Buhari | Page 6 of 8

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1.LET’S TAKE A LOOK AT THAT LIST. PART DEUX.

(Part one is over here)

Ever since President Buhari submitted the ‘ministerial’ list for approval on July 23rd, some of Nigeria’s foremost officials have been participating in what has been tagged a ‘ministerial’ screening. This is despite there being no portfolios to back their supposed ‘ministerial’ appointments. Hmm.

Haven watched enough footage from the‘screenings’ and taking note of the amount of times nominees were told to ‘take a bow’, we are 99.9% certain of what this procedure really is ⁠ — group rehearsals, for when Buhari finally relocates with his cabinet to the UK, and they have to do that little bow upon meeting the queen.

So, what does it mean to ‘take a bow’?

We see you Ahmed Fenty.

As a sign of respect during the ministerial screenings, the Senate rule book exempts individuals who have served in both chambers of the National Assembly from answering questions to test their abilities. This is because they are believed capable to handle ministerial duties, having held tasking roles in the past. Instead, they are simply told to ‘take a bow’ before their peers and to leave the chamber.

During the screening, a total of 24 out of the 43 nominees were asked to take a bow. This includes Chris Ngige, George Akume, Tayo Alasoadura, Baba Shehuri and Timipre Sylva to name a few, all of whom had understandably served as senators in the past.

Confusingly, however, this privilege was extended to nominees yet to serve in the National Assembly.

A look at some of the interesting reasons nominees were asked to take a bow:

Sharon Ikeazor: For being a woman.

Ramatu Tijani: Same dumbass reason as above.

Adeniyi Adebayo: Former governor and respected leader of the APC

Abubakar Lawal: I wish I was making this up. Lawal was asked to take a bow for ‘being loyal’, despite having only served as deputy governor of Yobe State.

Muhammadu Bello: A former Minister of the FCT, he asked to be exempted, for being a member of the National Assembly ‘by association’.

Rotimi Amaechi: For being speaker of the Rivers State House of Assembly.

Saleh Mamaan: The senators were tired of screening Buhari’s ministerial nominees.

Are you even allowed to be tired at a 13.5m monthly salary? Genuinely asking here.

Welp! Guess We’re Stuck Now.

On July 23rd, despite having no portfolio to work with, the Nigerian senate confirmed all 43 ministerial nominees. Since it’s Buhari’s world and we’re all just living in it, our president has disclosed that the portfolio of his cabinet will be made public, after their inauguration.

2. Quick! What do you prescribe an incredibly deluded government?

And does it come in a super shot? Because we don’t understand what Nigeria has been sipping this past week.

A look at what made the rounds:

The APC is blaming Atiku for trying to take over President Buhari’s job.

I want to give you 10 guesses why they’re making this accusation, but you’ll never get it.

It’s simply because Alhaji Atiku Abubakar, pro-instagrammer and Nigeria’s former Vice-president, dared to congratulate Boris Johnson on emerging the UK’s Prime Minister.

Bruh, they were so pressed they released a statement to vent, which included such heavy statements as: “Alh. Atiku’s continuous portrayal of himself as a shadow president under our system borders on felony and makes him a patent impostor.” and “We expect Alh. Atiku to quickly address himself to the stark reality of his loss and move on.” Ouch.

Breathe APC, it is just a congratulatory message, okay?

Elisha Abbo got appointed as deputy chairman of Navy Committee.

Further proof that this government is off its rocker, the Nigerian Senator caught on tape assaulting a woman in a sex shop. Who also lost his temper at a disciplinary committee to hear the stated offence ⁠ — is somehow getting rewarded for his actions, following his appointment by the senate, to serve as deputy chairman of the Senate Committee on Navy. He won an award for being an ‘Icon of Democracy’ too. Wondafu.

But the worst part:

Three days after Boko Haram Kills 60 mourners, the presidency insists the sect is defeated.

Only three days after a funeral procession in Borno State was tragically attacked, killing 60 people, the presidency released a statement, signed by the presidential spokesperson, Garba Shehu.

