You’re at a family party in Lagos and the aunties are whispering, trying hard to avoid pointing. “See that woman with that small boy? She’s a cougar!” Everybody in the vicinity starts to talk amongst themselves, tongues click and eyebrows shoot up. But flip the script, an older man with a younger woman? “Baba is living his best life!”
The double standards sting and Michelle Dede is tired of it. In her chat about her role as Ziora in the Zikoko Life short film, Something Sweet, Dede calls out Nigeria’s hypocritical lens on love.
Ziora’s story, a woman who dares to love a younger man, is set to be on your screens and spark the kind of conversations that we need. Something Sweet is not just a film, it’s a mirror of our society’s judgment and a story for Nigerian women who deserve to choose their joy, without feeling the need to apologise for it.
Ziora, who is the heart of Something Sweet, isn’t your typical Nollywood heroine. She’s a businesswoman who is decisive, unapologetic and in love with a younger man named Leke. This story was inspired by a real-life couple. It does an amazing job of changing the narrative of Nigeria’s obsession with who is “allowed” to love whom.
Ziora is different. She’s layered, human and bold. She declares that she’s had it with unhappiness and is choosing love on her own terms. Dede revealed that she couldn’t relate to Ziora at first because she had, never dated younger men. However, the real-life article behind the film changed her mind.
Get More Zikoko Goodness in Your Mail
Subscribe to our newsletters and never miss any of the action
“I was happy for them,” she says, “that they found each other and overcame society’s noise.” Something Sweet is poised to challenge Nigeria’s judgmental streak. The one where older women in love are called cougars while men get high-fives.
Nigeria’s hypocrisy runs deep, and Dede doesn’t hold back. “We’re an extremely judgmental society,” she says, “and I dislike that with a passion.” She’s frustrated by how films depict women like Ziora either as weaklings or sex-crazed predators. Ziora breaks that mould. Her love story isn’t about predation, it’s about connection, choice and defying expectations.
Dede predicts that there will be mixed reactions to Ziora’s story. Conservatives will say Ziora neglected her son. They’ll insist that she should have waited until he was fully grown. Only then could she seek permission to pursue her own happiness. Others will cheer her on, seeing their own longing for freedom in her story. That’s the power of Something Sweet. It’s art that provokes as it forces us to question why we judge women’s happiness so harshly.
Ziora’s defiance is echoed in Dede’s journey. In 2006, Michelle wasn’t chasing fame. She was on holiday in Lagos when a chance encounter at Nike Art Gallery led to an audition for a game show. She had no presenting experience, just a voice that called attention. Her sister and her friend kept calling her a presenter, nudging her towards a path that she couldn’t see yet.
A sabotaged audition time nearly derailed her, but after a frantic drive through Lagos traffic, she made it and landed an opportunity with Big Brother Naija. Years later, in 2014, her friend tricked her into auditioning for Desperate Housewives Africa. Despite her lack of training as an actress, Dede got the lead role, leaning on co-stars to conquer impostor syndrome.
Like Ziora, Michelle Dede said yes to the unexpected, proving that you don’t need permission to claim your space. Something Sweet is more than a film; it’s a call to Nigerian women to chase their happiness in life and love. Ziora’s character, brought to life by Dede’s raw performance, shows a woman who is neither a villain nor a victim, just real and human.
So, Nigerian women, this one’s for you. Why do we let society dictate who we love or how welive?
Two seconds away from an almost-kiss, Ziora remembers that someone almost the age of her love interest calls her mummy. But this reminder does nothing to kill what is arguably the sexiest moment in Something Sweet. Instead, Leke replies cheekily, ‘I could call you mummy.’
This is one of the many ways Dika finds sweetness in the awkwardness of taboo romances. When you watch the average Nollywood romance, you have a fairly good idea how it is going to end in the first five minutes, and it takes you even less time to profile the female lead.
Unlike what you are used to seeing on your screen, he writes Nigerian love stories featuring real women in honest, deeply personal ways.
He is known for a number of short films, including A Japa Tale (2023), The Way Things Happen (2022) and God’s Wife (2025), which won him the Rising Star Award at the S16 International Film Festival.
All of these films feature a presentation of Nigerian women with a tenderness we do not often see in the media. He brings that to Something Sweet, a short film in the Zikoko Life series featuring a romance between a woman in her 40s and a man nearly half her age.
In this interview, Dika talks about the process behind writing Something Sweet, intimacy between unconventional couples and confronting hypocritical stereotypes in romance.
Leke pines for something sweet while Ziora is worried that he’ll hurt himself.
What drew you to work on something sweet when you read it for the first time?
I’ve always been interested in non-conventional stories about love and romance. What really drew me into this story was the wide age gap. It’s an intergenerational romance (I’m not sure if it would be appropriate to call it that). You know Ziora is in her 40s, which makes her a millennial, and Leke is a 1997-born Gen Z.
