• The Nigerian experience is physical, emotional, and sometimes international. No one knows it better than our features on #TheAbroadLife, a series where we detail and explore Nigerian experiences while living abroad.



    Today’s subject on Abroad Life is a woman who schooled in Kampala, Uganda because she didn’t want to go somewhere mainstream like Canada or The UK. She talks about how similar Nigeria and Uganda are, how to have fun in Uganda and the things that make living in Uganda difficult. 

    So where were you before you returned to Nigeria?

    I was in Kampala, Uganda.

    What was happening there?

    I was there for school for three years. I came back this year. 

    Why did you choose to go to Uganda?

    I didn’t want to go to school in Nigeria because of how things are here. Nigerian schools are stressful. So I started searching for countries to school in. I wanted somewhere not so common like Canada, the UK and the US. I wanted somewhere unknown.

    Why did you want that?

    I’m the type of person that doesn’t like to go the same way as everyone. I believe there are different routes to the market, so the question is, why do I have to take the same one that everyone does?

    That’s interesting. So why did you choose Uganda?

    I got home one day and my mother told me, “You’re going to Kampala International University.” I was so confused. I had to do a lot of research because I did not know that there was a country named Uganda. But from my research, I found out that it was a nice place, and I’d be done with school in three years, so I thought I’d give it a try.  

    What was applying for school there like?

    They were looking for A-Levels results or WAEC results, so I just plugged in my WAEC result, got admitted and bounced. The visa application was fast and simple; it took about two weeks and the entire process cost about $100. That was in 2018 though. 

    Arriving in Uganda, what were your first impressions?

    The only thing that surprised me was the constant electricity. Apart from that, it’s like every other African country. This is how I’d describe it: it’s like a miniature version of Victoria Island, Lagos. I don’t think Uganda’s population is up to Lagos and Ibadan combined, and that’s with the high number of foreigners that live here.

    Are there a lot of Nigerians? 

    Yes. The thing they say about Nigerians being everywhere is very true. 

    If I find myself in Uganda now, how can I tell the difference between where I am and Nigeria?

    Their culture and style of living. Just like us, they were colonised by the British. But they retained some of the British culture, like driving on the right-hand side and drinking as much tea as they possibly can. 

    So they’re not traditional people?

    Not really, no. They have some annual traditional events though. In school, there’s usually a cultural gala where people come to showcase their culture and all that stuff. There’s this culture where they put clay on their faces. It’s an unexplainable vibe. But in everyday dressing, it’s corporate culture. But it’s nice to note that in all of this, English is not the main language spoken. There’s Luganda and Swahili.  

    Do you understand Luganda and Swahili?

    Nope.

    So how do you survive?

    It’s easy when you have a lot of international students that you blend with. Everyone in these communities around universities speaks English, and there are many universities.

    Is it more expensive living there than living in Nigeria?

    Ugandan shillings is devalued, so for some people here, it might be expensive. Take rent for instance. Nigerians pay rent annually, but they pay monthly. You can have a place at 500,000 Ugandan shillings per month, and that’s like ₦50,000 naira. To them it’s expensive, but I can pay it comfortably. 

    Did you have a job there?

    No, I don’t have a job. At least not yet. Without knowing anyone in the country. you cannot really get a job. 

    Wow. What about a side hustle?

    You can’t do that at all.

    Why?

    Except you want to be a musician or a model, it’s hard to do anything else. You have to register anything you do with the right authorities, no matter how small it is. You can’t just start a business because you have a passion for it. The best thing you can do, let’s say you know how to make hair, is to offer your services to only people you know and keep it on the low.

    What happens if the authorities find out?

    Their own version of  EFCC would swoop in and investigate you, and you could get jailed in the process.

    Wow. What is a Nigerian reality that affected your Ugandan life? 

    I don’t think there’s anything. They just tend to ask Nigerians a lot of questions. They ask about our musicians and stuff like that. 

    What’s your craziest experience in all your time there?