According to the presidency, “The real Boko Haram has been defeated,” and only remnants of Boko Haram (?) and other fugitives remain.

This statement was made in review of ten years of the insurgency. It is not the first time the government will allege that the sect has been defeated.

3. Got milk?

No seriously, do you locally produce milk? The CBN would like to know.

Following talk that the CBN will be banning the importation of milk, our Central Bank did the very millennial thing and released a tweet on their milk importation stance. According to the statement, the CBN will not be banning the importation of milk, but will instead restrict the sale of forex for the importation of milk. This is because of the CBN’s belief that Nigeria has enough resources to produce milk.

But is that all there is to it?

While the CBN would like to have you believe that, a number of Nigerians aren’t too sure of their intentions. For one thing, why the focus on milk? The CBN stated that Nigerians have for 60 years been subjected to undue spending for importing milk, and only last year, spent about $1.5 billion importing milk. But what about livestock, where ₦1.65 trillion was spent on import in 2017, despite having a comparative advantage to locally source them. Or even oil? Despite being an oil-producing state, Nigeria spent a whopping ₦2.95 trillion, importing oil in 2018.

Nigerians believe the ban on providing forex to import milk will cause the price of milk to spike, especially considering Nigerians consume an estimated 1.7 million tonnes of milk annually, and can only locally produce 34% of the required need. This will most likely cause untold hardship to the poor.

If the policy comes to stay, milk will become the 44th item to be added by the CBN to the list of commodities restricted from accessing Forex at the official rate.

Yay, you made it to the end. But this isn’t all of the dispatch.
For someone who outwardly appears to hate the moniker “Baba Go-Slow”, our President Bubucakes is doing the most to prove how very fitting the reference is.

Despite our president taking his sweet time with many projects (electricity, security, any other -itys really), the issue for today lies in his hard-to-understand delay in nominating ministers to handle the many sectors Nigeria’s problems are divided into.

For context, it’s now almost five months since the President became aware that he would be manning Nigeria’s reins for the next four years and two months since he was inaugurated to carry out the second term. Despite this, we still have no minister’s shirt to hold when our transformers go off for two months without warning. Never mind the fact that other countries like Greece, Senegal and Mali had ministers up and running within the first few days of the inauguration of their presidencies.

To try to make sense of the current situation, we came up with a number of theories to explain the President’s tardiness in appointing ministers. One of them is bound to be correct:

He forgot it wasn’t 1984 and he actually needs ministers to run a government.

Who else has forgotten they are no longer in a dictatorship and actually need ministers in a democratic set-up? Happens to the best of us. Here’s hoping he remembers quickly.

Maybe he wrote it down and couldn’t read his writing? We’ve had that happen before you know.

He’s probably too embarrassed to admit he can’t read his own writing (I know I’d be). Here’s to whipping up a new list really soon Bubs.

Perhaps he’s taking all his potential ministers on dates to make sure he likes them.

In his words, “I didn’t know some of the ministers I appointed in 2015”. To make sure to avoid that, he had a spreadsheet created over the course of five-months, mapping out special dates, an obstacle course and an “How well do you know Buhari” questionnaire for each potential ministerial candidate.

Never mind the fact that his appointments should be based on ability and not likability or friendship ties. If this theory is correct, we’re sure they’re just about wrapping up the selection process and we’ll be chock full of ministers in no time.

…Or, or, could he be attempting to break his previous record?

Hear us out, the last time Buhari had to nominate ministers, it took him all of six months to accomplish. What if, perhaps, maybe he’s simply trying to one-up himself with an even lengthier ministerial nomination period?

Look, a record is a record, is a record, okay?

This seems like an awfully long shot, but maybe the delay is due to previous ministers incessant lobbying and opportunistic Nigerians attempting to break into government?

Like say previous governors looking for the next leg up in their careers and former ministers stalking Buhari at the airport, looking to make sure they are remembered when it comes to appointment time.

Even though this seems like the most unlikely reason, as it will entail the appointment of more politicians as opposed to much-needed technocrats, it will explain (poorly), why this delay seems to be never-ending.

