Buhari | Page 3 of 8

Muhammadu Buhari is a man of many faces. The moment you think you’ve figured him out, he snaps his fingers, wiping the smirk off your face and leaves you feeling lost.

Let’s start at the beginning.

Buhari came to power in 2015 with the promise that he’d stamp out corruption and deliver change, among other things. Many Nigerians bought it; I mean, the pitch was interesting. Seven years on, he’s managed to live up to at least one of those promises — a change for the worse.

Let’s do a recap on some of the times Buhari showed us his different faces.

Buhari the ghost

We should have known from his inaugural speech when he said that he belonged to everybody and nobody. That’s the soundbite of a guy who has perfected the art of ghosting.

Speaking of ghosting, our dear president has on several occasions literally gone into airplane mode when his country needed him most. Most recently, with Nigeria battling a flooding emergency affecting 34 of 36 states, what did Buhari do? He took a trip to South Korea.

ALSO READ: How Flooding May Affect the 2023 Elections

Buhari the doublemouth

In 2012, Buhari famously claimed that the oil subsidy was fraudulent. He had quite a lot to say about it. As fate would have it, Buhari became president and even appointed himself as Petroleum Minister.

Well, it will not surprise you to know that under him, subsidy payment has risen by 477%. In fact, from when he came in, till when he leaves in 2023, subsidy payment is expected to hit ₦11 trillion.

Let’s also not forget one of his campaign promises — a ban on all government officials from seeking medical care abroad. By August 2021, Buhari had spent 200 days in the United Kingdom for medical treatment since assuming office.

Do as I say, not as I do.

Buhari the bully

As part of Buhari’s rebranding, close aides described him as a “reformed democrat”. Nigerians have now learned first hand that old habits die hard. His response to #EndSARS agitations from harmless protesters was the use of brutal force. And yet, in the face of real threats like banditry, he said he hesitates in deploying excessive force.

His bad belle in dealing with people he doesn’t like using outfits like the State Security Service (SSS), the clampdown on the press, and the banning of Twitter, will cement his legacy as a flat-track bully.

Are there other Buhari personalities you have noticed? Do share with us.

ALSO READ: Buhari Needs to Do These Things Before He Leaves Office in 2023
If you’ve paid for your aso-ebi for the launching ceremony of Nigeria’s new naira banknotes in December, you may want to cancel your order. Because only two days after the governor of the Central Bank of Nigeria (CBN) Godwin Emefiele, aka Meffy, announced that three naira banknotes will be redesigned, we’ve found out that he didn’t inform everyone in the federal government that should’ve known.

Seriously, we’re not making this up. The Minister of Finance, Zainab Ahmed, said she heard the announcement the same way we all did. We’re still reeling from the shock of this claim. The guy in charge of Nigeria’s monetary policy announced a plan that affects our money, but the federal minister in charge of our money said, “For where?”

Chale, what else came up?

Other than being sidelined, Ahmed wasn’t convinced that Meffy had done his homework before his announcement. The minister noted that the cosmetic plan would have serious consequences on the value of the naira. And when you remember how much the naira’s value has suffered already, this should make everybody’s chest tight.

The naira can get worse?

Is this sort of thing unprecedented?

The thing with Buhari’s Nigeria is that even the most outrageous things aren’t new. If the plan to redesign the naira is canceled, it wouldn’t be the first time the government has walked back on an announcement. On August 8, 2022, Buhari approved the acquisition of Exxon Mobil shares by Seplat. Two days later, he woke up on another side of his bed and reversed the approval.

So what’s next?

When he announced his plan, Meffy said he already got Buhari’s blessing. But how could this process have happened without consulting the Ministry of Finance? So the current disconnect between the head of our monetary policy and the head of our fiscal policy has to be resolved soon. And if it means Buhari stepping in, then that’s what we should expect him to do. But are we even sure that Buhari knows?