    Ugandans are known for their nightlife. It’s much more intense there than in Lagos. They love their booze and their weed and their shisha. One night when I went out, I missed my hostel curfew, and there was no way for me to get in. I had to jump in through the fence. It was crazy. 

    I got bored with that life quickly though. It became repetitive. I would go out late at night, get home late, go to class late and sit in the back, wearing dark shades. Many times I missed classes too, but at some point, I just got tired of the whole thing.  

    So what else did you try to explore?

    Uganda is also known for its lakes and tourist attractions. I went on an adventure to Lake Victoria, where the River Nile starts from, and some other natural reserves. It was really nice. 

    Are you done with school?

    No, I’m going back next year. I’m only back in Nigeria because of Coronavirus. The school was closed, and my parents just kept paying rent. I came home because I wanted to take that strain off them. When the pandemic clears, I’ll go back. 

    Do you see yourself living there when you’re done with school?

    No. It’s a fun place, but I’m not the kind of person to stay in a place for a very long time. I’m a wanderer, and I need to move. 

    What other countries have you stayed in?

    I won’t say I’ve stayed in a lot of places, but I’ve been through many states in Nigeria. I’ve also been to the UK, stayed in Dubai for a while and been through Rwanda.

    What states in Nigeria have you been through?

    Rivers, Oyo, Lagos, Osun and some others. 

    What’s one thing you love about living in Uganda?

    The constant electricity.

    What’s one thing you hate?

    Some Ugandans are very rude, and that puts me off. Their president is a dictator. He’s been here for 40 years plus and has refused to step down. Things are normal, but a lot of the time, he has the final say. Foreigners like him because he lets them in easily, but you don’t want to get on his bad side. He came into power through a coup d’état and no one has had the courage to overthrow him.

    So are you saying Nigerians are enjoying the type of president we have?

    Yes. Exactly. 


    Want more Abroad Life? Check in every Friday at 9 A.M. (WAT) for a new episode. Until then, read every story of the series here.

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  • Citizen is a column that explains how the government’s policies fucks citizens and how we can unfuck ourselves.


    On Wednesday, Nigeria’s President Muhammadu Buhari inaugurated the steering committee to oversee Nigeria’s new Agenda 2050 and the Medium-Term National Development Plan (MTNDP).

    But where have we heard this before?

    The Guardian says that this new agenda is borne out of the fact that Nigeria cannot meet its objectives of becoming one of the 20 most developed economies in the world, as stated in the Vision 20:2020.

    But of course we couldn’t. How could we, when the plans were not strictly followed?

    This new agenda plans to lift 100 million Nigerians out of poverty within the next ten years, considering that the UN estimates that Nigeria will be the 3rd most populous country by 2050, with a population of over 400 million people.

    The president also noted that it had become important to create new plans to the Economic Recovery and Growth Plan, and the Vision 20:2020, all of which lapse this December.

    But here’s the thing. Nigeria has still failed to achieve any of the goals set out in its development plans, so what’s the point in proposing another?

    The Economic Recovery and Growth Plan stated that Nigeria would have a 7% Gross Domestic Product (GDP) growth by 2020, but the country is clearly headed for an economic reduction in 2020 — as we outlined here.

    The Vision 20:2020 also outlined that Nigeria will be one of the 20 most industrialised countries by 2020, but as at today we’re very far off that line.

    Rather than implement new agendas, all we simply want (if I can speak for Nigerians) is that the government shows real, actual commitment towards implementing programs. Talk is cheap. We need the political will to do the work.

    So, again, we ask. How will we actually lift 100 million people out of poverty 2050?

    *Radio Silence*

    Check back everyday by 10am for more Zikoko Citizen articles.

  • There’s always Rice at home, but is there always stew? No. We profile 4 things you can do with white rice when you don’t have stew or whatever you eat your rice with.

    1. Throw It Away

    Look, just throw it away man. It’s not useful.