Then again, it seems a little too far fetched. What do you think is causing the delay?
When President Buhari assumed the reins of Nigeria’s leadership in 2015, he must have been strictly guided by the principle of “a government of the people, by the people and for the people”. So representative and people-centric was his administration to be that everyone — young, old and even those six-feet under would get a piece of good governmental action.

At least that’s what I’d like to believe. Or how else would you explain the monumental SNAFU that was the appointment of multiple deceased persons into governmental roles by his administration?

In December 2017, following what ought to have been two years of extensive vetting and interviews — the President, through the Secretary General of the Federation added yet another floor to the festering tower of Nigeria’s mediocrity, by announcing the appointment of 209 boardmen and 1258 board members into parastatals of the country. Only, these appointments just so happened to have a sprinkling of appointees who were unfortunately, in varying stages of rigour mortis at the time of the announcement.

Among these were:

Chief Donald Okpozo

As a Second Republic lawmaker and Deputy Speaker of the now defunct Bendel State, Okpozo’s must have achieved many things to endear himself to the Presidency. So much so, an official condolence message was issued upon his passing in December in 2016, at the ripe post-retirement age of 81. Now, either the news of his death was too hard to come to terms with, or someone took his spirit living on a little too literally, because he was appointed Chairman of the National Press Council almost a year after his demise.

Chief Donald Ugbaja

Another blowback from the current administration’s misunderstanding of the term “I’ll sleep when I’m dead” — Chief Ugbaja’s passing in December of 2017, having served as a Deputy Inspector General of Police, failed to stop his appointment as a member of the Consumer Protection Council.

Reverend Christopher Utov

Who wasn’t left to rest in peace, as he was appointed a member of the Nigerian Institute of Social Research and Economic Research, despite passing away in March of 2017.

Other dearly departed on the list include: Garba Attahiru, Umar Dange, Magdalene Kumu, Dr Nabbs Imegwu and Comrade Ahmed Bunza.

Making their appointments especially ironic isn’t simply the fact that literal dead people were offered employment before the 18.8% that made up Nigeria’s unemployment rate in 2017 — but because the Buhari administration is so staunchly against the concept of ghost workers.

In 2016, his administration set up The Efficiency Unit of the Federal Ministry of Finance to audit the salaries and wages of government departments, specifically to counteract the problem of Nigeria’s ghoulish labour force. This initiative embarked on the auditing of salaries and wages in various departments, saving the government 500 billion in 2016 alone. So you would think a government that devoted would take extra measures against Nigerian ancestor is receiving afterlife bonuses, correct? We thought so too.

That wasn’t all that was wrong with the list, however. Oh no! What’s one disappointment when several can be unfurled? Also appointed were the controversial Herman Hember,whose position as the representative of the Vandeikya/Konshisha federal constituency of Benue State was nullified by the Supreme Court. Mr Hember also failed to return the salaries and allowances totalling N47,670,086, as mandated by the court’s ruling.

This stand up fellow was appointed a Board Chairman of the Michael Imoudo National Institute for Labour Studies.

The list also had a sprinkling of duplicated names here and there. It also saw the placing of members into the board of the National Football Federation, appointments which went against the agency’s governing statute. There were also placements into the already privatised National Iron Ore Mining Company (NIOMCO) in Kogi State.

In explanation for the faux pas, a whole lot of words were used to explain the fact that, no one bothered to give a list that was prepared two years prior, a once-over to make sure little slip-ups like human moves to the afterlife or name duplications, were absent before publicising.

While Nigerians were swift to call out the government on its exemplary sloppiness. Government officials like Itse Sagay failed to understand what all the fuss was about.

“To see that list and begin to quarrel about it seems to me a level of senselessness that I cannot imagine,”

“I regard their attitude as collective stupidity and evidence of idleness of mind.”

He really said so. I don’t know where the bar for his sensibilities lies, but it’s not above ground, I can tell you.

President Buhari shortly after ordered the reviewing of the list. During which time, another undisclosed appointee passed on. These things tend to happen when past-septugenarians are given employment as opposed to much needed elderly TLC.

