing Differently

Does she ever feel pressure about proving that non-traditional careers can work?
“Every blessed day,” Davida admits.
“Every single waking day.”

It’s the weight of doing something you haven’t seen many people do. The difficulty of finding mentors. The constant question of whether the risk will pay off. But she finds inspiration in people like Chimamanda Adichie, who left medicine to study creative writing. “It takes a lot of courage to make some kinds of decisions, particularly when you are doing something that is not often done.”

There are things she misses about law. The bragging rights, obviously. But also the technical courtroom knowledge, the client interactions, that specific excitement of a first court appearance that her colleagues talk about. She gets “quite green with jealousy” when she hears their stories. But not enough to go back.

Because at the end of the day, for Davida, it comes down to living a life that feels whole. “My life should be lived in unison,” she explains. “I don’t separate what I believe is my core purpose from what should earn me money.”

For young Nigerians scared of choosing purpose over money, her advice is simple. First, figure out your value system. If money is what makes you feel valuable, chase it. No judgment. But if you’re one of those people who stay awake thinking about how to fix Nigeria’s problems, if that discontent is what keeps you going even when you want to retreat and be lazy, then pursue it. Just make sure you’re building the skills that will let you earn while you’re at it.

“There is money everywhere,” Davida insists. “Just get the skill sets in those areas you are interested in. That should make you the money you’re looking for.”

It’s not purpose over money. It’s purpose and money. And if her story proves anything, it’s that you don’t have to choose.

Next Read: “I Keep Reminding Myself It’s Temporary” – 5 Women on Experiencing Post-Menstrual Depression and How They Cope

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Being a woman in Nigeria today is a full-time job plus extra. Once you add Polycystic Ovary Syndrome (PCOS) to that mix, you’ve got the perfect recipe for chaos. It messes with your body, your purse, and your mental health. Is it the misdiagnoses or the medical gaslighting from the healthcare system that treats women’s pain like background noise? Surviving PCOS in Nigeria is not for the faint-hearted.

Polycystic Ovary Syndrome is a hormonal disorder that affects 1 in 10 women of reproductive age. It’s like your ovaries decided to throw a party, forgot to invite ovulation, and instead sent acne, weight gain, irregular periods, and unwelcome facial hair as the guests. Oh, let’s not forget the fertility issues and increased risk of diabetes and heart disease.

But here’s the thing, in Nigeria, most women don’t even know that they have it until it’s too late. A 2020 study by Babcock University found that awareness of PCOS among Nigerian women is shockingly low, with many only discovering that they have it after years of misdiagnosis or when they’re trying to conceive.

The Price of Living With PCOS? Your Entire Salary

Let’s talk about money. Living with PCOS in Nigeria is not cheap; here’s a breakdown of typical costs:

Hormonal Profiling: This costs ₦20,000 – ₦50,000, depending on the lab. At Synlab Nigeria, one of the country’s top diagnostic labs, hormonal tests like FSH, LH, Prolactin, and Testosterone can cost upwards of ₦40,000.

Ultrasound scans: ₦10,000 – ₦25,000 per session.

Medications: Monthly costs for drugs like Metformin, Clomid, or birth control pills range from ₦5,000 to ₦15,000 depending on the brand and location.

Specialist Consultations: Private gynaecologist visits can cost ₦15,000 – ₦30,000 per session.

And if you’re trying to conceive? IVF (In Vitro Fertilisation) in Nigeria costs between ₦700,000 and ₦4 million per cycle, depending on the clinic and treatment plan. That’s more than the annual salary of many Nigerians. In Nigeria, womanhood is often equated with motherhood. So when PCOS affects your fertility, it’s not just a medical issue—it becomes a social crisis. Women are blamed for not being able to conceive, shamed for their appearance, and pressured into silence.