ALSO READ: Why Meffy and CBN Decided to Do Make-Up for Your Banknotes
Before October 25, 2022, many Nigerians had never heard of NAPIMS. I discovered the department by accident earlier this month when I visited a friend who lived near the agency’s head office in Lagos. At first, I thought NAPIMS was just a block of residential apartments for VVIPs.

NAPIMS’ head office in Ikoyi, Lagos

But after doing small amebo on my phone, I found out that NAPIMS is short for the National Petroleum Investment Management Services. The department is a subsidiary of the Nigerian National Petroleum Company (NNPC) — where all of Nigeria’s money is made and stolen. That was where my research stopped, so imagine my surprise when I saw NAPIMS in the news just weeks later.

What did NAPIMS do?

An audit of NAPIMS showed that the department spent ₦89.9 billion on public relations in 2021. This was more than triple the ₦20.7 billion NAPIMS spent on public relations in 2020.

How thoughtful of NAPIMS to stop just short of hitting the ₦90 billion mark. You’ve earned our undying gratitude, NAPIMS.

But if just one department is spending ₦89.9 billion on public relations, shouldn’t Nigerians have actually heard of them?

Let’s do some PR for NAPIMS, shall we?

NAPIMS describes itself as a corporate services unit of the NNPC. The department manages the Federal Government’s investments in the upstream oil industry. That’s the boring part.

The really interesting part is the department’s claim of maximising the Nigerian government’s oil profits. Because the obvious question is how well have they managed to do that? Let’s show you.

The Nigerian department of flex

As you probably guessed already, public relations wasn’t the only thing NAPIMS spent too much on. I took a closer look at the audit report and found out that this department has been flexing with Nigeria’s oil money. Audited financial statements are usually boring but I promise you this one isn’t.

In 2020, NAPIMS spent ₦680 million on maintenance but spent ₦63 billion the following year. Most of that fund probably went to maintaining stomachs rather than assets.

In the same 2021 NAPIMS spent ₦2.2 billion on travelling and ₦1.1 billion on entertainment — because man must chop.

Expenses on internet also went up from ₦84.6 million in 2020 to ₦6.8 billion in 2021. After all, NAPIMS is in the upstream industry, and streaming consumes a lot of data.

Let’s also not forget that NAPIMS wrote off over ₦85 billion in bad debt in 2021.

How are Nigerians taking this?

An independent research analyst, Dayo Adenubi, told Citizen that NAPIMS’ administrative expenses are alarming, especially the bad debt write-off.

He said, “Debt write-off schemes are a common accounting fraud used by criminals to disguise unauthorised payments or reduce taxable income. I want to believe NAPIMS falls under the former.”

A Nigerian on Twitter who claimed to have worked for NAPIMS said that despite the heavy bills, it’s still possible that the financial statement is understated.

“I was the Acting Head of Procurements and Acquisitions Department. My boss Mr Micah lost his family in an accident and took a year off work. If the NAPIMS books tell you they spent billions on something, just know say na trillions.”

Another former NAPIMS staff said, “75% of NAPIMS staff are multi-millionaires. The Ogas are multi-billionaires. All IOC contracts are advertised by NIPEX but regulations, approval and contract awards are from NAPIMS (fill in the gap). In NAPIMS we only talk in dollars.”

So what really goes on?

Many Nigerians are now curious about what goes on at NAPIMS as the department spends so much on public relations while remaining relatively unknown. The person best-placed to address the issue is the Minister of Petroleum Resources, President Muhammadu Buhari. But we wouldn’t hold our breath for a response.
Sometimes, it’s easy to forget Nigeria still has a president running things in Abuja. You’d be forgiven for thinking the country is on autopilot because the number one citizen is often missing in the face of major issues that affect Nigerians.

Sure, you’ll find Buhari where they’re giving national awards to undeserving public officials or amnesty to thieving former governors or vacationing in London.

But you’d never catch the president taking as much interest in critical issues like fuel scarcity or the flooding crisis that has claimed over 600 lives in Nigeria in 2022.