When you read Leke and Ziora’s story for the first time, did you find yourself feeling sympathy for them? Sympathy, no. Empathy, yes, I did empathize with them. Especially with Ziora. If a man were to date a younger woman, he wouldn’t face the same judgment a woman would. In other settings, you would find just how hypocritical our society can be when making expectations of women and judging them.
Did that empathy influence how you decided to tell the story?
You could say that. In some of the romances that I’ve come to love (Notting Hill, My Best Friend’s Wedding and even recently, I’ve been watching Sex and the City), there’s a pining that I find with the women that I didn’t want for Ziora.
In Notting Hill, there’s a famous line where Julia Roberts walks up to her love interest and says to him, ‘I’m a woman, and I’m standing before you asking you to love me. I was responding to that in the sense that Ziora isn’t going to ask to be chosen or picked. She’s happy to be in a relationship, but she also knows that her life will continue without it.
I had to be clear that she was unashamed about being in a relationship with a younger man, but also that it wasn’t something that she was willing to lose her respect or dignity for. The roles are reversed in this narrative; Leke pines for something sweet while Ziora is worried that he’ll hurt himself.
So, would you say writing the script and your attachment to the characters influenced your role as the director?
It made me very particular about my lines. When writing, I picture the characters interacting. I try not to overdo it because I want the actors to be comfortable in character, but I also want them to own their lines. What’s important to me is communicating what I intended in the script. Sometimes you watch a sentence and it doesn’t carry the same feeling as you know it should carry. It’s like how ‘love you’ and ‘I love you’ mean different things.
We have slur words for women who date younger men, but not for men who do the same
Ideally speaking, how do you think the audience will take Leke and Ziora’s relationship because it’s not what we are particularly used to?
In all honesty, it’s actually something that I’m anxious about. It matters to me that they are loved and that people are able to root for the relationship. I also hope that it leaves the audience wanting to fight for love in their relationships. I’m saying this generally because we sometimes experience love or romance that are considered unconventional or that society might frown at. I hope it gives the audience faith that love is worth fighting for as long as it’s between two consenting adults.
In talking about the stereotype Something Sweet addresses, why do you think people are more approving of an older man + younger woman dynamic than an older woman + younger man dynamic?
I think it just fits into what they’re raised to believe. The hostility towards this relationship dynamic stems from cultural and religious traditions. We are taught to believe that in any relationship, there is a dominant partner and there’s a submissive partner. It is believed that the dominant partner has to be the male. I also believe in power dynamics in relationships, but it’s hardly ever evenly balanced, and gender is only incidental to that.
Coupled with the fact that we live in a patriarchal society where women are married early, the age factor forces that power dynamic in favour of the man. Age is more or less equated to dominance. The audience that would have a problem with Leke and Ziora are those who feel this relationship contradicts their cultural and religious views. There is also a perceived baggage that comes with being a woman who’s divorced.
But there are probably a significant number of relationships that fit this dynamic. Why do you think people wouldn’t want to be open about them?
Women in these relationship dynamics tend to feel shame and a need to hide. I mean, we have slur words like cougar for women who are dating younger men, but we actually don’t have for men who date younger women. And don’t even say sugar daddy because you know that is an entirely different thing.
Even when society disapproves of the older men — younger woman dynamic, the slur still falls on the woman. Words like ‘aristo’ still paint the men in a positive light, as providing financial benefit. In contrast, when you think of a cougar, what comes to mind is a sexually promiscuous older woman who preys on impressionable younger men. These are the things that make it clearer that we live in a hypocritical society.
Things I hope you notice in Something Sweet
Is Leke a reflection of how you feel about men trying to assert dominance in relationship dynamics? Especially in the older woman — younger man relationship.
I wrote Leke as human, and it’s a flaw that a lot of men will have in a relationship. They’ll try to prove their masculinity, and often, what most men interpret as proving their masculinity is being financially responsible for their woman. This is a woman who is financially comfortable, she runs a business, and she’s doing well. But then he would have to woo her, and often the ways that he thinks would impress her would be to take on financial responsibility. When he’s mistaken for her son by a market woman, he tries to pay the bill to demonstrate that he’s man enough in the relationship.
In talking about scenes that stood out, there was a comment in the kitchen scene where Leke’s mom compliments Ziora’s forehead. It was a very awkward comment. Why did you put it there?
It was nastier in the script actually. So, when she says you have a lovely forehead, she then goes on to say ‘wrinkle-free’, but I realised including that would take out the subtle disapproval. What I wanted for that scene was for Ziora to see herself a little in Leke’s mom. They are both single mothers to adult male children, and so Ziora would understand her disapproval. It was also a reaction to the demonic mother-in-law trope in Nollywood. Every mother would worry about who their child is getting in a relationship with.
Even though Ziora wouldn’t allow herself to be disrespected, I wanted her to see that the problem isn’t really her but a mother who wants the best for her child. It also didn’t feel earnest for the film because she wanted to respect her son. At the same time, she also wanted to let the other woman in the room know that she did not approve of their relationship.