This stigma means many women don’t seek help until it’s too late. And when they do, they’re often met with ignorance or indifference. It’s important that healthcare providers and the public are well-educated. PCOS is manageable, but it’s essential that it is recognised and treated early.

The Healthcare System Is Not Helping

Nigeria’s healthcare system is notoriously underfunded. According to the World Health Organisation (WHO), Nigeria spends less than 5% of its GDP on health – far below the recommended 15%. This underinvestment means that public hospitals are often ill-equipped to diagnose or manage chronic conditions like PCOS.

Women are forced to go to private hospitals, where costs are higher, and quality varies. Even then, many doctors lack up-to-date knowledge on PCOS. Nigerian women are fighting back on social media, and this has become a lifeline for women in the dark about living with PCOS. Hashtags like #PCOSAwareness and #MyPCOSStory are helping women share their experiences, find support, and demand better care.

Platforms like Famasi Africa are also stepping in, offering resources, medication delivery, and educational content tailored to Nigerian women. To change the status quo, it is important that there’s better training for healthcare workers. PCOS should be part of standard medical education. Subsidised care will also go a long way. Hormonal tests and fertility treatments should be covered under national health insurance.

We need to normalise having conversations about women’s health, especially reproductive health. Lastly, womanhood is not defined by fertility. Having PCOS in Nigeria is a masterclass in resilience. It’s waking up every day with a body that feels like it’s working against you, navigating a healthcare system that barely acknowledges you, and still showing up.

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Last week, three brilliant women gathered for a Twitter space hosted by Zikoko’s Shift the Story campaign to discuss something most workplaces prefer to keep hush-hush; how pregnancy becomes a career penalty.

The conversation featured Diseye Amy Nassin, People and Culture Lead at Stears; Olajumoke Daramola, a gender and financial inclusion specialist; and Dr Islamiat Gbajumo, a medical doctor. Through this conversation, we learned that the motherhood penalty is still alive, well, and thriving in corporate Nigeria.

The Invisible Bias Everyone Pretends Doesn’t Exist

“Whether explicitly said or implied, it does affect how you show up in promotional cycles,” Jumoke explained, going straight to the point. She introduced the concept of the “motherhood penalty”, that frustrating reality where being pregnant or becoming a mother automatically limits your opportunities at work.

The math is brutal. Promotional cycles happen every 12 months, you’re pregnant for well over half that time, then on maternity leave. When does promotion season arrive? You’re somehow penalised for those months, especially if your role involves subjective performance reviews rather than cold, hard numbers.

Dr Islamiat shared equally shocking experiences from the medical field, including classmates who delivered babies and showed up for exams the very next day. “If you don’t do that, the next time before you write the exam again, you just give yourself an automatic repeat,” she explained. The message is clear-your uterus is the problem, not the institution’s.

The “Helpful” Discrimination That Hurts

Desiree introduced the fascinating concept of the maternal wall during the conversation. This is when colleagues and managers suddenly stop seeing you as a professional and start seeing you as a fragile pregnant woman who needs protecting. Sounds sweet, right? Wrong!

This “benevolent discrimination” shows up in insidious ways, such as being passed over for travel assignments without being asked, getting fewer shifts, and receiving less visible projects. All in the name of “helping.”

“They’re not looking at her as a professional anymore. They’re looking at her as a pregnant woman,” Desiree explained. The result? Decreased productivity metrics (through no fault of your own), and when performance review time comes, you’re judged for output that you weren’t even allowed to produce. It’s a self-fulfilling prophecy dressed up as workplace kindness.

When Study Breaks Get Applause, But Maternity Leave Gets Side-Eyes

Perhaps the most revealing part of the conversation was about how career breaks are valued. Take time off for an MBA? Investment! Rest for burnout? Strategic! Have a baby? Personal obligation with zero organisational value.

The corporate world views study leaves as something that will yield returns, new skills, fresh knowledge, renewed energy. But maternity leave? That’s seen as time spent being a mother instead of a professional, as if the two identities can’t coexist. In competitive environments, this gap becomes ammunition for career stagnation.