The list has since been reviewed to much less fanfare, but are we ever going to forget that the Nigerian government saw dead people and tried to give them jobs? I think not.
I miss 2015. Back then, my biggest problems were deciding my parental finesse of the month, deciding what classes I’d grace with my presence or losing my mind over what colour this dress is (blue and black ftw!).

2015 was also the year Nigerians were taken for a jolly good ride by the man we now call President. Back in 2015, Buhari, decked in a suit and Hi-fiving his adorable grandchild made a couple of promises that seemed too good to be true, and that’s probably because they were.

The dreams we got sold were so sweet, it’s 2019 and I’m still throwing away salute. That’s by the way — a promise is a promise is a promise, so we have a few questions to ask our dear president, especially with elections coming up in only a couple of weeks:

Did you lose our 5k in the mail?

Back in 2015, Buhari promised Nigeria’s unemployed youth a monthly stipend of 5 000 each.

And while yes, ₦5 000 probably won’t go very far in these trying times of 100 Gala, it was a grand idea, so we waited for him to come through.

And wait we did. On a trip to Saudi Arabia in 2016, Buhari relayed an epiphany that very sadly escaped him in 2015. The ₦5000 stipend would be better utilised for infrastructure, so LOL… sorry to everyone expecting money.

By the end of 2016, the government had a change of heart and decided to in fact disburse the ₦5 000 to Nigeria’s poorest.

The question is, where is my 5k? And no way I don’t qualify. I may or may not have chugged Garri and groundnut without water for a week in 2017, and it’s not because I enjoy being choked.

The Post-NYSC salary, how far?

This was one of my favourite promises of 2015. After suffering through CDS and monthly clearances, a shining light awaited if a job wasn’t immediately available.

A whole year’s salary while you got your shit together coupled with enrollment in a vocational school — all on the government’s tab. How very thoughtful.

Anyway, we’re sure he only forgot about this, somebody please make sure he sees this to maybe jog his memory.

Good job on the school feeding programme, but can Lagos get a little love?

The president promised a free meal with fruit for primary school students, and from all indications, it has been moderately successful in some states of the federation.

Over 7.4 million students currently benefit from the programme. While there are confirmed bottlenecks, the programme is a work-in-progress, and has increased school enrollment, so that’s great.

However, the programme currently caters to only students from Basic 1-3, leaving those in nursery classes and grades 4-6 in the dark. Plus, it’s only available in 24 states. Can the others, Lagos included get a little love?

Still sure about this?

I mean, it’s 2019 and we’re still getting headlines like this.

Do you remember saying you’d create 3 million jobs annually? Because we do.

Even though the Minister of Labour – Mr Chris Ngige will have us believe 7 million jobs were created between 2015 and 2017, the actual figures are less, way less.

Since the assumption of office, up until 2017, the Presidency has been responsible for the creation of only 2.8 million jobs. A far cry from the 6 million jobs we were promised for two years.

Plus unemployment rates are doing a madness, and reached a worrying 23.1% by the third quarter of 2018.

See how sweet mouth can be a problem?

In 2019, it’s a little okay. Or what do you feel, Bubu?

Back in 2015, when we had no idea how good the Dollar rate we were enjoying was, the APC made it apparent that ₦216 to a Dollar was not a figure to get accustomed to.

We should have listened and maybe voted another way. But somehow we were under the impression that they meant to reduce and not nearly double the exchange rates.

Na we fuck up when you think about it.
Election season is upon us and we’ve never had a more interesting and more diverse crop of presidential aspirants.

And because politics in Nigeria reminds us of secondary school we couldn’t help but re-imagine some of our 2019 presidential aspirants as secondary school students.

Fela Durotoye is the smart kid who is always the first to put up his hand when the teacher asks a question, whether he knows the answer or not.

Teacher: What’s 2 plus 2?

Fela: If you really believe in yourself, the answer will be 22.

Oby is the kid who will write names of noisemakers, put her best friend’s name and submit it to the teacher.

She’ll even add x2 if she catches you talking again.

Donald Duke is the fresh kid everyone likes and is very popular.