Let’s think about you now. Do you see yourself being as firm in making unconventional decisions, or has Leke influenced your decision-making process if you come across that moving forward? I am told that I’m forward. The similarities between me and Leke would be that when I like someone, I tell them. There’s a game people play these days where they pine in silence. I don’t do that. I’m expressive both in friendships and relationships. Writing and watching Leke is almost like a nudge for me to continue to be this way. I guess my evangelism is if you like someone, tell them. The worst they can do is say no.
What’s one thing in particular you hope people notice about the film? I have to think through this one because I want to say something different from everything we’ve said. I hope they notice Odera, the receptionist. She’s the one person who did not have difficulty accepting their relationship. She sort of played cupid in the way that she aided them to meet. If you’re in a relationship that’s unconventional or if you’re chasing whatever it is that people don’t approve of, I hope you’re able to find that one person rooting for you. I want to believe that her wishing them good luck is why the film ended in the way that it did.
Subscribe to our newsletters and never miss any of the action
These days, it feels like every unmarried person you know is having sex. But is it okay or ‘right’ to have sex outside of marriage?
Answering that question online — where your parents or your Pastor/Imam could possibly see this — is just like willingly walking into hot soup. But on the latest episode of Nigerians Talk, five Nigerians bite the bullet and share five things you should know before deciding where you stand on premarital sex.
The ‘Test the Machine First Before You Buy it’ Rule
Whether or not we like to admit it, sexual compatibility is crucial in marriage. According to our guests on this week’s episode, women need to know whether they are dealing with a man who has an indomie or a wine bottle before they commit for life.
Having sex before you say ‘I do’ will save you the embarrassment of telling a judge that you want to divorce your husband because he is too big to fit during sex or he’s too small to make you happy.
A Lot of Us Were Ringbearers/Flower Girls at Our Parents’ Weddings
Many parents only resist premarital sex from a cultural or religious point of view. Most Nigerians who preach celibacy do not personally practice it. People say morally, it’s a bad thing, but who are we kidding?
Many Gen Z children were ringbearers and flower girls at their parents’ weddings. The preaching of abstinence is from a personal point of view and not necessarily in consideration of the possible benefits of engaging in pre-marital sex.
Get More Zikoko Goodness in Your Mail
Subscribe to our newsletters and never miss any of the action
Premarital Sex ≠ Casual Sex
What a lot of people don’t understand is that the fact that a person is having premarital sex does not mean they are having casual sex. Casual sex refers to hook-ups, one-night stands and everything outside of exclusive sexual relationships.
While having unprotected sex with multiple sexual partners is generally not advisable because there is a risk of sexually transmitted diseases as well as unwanted pregnancy, it does not mean complete abstinence is the answer either. As with everything else, balance is important.
‘Even Virgins Don’t Want to Marry Virgins Anymore’
With many Gen Zs, not having premarital sex is outdated and celibate Gen Zs no longer want to marry celibate partners.
Nobody wants to have to deal with awkward wedding nights or having to figure out what to do in the bedroom with an equally clueless person.
Sex Is Everywhere. Pretending It’s Not Doesn’t Help
Sex is as much a primal need as is food and shelter. These days, everything around you, from the billboard you see on the way home every day to the packaging on your utensils, is sexual.
A celibate person is no better than a sexually active person. Sex, just like deciding whether or not to be a vegetarian, is a lifestyle choice.
Picture a man who is so infuriating that you want to grab him out of the screen, but you can’t stop watching because he’s simply that believable. That’s Aliu, the character Caleb Richards brings to life in the short film What’s Left of Us. We sat down with Caleb to discuss his role as the ultimate red-flag husband and let’s just say that this film is about to shake some tables.
What’s Left of Us is a short film in the Zikoko Life series, that explores the messy, real and wayy-too-relatable dynamics of a marriage where one partner just. won’t. listen. Here are five things from Caleb’s interview that’ll get you hyped for the film and more importantly, make you think twice about love, power and standing your ground.
1. Aliu is the Villain We Love to Hate (But Need to Talk About)
In describing Aliu’s character, Caleb doesn’t mince words. Aliu is a “douchebag”, a selfish, manipulative husband who uses tradition and religion to control his wife. Does this sound familiar? Caleb grew up in Jos and he says that he’s seen men like Aliu in real life. Men who shut their wives up to stroke their own egos. Caleb divulged that playing this character was a stretch for him because he’s the opposite of Aliu’s toxic vibe but he leaned into it so no one would miss his expression of how NOT to love.
What’s Left of Us holds up a mirror to those uncles and neighbours who think “my word is law” is a personality trait. This matters because the film sparks a conversation about toxic masculinity, common in Nigerian homes, and Caleb’s performance will have you screaming at your screen. So get ready for a story that doesn’t shy away from calling out bad behaviour.
2. Mariam’s Audacity is a Love Letter to Women Choosing Themselves
Mariam, who is Aliu’s wife, is the hero that we’re all rooting for. She takes determination to a whole new level while being respectful. But she’s certainly done with being a baby-making machine. Caleb Richards praises her character for trying to talk things out. He thinks that traditional communities might clutch their pearls at Mariam’s boldness but he knows that many women will stan her, even if only secretly.