On October 24, 2022, the president finally decided to take a more active interest in the flooding crisis when he ordered a committee to develop a comprehensive plan of action for preventing flood disasters in Nigeria. We’re assuming he tried to ban the floods first but moved on to the next ridiculous solution when that didn’t work.

Predictably, Buhari’s 90-day timeline for a plan has caused a stir online because it’s not addressing the present crisis. Do you know what can happen in 90 days? The United Kingdom can have three prime ministers, Asake can release seven studio albums, and you can find your soulmate in America if you’re a contestant on 90 Day Fiancé.

A match co-produced by sapa and japa

Since we can’t do anything to make Buhari’s timeline shorter, we have some suggestions for what the committee should include in the 90-day plan.

How to be an empathetic leader

You’re more likely to find Buhari at a political event than at the scene of a disaster where the president can show empathy for the affected citizens.

“Can’t I just send a tweet instead?”

Like many other disasters that have happened under his administration, Buhari has kept from visiting displaced flood victims because it’d ruin his manicure or put the hem of his garment in danger of touching the water.

When the committee presents the 90-day plan to him in 2023, there must be an entire section dedicated to “How to be a leader that cares” just for Buhari. They can make it a cartoon if that helps him understand better.

ALSO READ: How Nigeria’s Flooding Crisis Can Go from Bad to Worse

How to make governors useful

The federal government has caught the most flak for the ongoing flood crisis, but there should be some whipping reserved for state governors too.

Nigeria actually has what’s called a “triple response structure” for disasters like flooding. The response starts from the local government to the state before it lands on the federal government when it becomes a national-level emergency. All three levels of government are allocated funds every month for ecology and disaster management.

This means local and state governments should’ve responded better to the disaster before it became as bad as it has in the past couple of months. Instead, governors are carrying their begging bowls to the federal government and private citizens to do their jobs for them. State governors need to be more useful and that should be put on record in Buhari’s plan.

We don’t want them reacting like this:

Thousands of Kogi State residents have been displaced by floods, but you wouldn't know that from looking at Governor Yahaya Bello's social media activity. pic.twitter.com/9D7AVIKx5K
— Citizen by Zikoko (@ZikokoCitizen) September 28, 2022

How to manage a disaster without saying nonsense in public

While millions of Nigerians were reeling from the devastation the floods have caused in their lives, the Minister of Water Resources, Suleiman Adamu, was on television trying to explain what caused the crisis. In his losing battle to absolve the government of blame for not preparing well enough, he said the floods were caused by “water that we’re blessed with from the sky”.

Here's what our Minister of Water Resources Engr Suleiman Adamu said when asked what caused the flooding in Nigeria. pic.twitter.com/rXq2ya2lTG
— Citizen by Zikoko (@ZikokoCitizen) October 23, 2022

It’s hard to imagine millions of Nigerians currently consider it a blessing, so maybe he should’ve just called it “rain” like every other person not turned on by public embarrassment.

The plan should include a section on government officials learning to speak like human beings in times like this. But we’re not holding our breath here because the same minister is coordinating this plan Buhari wants to use to fix flooding in Nigeria forever.

How to take medicine before death

The mathematics is simple — over 600 Nigerians wouldn’t be dead, and over 2.5 million wouldn’t be displaced if all levels of the Nigerian government did their jobs. Their failure to be more proactive in disaster management is the reason millions of Nigerians are suffering.

It’d be nice if the committee can find a section in their plan to note that the government sucks and should be doing better.

But while they put this plan together, the more pressing issue the government should address is how to help the victims right now and not in 90 days.

ALSO READ: How to Protect Your Health in a Flooding Crisis, According to WHO
On September 21st, 2022, Buhari addressed world leaders at the United Nations General Assembly (UNGA). It’s the final address he’ll ever give at the annual summit as Nigeria’s president as he prepares to pack his bags in May 2023 to return home to Daura:

Home is where the milk is

…or London:

Home is where the flight takes me

We sat through the president’s speech so you don’t have to, and here are the things we learnt.