He was Social prefect once and everyone loved him. The whole school thinks he can do no wrong.

Sowore is the one all the teachers used to call useless boy and now he wants to prove them wrong by becoming head boy.

He gets called into the principal’s office every single day.

Moghalu is the smart kid who always comes first and everyone thinks he has two heads.

But the day he came second he went to report to the Principal that the person who came first didn’t deserve it.

Eunice Atuejide is the transfer student who came in SS2 and nobody knew until she said she wanted to become head girl.

The boys like her because she refused to join the Girls’ Guide.

Atiku is the rich kid who was Assistant Class Captain once and has now made it his life’s mission to become Class Captain.

He has been trying since JSS1, he is in SS3 now.

Buhari is the one who has been trying to become class captain since JSS1, when they finally gave it to him in SS3 he decided to show the whole school pepper.

And he’ll continue to show us pepper till he graduates.

Eighteen other Nigerians have also come out to say they want to run for president. Who else do you think we should add to this list?
If anyone ever tells you Abuja isn’t the Land of Wealth. Tell them they are lying.

Abuja is the land of everything. Every single thing. They can take it up with Buhari if they disagree.
If you ever decide to stop by in the big city or at least go for an excursion there.

You need to just take a glimpse of at least 2 of these places, else you haven’t been to Abuja
Let’s that with the most famous place in the whole of Abuja’s history. Zuma Rock. Please just do yourself a favour and climb with supervision.

Or else…
Whether you’re Muslim, Christian or even an Atheist, if you see the National Mosque and ignore its beauty…

…you are your own problem
Just after you pass by the mosque, you can’t tell me you wouldn’t be tempted to stop by at the National Christian Centre.

That’s a whole tourist attraction on it’s own.
I don’t even know how to start talking about the Millenial Park. I mean, there are parks, and there are parks. This is one of those parks.

You will enter this place and forget your worries. Take my word for it.
If you are on this trip with your kids or a little sibling, you have to do them the favour of taking them to the National Children’s Park and Zoo.

You will just see that somehow they are more willing to clean your room for you.
While the kids are playing with animals, you can just quickly say hi to Buhari at the presidential villa. That’s if he hasn’t travelled.

But the presidential villa is just behind the zoo, so no worries. You wouldn’t have wasted too much time.
You wouldn’t want to go to Abuja and come back empty handed so you should probably stop by at the Abuja Art’s and Crafts Village.

You will find at least one thing that tickles your fancy. I promise you.
Now, if you want you and your kids to have a taste of Disneyland in Nigeria. Please just direct yourself to Wonderland Abuja.

That’s all I’m going to say.
If you leave Abuja without taking a trip down to Usuma Dam then can you even say you went to Abuja?

Just take a look at this beauty.
No mall in Nigeria comes close to Jabi Lake Mall.

Trust us there’s nothing you won’t find in this beautiful mall.
Our Abuja people, did we leave anywhere out? Share! Share! Share!
We were going about our business this beautiful morning, wondering why $1 is still over 360 naira and why a bag of rice is 20k when our Senators decided to come and disturb us with their drama.

As is with all things Nigerian we honestly don’t know exactly what is going on. But here’s the gist of what we at least know.
The DSS barricaded the entrance to the NASS complex and prevented staff and legislators from entering.

The State Security Services in #Nigeria (DSS) have blocked the entrance to @nassnigeria, this morning, and are turning away staff and legislators.
A complete assault on Nigeria’s democracy. pic.twitter.com/TWmY7PQLfZ — Chxta (@Chxta) August 7, 2018
No one knows who the order came from, it apparently came from ‘above’.

~~Did Baba Bubu send a text from London?~~ We’re still trying to figure out who this Oga at the top is.
In fact, a Legislator stood up to the DSS, daring them.