This film is a shout-out to every woman who’s ever had to choose herself over societal expectations. What’s Left of Us is coming to celebrate that courage, especially in places like Nigeria where removing yourself from the situation is a bold move. Watch this film to see Mariam redefine what it means to be a wife.
3. Listening is the Superpower we’re All Missing
If there’s one thing that Caleb wants you to take away from What’s Left of Us, it’s to ‘Listen’. Not the kind of listening where you’re waiting for your turn to talk but the kind where you actually hear the person. Aliu’s biggest flaw is his unwillingness to hear Mariam and this is what pushes her to the edge.
Caleb says that this isn’t just a problem people encounter in marriage, it’s also a human one. In Nigeria where everyone is shouting to be heard, this film is a wake-up call. It exists to remind us that real love means listening even when it’s uncomfortable.
Get More Zikoko Goodness in Your Mail
Subscribe to our newsletters and never miss any of the action
4. Behind the Scenes, Caleb’s Real-Life Inspiration for Aliu’s Rage
For Caleb, playing Aliu wasn’t easy. He had to channel his own father’s erratic outbursts to really nail the film’s intense scenes like the bedroom showdown. Even though this scene was shot at 2:30 a.m. with a flight looming, Caleb still delivered a stellar performance so raw that you’ll feel it in your bones.
He admits that it was tough yelling at his co-star who has a “puppy dog face” but the directors pushed him to go all in. Caleb successfully powered this production by turning his personal memories into a chilling portrayal.
5. A Cliffhanger That Leaves You Hungry for Change
Don’t bother expecting a neatly wrapped ending. Caleb says What’s Left of Us is a film that goes for a realistic vibe that leaves you with questions instead of a fairy-tale fix. It’s a short film but it tackles big issues like control, autonomy and the cost of not listening.
Caleb loves that it doesn’t sugarcoat anything and neither should we when we’re talking about these topics. This is a chance to start conversations about what needs to change in our homes and communities.
What’s Left of Us is going to make you laugh, cry and maybe yell a little. Caleb Richards’ performance as Aliu will hook you and Mariam’s strength will inspire you.
Nigerians Talk is the adult equivalent of a gossip session with your older sibling’s friends where they give you all the tea about money, sex and dating. In this episode, we dissected why the more money a woman has in the bank, the less likely she is to want a man.
Here are six reasons why:
Men Tend to Feel Threatened by Women with Money
When some men see money, they see control. It’s hard to kick a woman out of your house when she legally owns the building you live in. In Zorah’s words, African men aren’t taught how to interact with women who have money.
Men tend to find it threatening because it goes against what they grew up believing marriage should look like. Money controls financial dynamics and equal earning power balances things and takes that control out of their hands.
Women with Money have to Walk on Eggshells in Relationships
Money women are simply not interested in cosplaying submission sometimes. Men with soft egos get touchy about finances, and sometimes women don’t like to deal with hearing things like ‘You have to send the money to your husband’s account so that it doesn’t seem like you’re paying the bills’ or ‘What do you give a person that has everything’?
Men with Greater Financial Power Tend to Create Unbalanced Relationship Dynamics
In return for only wanting to be the provider, some men take things from you that you can’t quantify with money; like your decision-making power and your mental health. Without financial freedom, a woman has no security out of marriage.
Women who have Money aren’t Interested in Cosplaying Submission
According to Zorah, a lot of women have stumbled into making money without learning control. That can make dating harder for them.
A man with a soft ego will take everything a rich woman does out of context. Her bank account is an ego-bruiser, it creates a tendency to overcompensate with emotional abuse.
Men can be Gold Diggers Too
They may not bring all their friends to a dinner date but male gold diggers do things like borrow your Lexus and crash it into a tree or sleep on your couch for three months.
On the other side of the coin, men who aren’t interested in control sometimes tend to date financially independent women for access to their bank accounts.
Sometimes, Money Women Can’t Afford to be Domestic
And not everybody can be okay with that. Ambitious women never stop being ambitious but after marriage, many women are convinced to stop working in order to take care of the home.
Women with careers need extra help around the house and to many Nigerian families, caregivers are the equivalent of Jezebel. A lifetime of managing a home without much help isn’t very appealing to a lot of women.
You know how you’re vibing to that Afrobeats jam, having the time of your life whining your waist and nodding your head in a chill club?? Yeah, it slaps. But hold up.
Have you ever stopped to actually listen to the lyrics? Some of these songs serve more than just vibes. They dish out propaganda, and you might just be eating it up without a second thought.
Music isn’t just vibes on vibes; it sticks. That’s why you can sing every word of Kizz Daniels’ ‘Buga’, but you can’t remember the periodic table to save your life. Those catchy beats and clever one-liners? They’re planting ideas in your head, subtly shaping how you think. And Afrobeats? It’s addictive.