The Ideal Worker Myth is Built By Men, For Men

The conversation circled back to a fundamental truth. The “ideal worker” archetype, always available, never absent, consistently productive, basically never pregnant, was built around male work patterns. Dr. Islamiat put it plainly, this ideal worker doesn’t deal with pregnancy, postpartum healing, brain fog, or midnight feedings. They don’t take their sick children to doctor’s appointments or navigate the physical and emotional aftermath of literally creating life.

The real question isn’t whether women can be committed professionals while pregnant or parenting. The question is when will workplaces stop penalising women for being capable of both?

Next Read: How This 28-Year-Old Nigerian Woman Built a Business That Pays Her to See the World

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You know that feeling when you’re scrolling through Instagram at 2 AM, stomach churning with envy as you watch someone pose in front of the Eiffel Tower while you’re wondering if you can afford lunch tomorrow? Yeah, you can probably relate. But what if I told you there’s actually a way to turn those travel dreams into a paid reality?

We spoke to Yalalah*, a 28-year-old Nigerian babe who went from counting costs to counting countries, all while her bank account grew fat. And no, her parents didn’t own an oil well, and she didn’t marry a rich man. She cracked the code to getting paid to travel, and we had to investigate for answers.

Six years ago, Yalalah was working a 9-to-5, dreaming about Seychelles during Monday morning meetings at her accounting job, and thinking travel was reserved for trust fund babes and Instagram influencers. Then one day, while she was procrastinating at work (doomscrolling on Instagram), she came across “travel content creation.”

“I laughed so much,” Yalalah said. “I was like, ‘Who in the world is paying people to take pictures of different foods in different countries?’ I showed my colleagues, and we all had a good laugh about it. Jokes on me though, ‘cause that’s literally my life now!” That laugh turned into serious consideration pretty quickly.

“Desperation is a powerful thing, and my annual leave was coming up,” she admits. “I was tired of my boss, tired of Lagos traffic, and honestly? I just wanted to see if the grass was actually greener, or if people were just really good at using filters.”

So here’s the thing about Yalalah. She isn’t just doing one thing. She’s built an entire ecosystem around travelling, and honestly, it’s kind of genius. Brands pay her to feature their products, luggage companies, hotels, tourism boards, and even some Nigerian brands wanting to see their products in exotic locations.

“My first brand deal was for $50, and it was damn near the most exciting thing that had happened to me at the time,” Yalalah reveals. “I know I had less the 10k followers, nothing crazy, but my engagement rate was quite high, which is what the brand said caught their attention. Mind you, I had been tagging them for weeks and encouraging my followers to do the same in the comment section because I had gotten one of their travel backpacks and I was looking for some sort of sponsorship.”

“The collaboration was simple, one post on Instagram and three stories featuring their product. I was also supposed to write about the travel backpack in the post, and I wrote the most dramatic caption ever about how the bag ‘revolutionised’ my travel experience. My friends thought I was doing too much, but omo, that $50 felt like someone had given me millions of Naira.

There’s also affiliate marketing. Those “Where I got this dress” links? Yalalah earns commission every time someone buys through them. “People always ask me, ‘Where did you get that cute suitcase?’ or ‘What camera do you use?’” Yalalah explains. “So I started linking everything. Last month alone, I made $800 just from people clicking my links and booking hotels. I literally made money while sleeping on a beach in Zanzibar. Honestly, six years ago, I would probably think that’s the most insane thing ever!”

But before you quit your job tomorrow and book a one-way ticket to Bali, chill first. Yalalah wants you to know that the first two years were absolutely brutal for her. “I was creating content for free, pitching to brands who would ghost me. I questioned every single life choice that had led me up to that point. My mum was calling me every day to ask when I would get a real job, and I would tell her that I was working… just from a beach in Ghana.”