VIDEO: LIVE UPDATES: National Assembly crisis#mobilepunch #nass #Saraki #nationalasssembly #Senate #Senator #NigeriaDecides2019 #Nigerians #buhari @MBuhari @bukolasaraki @NGRSenate @NGRPresident #SaveOurDemocracy #punchng pic.twitter.com/mgLHihsmxT
— Punch Newspapers (@MobilePunch) August 7, 2018

This is quite fascinating, that the Legislators have this kind of energy, but they couldn’t use this energy to help us looking into #EndSARS.
After hours of standing up to the DSS and fighting to uphold democracy in Nigeria, the senators were finally granted access into the complex.

For a group of people who are supposed to be under siege, they seem pretty cheerful.
All the APC legislators were nowhere to be found.

What a coincidence.
The DSS operatives were also masked.

Muzzbe action film.
In what might or might not be connected news, Senator Goodswil Akpabio also officially resigned as senate minority leader today.

Another coincidence. Fascinating.
Because this is Nigeria we won’t be surprised if the narrative changes in the next couple of hours.

Next thing we’ll hear is that the DSS were actually there to protect the Senators.
In a twist of events that can only happen in Nigeria, Ag. President – Yemi Osinbajo fired the DG of DSS, Lawal Daura.

This might be the most epic way anyone has ever said ‘I am not involved’.
All this drama, and you wonder why Nigerian politicians are not getting nominations for AMAA awards

Look at this list. No Nigerian Politician.
Anyway, all of them will still go to the back and be hugging each other in private.

Because really, that’s all they care about mostly. Themselves.
If you are as tired as we are of these people using us to play ten-ten and you still haven’t collected your PVC, you can’t be a serious person.

Head on over to getyourpvc.com to find the answers to learn how to register to get your Permanent Voter’s Card. Don’t forget, the deadline is August 17 to register if you want to vote next year.
Nigeria is a country blessed with an extraordinarily diverse set of people. Our politicians are a different breed of their own.

Let’s talk about of the distinct types of politicians in Nigeria.

The first type of politicians are the calm ones, believe it or not, some of them fall under this category.

Whatever the situation, they remain calm.

Then we have the CEOs of trouble making.

From jumping fence to tearing cloth, these ones can scatter anywhere.

You know those types of people who can lie their way out of every situation?

No comment.

There’s the special ones who have Ph.Ds in dancing.

They play a very vital role in the Nigerian politics.

Let’s not forget the ones who have refused to fully retire.

Help us beg these baby boys o. It’s okay.

This category is for the ones who grace us with their beautiful grammar once in a while.

Higi Haga. Crinkum Crankum.

The ones who are always in the news for one drama or the other.

We know the people we’ll send to Big Brother next year.

What of the ones that change party like SIM cards?

Bye bye to jati jati pic.twitter.com/4oBwuTbxGQ
— Senator Dino Melaye. (SDM) (@_dinomelaye) July 6, 2018

Home is where the power is.

There are the ones that are just doing House of Cards with Nigeria

Will the real Frank Underwood please stand up?

What about the ones who do everything but their job?

Is that why we’re here?

Is this list even complete without the Keyboard Warriors?

Lion on the Internet, but meow-meow when it’s time to solve our problems.

Finally, we have the ones who are ready to change Nigeria.

We’re still waiting for the change sha.

So if you’re tired of all this nonsense, perhaps the first step is to:

Make your voice heard. Visit getyourpvc.com and learn how to register to get your PVC ASAP.

What type of politician did we miss out on? Tell us in the comments below or tweet us @zikokomag!
Everything has gone from 0-100 since Vice President Osinbajo stepped in as Acting President once again. The promises have begun, again, my friend…

After delivering that Democracy Day speech from yesterday (where is President Buhari though?), news is agog today with this interesting video from Osinbajo:

The TL;DR version is this: “The World Bank and the AFDB have raised a fund to enable Nigerians get mortgages to own homes.’

DID YOU HEAR THAT? If you can pay N30,000 every month, you too can own a home in Nigerian home!
“YASSS we all need our own homes!” – 2019 campaign slogan loading.
This is all so exciting, atink, but Nigerians are like ‘er, hang on a minute.’