You get lost in the rhythm, and before you know it, you’re singing along to something low-key problematic. Fela Kuti knew the power of music; that’s why Kalakuta Republic was raided more times than NEPA has cut your light. This was because his songs called out corruption and oppression. But today? Some of your faves are promoting ideas that are harmful, especially for the ladies.
The Anti-Condom Agenda in Your Playlist
Let’s be real. Nigerian music has significantly shifted from fighting the system to pushing narratives that glorify risky behaviours like unprotected sex, stealthing and even vibes that make it sound like exploiting women is cool. These songs aren’t for you; you’re not the audience but the target. But don’t worry, you can reject anything that threatens your health, dignity or peace of mind.
Take Odumodublvck’s ‘Olufunmi’
“Comot my rubber, secure my woman”, have you heard this line before? When this song dropped, some of the ladies on Twitter laughed, some raged and the guys? They called it bants. But if you’ve ever had to negotiate the use of a condom in the bedroom, then you know fully well that this isn’t a joke. This is stealthing — the non-consensual removal of a condom, and it’s being packaged in a catchy Afrobeats song. Ladies, you have the power to say, ‘No condom, no entry’. Full stop.
Then there’s Kizz Daniel, who doesn’t even bother with metaphors in ‘Addict’ when he says “Fuck girls, no condom.” Basically, bold and bare-skinned audacity. And the scary part is that people eat it up. Suddenly, raw dogging is cool while safe sex is for boring people. See, there’s no trophy for catching STIs or dealing with unplanned pregnancies. Insist on protection because your health is not a joke.
Even the Smooth Ones are Sus
What about Ruger? In ‘Bun Bun’, he sings, “Make we make some condom babies.” Sounds clever, but think about it. That’s a subtle jab at protection, making it sound like condoms are pointless. That kind of lyric plants doubt, and before you know it, you’ll find yourself second-guessing your boundaries. See, condoms work, but they’re not the only option. You could explore other contraceptive options for extra peace of mind because you deserve to enjoy sex without stress.
Pheelz and Young Jon aren’t off the hook either. In the popular ‘Jelo’, they drop, “Mio o wo condom and I go chop am till thy kingdom come.” No woman is mentioned, but the message is clear. An entitlement to unprotected sex. This narrative needs to die. If a guy brags about skipping condoms, believe him and RUN! Safe sex is out there, and you deserve it.
Even CDQ in ‘Sun Seyin’ throws shades when he sings “Swear say you no know say ballon no be condom.” A balloon, really? Trivialising condoms like that is a choice, and it’s not a good one. Don’t let anyone make you feel silly for prioritising your safety. Condoms aren’t a punchline.
You’re the One Holding the Power
Music has always been a mirror of society but can also shape it. When lyrics normalise sexual irresponsibility, then we’ve got a problem. If a guy wouldn’t say it to your face in public, then why is it okay for him to sing it? If you wouldn’t let someone tell this nonsense to your sisters, why let it play on repeat in your AirPods? These artists may be dropping bangers, but that doesn’t mean you should drop your standards.
Men can sing about “no condoms” all they want, but guess who deals with the consequences? Women. So take charge. Find contraceptives that work for you, condoms, pills, IUDs, whatever works for you. Talk to your partner. Own your choices and don’t let anyone pressure you into compromising your health.
If you ever want to know what being dragged on social media feels like, ask “can women really manage a home and a career’ on X (fka Twitter), turn off your data and come back in a few hours to see the chaos you’ve created.
To most people, the answer is obvious — thousands of women do it every day. But it’s not that simple for the six women on the last episode of Nigerians Talk.
“Nobody ever bloody asks a man this nonsense question” — Gail
The first question anybody is tempted to ask when they see a career woman is, ‘How do you manage your home?’ Only one person in a marriage has been conditioned from birth to handle the home front, and it is certainly not the man.
When a Nigerian woman is old enough to spell her name, everybody tells her that her purpose is to get married, have children, and manage a home. That, in Gail’s words, is why this question still exists.
“Society likes to tell you that you can be superwoman” — Chineye
The perfect wife wakes by 5 a.m. to make breakfast for her kids, beats traffic in time for her nine-to-five and gets home to make dinner before her husband returns from work. All without asking for help, of course.
Many women are convinced that they can do it all. Apparently, only lazy women hire nannies and let others make dinner for their families. But let’s be honest, it’s impossible to be an ambitious career woman and the perfect homebody at the same time.
“We don’t like to talk about the fact that women do unpaid care work, but men don’t have to deal with that” — Onyeka
Being the woman of the house is the same thing as running a year-round, 24-hour hotel service, except you get no breaks, no salary and your guests never leave. Managing a home and building a career is the equivalent of having two full-time jobs. The physical and emotional labour required to run a home consumes a woman so much that she takes care of everyone else but herself. At the end of the day, she’s overworked, underpaid and sometimes, underappreciated.