    2. Add Rat Poison and Feed It To Rats

    Mix it with poison and feed it to rats. That’s not animal cruelty, is it?

    3. Use It To Break Your ‘White’ Fast

    If you attend Celestial Church, this works even better. Life na sense.

    4. Eat It Like That And Blame Buhari/Osinbajo

    If people don’t brush their teeth in the morning nowadays, they blame Buhari and Osinbajo. You sef eat your white rice in peace and blame the APC government. Nothing spoil.

  • What is a “Covid-19 Nigeria update“? We live in uncertain times and that can be scary. What if we promised you some form of certainty? Every day by 12 noon, we’ll bring you the latest updates on the fight against the Covid-19, both in Nigeria and Africa.


    Before we get into the Covid-19 Nigeria update for the day, here’s a rundown of all the important things President Buhari said in his address to Nigerians yesterday, April 13, 2020.

    You’ll recall that on March 29, about 14 days ago, President Buhari ordered a lockdown in Lagos, Ogun and the FCT. Well, the president addressed the country again and announced the extension of the lockdown in Lagos state, Ogun state and FCT by two more weeks. Other than that, here are the other things he said:

    • We need to make sacrifices to limit the spread of Covid-19
    • The level of compliance to the Covid-19 guidelines have been good across Nigeria.
    • In the first 14 days of the lockdown, the nation was able to implement comprehensive public health measures and intensified testing, identification and so much more.
    • Testing capacity is at 1,500 tests per day.
    • 7000 healthcare workers have been trained in infection prevention and control.
    • 1000 patients can be admitted in several treatment centers in Lagos and Abuja.
    • Now that land and airport borders have been closed, the number of rising cases are mostly person-to-person contact.
    • He has signed the Quarantine order.
    • The government has put on palliative measures such as food distribution and cash transfers.
    • Covid-19 is not a joke.

    You can find more details on his speech here:

    Now for the numbers:

    Covid-19 Nigeria Update from the past 24 hours:

    The numbers in Nigeria have been on a steady increase. As of March 17, 2020 – almost a month ago – there were only three cases but as of today, April 14, 2020, there are 343 confirmed cases. Thankfully, 91 people have been discharged. Unfortunately, there have been 10 deaths. In the last 24 hours, the NCDC reports that there are 20 new cases:

    • 13 in Lagos
    • 2 in Edo
    • 2 in Kano
    • 2 in Ogun
    • 1 in Ondo

    See their full report here.

    Covid-19 Nigeria Update

    NCDC also provided Covid-19 Nigeria update on the states where Covid-19 is present. Currently, it is present in 20 out of 36 states. Here’s a rundown of the numbers:

    Covid-19 Nigeria Update

    On a bigger African scale, how are we doing?

    According to new reports yesterday, April 13, 2020, Melinda Gates, wife of billionaire Bill Gates said that if the world does not act fast enough, then there will be dead bodies all over the streets of Africa. While she might have said this in good fate, it easily doesn’t come off as a statement made out of concern. Especially since the data confirms that Africa is fairing better than a few other continents.

    According to Coronafacts.africa, there are 15,413 cases in Africa. See below:

    Covid-19 Nigeria Update

    African leaders are doing their best to enforce social distancing, lockdowns and isolation in their countries.

    Today’s dilemma or palava (or whatever you choose to call it):

    Unrest in Lagos and Ogun state have increased in the past few days with armed robbers going from community to community, robbing houses, killing and raping people. If there’s any correlation to the lockdown, we can’t exactly pinpoint yet. However, it is happening and Nigerians are afraid that in addition to the fear of getting Covid-19, there’s the fear of being robbed. We do hope that the government addresses it and implements security measures to put it in control ASAP.

    Drinking Pepper Soup With Lime Or Lemon Will Flush Out The Virus: Myth or Fact?

    Definitely Myth. If you have a Nigerian parent, uncle or aunty, you may have come across this or a similar “cure” . While Pepper has anti-oxidants and lemon and lime contain high amounts of Vitamin – and all three are generally good for the body – there is NO EVIDENCE to support that they will flush out the virus in someone that has been infected.

