Football Twitter

Stay at home

We think it goes without saying, but don’t go to a viewing centre to watch the finals. They’ll shade your fave, and you won’t like it.

If must go out, disguise

Just act like you don’t know Arsenal from anywhere. Aren’t you tired of taking Ls every year?

Stay offline

If you go to a viewing centre, it’s you against a few people. But if you go online, it’s you against the whole world. Do what you will with that information.

Watch highlights of the good times on YouTube

We know Arsenal is a regular at the FA Cup finals. But since that’s not happening in 2023, watch highlights of the good old days on YouTube to remind yourself that better days just might be ahead.

Hold a vigil

Prayers are probably what your favourite team needs. Dedicate a whole night to intense praying. And maybe, just maybe, God will deliver Arsenal from the village people of England.

Hang out with your fellow Arsenal fans

Form a support group. The long suffering must be hard for all of you, so there’s no reason you should do it alone. There’s strength in numbers.

Don’t shade Manchester United fans

They’ve always been your biggest opp, and they got their way once again. You really don’t want to say anything that’ll piss them off at this time.

NEXT READ: The 6 Stages of Getting Dribbled in Football
On Twitter, you’ll find the good, bad and ugly, and it’s no different with football stan Twitter. World Cup 2022 is on, so here are ten types of people you may come across there.

The coaches

Just because one day, every week, they spend a few hours playing ball, they think they qualify as experts. They’ll cuss out the players, criticise the referee’s decisions and point out things that should’ve been done differently.

The history books

No one knows how old they are because they know everything that’s happened in football since the 80s. And how do we know this? They’re constantly comparing the details of every match with something that happened in the past.

The per-minute commentators

They come alive when a live match is on. Their TL goes from five tweets in a week to 52 in one game because they’re bantering and doing all the things they’d normally do at a live viewing centre, but on Twitter.

The “GOAT” idolisers

Football stans are just as toxic as other stans. They’ll throw all logic out the window when their GOAT is involved.

The Martin Luther Kings

They turn to Josephs before every match. Talking about “I had a dream”. Sometimes, they’re lucky, and their predictions come accurate; other times, it goes to complete shit. So if you know what’s good for you, don’t place any bets based on their dreams.

The “pick me” fans

They blow hot and cold at the same time. They’re very fickle-minded, so their opinions are easily swayed. One minute, they’re saying the team didn’t do badly. The next, they’re joining the majority to say the team isn’t shit.

The fighters

If there’s anything we know about Twitter, it’s people love vawulence. These ones will drag you through the streets of Twitter for having any take they disagree with. Their attack is stronger than the team they support.

The suffering and smiling fans

When their team loses, they renounce them and try to conceal their pain through bants and jokes, laying curses on the player who made their betting slip cut.

The gatekeepers

Because they started watching football when Thierry Henry was playing at Arsenal, they try to pull rank. They remind you of those mean SS 2 students who form seniority over those in SS 1.

The pseudo-fans

They don’t really watch football, so they consume as much information from different online sources as possible before they tweet and join in the arguments. They’re most likely trying to impress someone or suffering from FOMO. You’ll know them when you try to engage further by discussing the details of the match.

QUIZ: Can We Guess the Team You’re Supporting at the World Cup ?
No, this isn’t like Kunle’s hilarious fake list of Gen-Z acronyms and their meanings.

Gen Z Acronyms & Their Meanings:

•TYSM – Taymesan

•WAGMI – Watimagbo

•IDC – I Dey Crase

•FML – Fimisile

•IYKYK – Another word for Jim Iyke

•ILY – Ileya

•ILYSM – Ileya Small

•ATP – Ati paapa

•IKDR – Ikorodu Direct

•ISWIS – A sound you make when you eat hot yam
— Olakunle Ologunro (@KunleOlogunro) August 1, 2022

Football is back and that means you’ll be seeing some words you don’t understand on the TL. Let’s help you understand them.

1. W or Dub:

Simple. This means to win. Whether it’s a “W” tweet or a “W” player or a “dub you can see from 100 miles away”, a W or dub is generally a great thing.

2. Idolo

This just means “idol”. If you rate a footballer, feel free to call them idolo. But don’t overuse this term. It’s only for the real legends.

3. Clear

This one just shows that one thing or person is much better than the other. So if you see a tweet like, “Messi is clear of Penaldo”, it means the person thinks Messi is better than Ronaldo.

4. Warra

This simply means “what a…”, but in a sarcastic, mocking way. So if I, as an Arsenal fan, mocks a Chelsea fan for failing to sign good players this transfer window, they can just reply by saying, “Warra Champions League qualification for you”, and it would hurt me because my team didn’t qualify for the Champions League.

5. FT

This just means football Twitter.

6. L

This is an abbreviation for “loss”. If someone tells you to hold an L, it means your team has lost, or you lost an argument on the timeline.

7. GOAT

Greatest of All Time. There is only one. But nobody really knows who it is. I do, though.

8. Bodied

To “body” someone is to win against them in an argument, while utterly embarrassing them. So if someone gives a snarky reply to a tweet and it goes viral, it means they bodied the person. And the tweets are usually phrased like, “Bodied the virgin” just for extra violence.

9. Aired

“Aired” just means someone ghosted the other person instead of replying to them.

10. Ratioed

You didn’t know this famous slang came from Football Twitter? Do better. To “ratio” someone is to get more likes and retweets (RTs) when you reply or quote their tweets. Ratio-ing someone is a dub; getting ratioed is an L. Get it?

11. YKB/YDKB

Slangs for “you know ball” and “you don’t know ball”.

12. Nabbed

This means “stolen”. It’s when bigger accounts steal a tweet or tweet idea from a smaller account and gets more likes and RTs.

13. Merchant

Someone, or a team, who does something repeatedly. For example, Ronaldo has been an “L merchant” this summer because he’s been offering himself to clubs and nobody wants to sign him. Or Luis Diaz is a “pace merchant” because all he does is run.

14. Here we go

Coined by famed football journalist and transfers king Fabrizio Romano, this is the phrase for when a transfer deal is successfully completed — not officially announced by the club, but confirmed by reputable sports journalists.

15. Fraud

If someone is a fraud, it means they’ve tricked the entire world to think they’re great when they’re actually mid (i.e: average). A great example is Eden Hazard.

Also read: 14 Slangs You’ll Hear at Every Nigerian Street Football Field