“This is why a lot of women are choosing to remain child-free” — Mariam
Imagine what the world would look like if women got period leave. Motherhood is a 24-hour job, and it is just easier to be a working-class babe without a baby to breastfeed and two more in kindergarten. Women who juggle careers and a home do not have the luxury of choosing between work meetings and crying babies. The system is not sympathetic to working mothers, and many women would rather take the easy way out than take on another full-time job.
“Women should stop fighting for custody” — Gail
After a messy divorce, men become middle-aged bachelors while women end up as single mothers. Gail believes women should learn the art of self-preservation from men and stop fighting for custody. In her words: “instead of taking the kids, dye your hair, get a tattoo, find a nice young man to sleep with — and let him do it”.
“The fact that his mother did it doesn’t mean you have to” — Chineye
Many men still exist in the 1970s and 1980s, when many women didn’t have as much going on as the present-day woman. To many men, having a wife who doubles as a house manager is their birthright. They are genuinely confused as to why their wives find it difficult to care for one child when their mothers took care of ten.
“Marrying just for love is a joke” — Onyeka
At the heart of this conversation, the answer is the partner you choose. Onyeka says marrying for love means looking at life through rose-coloured glasses. She says young women should treat marriage like a business decision, as marriage to the wrong partner can kill your career. A marriage is a negotiation of what the rest of your life will look like. Choosing that based on emotions alone is a dangerous gamble. To the women on this episode of Nigerians Talk, marrying for love alone is a bad joke.
We’re back! The #ShifttheStory campaign is still ongoing and today, we’re excited to bring you a recap of the X space Zikoko held last week Tuesday, June 17, 2025. We had three powerful women making waves in their different industries share insights on the topic “Salary Talks: How to Negotiate your Worth as a Young Professional”.
Alongside our host, Tobiloba Ajibola, we had Temilola Otunla, a brand communications strategist; Sharon Ariyo-Adeoye, a digital storyteller and Christianah Ajayi, a talent acquisition specialist.
This conversation is a goldmine for young Nigerian women who are finally ready to stop settling for less. Our speakers discussed how to walk into salary negotiations with confidence, not fear. Negotiating your worth isn’t simply about getting paid, it’s really about owning your value in a world that will try its best to lowball you.
Here are four key takeaways from the space to help you succeed:
1. Know your Value and Let it Speak First
Christianah dropped a truth bomb when she said salary talks aren’t about desperation. It’s about an exchange of value. Understand this, you’re not begging anyone for a job, you’re offering skills that a company needs.
Temilola also stressed the importance of understanding what your role is and the work culture before even mentioning money. If the culture is off, no paycheck will fix it. Sharon also added that research is your best friend.
Go ahead to check platforms like Glassdoor or MySalaryScale to know what the market rate is like. So go girl! Walk into that interview ready to show what you’re worth, then let the money talk flow naturally.
Temilola spoke about the fear of asking for more and losing the job opportunity as a result. You wonder to yourself, ‘what if this is my only shot?’ Temilola advised us to let go of the “opportunity comes once” myth. If one door closes, two more will open so don’t settle for less because that will very quickly lead to a cycle of regret.
Christianah agreed with this point of view, sharing how she once took a job that paid 50% less after she was laid off. It was tough but it was an experience that taught her to prioritise long-term growth. So negotiate confidently because your value isn’t tied to one offer. If they’re not ready to pay what you’re worth, be ready to stand up!
3. Document your Wins to Back yourWorth
Sharon and Christianah were all about keeping receipts. Sharon spoke about documenting your process to visualise your impact, whether you’re a freelancer or a 9-to-5er. It helps you see what you’re doing right. Christianah took this point further saying that your CV is an “accomplishment board”.
Use it to track your KPIs, OKRs and project wins so that you can always pull up facts and results when you’re negotiating. If you’re a social media manager that has taken a company’s socials from 1 to 100? Put that on your CV. You’ve led a team project successfully? That’s leadership capital. Pull out these big guns when you’re negotiating a salary.
4. Be Prepared!
The speakers tackled the narrative that young Nigerian women don’t negotiate well. Christianah wasn’t having it at all. She advised, don’t go emotional, go with facts and figures. Whether you’re pulling up industry standards or showcasing your impact, be prepared to prove your worth.
Temilola also shared a personal experience in which she rejected an offer because the company undervalued her expertise as a brand communications strategist. Sharon’s tip? Be vocal about your work, post your projects, share your process and build a reputation that makes you stand out in every room.
This space was an important reminder that negotiating your worth should not just be vibes It’s about being strategic. Ranging from knowing your market value to documenting your wins, these lessons are your blueprint to stop lowballing yourself. Just like Sharon put it, let people remember you in rooms your name should be mentioned in. So the next time you’re in an interview, remember these points, stand tall and ask for exactly what you deserve.
Still on HER Convos, this week, we’re discussing what bearing the weight of unpaid labour is like for career women.
Join the conversation with our amazing speakers on Twitter by 7pm WAT @Zikoko_mag. Set a reminder here. Be there!