    Today’s Pro tip:

    In the words of a wise man, “This is no joke”. Do not peddle wrong information and stay at home. It’s only for a short time. We will beat this.

    Stay updated:

    Head over to Zikoko’s brand new site www.coronafacts.africa for the latest and factual news on the efforts against Coronavirus.

    Meanwhile…

    Read how a Nigerian couple is coping with the lockdown after postponing their wedding due to Covid-19 and how one Nigerian nurse in the frontlines is brave enough to wake up every day, go to work and help fight this Covid-19.


    Remember, when you come back tomorrow by 12 pm, we’ll have a new Covid-19 Nigeria update with fresh insights and good news for you.

  • President Buhari’s Speech:

    After a heated game of cat and mouse, President Buhari finally addressed Nigerians. You can read the speech here. Apart from the fact that it took too long to happen, Nigerians were not pleased with the delivery and also short-notice decision to lockdown Lagos, Ogun, and Abuja under 24 hours.

    Nigerians had a few things to say about President Buhari’s Speech and here are some of the responses:

    How does the Government expect people to survive?

    President Buhari's Speech

    This person wasn’t feeling the speech at all.

    President Buhari's Speech

    This is a valid question.

    President Buhari's Speech

    No lies were told.

    President Buhari's Speech

    The Nigerian condition.

    President Buhari's Speech

    All we are saying…

    President Buhari's Speech
  • Nigerians. Buhari. Buhari’s P.R team. Medical visits.

    Long ago, Nigerians lived together in some form of harmony, then everything changed when Buhari’s P.R team attacked. Only the President(Buhari), master of matters of national importance, could correct this impression, but when Nigerians needed him the most, he vanished.

    A couple of days passed and Nigerians have discovered a new President, a president named #Buharichallenge, and although his presidency skills are great, there’s a lot to learn before #Buharichallenge can rule anyone. But Nigerians believe #Buharichallenge can save Nigeria.

    Protip: Read that to the tune of Last Airbender’s opening narration.

    Buhari Zikoko

    It all started with Nigerians asking for President Buhari to address the nation on rumours of him contracting Covid-19 from his aide, Abba Kyari. Nigerians waited in vain for any form of response until the President’s P.R team released this photo as the excuse for the silence.

    And like the proverbial last straw that broke the camel’s back, Nigerians on Twitter lost all decorum and started a #Buharichallenge. It is made up of fictional situations that never happened. Much like the alleged photo the P.R team tweeted.

    Here are some of the replies to the photo:

    1) Nooooooo.

    2) Nigerians have no chill.

    https://twitter.com/ikoyikid/status/1243297246533300227?s=20

    3) I hate Twitter.

    4) Crying.

    5) Completely out of pocket.

    https://twitter.com/destydan2012/status/1243344597104955393?s=20

    6) Father, please forgive them for they know not what they do.

    https://twitter.com/boykarh/status/1243297249091821571?s=20

    7) Social distancing is important!

    8) Tired of Nigerians at this point.

    9) Teacher don’t teach me nonsense!

    10) Finally, some good news.

    What’s up, Zikoko Fam? It would mean the world to us if you spared a few minutes to fill this Reader Survey. It’s so we can bring you the content you really want!

  • Nigeria is a country where many mysteries abound. Stranger move a little too close to you on the street? That could be your reproductive abilities walking away with them. Dare to pick unclaimed money from the floor? You just might be toying with being a major component of this afternoon’s pounded yam and egusi.

    Genitalia thievery and human pounded yam supplements aside, there is another major mystery that just won’t let up in Nigeria – the mystery of the Presidential Airport Greeting (PAG ™ ).

    You see, for a reason, I’m going to need divine guidance on, our president when travelling, totes around ministers, Governors and Special Assistants, all of whom before making the journey with him, line in front of the aircraft to congratulate? appreciate? or perhaps worship him.

