Valentine’s Day is meant to be all about love, good vibes, and a dose of “pepper dem” energy on social media. But sometimes, dates don’t go as planned. Instead of butterflies in your stomach, you’re calculating how long it’ll take to order an Uber and vanish.
Whether it’s a bad vibe, a weird conversation, or their refusal to stop referring to you as “baby” on a first date, here’s a foolproof guide to escaping an awkward Valentine’s date.
Fake an emergency
This is the OG move. Suddenly clutch your chest and say, “Oh no! I forgot my gas is still on at home,” or, “My cousin just called—our granny swallowed paint!” Keep it vague enough to avoid follow-up questions. Bonus points if you pretend to answer a fake call and start shouting, “Calm down! I’m on my way!”
Pretend you’re feeling unwell
Start coughing lightly. Then escalate to a dramatic sneeze. Within minutes, clutch your stomach and groan about how something you ate on the date threatens to unalive you. Say you have to go home and rest. They’ll be too scared of potential food poisoning to stop you.
Blame work or your boss
“I just got a Slack notification from my boss.” Works every time, especially if you make it sound like you’re indispensable at work. Throw in phrases like “quarterly reports” and “client presentation” to make it more believable.
Recruit your bestie as a rescue
Before the date, set up a system with your bestie. A quick SOS text, and they’ll call you with a fake emergency. If they’re feeling extra dramatic, they can even show up at the date like, “Babe, it’s an emergency! Let’s go!”
Tell them the truth (but nicely)
If you’re feeling brave, be honest. Say, “I’m sorry, but I’m not feeling a spark.” It’s not the easiest option, but it’s better than ghosting. Plus, it saves you from accidentally running into them at the mall weeks later.
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Use the bathroom excuse
The old “Excuse me, I need to use the bathroom” trick never fails. The trick is to leave your bag behind for believability. When you get to the bathroom, order an Uber and send a polite “I had to leave” text.
Stage a scene
This one is risky, but if all else fails, go for it. Say, “I’m so embarrassed! I need to go home.” Walk out and leave them to handle the bill.
Bring up polarising topics
If they’re dragging the date, speed things up by talking about something divisive like politics, football teams, or who the GOAT is: Burna, Wizkid, or Davido. Once the argument gets heated, you’ll both want to leave.
Ghost them mid-date
If you’ve tried everything and they’re still clinging to the date, pull the ultimate vanishing act. Excuse yourself for “just a minute” and walk out of their life forever. Block their number for maximum effect.
READ THIS TOO: 10 Places to Be if You Don’t Want to Spend Valentine’s Alone