When I was a teenager, weave-on fixing had just emerged, and I knew how to make basic hairstyles. Once, I was home on holiday from boarding school, and my mum was off to the salon to get a weave-on fixed. She says, ‘Gbemi, you can do this. You know, it’s not that difficult’.
I was reluctant because I feared I wouldn’t do it well. But I did anyway, and when we were done, she asked me to get her purse. I was confused, but I went to get it. She paid me the equivalent of what she would have paid the salon.
How did this make you feel?
I was excited to get paid. At the same time, I didn’t want her to pay me or I didn’t think she needed to. But she insisted and said, “If you have skills, capacity, and know how to do something people need, you can earn money from it.” I didn’t understand it then, but that singular act planted a seed in me and has shaped my money-making habits and decisions thirty-something years later.
I think a lot of mothers taught their daughters money-making skills. It’s nice that your earliest money-making memory comes with the feeling of joy. So, what money beliefs did you grow up with as a young girl?
The most important thing will probably be to have your own. Growing up and watching my mum step up financially when the family got into trouble shaped my views. One event particularly changed things.
Can you tell us what happened?
One day, we were stopped by the police while driving, and my mum slapped the police officer because he was really rude to my dad.
Ah! Police?
Yes o. My mum was very beautiful and had a strong personality, which made my dad uncomfortable sometimes. Anyway, my dad was upset with her, and this and many more incidents became the catalyst that made my father ask my mum to become a stay-at-home mum, and she agreed.
I think she was also facing some ethical dilemma at the time. She worked as a beer distributor for Nigerian Breweries and ran a truck hauling company with my father. She had just given her life to Christ, so she was conflicted. It was like, how can a born-again Christian be selling alcohol?
How did this work out for the family, and did your mum enjoy it?
I don’t know if she enjoyed it, but we suffered a lot. My father’s business was doing well then, but a series of unfortunate events happened, and things went south. My father had an accident and had issues with his leg; then we got robbed, and he got shot in his other leg, so his capacity and things got really hard. We didn’t just suffer; we became very poor.
How did you guys come back from that?
My mother stepped up and handled things. She went to fashion school and became a tailor, and things just started getting better. But I watched this happen in real time and saw that if you give up your capacity to earn, especially for a man, you will suffer.
Did this affect how you handled romantic relationships?
Not really. I was okay with them. But when my husband started talking about us getting married, I asked him if he wanted to marry a woman he would tell not to work, and if that was what he wanted, I told him I was the wrong person for him. But I’ve always made money for as long as I can remember. If there’s been a gap in my earning capacity, it’s because I was increasing my capacity to earn, because, like my mum told me, always increase your capacity to earn so you can have options in this life.
What do you think a woman needs to earn or own for you to consider them financially secure?
I think for me, it would have to be a mindset. Women need to think of financial autonomy as non-negotiable. A woman must have a very clear belief in her position in life as a fully autonomous agent and person who can or may function in other roles. See yourself as a person first, whose responsibility it is to earn. That mindset will now shape other things, such as her earning capacity. If she doesn’t have the mindset, nothing else matters.
In your experience, what’s the link between money and confidence?
Money gives you options, and you always want to have those. I’m not talking about how much you have because that will vary. Sometimes you don’t have much money, but you are still confident; sometimes we’re going through seasons. Confidence has to be innate, so you can rewrite the course of your life if things get taken away from you.
How has your relationship with money evolved as your platform has grown
I’ve become brazy asking for what I’m worth. I’ve been wealthy, poor and comfortable. Because of that low season, I’ve become empathetic towards people who sometimes can’t afford my services. So I offer pro bono services and sometimes reduce my charges.
The downside to this is that I wasn’t charging as much as I should because I was constantly thinking about people who couldn’t afford my service, so I had to distinguish between wanting to help people and wanting to charge as much as I think I deserve. But I can say my relationship with money has changed because I’m bolder and more audacious, because I have worked on my money mindset and limitations that held me back.
You’ve worked extensively as a coach, so have you ever been punished for being financially bold as a woman in business?
Yes, I have. I get a lot of requests from different people. Once, a law firm reached out to me to get my perspective as a mental health specialist. In one of the meetings, I said, “We never talked about how you will reward me for my time.”, and they looked at me like they were shocked. I was confused because I was expecting them to bring it up. But they didn’t pay me. I sent my invoice afterwards, and they still haven’t paid me. So, I felt like I was punished for being asked to get paid to help their client who was an American-Nigerian woman. They probably expected some type of solidarity on my end. But ever since then, I have led business discussions with my invoice.
Interesting, do you think sometimes women feel shame when asking for money they deserve?
Yes, I think so. I think the idea that we need to ask or demand money may affect how we feel about it, especially depending on our money story. Like the law firm that reached out to me, I found out they used my expertise in their report, but they made me feel bad for asking. They expected me to be grateful for my services, which I found disrespectful. Letting go and divesting from the shame of asking for what you’re worth is something every woman will learn as we grow. It’s like, why should you be charging so much if you want to help people? It is one that we might come across often as women. But charge what you’re worth and don’t let people’s ideas get in the way. Sometimes people say charge like a man, but I disagree with that. I charge like the badass woman that I am.
How would you advise navigating this in the corporate world, with salary negotiations, for example?
Regarding the corporate world, it’s helpful to speak to others instead of moving without knowledge. If you don’t find the prevailing number, what you think will be enough might be too small, but it’s important to ask. The worst you can get is no. I remember one time a company reached out to me to provide services, and my sister and I came up with a number. I remember thinking, “What if this is not a good enough number?”
So, I reached out to the contact person off record and asked for a recommendation, and this person said a number that was six times what I asked for in USD. I was shocked, but I played it cool and asked if that was the best they could do, and the person confirmed the budget but asked me to go higher, so we could come down to the original budget.
What would you say to the woman who is doing everything right, but feels like wealth is out of reach?
I would advise being kind and gentle with yourself as you work through the reality of your situation. I know that it might not look like it now, but it will improve. You can take the displeasure you feel and turn it into something else. You can always change things. I used to be a fashion designer, but I moved to America and changed my major three times — from fashion merchandising to psychology, social work, and behavioural science.
You can be many things in life. I still want to be an alaga. Even in America, I’ve been an MC. If you don’t like where you are financially, ask yourself what you want to do and where you want to be and think of how to get there. Get rid of the mindset that you can’t be many things in this life; it will keep you from feeling stuck. Lead with empathy as well.
Thank you for that. So, what are three money habits you swear by?
The first one will be to pay yourself first, because responsibilities will always come. This brings me to my second one, and that’s giving. People pray that someone is the answer to their prayers, but I like the level of being the answer to someone’s prayers. So, you become a solution for people. I also think of using money as a tool to solve problems for you. For example, if you don’t like to clean, pay someone to do it for you. A bonus one would be to think of yourself as a money magnet. As in, money is flowing and you’re attracting it.
What is one mistake that taught you your biggest money lesson?
Crypto! I’ve realised I don’t have expertise in everything, and when I dabble outside my area of expertise, I get in trouble. Now I pay someone to manage my money for me.
What’s one mindset shift you want women to have?
Financial autonomy is non-negotiable? Women need to know that they can be rich themselves, and don’t just want to marry a rich man. God loves you and has great plans for you, too. You can be the Oga herself, not just the Oga’s wife.
If you don’t know what Nigerians Talk is, you probably use YouTube for all the wrong things. On Nigerians Talk, we give everyday Nigerians a chance to talk about things they are passionate about. We hand them the microphone and close the studio door behind us as we leave the room. There’s only one rule: leave your filters outside the studio door.
What we get is the best thing since jollof and sixteen minutes of rib-cracking conversations. We made a list of the top five most hilarious things we heard on the latest episode of Nigerians Talk.
The Chicken Republic date debate
Does Chicken Republic really count as a date? To Moses, our only male guest, there is something incredibly romantic about hearing ‘nice-nice’ in the background while eating ChickWizz with the love of your life. He says we have stigmatised Chicken Republic dates as a nation.
“If chicken Republic is fast food, then what is now a good date, then, a slow-food date?”
The ‘Stewed-Ponmo’ guy v. Budweiser babe moment
To Dumebi, one of our guests (cue visible frustration), a low-income man dating a high-income woman is the same as a local beer parlour get-together trying to fit in at a Budweiser event.
“…this guy is saying if he wants to watch football he goes straight to one beer parlor on his street that they are serving stewed ponmo but if you’re going to watch a football match you’re going to go to somewhere Budweiser is hosting the event…What are two of you doing together?”
The Bag a Cuppy with a Toyota school of thought
(*cue slight offence on behalf of DJ Cuppy)
On the male ego and dating, Fisayo tries to corner Moses by asking if he’s one of the men who subscribe to the idea that he can bag a Cuppy with a Toyota. In turn, Moses says he’ll stick to women who won’t give him high blood pressure.
“…(shakes his head in horror) If I was looking for a Cuppy, I would try to measure up to a Cuppy before I try to toast a Cuppy.”
Lamborghini in exchange for National Spermatozoa
To Dumebi, the concept of a providing man is a scam; men often exercise control and make up for their faults by spending insane amounts of money.
“He’s earning and he’s a provider but he is panel beating you… but he has children everywhere, spreading his spermatozoa to the whole nation.”
Home-made Eba as a romantic gesture
Moses says dating within your income bracket will save your life. He says you shouldn’t pressure yourself to do more than you can for a romantic interest, and that women who say yes to Chicken Republic dates only because they like you will get tired in the long run. Ultimately, women with expensive tastes will deplete you.
“Date the girl that wouldn’t mind eating eba that you cooked yourself don’t let anybody pressure you…my brother, run o, don’t ”
It only gets even better from here on, and this is only the first episode. This season, we’ll be talking about money, love, sex and everything in between. Stay tuned!