    I mean, take a look at this and note the people welcoming him aboard the aircraft to South Africa on October 2nd:

    Notice Mr. Dollars and the guy in the red cap? Good.

    Ah yes, all smiles, aboard the aircraft they all stood outside to welcome the Prez into. They’re probably happy they’re headed to a country that has light.

    So let’s imagine this, they’ve spent hours on the ride to South Africa, making jokes about tissue paper or whatever TF has them so waved in front of that box. Some time has been spent learning tips from and discussing Ganduje’s Dollar stuffing prowess. Plus, Buhari has given a quick master class on working the best angles for the gram.

    At the end of 5 hours, when it’s time to de-plane, do they:

    a. Clap and thank God for journey mercies?

    b. Line up outside the plane and welcome President Buhari, who they literally just spent five hours with, to a country they are all visiting together?

    c. Oh God, it’s B isn’t it?

    See your guys.

    I will pay really, really good money to understand the logistics behind their filing out. Does Buhari unlook when they all stand up to ‘welcome’ him to another person’s land? Probably makes this face while everyone is getting up around him.

    Then how long does he wait after they’ve all gone out? 5 minutes, 10? These are questions I need answers to, and fast.

    If you have any theories, or can shed any light on this very pressing issue of the Presidential Airport Greeting ( PAG ™ ), let us know in the comments.

  • In case you missed it, President Buhari is at the ongoing 74th United Nations General Assembly (UNGA) and as expected he made a speech, which seemed to hit all the right notes-strangely enough, knowing Daddy Bubu’s track record.

    We thought there would be zero drama but alas, Buhari proved himself to be a longstanding drama king!

    tips off hat

    We stan!

    All was right in Eden until a moderator asked the indomitable question “President Buhari, Nigeria has a very young population, perhaps you might highlight what a pathway for a resilient future looks like?”

    Ha! Gbege!

    We all know that Daddy Bubu and the word “youth” do not see eye-to-eye at all. Remember the last time he spoke about us? Yeah, that didn’t turn out well, he dared to call us lazy!

    Everyone held their breath in anticipation of his response. Nigerians were like:

    Bubu, as always, didn’t disappoint. He went on a tangent, totally off point.

    His opening sentence reminded me of my days in secondary school debates, when we just had to acknowledge everyone, even the cockroach in the cupboards. Or those that will say “thank you for that beautiful question” before actually answering.

    The rest of his response? Hmm, it was an unwieldy spiel of how climate change is important and how Nigeria is working towards that.

    Err, sir, President Buhari, Daddy Bubu, were we not told in school that we must read the instruction to a question before we answer? The instruction clearly said to focus on the youths. What are you doing sir? Why are you looking up and down liadat and talking about climate change? Holl’up, are you reading from a script?

    You are supposed to be talking about the future of the youth! WHAT? THERE’S NO FUTURE? Aiye mi te mi bami.

  • If you’re reading this, you’re already too late. All the cool people got it a day early because they’re already subscribed to our newsletter – Game of Votes.

    We know you don’t like being a professional LASTMA, so here’s a chance to read all that happened in Nigerian politics in a way that won’t bore you to death, before everybody else. Subscribe to the Game of Votes newsletter, to get just that, here.

    Now back to the news.

    1. A Beef History of Okorocha and Ihedioha.

    Politics in Imo State is starting to look a lot like my face when I woke up to work on this post: a hot mess.

    At the centre of this mess arethe former governor of Imo State, Rochas Okorocha and the incumbent, Emeka Ihedioha.

    Political drama? Featuring a past and present governor, in Nigeria? Why, I never would have guessed it.

    Okay, what happened here?

    It all started in 2018 when, perhaps dizzy from all the foreign nationals erected in Imo State, Governor Rochas Okorocha forgot he was in Nigeria —  a democracy — and decided to impose a monarchy. In the elections held in the year of our Lord 2019, Okorocha tried to have his son-in-law, Uche Nwosu instated as governor of Imo State.