Buhari is jealous of Twitter’s power

It’s not a secret that Buhari isn’t a big fan of Twitter. After all, he did suspend the social media app in Nigeria for seven months because they deleted his sketchy tweet.

Buhari’s UNGA speech showed that not only does he still hate Twitter, but he’s also jealous of its global influence. The president lamented that social media platforms like Twitter now give influencers the springboard to be louder than leaders on social and environmental issues.

Our only message to Twitter can then only be this:

Buhari doesn’t want to pay his gbese

Nigeria’s total public debt when Buhari became president in 2015 was ₦12.1 trillion. The debt has risen like yeast over the years to ₦42.9 trillion in June 2022. Buhari’s critics have always been concerned about his debt repayment plan, but his speech at this year’s UNGA showed that he’s counting on not paying everything back.

“I’m not a Lannister”

The president appealed to world leaders to consider debt cancellation for ~~Nigeria~~ countries facing the most severe fiscal challenges. Let’s hope he didn’t run into China’s UN delegation after his speech.

Baba Go Slow hates the pace of democracy

Buhari has earned many nicknames since he became president: Johnny Walker, Travel Blogger-in-Chief, Bubu, Jubril Al-Sudani and more. But the only nickname he’s ever publicly adopted himself is Baba Go Slow, which his critics used to mock the pace he deals with issues.

The president was quick to blame the slowness of the democratic process for his own slow pace when he delivered his UNGA address. This is how he described it to world leaders:

The silver lining about this part of the president’s speech is he conceded democracy still provides a government with the legitimacy it needs to deliver positive change. At least, we can be confident he’ll pack his bags and leave when his second term expires in May.

Buhari is a climate change advocate

“With these few points of mine…”

Many Nigerians don’t give him credit for it, but Bubu is one of the biggest champions of climate action. It’s an issue he regularly touches on in his UNGA speeches, and his final address wasn’t an exception.

The president reminded world leaders that Africa produces only a small proportion of greenhouse gas emissions but suffers consequences that are disproportional. His proposed solution to his colleagues is to do everything possible and mitigate the effects of the climate crisis. Let’s just be glad he didn’t propose that they ban climate change like he wants to ban everything.

Buhari will miss his UN trips

All good things must come to an end, and we can all recognise that bitter feeling when the curtain calls. Buhari acknowledged this in his final UNGA speech by providing what he called his “final reflection from this famous podium”.

No one asked him, but he said the one legacy he’d like to leave behind is that the world holds strongly onto values that endure. And what are those values? Justice, honour, integrity, ceaseless endeavour, and partnership within and between nations.

We don’t remember anytime Buhari used any of those things to reduce the price of beans or the unemployment rate in Nigeria, but it’s probably one of those, “Do as I say, not as I do” situations.

ALSO READ: What We Learnt from Buhari’s Trip to Imo
To some people, Nigeria is a land with milk and honey flowing into the pockets of politicians. But to others, Nigeria is a country living a fake life just to stunt on Instagram.

In reality, Nigeria’s a country neck-deep in debt with its borrowed milk and honey still flowing into the pockets of politicians.

As a business, Nigeria is a company in distress. We recently found out that the country isn’t making enough money to even service the debt it owes. Where did all the money go?

In a recent meeting at Aso Rock Villa, senior civil servants reminded President Buhari that the civil service needs a general salary review because sapa is in town and taking hostages. Buhari offered some ~~excuses~~ explanations on why the salary review is unlikely to happen.

Why? His government isn’t making enough dough for Nigeria.

And what were the reasons Buhari highlighted for why Nigeria’s not making enough?

Thieves

Nigeria is one of the biggest producers of oil in the world. And oil is the country’s biggest source of revenue. But thieves in high places are stealing the country’s oil and pocketing trillions of naira that belong in the treasury. This culture of theft has always existed but got so much worse under the Buhari administration.