Yalalah started small, really small. She started with weekend trips within Nigeria, using her iPhone 7, and watching YouTube tutorials at 3AM to learn photography and videography. “My first ‘professional’ photo shoot was in Lekki Conservation Centre”, she shared. “I asked my friend to be my photographer, but she had never used a camera before. Half of the pictures were blurry, and the other half had my head cut off. We were just two confused women trying to figure out how cameras work.”

For Yalalah, the international trips came much later, after about 18 months of consistent posting, engaging with her audience, and sending what felt like a thousand cold emails to brands. “I got rejected so many times,” Yalalah emphasised. “Like, I’m talking 70-80 nos before I got one yes. I had a folder on my laptop labelled ‘Brands That Ghosted Me’ because I’m petty like that. Now some of those same brands are in my DMs asking for rates. The satisfaction I feel is not from here!”

We had to ask Yalalah, is it really all flights and champagne brunches like it seems on social media? And she said, “Definitely not. I’ve cried in so many airport bathrooms, you’d think I was collecting tears for something. I got food poisoning in Morocco and had to shoot content while fighting for my life. I’ve worked 14-hour days editing content in hotel rooms while everyone else was out partying. I missed one of my closest friends’ weddings because I had a campaign deadline in Cape Town.”

Yalalah talked about unglamorous hotel rooms, hours spent waiting at airports, the exhausted no-makeup selfies, the rejected pitches, and the declined credit card while trying to pay for dinner. “There was this one time in Thailand where my flight got cancelled, and I was supposed to shoot content for a hotel the next morning,” she recalled. “I slept in the airport, showed up looking messy, and still had to smile and act like I was living my best life for the camera. Sometimes, the glamour is not true.”

“But the thing is that, even with all the chaos, stress, and uncertainty, I wouldn’t trade this for anything. Yeah, I work hard, yeah, it’s not always fun. But I’ve stood in front of the Northern Lights in Iceland. I’ve eaten pasta in Italy. I’ve made friends in countries I didn’t even know existed six years ago. Getting paid to travel is one hundred percent possible, but it’s certainly not easy. You need to love creating, love the hustle and love travelling more than you love stability.”

Behind every ‘I woke up like this’ post, just know that there’s someone who’s been up since 5 AM editing pictures, answering emails, and figuring out how to make things work.

Next Read: “I used to think I was a lesbian because I didn’t like sex” — 7 Nigerian Women on Living with a Low Libido

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We need to have a serious conversation about the lies that the feminine hygiene industry has been selling us. You know those ads that show women twirling in white dresses through fields of roses? Yeah, that’s not how vaginas work, and it’s time we talked about it.

First things first, your vagina is supposed to have a smell. Yes, you read that right. A healthy vagina has a natural scent, and it’s not supposed to smell like a flower garden, or whatever fantasies these companies are peddling.

According to Mayo Clinic, your vagina is a self-cleaning organ (she takes care of herself) with its own ecosystem of good bacteria that keep things balanced. This natural environment has a slightly musty, sometimes tangy scent that can vary throughout your menstrual cycle. That’s completely normal and nothing to be ashamed of.

What’s Normal VS What’s Not

According to the Cleveland Clinic, normal smells include:

• A mild musky or earthy scent
• A slightly metallic smell during or right after your period (that’s just blood)
• A bit tangy or fermented
• Subtle changes in scent during ovulation or after exercise

The scent might be stronger after a workout or at the end of a long day, and that’s okay too. You’re human, not a flower shop.

MedlinePlus and Cleveland Clinic tell us when to be concerned. While your vagina doesn’t need to smell like a perfume counter, there are some smells that signal something might be off:

• A strong fishy odour (could be bacterial vaginosis)
• A yeasty, bread-like smell with thick discharge (possible yeast infection)
• A foul or rotten smell (time to see your doctor)

The Problem with “Feminine Hygiene” Products

Here’s where things get interesting. You see most of those scented sprays, douches and “intimate washes”? Yeah, they’re actually making things worse, not better. Options for Sexual Health explains that these products disrupt the natural pH balance of the vagina, killing off the good bacteria and potentially leading to infections. The irony is that you’re paying money to create the very problems these products claim to solve.