    As we know,  that didn’t pan out and gubernatorial victory eventually went to the PDP candidate, Emeka Ihedioha. Okorocha didn’t like that.

    A ton of ugliness ensued: Okorocha alleged that Ihedioha wasn’t the real winner of the elections, and Ihedioha (allegedly) hit the man where it really hurt ⁠— his statues —  just one day after resuming office. Have to love the priorities.

    Now, while Ihedioha denied being behind the demolition of the Akachi statue, he didn’t miss the opportunity to point fingers at the unpaid workers responsible for erecting the statue, perhaps their anger at Okorocha led them to do it. Petty what?

    Arrows have since flown, with the Ihedioha administration alleging that the past administration left no hand over note and therefore no instructions as to continuity. Ihedioha also threw shade at the 43.5 billion government house built by the Rochas administration, claiming it was “a decayed place”. According to Okorocha, the current governor claimed he governed from a bush bar in the government house and therefore has to operate his government from outside the house. Ihedioha even converted the Eastern Palm University owned by Okorocha, into an annex of the state university – IMSU. This guy?

    Okorocha has accused the current governor of attempting to destroy his legacy and also being obsessed with him,  here’s video to prove it. Okay Mariah.

    More serious allegations of financial impropriety have been made, however, with the Ihedioha administration recently accusing Okorocha’s of leaving the state in 32 billion debt, as well as the former governor operating over 250 bank accounts while in office. Okorocha denies both claims.

    Senator Rochas claims the Ihedioha administration spends over 2.8 billion on sanitation, and that the governor used his first three months in office to construct multiple homes and a hotel in Owerri and his hometown. Claims which were denied by the current governor and one-upped by the accusation that the Okorocha administration stole the sum of ₦1 trillion from the state treasury while in office.

    On August 19th,  the Ihedioha administration began a probe into the contracts awarded by past governors Udenwa(1999-2007), Ohakim (2007-2011) and Okorocha (2011-2019). What plays out should be interesting. 

    2. Uh-Oh, Dino Could Be A Senator No-Mo.

    On August 23rd, an election tribunal sitting in Kogi State, declared the election of Dino Melaye, the declared winner of the 2019 Kogi West senatorial election, nullified. Mr Melaye’s victory was contested by his rival – APC’s Smart Adeyemi. The tribunal has ordered that fresh senatorial elections be carried out.

    Melaye served as the Representative of the Kabba/Idimu Constituency for two terms, before being elected as a senator in 2015. This is his second term as senator.

    So how is he taking it?

    If you think he’s mulling about, then clearly you haven’t seen this Instagram post and caption from three days ago.

    https://www.instagram.com/p/B1omIQAHz1e/?utm_source=ig_web_copy_link

    He plans on appealing the tribunal’s decision and has this to say about his post in the National Assembly: “for my senate mandate, no shaking”. Ugh, his way with words ❤️. 

    It’s important to mention here that Melaye plans to contest the Kogi State gubernatorial elections holding on November 16th, if he wins the PDP primaries. He is also being prosecuted by the police for allegedly aiding violence in Kogi State and attempting to commit suicide. Just throwing that in.

    3. Nigeria To The US: Someone Cannot Play With You?

    In a little play I like to call: ‘When America Goes Low, Try To Go Lower, But Remember the Exchange Rate (working title), Nigeria has reduced visa fees for Americans applying to Nigeria, just one day after the US announced it would be increasing visa fees for Nigerians applying to the US. This proposed increase was essentially to punish Nigerians for making her citizens pay higher visa application fees, while Nigerians paid less when applying to America.

    If this isn’t the meekest response to “keep that same energy” you’ve ever seen, then I don’t know what is. Someone, please ask this guy to give Nigerians a masterclass on Big D Energy.

    Let’s Back It Up

    Back in 2017, the US began imposing stricter non-immigrant visa reciprocity terms as part of a ridiculous “Muslim ban” led by the administration of big man, little hands – Donald Trump.