Nigeria was producing 2.13 million barrels of oil per day in 2015, but that has dropped to 1.25 million barrels per day as of May 2022.

What is happening in Nigeria is way past corruption ..

It's organised theft of assets, especially crude oil with a nod and approval of the political class in Abuja and enforced by the Nigerian armed forces.

Once a second term was secured, the theft went mainstream pic.twitter.com/canqyQTnJr
— Kalu Aja (@FinPlanKaluAja1) August 19, 2022

So it’s convenient that Buhari will use theft as an excuse even though he’s not doing enough to curb it. His administration recently promised to expose the “big men” responsible for all the stealing, but we’re still waiting for him to expose the ones funding terrorism, so don’t hold your breath.

ALSO READ: Who Are the Biggest Onigbese Governors in Nigeria?

Vladimir Putin, sort of

In February 2022, President Vladimir Putin ordered Russian troops to invade Ukraine because he didn’t like his neighbours making powerful new friends. The ongoing war has disrupted the global economy and given many world leaders a convenient excuse for their domestic struggles. Of course, Buhari isn’t the type to let a good excuse go to waste so he’s blaming the war for Nigeria’s revenue issues.

COVID-19

COVID-19 came for everything when it ripped through the world in 2020. Nigeria even slipped into a recession after months of socio-economic lockdown across the country. So it’s only natural that Buhari would blame the virus for Nigeria’s long-lasting struggles with generating revenue.

Security investment

Buhari told the civil servants his administration has poured so much into fixing security that other sectors which could boost the economy have suffered.

It’s the kind of excuse that made him shrink Nigeria’s Excess Crude Account (ECA) from $2.5 billion in 2015 to $376,655 in July 2022.

He justified the security spending by saying it’s finally being rewarded, but are Nigerians safer now than they were seven years ago?

ALSO READ: How Buhari Negotiated With Terrorists and Lost
If there’s one thing the Buhari government knows how to do, it’s to keep taking without giving enough back. That’s exactly how he’s driven Nigeria’s debt profile from ₦12.1 trillion in 2015 to ₦41.6 trillion in 2022.

For his next trick, he’s raising taxes on the telecommunications industry that’s going to make life a bit harder for everyone.

How’s he gonna do it?

The Minister of Finance Budget and National Planning, Zainab Ahmed, announced on August 4th 2022 that a 5% inclusive excise duty is about to fall on telecom services in Nigeria.

This tax didn’t just come out of nowhere. In fact, it’s in the Finance Act of 2020 but remained dormant like a tumour just cooking to fuck up your life when you least expect it.

Ultimately, the decision to fix the rate on excise duties was on President Always Take, and he’d been taking his time to do that, until now.

Why’s Buhari doing this?

The truth is Nigeria is broke. The country’s income isn’t even enough to take care of settling its debt, not to talk of other things you need money to run.

Like TGIF

And since Nigeria’s oil revenue isn’t vomiting nearly enough money, the government is looking into non-oil sectors to pull their weight. That’s why the president is turning to the telecom sector to squeeze some more revenue out of it for the government to spend.

ALSO READ: What Nigeria Can Learn from Kenya About Cutting Politicians’ Salaries

But how does this affect your pocket?

When the government announced the imminent implementation of the additional 5% tax, operators didn’t waste any time in passing it on to their customers. The Chairman of the Association of Licensed Telecom Owners of Nigeria (ALTON), Gbenga Adebayo, said operators already pay too many taxes to the government and can’t shoulder another one. And what’s even crazier is that this tax is rare in a sector like telecom.

Excise duties are indirect taxes placed on the manufacture of non-essential, potentially harmful products like alcohol and tobacco. You can call it a “sin tax” in the sense that it exists to discourage the consumption of such products.

YOLO

But in this case, Buhari has extended the sin tax to something as essential as talking to your family and friends as this will affect the prices of things like recharge cards and vouchers. Why would he do this? Maybe because he hates your enjoyment. Or he needs all the revenue he can get to send more exotic cars across the border to his first cousins in Niger Republic.

Is anyone fighting this?

Telecom operators aren’t happy about the excise duty, but they’re passing the burden of it to their customers like it’s an STD, so it may be naive to expect them to put up a spirited fight. But someone else has offered to do that.

Resident terrorist sympathiser who’s also the Minister of Communications and Digital Economy, Isa Pantami, is a surprise objector to the tax.

The minister said more taxes on the telecom sector makes no sense as it’s already one of the government’s hottest honeypots.

Pantami feels so strongly about the tax that he’s vowed to fight it by any means necessary so it doesn’t destroy the digital economy sector.

What’s the damage here?

Only a handful of countries place excise duty on telecom services. And the danger is that consumption levels may drop because Nigerians are already seeing shege with the state of the economy. If demand drops, the revenue generated from the telecom sector may start to shrink and ultimately worsen Nigeria’s revenue headache.

Right now, it’s still unclear when full implementation of the excise tax will commence, but if it does, communication is about to get more expensive for you.

ALSO READ: Buhari Is Using Exotic Cars to Fight Insecurity in Niger Republic
Since Buhari became president in 2015, he’s tried many different methods to tackle Nigeria’s worrying security crisis.

His administration has tried brute military force, paid ransom to terrorists, given them amnesty and verbally warned and pleaded with them to stop terrorising Nigerians.

“Can you cease terrorism and let me look good for one minute?”

Since all of these have failed to solve the crisis, Buhari is going for something new and is tackling insecurity by *checks note* buying exotic vehicles for another country.

Wait, what?

In February 2022, President Giveaway approved a ₦1.2 billion contract awarded to Kaura Motors Nigeria Limited. The contract covered the delivery of 10 Toyota Land Cruiser V8 SUVs to the government of Niger Republic. Each one of these vehicles costs N806 million and looks something like this:

What Boko Haram terrorist will see this monster and not flee?

Why did Buhari use Nigeria’s money to make such a huge investment in Niger Republic? For security, apparently. He did it because Niger Republic “requested for logistic support”. In which case, if that’s how easy it is to get anything out of Buhari, we’d like to request a bottle of 10% GDP growth and a side dish of single-digit inflation.

The details of the Toyota affair first made their way online in a Sahara Reporters’ report in June 2022. But it wasn’t until independent journalist, David Hundeyin, tweeted a screenshot of an official budget office document on August 2nd, 2022 that it really caught the attention of Nigerians.

I'm going to put this on Twitter because @WestAfricaWeek is a long-read platform that doesn't do breaking news, and this needs to be out there.

I've got hold of a budget office document showing @MBuhari approving N1.4 billion to buy vehicles for the government of Niger Republic. pic.twitter.com/GDVx50cOJ0
— David Hundeyin (@DavidHundeyin) August 2, 2022

And it was at that point that it was too hot for the government to ignore.

ALSO READ: Fast and Furious 10? Zamfara Is Using Fancy Cars to Fight Insecurity

So, what did the government say?

When journalists questioned the Minister of Finance, Zainab Ahmed, about the Toyota deal at a media briefing on August 3rd, 2022, she pretty much claimed that Nigeria is helping Niger to help Nigeria.

The minister said it’s not the first time that Nigeria is helping Niger and other immediate neighbouring countries like Cameroon and Chad to enhance their security capacity as it’s in Nigeria’s best interests.

Minister of Finance, Budget and National Planning, Zainab Ahmed justifies the Federal Government's approval of N1.4B for the purchase of vehicles for Niger Republic, disclosing it was based on request by the Nigerien Government and the gesture is in Nigeria's best interest. pic.twitter.com/tPoj6ypU4z
— ARISE NEWS (@ARISEtv) August 3, 2022

But what exactly are these vehicles for?

Before we go on, remember, again, that this is what the vehicles look like:

According to the document in Sahara Reporters’ report, the vehicles aren’t billed to patrol the borders or pursue Boko Haram terrorists troubling both countries. They’re actually meant for the protection of VIPs.

The vehicles will be used to assist Niger in the transportation and movement of high-ranking officials, top government functionaries and foreign VIPs visiting the country. That’s it. Nigeria basically bought a convoy of exotic cars for Niger Republic officials to feel safer.

ALSO READ: How Buhari Has Freed 1,629 “Repentant” Boko Haram Members

What’s Buhari’s obsession with Niger Republic?

Buhari has maintained many times that Nigeria needs to keep a cordial relationship with its close neighbours to enhance the fight against trans-border terrorism. But his open bromance with Niger Republic is especially suspicious.

His administration’s decision to build a 284km rail line to Niger for nearly $2 billion continues to raise eyebrows. The president’s pattern of behaviour when it comes to Niger has inevitably given life to conspiracy theories that he’s actually a citizen of the neighbouring country. This wasn’t helped by the fact that he once kind of admitted he has first cousins from there, in a bid to defend his rail project.

If there’s any lick of truth to that theory, then we can explain Buhari’s pattern of behaviour as nothing more than Niger’s biggest export using Nigeria’s money to do diaspora remittance.

Like the Minister of Finance said, there’s nothing much Nigerians can do about it other than exercise their rights to ask questions. And Nigerians have been asking questions like, “What the fuck?” and “What about ASUU?”

But will Buhari provide answers? Or is he already preparing the next giveaway to his first cousins in Niger?

ALSO READ: Why Is Buhari Using Nigeria’s $1 million to Do Giveaway for Afghanistan?
For a country that doesn’t have a history of exceptional leadership, it’s such a wonder that Nigeria has never impeached a democratically-elected president before.

The only way to explain that is that political interests at the national level are too entrenched to pull off an impeachment — plus the complicated process of removing an elected president from office.

But Buhari is now facing threats of removal if he doesn’t get his act together and fix everything in six weeks.

What’s the real tea?

During a plenary session of the Senate on Wednesday, July 27th, 2022, senators on the platform of the Peoples Democratic Party (PDP) dramatically walked out of the chamber.

‘Buhari Must Go’ Senators Say, Stage Walk Out

Some senators walked out of the red chamber on Wednesday, in protest at the worsening insecurity in Nigeria. pic.twitter.com/6fKYHbbeGy
— Punch Newspapers (@MobilePunch) July 27, 2022

The protest happened shortly after the end of a two-hour closed-door executive session. This is the kind of session where the senators discuss things they don’t want the public to feast on.

When they resumed regular session and let the media and public back inside the chamber, the Senate President, Ahmad Lawan, just wanted things to proceed as outlined on the day’s agenda. But the Minority Leader, Philip Aduda, said, “Hold on, wait a minute. Aren’t we forgetting something?”

The something Aduda was referring to was a discussion during the closed-door session that involved Buhari. Apparently, senators expressed their disappointment about how the president has handled Nigeria’s security crisis so badly.

They’d agreed to publicly ask him to fix the situation in six weeks or face impeachment, but Lawan failed to allow the issue to be tabled when they resumed the public session.

Aduda then staged a walkout with other senators in minority parties, before briefing the media on what they’re cooking.

ALSO READ: How Zamfara Deputy Governor Played the Game of Thrones and Lost

Will Buhari be impeached?

The impeachment position of the rebellious senators resonates with a section of Nigerians, but there are a number of reasons it’s doomed to fail.

APC majority won’t let it happen

This is kind of straightforward. The APC controls a majority in the Senate and the House of Representatives. For a Nigerian president to be impeached, a two-thirds majority of all National Assembly members must be on board once a notice is served.

Just by the pure politics of it alone, there’s no way an impeachment proceeding will fly in an APC-dominated parliament. As hopeful as it is to believe Nigerian lawmakers can put party loyalties aside and evaluate Nigeria’s dire situation more objectively, it’s unlikely to happen.

Buhari has survived impeachment threats before

If there’s a Nigerian politician who has nine lives, his name is Buhari. He didn’t contest for the presidency five times, survive a bomb attack and battle mysterious illnesses, to fall to impeachment.

This isn’t the first time Nigerian lawmakers have threatened Buhari with impeachment over incompetence on security. But the history of those threats shows it’s all bark and no bite. An impeachment notice for Buhari will likely never even reach the floor of the National Assembly.

It’s all political theatre

If the senators that threatened to impeach Buhari are actually serious about it, they’d just go ahead and do it. Instead, they’ve set him a deadline of six weeks to solve the insecurity he’s failed to solve in seven years. What would be the metric of success in six weeks? Less frequent terrorist attacks or an impossible zero? How will they determine his success or failure? What’ll happen when the Senate resumes from its “summer break” in September?

There’s a timeline issue

Even if all of the points that have come before this are irrelevant and protesting lawmakers actually have a shot at removing the president, there’s a question of if it’s worth the trouble. Impeachment is a long and tedious process that gets very political and messy. It all seems like unnecessarily rocking the boat for a president with 10 months left to retirement.

But, in any case, we watch and wait.

ALSO READ: How To Impeach An Incompetent President
It’s well-established by now that it’s dangerous to leave the Buhari government to think about anything by themselves. So, it’s no surprise that the president is now considering a nationwide ban on okada operations. Why? To fight insecurity, of course. The logic is that banning motorcycles makes it harder for terrorists to operate in the manner they currently do.

The government believes banning okada is a small price for Nigerians to pay to finally say goodbye to killings across the country. This got us thinking about how many more things the government should ban to achieve its goal.

If we were allowed to be part of the National Security Council (NSC), here are the things we’d recommend for banning so that peace can reign.

Poverty

Poverty undoubtedly provides a steady supply of recruits for terrorism and crime in general. It’s easier to convince someone that has nothing going for them to enlist for a life of destruction. Building a more prosperous country for all automatically blocks this pipeline and insecurity would quickly reduce as a result. It’s simple maths.

But the only reason it’d be hard for the government to ban poverty and build a prosperous country is that they’d have to actually put in stellar work to pull it off. But alas….

Amnesty programmes

“Go and sin no more” has become a strategy that the Buhari government has perfected for the worst sinners. The Federal Government has its Operation Safe Corridor programme for repentant Boko Haram terrorists, and some state governors have also offered amnesty deals to terrorists in their territories. Even a wanted terrorist with a ₦5 million bounty on his head recently scored a chieftaincy title in Zamfara.

There’s nothing to show that these peace deals for terrorists are working, so it’s time to put an end to them. Send terrorists to prison or to God.

ALSO READ: Zamfara State Gives Award for “Best in Terrorism”

Prison breaks

Speaking of prison, Nigeria has been failing miserably to keep criminals in prison while they await trial or serve their prison terms. More than 4,000 prison inmates who have escaped since 2020 are still on the streets. It’d be nice if the government actually focuses on excelling at things within its control. No more prison breaks, please.

5G

It’s already been blamed for a global pandemic, so what’s one more thing in Nigeria? 5G has actually had a tough time finding a home here, and we may as well just ban it so that terrorists don’t have access to even better connectivity to make the government look even more incompetent.

Firecrackers and knockouts

Since we’re just banning anything now

Firecrackers have already tasted bans in some states so it wouldn’t even be shocking to fully ban them. Firecrackers already sound like guns and explosives. If you’re thinking like the Nigerian government, you want to ban them now before they develop minds of their own and grow to become guns and bombs.

Lai Mohammed

You can’t defeat insecurity with lies and propaganda. And there’s something about Lai Mohammed always claiming Nigeria’s security is improving that feels like it’s adding to the problem. To do better at tackling insecurity, we need to stop people who may hide the truth about the situation. And who better to start with than Lai?

Ban it

ALSO READ: Buhari’s Weirdest Decisions We Thought Were April Fool’s Day Jokes But Weren’t