Your vagina literally cleans itself. All you need is warm water and maybe a gentle, unscented soap for the external vulva area. That’s it. That’s the whole routine.

Unlearning the Shame

The real issue here isn’t your vagina. It’s the shame that women have been taught to feel about their bodies. These marketing campaigns thrive on making us feel like our natural bodies are somehow dirty or unacceptable. But the truth is that anyone who’s lucky enough to get close to your vagina should appreciate it exactly as it is, natural scent and all.

Your vagina is an incredible, self-regulating part of your body that deserves respect, not judgment. If you’re not experiencing itching, unusual discharge, or a genuinely foul odour, you’re probably perfectly fine.

So the next time you see an ad promising to make you smell like “fresh roses” down there, remember, you’re not supposed to smell like flowers. You’re supposed to smell like a healthy human woman. And if you’re ever in doubt, endeavour to talk to your gynaecologist. Ignore the Instagram ad trying to sell you scented products. Your vagina will thank you.

Next Read: “The minute you clock BS, shut it down”— 5 Boss Moves for Thriving in Male-Dominated Spaces

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Navigating male-dominated workspaces can feel like playing a video game on expert mode when everyone else is on tutorial. Thriving isn’t just about survival. It’s about fully showing up, setting boundaries like the professional that you are and refusing to shrink yourself to fit in boxes that were never designed for you.

We sat down with Ayomide Oso, co-founder of Dojah, and Chikodili Udeh, a cybersecurity consultant, for a Twitter space that had us taking notes like our careers depended on it. Here’s what they shared:

1. Redefine What “Thriving” Actually Means

Forget the corporate jargon. According to Chikodili, thriving is really about freedom. The freedom to bring your perspective, values, and voices into a space without apologising for it. “When I’m confident enough to bring myself into a space, I find that I’m able to really create impact”, she says.

Visibility and influence are byproducts of showing up authentically. So yes, be the woman with the views. Be the one who clocks nonsense immediately and gives her two cents. That’s not being extra, it’s having a backbone.

2. Set Boundaries Like Your Peace Depends On It (Because It Does)

Ayomide really set the record straight when she said, “We’re not here to be liked at all costs. I’m more focused on being respected and being understood”. Stop worrying about being labelled “difficult” and start being clear about why you need certain boundaries. If you need meeting agendas sent hours in advance, say it. Someone keeps scheduling calls without context? Cancel it and have an uncomfortable conversation. Yes, it will feel awkward, but people will adjust. “When you’re firm and consistent with your boundaries, the labels start to shift,” Ayomide adds.

3. Clock BS and Shut It Down, Cleanly and Firmly

Both speakers shared infuriating stories of being undermined. Chikodili’s response? She ensured she corrected the error that had been made regarding her identity calmly, did her job flawlessly, and still addressed his bias afterwards. “The minute you clock BS, shut it down. Be firm and demonstrate your competence,” she advises.

Ayomide had a similar experience, but instead of reacting as would have been expected, she stayed focused on the business conversation, then watched him squirm when she engaged him in the same manner. Don’t get overly emotional (even though you have every right to be angry). Handle it with firmness so you’re not the one who ends up looking guilty.

4. Choose Your Workplace Like You’re Vetting a Partner

Do your research before accepting that job offer. Chikodili suggests checking Reddit, talking to current and former employees, and asking pointed questions during interviews about company culture. “We tend to believe that money is everything, which it’s not,” she warns. A toxic environment will batter your self-confidence so badly that it affects the rest of your life. Choose a place that lets you flourish, especially when you’re starting out.

5. Find Mentors Who Celebrate Your Growth, Not Control It

Don’t just slide into someone’s DMs asking them to be your mentor. Instead, engage with their content, share insights and build an actual relationship first. Once you connect, pay attention to how they make you feel. Do they celebrate your wins? Do you feel empowered or used and manipulated? That’s your cue.

Thriving in male-dominated spaces isn’t about fitting in. It’s about showing up, setting boundaries, and refusing to let anyone dim your light.

Next Read: ‘I Took a Loan For My Wedding’ — 4 Nigerian Brides On The Cost Of Planning a Wedding

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When Salmah*, 32, got married five years ago, she thought she was signing up for a “power couple” situation. You know, the Instagram-worthy kind where both people are thriving and splitting bills 50-50 while sipping expensive wine. Instead, she’s currently the sole sponsor of her household, where she’s funding everything from rent to her husband’s data subscription. And honestly? She’s tired of pretending it’s a cute feminist moment.

“I remember when my husband lost his job three years ago,” Salmah says, with a wry laugh, “He said it would just be for a ‘few months’ while he figured things out. Well, I’m still waiting for those months to end.”

Salmah works as a marketing associate in Ibadan, earning what she describes as “good money, but not good enough to be carrying a whole adult man on my back.” Between her salary and her side hustle, she makes up to ₦750,000. This sounds like a lot until you find out that she’s funding:

• Rent for their 2-bedroom in Ibadan (₦300,000)
• Feeding (₦250,000 because her husband apparently eats like he’s storing food for winter in his belly)
• Fuel and transportation (₦100,000)
• Her husband’s “small small” needs (₦50,000 minimum, but who’s counting?)
• DSTV, internet, electricity, and every other bill that exists (₦100,000)
• Sending money to her parents (₦50,000)
• Her own upkeep and savings (whatever’s left, to be honest).

“Sometimes, I just sit down and laugh,” she says. “Like, I’m out here doing morning prayers asking God to bless the work of my hands, and the reality of it is so that my husband can have data to watch football. The insanity is not lost on me at all.”

The Family GC Treats Her Like An ATM Card

If you think Salmah’s nuclear family is where the drama ends, you’re in for a ride, cause you clearly haven’t met her in-laws. According to her, they operate like she married their son because she couldn’t pass up the golden opportunity to be their cash pig.

“My mother-in-law calls me directly to ask for money, not her son o! me. She says things like, ‘Salmah, my daughter, you know your husband is not working, can you send something for your father-in-law’s medication?’ And I’m like Ma’am, I’m not the one who married your husband?”

The madness reached its peak when Salmah’s brother-in-law asked her to help him pay for his JAMB form. “I’m buying a JAMB form for a grown man in 2024? At what point did I become a scholarship board?”

The Mental Strain of Being “The Man of The House”

Salmah says beyond the money, the emotional weight of being the breadwinner is what really does the damage. “It’s the way everyone looks at you like you’re supposed to have all the answers. I’m supposed to magically know how to fix the generator, negotiate with the landlord, plan our future, and still make sure that we don’t starve. I didn’t sign up for this. I just wanted a partner.”

She talks about how her husband has become comfortable. “He wakes up at 11 am, watches TV, goes out with his friends sometimes, comes back, eats, and sleeps. Meanwhile, I’m in meetings back-to-back, trying to make money for both of us. The resentment, Salmah admits, is real. “I’ve started feeling like his mother instead of his wife. And that’s just really annoying.”

The Friends Who Don’t Get It

Knowing how Nollywood often portrays women in Salmah’s shoes, it’s surprising that she is quite the opposite and has never felt the burden to keep what she’s going through from her friends, in a bid to ‘dignify’ her husband. Salmah says when she tries to vent to her friends, the responses typically range from unhelpful to downright insulting.

“Some of them say things like, ‘Ahan, you’re a strong woman now, you can handle it!’ But clearly, they don’t get it. I wish they could spend a month in my shoes and really experience how gruelling it is.”

Others hit her with the “At least you have a husband” line, which she says makes her want to scream into a pillow. “So I should be grateful that I have a man that I’m financially carrying? Make it make sense now.”

Her single friends tell her that she’s “winning” and the situation isn’t so bad because she has a husband and she has money. Her married friends with working husbands quietly thank God it’s not them. “Nobody wants to admit that my situation is actually depressing,” she says.

When The Camel’s Back Finally Broke

The breaking point came two months ago when Salmah’s husband suggested that they have a baby. “I just stared at him. This man, who can’t even contribute ₦10,000 to the house, is talking about adding another mouth to feed? I asked him, ‘With what money?’ And he said, ‘We’ll manage.’ WE?”

That conversation led to their biggest fight yet, and for the first time, Salmah laid everything down on the table. “I told him how I feel like I’m drowning. That I need him to actually help, not just exist. He got really upset and said that I was ‘emasculating’ him. Emasculating him, how? By asking him to be an adult?”

The Uncomfortable Truth

Despite it all, Salmah hasn’t left. Why? “Because I actually love him and I know he’s going through something, but I’m also going through a lot, and nobody seems to care about that part.”

Salmah says she’s given him an ultimatum to get a job within the next three months or they’re going to have a serious conversation about the future of their marriage. “I don’t care how he’s going to do it. I need to know that he’s actually trying. Because right now, it feels like I’m the only one fighting for this marriage.”

When asked what advice she would give to women in similar situations, Salmah laughs and says, “Honestly, I don’t even know what to tell you. Everyone’s situation is different. But what I do know is that you can’t pour from an empty cup. And right now, my cup is not just empty, it’s cracked and sitting on a table somewhere waiting for super glue.

You need to have the hard conversations early. Don’t wait until you’re three years deep in resentment, burnout and anger before you speak up. Your peace of mind is more important than keeping the peace.”

For Salmah, what’s next is taking it one day at a time, one bill at a time, one prayer at a time. “And if he doesn’t get his act together by January, I’m getting my act together to leave. Because at this point, I’d rather be a single woman with money than a married woman with stress.”

Next Read: From Broke to Busy & Booked: 4 Women Who Invested in Their Glow-Up

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You know that thing they say about how you have to spend money to make money? Well, these four women took it seriously, except they spent the money on themselves. And no, we’re not talking about the “treat yourself” kind of spending that leaves you broke with a wardrobe full of clothes you’ll wear once. We’re talking strategic, intentional investments that completely changed their trajectories.

From upgrading their wardrobes with quality Nigeria brands to investing in skills that made them unignorable, these women bet on themselves and won. Their stories prove that sometimes the best business investment you can make is in the one staring back at you in the mirror.

“I changed my wardrobe and got a job that paid me over a million Naira monthly” — Adina*, 29

What she invested in: Professional wardrobe + public speaking course

The result: Dream job at fintech startup

I was tired of looking like someone’s little sister at industry events. I’d show up in jeans and ankara tops while everyone else looked like they had their life together. So I did something crazy, I spent ₦500k on a proper wardrobe. Mostly pieces from Orange Culture, Lisa Folawiyo, and Maki Oh. My friends thought I had lost my mind.

Three months later, I was at a tech conference in Lagos, actually feeling rather confident in my blazer, and I ended up sitting next to the CTO of a company I’d been dying to work for. We got talking, and because I looked the part and had just completed a public speaking course on Udemy, I could actually hold the conversation without my usual imposter syndrome kicking in.

I got a call from the company two weeks later. They said that they remembered me from the conference. Not just what I said, but how I carried myself. That ₦500k wardrobe change plus an Udemy course that was less than ₦100k got me a job that paid me over a million Naira monthly. Do the math. The point is your presentation matters just as much as what you know. When you look like you belong in the room, people start treating you like it.

“My follower count went from 800 to 15,000, within six months of implementing LinkedIn strategies” — Ada*, 32

What she invested in: Professional photography + LinkedIn coaching

The result: Brand partnerships worth millions

I used to have a LinkedIn profile with a grainy photo I took in 2016 and a bio that said ‘Marketing Professional’. My friend, who’s a bit younger than I am, had mentioned that I was leaving a ton of cash on the table, with the kind of presentation that I had on LinkedIn. This was also during a tough period in my life, where I was looking for a new job. I was ready to do anything that could help me get a good one.

My friend connected me to a photographer and LinkedIn coach. At first, I was skeptical because of the kind of amount I needed to pay for these services. I spent ₦120k on the photoshoot, including my outfit and ₦50k for a month of LinkedIn coaching. The coach taught me how to tell stories, instead of just posting about my day.

Within six months, my follower count went from 800 to 15,000. Then the brand deals started coming. First, it was ₦500k for a campaign, then ₦2 million, and it continued to rise as my follower count increased. I’m now a full time content creator and brand strategist. I made my investment in myself back in my first brand deal. Everything after that has been profit. Invest in your online presence, make it look like a place people want to do business.

“I went from barely surviving to sending money home, saving and investing” — Folake*, 27

What she invested in: Coding Bootcamp + Wardrobe upgrade

The result: Six-figure salary as a remote developer

I was working in customer service where I was making ₦150k monthly and watching tech bros on Twitter talk about their investment portfolio, salaries and crypto net worth. If they could do it, I certainly could. So I saved part of my salary for six months to join a coding bootcamp. I didn’t stop there.

I noticed that all the successful developers I followed never looked like they were struggling. Even in their casual posts, they always looked clean, put-together and portrayed this quiet affluence that I loved. I took it as my cue to invest half of my salary for 2 months straight in good jeans, solid tees and one blazer. This really worked out for me.

When I started interviewing, I would show up on Zoom looking professional but approachable. Nigerian companies were offering ₦300-₦400k. Then a US company offered me $4000 monthly for remote work. I went from barely surviving to sending money home and still having more than enough to save and invest. Skills will get you in the door, but confidence in yourself and your looks is so important.

“High-paying clients reached out to me on LinkedIn once I redesigned my website” — Ozzie*, 30

What she invested in: Website redesign + Professional styling

The result: Retainer clients paying in dollars monthly

I was a struggling freelance graphic designer, charging ₦30k per logo and begging for clients on Twitter. At the time, my portfolio website looked like a 2010 Blogger template and my profile picture was a selfie I had taken with my iPhone. I decided to invest money that I didn’t have in a professional website redesign and I went for a photoshoot too. I wore my best outfits and had my hair done.

I was scared at first, there were so many negative what ifs in my mind. Once my images were ready, I changed my profile pictures, across all my socials and on my website. My website also looked great, I honestly had started to look like a brand that one could trust with their business. The transformation was quick. Men filled my DMs on Twitter. Even though I was uninterested at the time, I used the opportunity to pitch myself.

High-paying clients also started reaching out on LinkedIn. More than two people mentioned that they had reached out because my portfolio looked promising and professional. Within a year, I had signed two retainer clients at $5000 monthly. I’m fully booked and busy. In the world of freelance, your presentation is a huge part of your product. Look expensive and charge like it.

We told you that these women understood the assignment. They didn’t just invest money, they invested strategically. They understood that in a world where opportunities move fast, you need to look like you’re worth the bet. Whether it’s a sharp blazer that makes you feel invincible, a professional photoshoot that transforms your LinkedIn or a course that helps you upskill, these investments all have one thing in common, they signal to the world that you’re serious.

So if you’ve been sitting on that money, wondering if you should play it safe or invest in yourself, this is your sign. Go for it!

Next Read: Leah Katung-Babatunde Is Redefining What It Means to Be a Woman in Media

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