The emojis reflect disbelief

Ah thank God o.
For those of us earning 30 tasand, APC and osinbajo said we can own homes now with that our shikili money.
😐😕
— Tobi (@Oloridivatee) May 30, 2017

Then there’s this brief comment

What is this nonsense now? https://t.co/14LR3pLpjG
— Adetutu Balogun, MBA (@Tutsy22) May 30, 2017

This…interesting…economic viewpoint

I am not sure he is preview with the realities on ground. N30k dat cant buy 2 bags of rice. Na wash wash dis gvt dey do us oo
— Gibs Iz (@Gibson_IZ) May 30, 2017

Whoa whoa whoaaa there

Deceits and Liars. N30k can own a house when a family with just a kid can't even feed 2weeks with that. https://t.co/BEjEdJoqPT
— Human. Peter-Oluwaseyi-Musa-Obi4President2023 (@DoDeRightThing) May 30, 2017

Heh. It almost sounds like Nigerians have been victims of unfulfilled promises in the past. Hm.

Well. Here’s to hoping this is one promise that actually gets fulfilled!

More on the Osinbajo adventures:
https://zikoko.com/list/10-top-quotes-from-osinbajos-democracyday-speech/
Yesterday, Premium Times Nigeria published a report from the Center for Democracy and Development (CDC). The report was about President Muhammadu Buhari (whereabouts unknown)

In the report, 4,097 Nigerians from 111 Local Government Areas were asked to rate the performance of the traveling president

…and the results are out. Apparently 57% of Nigerians generally ‘approved’ his performance.

But here’s where it gets interesting. According to this report, the majority of people who APPROVE of the president are in the North

The North-West (85 per cent) and North-East (66 per cent) regions constitute the majority of those who approve of his job performance.Premium Times

…and the majority of people who disapprove come from the South

…respondents from the South-East (72 per cent) and South-South (60 per cent) regions make up those who do not approve his performancePremium Times

Esselent.
You can have a look at the full report here, by the way.
More Zikoko politics? Lookie here:
https://zikoko.com/list/10-top-quotes-from-osinbajos-democracyday-speech/

1.LET’S TAKE A LOOK AT THAT LIST. PART DEUX.

So, what does it mean to ‘take a bow’?

The APC is blaming Atiku for trying to take over President Buhari’s job.

Elisha Abbo got appointed as deputy chairman of Navy Committee.

Three days after Boko Haram Kills 60 mourners, the presidency insists the sect is defeated.

3. Got milk?

But is that all there is to it?

He forgot it wasn’t 1984 and he actually needs ministers to run a government.

Maybe he wrote it down and couldn’t read his writing? We’ve had that happen before you know.

Perhaps he’s taking all his potential ministers on dates to make sure he likes them.

…Or, or, could he be attempting to break his previous record?

This seems like an awfully long shot, but maybe the delay is due to previous ministers incessant lobbying and opportunistic Nigerians attempting to break into government?

Chief Donald Okpozo

Did you lose our 5k in the mail?

The Post-NYSC salary, how far?

Good job on the school feeding programme, but can Lagos get a little love?

Still sure about this?

Do you remember saying you’d create 3 million jobs annually? Because we do.

In 2019, it’s a little okay. Or what do you feel, Bubu?

Fela Durotoye is the smart kid who is always the first to put up his hand when the teacher asks a question, whether he knows the answer or not.

Oby is the kid who will write names of noisemakers, put her best friend’s name and submit it to the teacher.

Donald Duke is the fresh kid everyone likes and is very popular.

Sowore is the one all the teachers used to call useless boy and now he wants to prove them wrong by becoming head boy.

Moghalu is the smart kid who always comes first and everyone thinks he has two heads.

Eunice Atuejide is the transfer student who came in SS2 and nobody knew until she said she wanted to become head girl.

Atiku is the rich kid who was Assistant Class Captain once and has now made it his life’s mission to become Class Captain.

Buhari is the one who has been trying to become class captain since JSS1, when they finally gave it to him in SS3 he decided to show the whole school pepper.

If anyone ever tells you Abuja isn’t the Land of Wealth. Tell them they are lying.

If you ever decide to stop by in the big city or at least go for an excursion there.