    These ‘reciprocity terms’ are a bit of ‘gbas-gbos’ if you will.

    It requires the equal treatment of American citizens and a foreign country’s nationals when it comes to non-immigrant visa applications, especially regarding validity periods and application fees. They also spell out consequences where the reciprocity doesn’t bang, consequences like the payment of a reciprocity fee, in addition to the visa application fees.

    Now would you guess what country, until recently, thought it’d be a good idea to have higher visa fees than those charged by the US to her citizens? This same country had over 220,000 citizens spend ₦9.7 billion on non-immigrant American visas in 2017 alone? Just guess.


    For the past 18 months, the US has been trying, to get Nigeria to adjust the visa fees imposed on Americans and finally had enough on August 27th, 2019. The country announced it would be imposing a non-refundable reciprocity fee, which Nigerians would pay in addition to visa application fees, but ONLY where the visa application was actually granted. The fees were to differ according to the type of visa applied for, but say you applied for a student, tourist or business visa, a non-refundable reciprocity fee of $110 (40,700) would have been paid in addition to the equally non-refundable  ₦59,200 visa application fees, bringing the sum total to  ₦99,900. The reciprocity fees were to ‘eliminate’ that cost difference between both country’s visa application processes and were to take effect from August 29th.

    Now That You’re Up To Speed, Here’s What Happened Next.

    Perhaps Nigeria was protesting the outrageous Muslim ban or the indignities Nigerians have to suffer for American visas by imposing higher fees, I don’t know; but whatever it was, the government decided going low is no way to work things out, the country is almost 60, back pain is real.

    So on August 28th, the Nigerian Federal Government said: Lol, ᴡʜᴀᴛ ʜᴀᴘᴘᴇɴᴇᴅ ᴛᴏ ᴛᴜʀɴɪɴɢ ᴛʜᴇ ᴏᴛʜᴇʀ ᴄʜᴇᴇᴋ? and reduced the visa fees Americans had previously been subjected to.

    Rauf Aregbesola, Nigeria’s (clueless) Minister of Interior blamed the tardiness on implementing lesser fees despite 18 months of discussions, on “delays due to transition processes in the Ministry at policy level.” Uhun, sure.

    Now that the burden of reciprocity fees are out of the way, Nigerians can focus their energies on tackling the real demon, actually getting an American visa to begin with.

    4.Buhari Takes Japan.

    https://twitter.com/HelloMilez/status/1167280039446089728?s=19

    Even though social media was filled with tales of our favourite travel vlogger — President Buhari, going to Japan to visit Prime Minister —  Shinzo Abo who was away at the G-7 meeting, he was really there to attend the Tokyo International Conference on Africa Development alongside African leaders like the president of Benin Republic, Patrice Talon and South Africa, Cyril Ramaphosa. We’ll just pretend we didn’t notice Nigeria didn’t get an invite to the G-7 for our peace of mind, okay?

    Also, the presidency wants you to know, there’s also no truth to the rumour that members of IPOB harassed the presidency. So there.

    Did You Miss This?

    1. This man allegedly stole from Nigeria in 1998, got caught and was allowed to keep a portion of his loot. He now heads the ministry with the third-highest budgetary spending for 2019. The big reveal here. 

    2. Anyone know where I can purchase just 1mg of the confidence of Nigerian Men? Here’s Adebayo Shittu, Nigeria’s former Minister of Communications who was caught with a fake NYSC certificate, admitting shock over not being re-appointed.

    3. Even though countries like the US eradicated polio way back in 1979, our president is still using Nigeria’s polio eradication as a talking point for the country’s ‘improved healthcare’. Off that mic!

    NOT.THE.NEWS.


    1.Okay, maybe this is a little newsy. Wondering what the fuss about the parliamentary suspension in the UK is about? This could help.

    2. A man walks off a boat, walks into a restaurant, orders the albatross soup, takes one bite and kills himself. Why did the man kill himself? If you can figure this riddle out, hats off to you becauseee.

    3. The Many Lies of Carl Beech. Have you heard about this creep? Check this out.

  • (A look at the events surrounding the protests of August 5.)

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    So quick question: Where are we going as a country?

    Back to the late 20th century, it seems. Is the “newly sworn-in” President Bubu scared that someone that is not his clone is coming to take over from him?

    What did a great man once say?

    A great man once said, “Hell is empty, and all the devils are in Nigeria.” No, it wasn’t you, Shakespeare. That great man, whoever he is, was however correct. 

    Let’s take a look at what he was talking about: 

    President Bubucakes insists he respects the rights of citizens to protest, but described organisers of the #RevolutionNow protests as individuals merely seeking to attain power by violent and undemocratic means”. He insisted that the era of coups and “revolutions” were over. Could he be afraid of something? Could he be having a serious case of PTSD? I mean, it was in this same August in 1985 that he was overthrown in a coup led by General Ibrahim Babangida and other members of the ruling Supreme Military Council (SMC).

    A look at the backstory:

    Sowore, a human rights activist, who ran against President Muhammadu Buhari in the 2019 elections declared a protest on August 5. The point of the protest was to demand a better Nigeria. Incase Bubucakes was unsure, protests are an action declaring disapproval. We helped him check

    Then what?

    Then the Department of State then arrested him and said (and you’re not reading this wrongly), that his call for protest was “threatening public safety, peaceful co-existence and social harmony in the country.” The public relations officer of the DSS, Mr. Peter Afunanya then went ahead to define what a revolution was and assured citizens that there’ll be no revolution on August 5. 

    Jokes on him: While there was no revolution — revolutions tend to happen over time — there were protests which went ahead despite Sowore’s arrest.

    Here’s what happened during the protest: 

    In Lagos, the police claimed that the protest was treason, and fired teargas. They checked people’s phones and arrested the individuals they could arrest. 1998 called, they want their tear gas back

    They arrested protesters in Osun and brutalised a woman and a journalist.

    Under the sun and in the rain…

    Despite heavy rain, protesters in Abuja weathered the storm and went ahead to protest. And if the rain couldn’t stop them, surely the police taking over their original venue the Unity Fountain, did not stop them. All they had to do was change locations. If the NYSC anthem was the theme for their protest, there would be a consistent emphasis on this part of the lyrics: “under the sun and in the rain.”

    In Ibadan, the police laid siege at the main gate of the University of Ibadan to prevent the protest. They were successful in doing this but also succeeded in creating fear in the students and University occupants. Counteractive if you asked me. 

    In Kaduna, the story is quite different. It is suspected that residents of Kaduna State may have shunned the protest because of the court ruling on the foreign medical trip request of the leader of the Islamic Movement in Nigeria, Sheikh Ibraheem El-Zakzaky. Do you know who was excited all this time? Bubucakes of course. A report has it that that President Buhari was elated that Nigerians “ignored” calls to join the #RevolutionNow protests.

    Is this time any different from Occupy Nigeria of 2012? Not really. According to the National Secretary of the Committee for the Defence of Human Rights, Olayinka Folarin,“The word revolution is a predated statement that was even used by the people in government today, including President Muhammadu Buhari. In 2012, Goodluck Jonathan did not stop our nationwide protest at Ojota, and the people in the present government participated. They have become tyrannical and have started unleashing mayhem and terror on the good people of Nigeria after they took office.” 

    What’s that you said? Gbas-gbos. 

    As of today, a court has ordered the detainment of Sowore for 45 days while the police investigates the allegation of instigating the public and seeking a change of the present administration order than the provided constitutional means of doing so. against him.

    Meanwhile, while Buhari is claiming that the Era of coup is over and that the ballot box was the only constitutional means of changing government and a president in Nigeria, the Aare Onakakanfo of Yorubaland, Gani Adams has pleaded with Buhari to not take us back to the military era.  

    What’s it gonna be Nigeria?


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