Let’s that with the most famous place in the whole of Abuja’s history. Zuma Rock. Please just do yourself a favour and climb with supervision.

Whether you’re Muslim, Christian or even an Atheist, if you see the National Mosque and ignore its beauty…

Just after you pass by the mosque, you can’t tell me you wouldn’t be tempted to stop by at the National Christian Centre.

I don’t even know how to start talking about the Millenial Park. I mean, there are parks, and there are parks. This is one of those parks.

If you are on this trip with your kids or a little sibling, you have to do them the favour of taking them to the National Children’s Park and Zoo.

While the kids are playing with animals, you can just quickly say hi to Buhari at the presidential villa. That’s if he hasn’t travelled.

You wouldn’t want to go to Abuja and come back empty handed so you should probably stop by at the Abuja Art’s and Crafts Village.

Now, if you want you and your kids to have a taste of Disneyland in Nigeria. Please just direct yourself to Wonderland Abuja.

If you leave Abuja without taking a trip down to Usuma Dam then can you even say you went to Abuja?

No mall in Nigeria comes close to Jabi Lake Mall.

Our Abuja people, did we leave anywhere out? Share! Share! Share!

We were going about our business this beautiful morning, wondering why $1 is still over 360 naira and why a bag of rice is 20k when our Senators decided to come and disturb us with their drama.

The DSS barricaded the entrance to the NASS complex and prevented staff and legislators from entering.

No one knows who the order came from, it apparently came from ‘above’.

In fact, a Legislator stood up to the DSS, daring them.

After hours of standing up to the DSS and fighting to uphold democracy in Nigeria, the senators were finally granted access into the complex.

All the APC legislators were nowhere to be found.

The DSS operatives were also masked.

In what might or might not be connected news, Senator Goodswil Akpabio also officially resigned as senate minority leader today.

Because this is Nigeria we won’t be surprised if the narrative changes in the next couple of hours.

In a twist of events that can only happen in Nigeria, Ag. President – Yemi Osinbajo fired the DG of DSS, Lawal Daura.

All this drama, and you wonder why Nigerian politicians are not getting nominations for AMAA awards

Anyway, all of them will still go to the back and be hugging each other in private.

If you are as tired as we are of these people using us to play ten-ten and you still haven’t collected your PVC, you can’t be a serious person.

Nigeria is a country blessed with an extraordinarily diverse set of people. Our politicians are a different breed of their own.

The first type of politicians are the calm ones, believe it or not, some of them fall under this category.

Then we have the CEOs of trouble making.

You know those types of people who can lie their way out of every situation?

There’s the special ones who have Ph.Ds in dancing.

Let’s not forget the ones who have refused to fully retire.

This category is for the ones who grace us with their beautiful grammar once in a while.

The ones who are always in the news for one drama or the other.

What of the ones that change party like SIM cards?

There are the ones that are just doing House of Cards with Nigeria

What about the ones who do everything but their job?

Is this list even complete without the Keyboard Warriors?

Finally, we have the ones who are ready to change Nigeria.

So if you’re tired of all this nonsense, perhaps the first step is to:

What type of politician did we miss out on? Tell us in the comments below or tweet us @zikokomag!

Everything has gone from 0-100 since Vice President Osinbajo stepped in as Acting President once again. The promises have begun, again, my friend…

After delivering that Democracy Day speech from yesterday (where is President Buhari though?), news is agog today with this interesting video from Osinbajo:

The TL;DR version is this: “The World Bank and the AFDB have raised a fund to enable Nigerians get mortgages to own homes.’

DID YOU HEAR THAT? If you can pay N30,000 every month, you too can own a home in Nigerian home!

This is all so exciting, atink, but Nigerians are like ‘er, hang on a minute.’

The emojis reflect disbelief

Then there’s this brief comment

This…interesting…economic viewpoint

Whoa whoa whoaaa there

Heh. It almost sounds like Nigerians have been victims of unfulfilled promises in the past. Hm.

Well. Here’s to hoping this is one promise that actually gets fulfilled!

More on the Osinbajo adventures: