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“A Week In The Life” is a weekly Zikoko series that explores the working-class struggles of Nigerians. It captures the very spirit of what it means to hustle in Nigeria and puts you in the shoes of the subject for a week.

The subject for today’s “A Week In The Life” is a doctor currently waiting for his youth service. He talks about choosing not to practice medicine, discovering his love for entertainment, and why he shows up every day.

MONDAY:

On most days, I typically wake up by 8 am but I don’t stand up from the bed until 9 am. I’m currently in the phase between finishing my mandatory house job program and waiting for NYSC so I have some ‘free’ time. I say ‘free’ because the coronavirus and the lockdown are delaying me from going to NYSC camp. All I can do is wait patiently for the government to say something. Anything at all. Even if it’s that they cancelled the 3 weeks orientation camp so that I can just start NYSC and move on with my life. However, since they aren’t saying anything, I’m trying to make the best use of this period.

This period is depressing for me in two ways: Firstly, because there are no events happening, I can’t host shows. I can’t entertain and make people happy as I normally would. I’m a master of ceremonies and I enjoy making people happy and shutting down shows. Secondly, because of the lockdown, I can’t go for service, so this makes me feel stuck. To prevent idleness, I’ve gotten a remote job as a health consultant on an app. where I interact with patients and give health tips. I’ve also started hosting some radio and TV shows as an in-house doctor where I talk about common sports injuries. Additionally, I’ve also dived into content creation for my social media and Youtube channels.

Today, after sorting out food and running some errands, I’m going to focus on creating content for those channels. I plan to finish today but if I can’t, I’ll roll it over to tomorrow. Whatever happens, I must be done creating by Tuesday evening because Wednesdays through Fridays are for shooting videos. I really can’t wait to see what I come up with.

TUESDAY:

I didn’t finish creating content yesterday so I’m continuing today. Even though I appreciate that I have time to do what I love, I’m starting to consider getting a proper 9 -5. Only my remote job pays me a salary and that’s barely sustaining me these days. For now, the television and radio gigs I’m doing are mostly out of passion and not because of money. If it was because of the money, I’d have quit a long time ago.

I once swore that I could no longer practise clinical medicine but these days, as things are getting tighter, I’m starting to entertain the thought. In the past, when I hear anything clinically related, I’d just turn off like engine. When my classmates advertise locum jobs, I’d un-look. However, these days I find myself asking if I’m sure that I don’t need that extra ₦5,000. Now, I look at job opportunities and feel bad for not taking it. I just hope it doesn’t reach the stage where I’ll have to take one of these jobs because I have no interest at all. I need to shake off these thoughts and focus. Pre-COVID, I’d not have been bothered because I always had an event every other weekend and that made me enough money to keep pushing it.

I’m doubling down on creating my content plan today because tomorrow is shoot day. I have to make sure that everything is good to go. In the middle of this, I also plan to cook my favourite food of Jollof rice and white beans because, at the end of the day, I can’t kill myself.

WEDNESDAY:

I’m up early today because my show starts by 8:30 am. I have my bath, get ready, and quickly rush down to the radio station. My show ends by 9:30 am and once I’m done, I head over to shoot my videos. I work with a management team for the videos so they handle all the production and heavy lifting. After all the stress of the shooting is done, we take pictures, play games and just chill.

I’ve had an extremely productive day.

THURSDAY:

Today, I’m not going anywhere so that I can save my t-fare. Money is tight so I have to plan my outings well. I’m reminiscing about how much I miss being an M.C and t’s funny how I got started on this path.

In my final year of medical school, I was confused about what to do with my life so I started asking around. I was sure that I didn’t want clinical medicine but I didn’t know what I wanted. Luckily, I read a book by Teju Babyface – Secrets Of The Streets and that motivated me to explore this path. In the book, Teju listed characteristics of an MC and I fit the description perfectly. However, it was still not an easy journey because coming from my medical background to entertainment was hard. It was difficult to find people with a similar background. Thankfully, I met a mentor called Dr Hakeem who put me through. He took me around and taught me the ropes of the business and I’m forever indebted to him.

I’ll never forget the first big event I hosted which was a wedding. After a while doing free shows and ₦10,000 – ₦30,000 shows, I decided to shoot my shot and charge ₦100,000 for a wedding. In my mind, I was like they’d price me down to ₦30,000 and I’d still kill the show. I remember the groom saying that the price was too much but he could only afford ₦75,000. I put on a straight face along with big English. I was like “this is below my usual rate but because of the circumstance under which we met and who introduced you, I’ll do it. I consider you family.” But in my head, I was asking myself who sent me message. Immediately, the groom left like this, I called my mentor [Dr Hakeem] to cry on the phone that I had bitten more than I could chew. That I overpromised even though I’d never hosted a wedding alone before. He ended up calming me down and coaching me on what to do. From the day they paid my fee till the wedding, I couldn’t sleep because I kept on asking myself who sent me message. I’m sure that my blood pressure went up during that period.

To further worsen things, my final year medical exams were moved to the weekend of the wedding. Exams in medical school are split into one week of theory and one week of practical/oral exams. Initially, the wedding was supposed to be two days after my final exams and that’s why I took it. Then, exams got moved by a week so the wedding fell on the weekend after the theory exam and just before the practical exam.

I couldn’t sleep and I also couldn’t refund the money because I had spent it. It was like my village people were out to finally get me.

Somehow, I found a way to do it. Immediately after my last theory exam for that week[on a thursday], I started preparing for the wedding which was on that Saturday. I had barely one day to do all of the runnings. At the wedding, I was so scared because my mind kept on going back to my books. My mates were studying for exam while I was jumping up and down. I remember that I wore a grey suit that was soaked with sweat. Not from the jumping, but out of fear. At the end of the day, I did the wedding, killed it, and ran back to school to continue studying. To add to my win, I passed my exam in one sitting which also shocked a lot of people.

I learned a valuable lesson from that incident- If you don’t try some things, you’ll never know what can come out from it. You just need to be brave. I think that lesson is part of why I’m still pushing it during this period even though things are not so smooth.

All this thinking is exhausting, I’m going to spend the rest of the day doing what I truly love, which is sleeping. Tomorrow, I go again.

FRIDAY:

I’m on my way to the studio this morning. I have a show on T.V from 10 – 11 am. After that, I’m going on the radio by 11 am where I’m going to talk about sports injuries. I do all these because my end goal is to combine these skills into opening a media house focused on health communications. The space is relatively untapped and I hope to be a pioneer. Since I have no plans to leave the country, this is my way of showing up. I’m hopeful that everything will add up and by the time I’m forty, I’ll be close to achieving that reality.

It’s scary sometimes thinking about it because, at the end of the day, na money be fine bobo. All these things must translate to living a comfortable life. At least let me be able to sustain my family and plan. The world is moving away from certificates to talents – If I can keep putting in the hard work, taking short courses, creating relationships, and learning from people, I’m sure that it’ll pay off. It also helps that I am very fluid. I might have dreams that are in pillars but they are not fixed. If something comes up tomorrow and based on available information, I feel that’s the next step that’ll benefit me, I’ll dive into it.

For now, all I can do is control the present.

As at today, I’m just praying that the government re-opens event centres. Abeg, let events just come back. Even if they give me mic say make I stand for road dey shout. I go take am. I have missed events – That dressing up, looking good, having fun and collecting money. I’ve missed it so much and it has affected me.

I can’t wait for things to return to normal.

Check back every Tuesday by 9 am for more “A Week In The Life ” goodness, and if you would like to be featured or you know anyone who fits the profile, fill this form.
“A Week in the Life” is a weekly Zikoko series that explores the working-class struggles of Nigerians. It captures the very spirit of what it means to hustle in Nigeria and puts you in the shoes of the subject for a week.

The subject for today’s “A Week In The Life” is Olubiyi Oluwatobiloba, an entertainer popularly known as ‘Agba’ of Konibaje baby fame. He tells us about the good and bad side of fame, his creative process, and his exit plan when skits are no longer sustainable.

https://www.instagram.com/p/B_AeAxWDw3Y/?utm_source=ig_web_copy_link

MONDAY:

I repeat the same pattern when I wake up every morning – I say a prayer. Then, I play old school highlife music or The Weeknd. I allow the music to set my mood for the day. After that, I watch TV for a bit, then I look for something to eat. After eating, I sleep like a mad person.

The only difference in my routine today is that I have to create video content for some brands. Some people call it influencing, but the term “influencer” makes me feel somehow because I’m just having fun. I do this to make people happy and to make them smile. My brand started off the back of a video I made on Twitter. It was in the comments section someone advised me to take the character to Instagram and that’s how I started. In addition to that comment, seeing people’s review of that particular video just made me do more. It all started with just making videos for fun.

https://www.instagram.com/p/Bzli-S5FdOi/?utm_source=ig_web_copy_link

However, what started out as fun and cruise caught the attention of big people and companies, so there’s now a serious part. At the end of the day, I make sure that I don’t put pressure on myself. The only time I feel the pressure is if I drop content back to back for like two weeks and I have writer’s block the next week or two. That’s only when I get bothered. Anyway, it’s all cruise. I enter anywhere and just try to have fun.

I’m going to alternate the rest of my day between sleeping and making videos.

TUESDAY:

People are always surprised when they meet me outside of character – Tobi, not Agba – I think what shocks them is how chill I am. When I’m out with my friends, I take the back seat and allow them to tell all the jokes while I just observe. From watching them, I even get some material for my skits. As much as people think I am outgoing, I actually enjoy spending time with myself.

When I want to be by myself, I read and watch the biographies of famous people. Their rise and fall, what they did wrong or right, what happened to them. I find it fascinating learning about people I loved growing up, and it also serves as a guide for me. As an entertainer, the same people who praise you today will attack you tomorrow. There was a time I posted a video on Twitter and someone came into my Dm’s saying I wasn’t funny and I was doing too much. The next week, this same person was on the timeline talking about how funny I was. That incident made me realize that people are wired funny. On one hand, I now understand that these people are not really my friends. We are just cosy over the internet. On the other hand, I have met some of the best people in my life through the internet: people that I never thought we’d talk. Finding that balance between being a person[your true friends] and an entertainer[internet friends] is important.

Today, I’m watching a documentary on Nina Simone to understand her life and actions. It’s better to learn from other people than from real life.

WEDNESDAY:

I was telling my friends today that I’ll rather be rich than be famous. I am not anywhere yet but I appreciate the love I get. The other day, I went to buy bread and someone was shouting that I should have worn Agbada to buy bread. Are they telling me that I can’t just come out to buy bread and Akara again?

I also can’t contribute to certain topics on Twitter, and this was not my reality two years ago. These days, I have to consider my brand and future deals before saying anything.

At the stage I’m at, I’d rather have money so that I can gather my life because I can’t do skits forever. A time will come when it’s no longer viable and I must evolve if I want to remain relevant. I don’t want much: I’m okay as long as I am living fine and my family is doing well. I am doing this to lay the foundation for the future. Very soon, I’ll jaapa to Finland or Denmark so I won’t have any pressure to create content.

There’s no use thinking about these things, I’m going to play FIFA to distract myself.

THURSDAY:

If you ask me about my creative process, it’s like this: I get inspiration from looking at Twitter and based on the mood there, I make content. Also, I could be watching Big Brother Naija and I’ll just see something funny no one else is seeing and crack a joke out of it. Sometimes, I’m watching CNN and Trump says something ridiculous, I’ll be baffled that how can he say this? Then I’ll make satire out of it.

Another underrated source for me is BISCON TV – Bisi Olatilo show. That’s where I draw inspiration about Yoruba culture from. It’s fun just watching dignitaries singing, dancing and having fun. It even inspired my joke about going to a wedding and no one ever listening to the father of the groom addressing pẹople. If you watch BISCON TV, you’ll see shit like that.

Nobody dey ever listen to speech at Naija reception.

Father of the bride : I'm delighted to be…

Guest : E FUN WA L'AMALA MARUN NÍ IBI O!
— ÀGBÀ (@Oli_Ekun) July 4, 2020

Nowadays, I try to make my content less sexual because my parents watch my skits. The reason I can even make skits is that they gave me the grace to be outspoken; they allowed me to express myself. I talk about sex in my videos because I find the Yoruba terms for sex to be hilarious, however, my parents advised me to focus more on the funny side. So, that’s what I try to do now.

At the end of the day, it’s still a win for me because it helps with the brand. The best part of all this is being able to use all of this to bamboozle and befuddle my girlfriend[haha]. Sometimes, she’s my muse. For example, if she sends pictures, I can just enter Agba mode to gas her and show her one or two. O ti ye eh. It’s one of those things.

https://www.instagram.com/p/CB1VV81jnh8/?utm_source=ig_web_copy_link

FRIDAY:

The day John Boyega called me was crazy. To quote my babe, she was like “Tobi, your Twitter followers are mad people.”

https://twitter.com/JohnBoyega/status/1259411730280710144?s=20

I was asleep and people kept calling me. I remember my friend called me twice and I grudgingly picked on his second try. He started shouting that John Boyega was calling me on Twitter to make a video in Yoruba for him.

I jumped up immediately. Ji! ma sun.

The thing is that when famous people reach out, it’s always for work. So, I don’t get time to be starstruck. I don’t have that luxury. Even when I get to meet them in person and I sometimes get to play FIFA with them, I always have it at the back of my mind that it’s work.

In this case, I had just seen Star Wars the week before and this same guy was messaging me to come to do stuff with him. It was crazy. I quickly logged into Twitter and I told him it’d take a while for the video to be ready and he should give me time. After that, I put my phone on airplane mode and went to work.

So, there I was, transcribing and translating to Yoruba for 2-3 hours. I made sure my pronunciation was tight and everything. When I was done and satisfied with my work, I put my phone on network mode, and saw messages – “Don’t you know what’s happening on Twitter?” “Have you seen Twitter.”

In my head, I was like what’s going on? Shebi John said I should do the video. Oluwa, what’s happening? That’s how I logged into Twitter and saw that someone else had made a video. I was like “Father Lord, this was not part of the will.”

pic.twitter.com/r5wmgiyr07
— ÀGBÀ (@Oli_Ekun) May 10, 2020

I am not a controversial person and I believe that the sky is big enough for everyone so I didn’t say anything. People had different opinions about who should have done the video, and both camps had valid points. Someone even dissed me that it’s because we don’t have light in Nigeria that I didn’t do the video in time. That the person who made the video before me is based in South Africa and has constant power while I had to battle with generator rope. That was the funniest thing I heard that day.

In all of this, I couldn’t drop the video without John’s knowledge as he was not online. Instead of allowing the external pressure to get to me while waiting, I caught cruise instead. People on Twitter were expecting me to say something or react, instead, I tweeted a full stop. See RT’s. I tweeted rose emoji, eagle emoji, the same number of insane RT’s. I tweeted starboy elepon malu just to see how far I could take it, and still the same insane RT’s. I was having so much fun that day while some people thought I was worried sick.

John eventually came online and I sent the video to him. He acknowledged both our videos and posted mine on his page. I even reached out to the other guy [Lekan Kingkong] that it’d be beneficial to work together. After that incident, we did videos together and now, we are really close; his followers have even helped my brand.

I learned two things from that incident, firstly, the power of social media when mixed with controversy. From that incident, I gained 12,000 followers. I got so many notifications that my phone started to hang. The phone that was not complete before and I was managing the O.S, they wanted to finish it for me. Secondly, I processed that this was John Boyega. I did work for actual John Boyega and I was proud of myself because I didn’t wake up thinking I’d do stuff with him that day. At the end of the day, it’s just the grace of God. And my prayer is that it continues to cover all of us.

I have work in the pipeline, I’m working on a few things with some big companies and people. I have plans to start doing 30 mins skits of pure audio comedy. I’m looking forward to being signed by one of the biggest talent management companies in Nigeria, the future looks bright.

Today, which is the only thing I have control over, I’m going down to the bar to share laughs and drink a bottle of Guinness with friends.

Glossary:

O ti ye eh – You understand me, right?

Ji! ma sun – Wake up and smell the coffee [be alert]

Check back every Tuesday by 9 am for more “A Week In The Life ” goodness, and if you would like to be featured or you know anyone who fits the profile, fill this form.
“A Week In The Life” is a weekly Zikoko series that explores the working-class struggles of Nigerians. It captures the very spirit of what it means to hustle in Nigeria and puts you in the shoes of the subject for a week.

The subject for today is Maryam Apaokagi, popularly known as Taaooma. She’s a comedian, video director, recent ex-corps member, and the hottest comic sensation on the block. She walks us through what a typical day in her life looks like.

A DAY:

The first thing I do when I wake up every morning is to pray. Then I eat. Followed by work. Work involves going to my favourite place in the world: the studio. In the studio, I get to do what I love the most, which is video editing. It helps that my studio is in the same building where I live so, sometimes; I sleep off there. That’s kuku where I spend all my time because I’m always editing one video or the other.

I am up till 4 am today editing a video because it is due soon. I edit myself because no one can do it to my satisfaction. I pay attention to the little details and seeing a video come together is something I really enjoy. If I did not enjoy editing, I’d have probably not been a comedian. I started acting because I needed material to work with while editing. So, acting is my way of getting material to practise my editing skills.

The only other things I do apart from editing are sleep and eat. Editing takes a lot of energy and when I am done, I just want to sleep. While editing, I take breaks at intervals to go to the kitchen and eat. It’s just that I can’t eat my favourite food which is Amala and Gbegiri every day, if not. Sometimes, I play Mortal Kombat when I need to relax. But if my brain is hot and I need to cool down, I go to the mall or go out to play before returning to the work.

I can’t help but remember one shoot that made my brain hot – the collaboration video with Twyse.

That day was super stressful. We started shooting around 8 pm and we didn’t finish until around 1 am the next day. I have one mic because I shoot for just one person and on the day of the shoot, I did not make plans for a second mic. So, we had to share a mic. Imagine playing several characters while sharing one mic – We’d shoot his part, change mic. I’d also shoot my own part and exchange mic. There was one part where we had to speak at the same time, with only one mic. That was very stressful.

I am just happy that it was worth the stress at the end of the day. Before adding background music, effects and all the other things to that video, I was already laughing. Normally, I don’t like to think about whether a video will perform well or not, but I was rooting for that one. Sometimes, the video I expect to do well doesn’t do well, so I don’t bother. I try to enjoy myself while making the video, post it, and go. I don’t check how a lot of my videos perform because I don’t want to be disappointed.

A Week In The Life: A Sex Toy Seller Juggling Business With Her Christian Faith

These days, it feels like I am doing the same thing – work, pray, eat, edit, sleep. It’s only last week that was different. I finished NYSC and that was really exciting for me. It’s just that Corona spoilt everything. There was no party, no corpers to jollificate together, nothing. They chased people away after collecting the discharge certificate. Regardless of everything, finishing NYSC hale and hearty was a dream come true for me. Even though there was no celebration, I was still very happy.

I am just thinking about my future and the next step. I hope my brand grows bigger and bigger. I hope that one day, I’m able to provide employment opportunities for people. But it’s too early in the morning to be thinking about these things.

For now, the next step is to sleep. I need to be up early for prayers. Tomorrow, we go all over again.

Check back every Tuesday by 9 am for more “A Week In The Life ” goodness, and if you would like to be featured or you know anyone who fits the profile, fill this form.
“A Week In The Life” is a weekly Zikoko series that explores the working-class struggles of Nigerians. It captures the very spirit of what it means to hustle in Nigeria and puts you in the shoes of the subject for a week.

The subject for today is Damilola Bello, she’s a partner at Smallchops.ng. A successful online business that makes and delivers small chops. She walks us through building a successful business, her plans to build an online platform for trusted vendors and chasing big dreams.

MONDAY:

I wake up around 7 am. The first thing I do is pick up my phone and check my Twitter DMs. I check to see if I have any orders for the day. I see some, so I process and lock them in for delivery. For the rest of the day, I’ll respond to customers who haven’t received their orders, and take more orders.

I run a partnership with Smallchops.ng. It’s my job to handle customer relations and ensure orders are processed. A large part of my day involves attending to this. I also have other jobs – I run yellow pages for vendors where I connect trusted vendors to customers free of charge. In addition, I also give business advice to a digital marketing company. So I always have something happening at one point or the other. It helps that I am good at multitasking, so I never have issues running all these simultaneously.

Today, I have an issue with a customer. This customer made a payment, the transaction didn’t reflect in our account, but she got debited. So we have been going back and forth between her bank and our payment provider to find out where the fault was. Out of the blue, she sent us a message that if we don’t refund her she’ll call us out on social media. I called, to try to resolve the problem and she turned it into a shout fest. Turns out it was her sister who sent the message so when I called to clarify, she was confused and that’s why she started shouting. The only reason I found out was because she called back to apologise after all the shouting.

Customers. You need to be patient with them.

The trick with dealing with difficult customers is to just keep updating them and keeping them in the loop. If you leave a difficult customer alone, you’re putting yourself in a lot of trouble. If we haven’t processed an order and I sense that the person will be problematic, I run. I just say “I am so sorry, I’m not available to pick your order.”

What helps me with this job is that nothing gets me down for more than two minutes. I have an extremely positive outlook on life so it’s easy to shrug things like this off and find a solution. The solution this evening looks like a bottle of Frontera sweet red wine.

TUESDAY:

Nigeria is a business killer. From NEPA to taxes, to even the air we breathe, it’s killing us. If I want to advise anybody, it’ll be that they should start a business that doesn’t require a lot of capital. Especially for operational cost. Anything that requires a generator, avoid it.

The next advice would be about creating structure – there must be a business name, business logo, mission and vision. After that, I’d ask them about how they will buy their goods. Many businesses don’t have a physical store, but they usually have an online store. I usually advise that it’s not just enough to open an online store on social media, but to also have a host like Flutterwave or Paystack. This is because social media sites can crash. In addition, I tell them to inspect the quality of their goods. I also encourage them to take really nice pictures because customers want real-life photos. The next step is the pricing – what’s the profit margin? If it’s too much, I suggest to them not to overdo it. I always insist that if the goods are well packaged, they’ll get a nice profit margin without doing too much.

Let me do this quickly self.

Vendor babies. As digitization of your business is now the next key thing in the growth of your business. It’s very imperative that you explore every means possible to give your business a digital foot print.

The one I’ve come to show you
1/
— Dammy Sugar✨ (@_DammyB_) May 8, 2020

Lastly, the most important part of any business is customer service; value-added service. It’s not enough to just have products, customer relationships are everything. I don’t even want to hear that you are rude to customers. You must always calm down and sort whatever is wrong. Customers aren’t always right but they are king. They are the reason the business exists and If you chase all of them away, sorry to you.

I am confident when giving advice because I am not talking from a textbook. I am applying all these things myself. The experience I have from solving problems in my business makes it easier to give valid advice to other people.

Today, a vendor came to thank me for my advice and referral. It was useful in landing a job with a lot of customers. Hearing this made me really really happy. It also reinforced my belief that is my purpose; I am here to help people and their businesses grow.

WEDNESDAY:

If I think about it, I have given advice to over 300 businesses. And at one point or the other, I have either patronized them or I know someone who has. This is part of what has inspired me to launch my website in August. The site is going to be yellow pages for vendors endorsed by me. Thinking about it today is exciting because this site will prevent a lot of scams. Also, in cases where there is a misunderstanding, I can always come in. Because there’s going to be trust among all parties involved. There will also be a part on the website where customers can anonymously give reviews about vendors, and rate their services.

It’s all so exciting, just thinking about it but it’s also a lot to take in.

A Week In The Life: A Tanker Driver Living Her Best Life

I need to relax my head so I’m just going to order food from one of my vendors. Preferably something with a lot of potato fries in it. Before COVID, I’d have just gone clubbing with my best friend. We would have gone somewhere with loud music and alcohol to relax. Now that we don’t have the luxury of going out, let me just eat and be happy.

THURSDAY:

Business can be frustrating because of delivery people. They are a thorn in my flesh. Managing them is one of the most difficult parts of running a business. I can’t help but think about the many times delivery men have frustrated me. One time, I sent out a package of small chops by 9 am, but it didn’t get to the recipient by 4 pm. The customer was so pissed and disappointed that it ruined my mood. I had to send another package the next day to compensate. Another time, the delivery person ate the gizzard in the small chops meant for a client. I was so confused and frustrated when the customer called to tell me that there was no gizzard in the order. And I was sure I packed gizzard. Without hesitating, we cut off the delivery company for our own good.

Business can also be rewarding. I remember the first time I made a million naira in sales, I was super happy. It was a big deal to me because I made that amount of money from selling small chops. And this was independent of sales from other sales channels we have. I made it all on my own.

So, business has its ups and downs like any other thing.

A Week In The Life: A Sex Toy Seller Juggling Business With Her Christian Faith

My plan for today is simple: Attend to customers and respond to any complaints they may have. Just another day at the job.

FRIDAY:

One of the most successful events I have organized in recent times is the night market.

I noticed that customers always complain about goods being overpriced. I also noticed that something I bought for ₦1,690 from one vendor was being sold at ₦4,000 by another vendor. Meaning even if the person sold at half the price, they would still have made a profit. So, I had an idea – A night market where prices are 50% off so that vendors can sell some of their stock and still make a profit, while customers also get a good bargain. The first edition was successful, and the response was so overwhelming.

Having the knowledge to spot opportunities like this is part of why I registered for an MBA program. As of today, my end goal is to one day be the Chief Operating Officer of a company and I need an MBA to effectively do that.

I don’t mind being the COO of a multinational someday – Microsoft or KPMG doesn’t sound like a bad idea from where I am standing.

Check back every Tuesday by 9 am for more “A Week In The Life ” goodness, and if you would like to be featured or you know anyone who fits the profile, fill this form.
“A Week In The Life” is a weekly Zikoko series that explores the working-class struggles of Nigerians. It captures the very spirit of what it means to hustle in Nigeria and puts you in the shoes of the subject for a week.

Today’s subject is *Yemi, a 27-year old sex worker who tells us how sex work has affected her outlook on life.

Trigger warning: Strong content of drug use and rape ahead.

MONDAY:

Today, I wake up around 10 am. I stay indoors and gist with some of my friends in the compound. After a while, I go inside my room to reply to someone who has sent me a text on e-message to link up. I try to be careful when meeting people off apps; I make sure that we are clear on the terms and conditions before meeting physically. I tell them what I can do and what I can’t do. This person wants me to come today. I can’t because I am going to the club with some of my friends.

I reply that I will be available on Thursday and go off to make arrangements with my friends for our clubbing tonight.

We order a taxi and leave by 9 pm. One of my friends looks worried and I ask her what’s wrong. She says that our usual plug to enter the club for free is not picking his calls and she’s wondering whether we should turn back or not, to avoid embarrassment. I tell her we can’t turn back after spending taxi money. Even if I don’t see anyone to say hi to, I am taking myself out to have fun.

At the club, I tell my friends to wait in the car while I walk up to the front of the club as confidently as I can. On my way inside, one of the bouncers stops me and asks “were you inside?” Before I can reply, another bouncer comes out and says “no, no, that madam was inside before.” I add “yes, I was inside.” He allows me in.

A few minutes later, I come back out to tell the bouncers that some of my friends just called and I am going outside to pick them. I tell them that I am informing them so they won’t ask me if I was inside before now. I add that when I am coming back with my girls, they should not ask if I was inside before so I don’t get annoyed.

I am going to have a turnt night, I can feel it.

TUESDAY:

I think dog meat is an aphrodisiac. Ever since I ate dog meat on my trip to Akwa-Ibom, along with Afang, Atama, and many different kinds of leaves that we don’t eat in Lagos, my libido has skyrocketed. I have experienced an increase in ability and capability. I need to conduct research into what is in their food because everyone in that town likes sex. I am dreaming about my tall Akwa-Ibom client with his long chunky dick and mouth that made me scream and wake the entire compound. This guy fucked me with so many styles that nobody has been able to satisfy me like that since I got back to Lagos. He really dealt with me.

I guess I am thinking about him because I don’t want to sleep alone tonight. I am an orphan; I have always been scared of sleeping alone. I’m afraid that if I sleep alone at night, my parents’ ghost will appear. To prevent that, someone always sleeps over at my place.

I call up someone that is on my case. He buys me lunch regularly, gives me daily money, and is helping me look for a job. My friends say that if I want to collect a substantial amount of money and help from him, I should give him sex. He’s not my type, but I need the constant inflow of his money pending when I can get something better.

He comes over and we have sex, but I don’t kiss him. I can’t bring myself to kiss him. He irritates every single portion of my body. The sex is bad because he has a small dick, like the last finger. After that kind of sex, he has the audacity to ask me to marry him. He says he wants to make this serious because he’s also an orphan and he doesn’t have anyone in the world.

What’s all this stress? I miss my long, good dick…

WEDNESDAY:

I start the day by getting high. I take a large amount of Tramadol because I can’t face the task ahead of me today without using drugs. I have a client based in Canada that challenges me to do certain tasks and record myself while at it. After I send a video, he pays me between $30-45. To be able to record myself doing this, I have to get fucked up.

Today’s challenge is a threesome. He wants two girls and a guy so I reached out to two of my friends and they agreed to do it. Before recording, everyone is high so it’s easy for us to go all out without holding back. I am sure I look stupid in the video but I don’t think about it too much.

After we are done, I send him the video and I receive the payment. I am sure the bastard uses it to come. I share the money with the girl and the boy asks for his own share, but I ask him why he needs payment seeing as he just enjoyed fucking two women for free. What other payment does he need after this kind of enjoyment? He doesn’t bring it up again.

In the evening, I text the client to say I will no longer be doing videos for him. These videos are very risky and one day, he can wake up and decide to blackmail me by leaking them. Who will I report to? The money is not worth the risk abeg.

THURSDAY:

I am meeting up with the person from e-message today. He asked me to bring a friend along. It turns out that my friend knows him and she keeps going on about how rich he is and how big his house is. I am excited.

We get there and the first thing he offers us is Baileys. I smile in anticipation of how much he is going to give us when we are leaving. He introduces us to his friends who then offer me Tramadol and my friend Swiphnol because my friend doesn’t take Tramadol. Colorado comes next and by now, all of us are sufficiently fucked.

There are four men and two women in the house. The four men take turns having sex with both of us. I fall asleep when we’re done.

My friend wakes me so we can leave. We thank our hosts for their hospitality and sort the fees. I am excited by how much money I will make; drugs increase my performance and endurance, so I know I gave them a memorable fuck.

The hosts thank us and give us N5,000. My body is cold. They promise to send more that they are experiencing bank issues, but I know that’s a lie. From past experience, I know the money will never come. But who do we want to report to? We thank them and leave but I am angry inside. I must start a business and leave this job; I can’t keep being at the mercy of people.

FRIDAY:

See, I am tired of all of this rubbish so I am going to give someone my CV today to help with a job. He’s the son of a popular politician. My friend says he can help. We have been chatting for a while. Today, I text him and he asks me to bring my CV for a possible job.

I get to his estate and someone comes to pick me at the gate. Everything looks so shiny. I enter the house and wait for him. He comes in and the first thing he does is pause. I know why he’s pausing. I know why they all pause. I am busty and my breast is the first thing anyone notices about me, but I just shrug it off. He collects the CV and goes upstairs for a bit.

He comes back down and doesn’t say a word, he just pulls me closer. He bends me over and does a doggy in the sitting room. I am shocked by the sudden turn of events to react because he didn’t even tell me he wanted to have sex. After he is done, he counts N20,000 and gives me.

I feel so stupid and angry at myself on my way home. I keep wondering what kind of job my friend told him I needed. I am also angry because some naive part of me is holding out hope that since we have had something together, maybe he will consider me for a real job.

SATURDAY:

My period starts today so this means I get to rest. I make sure I take three full days off. I don’t have sex with anyone when I am on my period.

I find period sex dirty unless my partner wants it. That is if I am in a relationship. If it’s someone random, I can’t.

The first boyfriend I ever had, the one that disvirgined me, used to ask for sex on my period and I used to give him. He was nice and gave me money to get by because money was tough for me.

After my parents died, I grew up with my grandparents. There was only so much they could provide because they were retired so it’s sad it didn’t work out because after that relationship ended, I knew I couldn’t go back to not having money. Since it was difficult to get a part-time job around my area, I had to use sex as my side hustle to get by.

I don’t see myself in a relationship anytime soon because I don’t trust men. From what I have seen, it’s only sex men want. So, I use them as a stepping stone to achieving my dream – which is to start a big business and not be dependent on anyone. So, even if it’s an inch that any man gives to help me achieve my dreams, I will take it. At least he has helped me.

Any guy I meet, I know tomorrow they will misbehave. Is it not sex they want? Take the sex and be on your way but let me collect what I can collect first.

SUNDAY:

There’s no church today because of Coronavirus. I believe in God oh, but I don’t go to church frequently. I don’t go on the days that I am broke because when it’s time to drop offering, I won’t be able to drop anything. I don’t like it. I feel that for God to have saved my life for another week and I can’t drop common “Thank you Jesus”, it’s bad. That’s my personal conviction and not something someone told me. I just don’t like it.

Also, I have never paid tithes before and that’s not good. I don’t know how to calculate tithes because I have never had a steady source of income. Is it when I get N5,000 here and there that I will remove money for tithes? When I have so many things I want to use the money for. The most money I have ever had before in my life at once is N50,000 and I used it for rent. I know it’s not good but God sef understand say I dey hustle.

Since there is no church today, I am going to smoke kush and blend it with cigarettes. I am having my own service; service of smoking. At least when I am high, I don’t think about my life.

*Name changed to protect identity. Some of part of this interview was left unedited to preserve the authenticity of the words of the subject.

Check back every Tuesday by 9 am for more “A Week In The Life Of” goodness, and if you would like to be featured or you know anyone who fits the profile, don’t hesitate to reach out. Reach out to me: hassan@bigcabal.com if you want to be featured on this series.
“A Week in the Life” is a weekly Zikoko series that explores the working-class struggles of Nigerians. It captures the very spirit of what it means to hustle in Nigeria and puts you in the shoes of the subject for a week.

Today’s subject is Joke, a call centre agent at the Nigeria Centre for Disease Control (NCDC). She tells us how her life has changed since Coronavirus was first announced and what she looks forward to the most after this is over.

MONDAY:

I stand up from bed by 5 am today. I say “stand up” because it’s not voluntary. I prepare my kids for school, cook their breakfast and pack their lunch boxes. My husband drops the children at school, while I prepare for work. All this happens before 8 am, which is my resumption time.

There was a time I was sure of closing by 4 pm, but since the outbreak of Covid-19, I get off work by 8 pm and I still take work home. I now work round the clock. This means that even when I get home, I still receive messages from people on the night shift asking for help in sieving calls from work. I have to prioritize and ask for further clarification from each caller, before determining whether to escalate the issue to the people on the field or not. So, I get off work physically by 8 pm, but I just replace it with working from home.

Today is a rollercoaster because we are working hard to keep up with the number of calls. My colleague who worked the Sunday shift hasn’t been able to go home because his conscience can’t stand leaving us with such a large workload. So, somehow, he stays to support us and ends up working a 48-hour shift. This would have been strange to us in the past, but we are living in strange times.

When I get home, my husband has cooked for the children and I am thankful for that. I am one of the lucky ones who has a husband who is understanding. During this period, he has been extremely supportive and I don’t know how I would cope if he wasn’t. All I do is prepare stew for the week and he cooks and takes care of the children before I get back from work.

I am too tired to eat. I just want whatever sleep I can get. If I go to bed now, at least when someone at work calls me by 10 pm, I would have gotten 2 hours of uninterrupted sleep.

TUESDAY:

Every job has its ups and downs. It’s easy to envy other jobs from afar but if they tell you what their job entails, it wouldn’t look so glamorous. I studied Microbiology in university; I was looking for a job relevant to my field of study and that’s why I took this job.

This job gives you a thick skin. In a day, you can get up to 40 calls with people just calling to ask if the number is working. Today, I got a call where the person on the other end of the line was quiet. The person listened to me talk without saying anything. Another person called and said: “So, the line is even working. Una well done.”

Over the years, you learn not to throw stones at the person, to just laugh it off. As part of the customer service training, you learn that you can’t talk back to the person at the other end of the line, and they have a right to their opinion. No matter how annoying. So, I share the “joke” with my colleague and we laugh over it.

WEDNESDAY:

I have barely slept for 3 hours. I have been writing and coordinating reports about the outbreak and possible cases to send to the field agents. There was a time that I could go to sleep by 8:30 pm or 9:00 pm with no worries. Nowadays, I’m always worried that if I fall asleep, I will miss any call that comes in. And calls come in at odd times.

Today, I wake up feeling lethargic. My husband encourages me to get out of bed and to start preparing for work. He has been supportive even though my laptop has literally taken his place for now. He knows that I must show up whether I feel up to it or not…

I try not to think about how long I have to do this. I am just going to take this situation one day at a time for my own sake. Although, I am worried that despite all our efforts and advice at the NCDC, Nigerians will not adhere to instructions and the infection will spread and all this stress will be for nothing.

Today, I received a call that made my day at work. Someone called saying: “God will bless you, I just want to appreciate the work you people are doing for Nigeria.” I thanked the person on behalf of NCDC but the person added: “I am not praying for NCDC, I am praying for you.” This made me happy. At least someone somewhere appreciates what I am doing and my sleepless nights are not in vain.

THURSDAY:

Another thing I have also learned in this job is to separate home personality from work personality. At home, I am a mother, a wife. At work, I am a worker. I give each part its due diligence and that’s why today is painful for me because I know how much I give for each role.

I got a call and in between all the pleasantries and asking how I could be of assistance, the caller goes: “Please, don’t ask me what you can do for me. You and the government are wicked and stupid. I know there is no Coronavirus and you are joining the government to eat money when people are dying of hunger. Thunder fire your mouth.”

The worst part for me was how helpless I was. I could neither cut the call nor respond. I had to calmly sit through the insults until the caller was done.

After the call was over, I went out of the connect centre to the corridor and started to scream. “What sort of rubbish is this? Why would someone be so mean when I am just trying to do my best? Even as I am on the frontline, I am not sure whether I will get this illness or not, yet I still show up to play my part. Why would someone think this is a joke?” I let it all out before returning to the connect center calmer and lighter.

I scream because I can’t take the anger home. Over the years, I have learned to separate both lives if I want to strike a balance. I have little children at home aged 11, 8 and 6 who don’t know better. I don’t want to go back home as a different person from the one that left in the morning. I don’t want to be the person that was all smiles and cracking jokes in the morning and is now blank and edgy after work. If I am always angry and irritable, my children will run away from me once I get home.

FRIDAY:

These days I don’t even think of unwinding. In the past, I would relax by either going to watch a movie, going to visit a friend, or playing with my kids. Even if there was no social distancing, where is the time?

There’s no time to unwind because when I get even small breathing space from work, I am thinking of my family. How to make sure they aren’t affected too much by my current busy schedule. What should I buy in the house? The children, how will they survive this week? I am trying to make things as “normal” as I possibly can.

I don’t even have the time to be afraid because fear can even kill more than the disease. Over time, I have learned that whatever will happen will happen regardless of whether you are afraid or not. All you can do is get as much information as you can on prevention, adhere to it, and trust God.

Also, because of the kind of person that I am, I don’t like things that I do to fail. This means panic comes last to my mind and I just do whatever needs to be done because my job is duty calling. I just know that I won’t always do this forever and there will come a time when I will rest and unwind.

But right now, I just want to go home and take a cold shower.

SATURDAY:

There’s training at work today. We are bringing on more people to help with the call centre effort and managing the numerous calls we receive every day. Before this outbreak, we could conveniently handle the workload, but now, we need more hands so we don’t burn out.

There is a chain of reporting which we follow. The other call centre agents compile their reports to me along with suspected cases who have called in and have been thoroughly vetted based on travel history and symptoms. I then compile and escalate this report to the state epidemiologist. Every state has an epidemiologist who then notifies the Disease Surveillance and Notification Officer at the local government level. This is the person who goes to the house address to verify the claims and then reports to the state epidemiologist who then reports back to the NCDC.

I am still on duty today even after the training and will probably take work home. Thank goodness I don’t have to come in tomorrow.

SUNDAY:

Well, there is no church service today so I can cook for the week. Sundays used to be my day of rest. I could afford to sleep in the afternoon after church. But now, I use it to prepare meals for the week so that my family will not be stranded.

What I most look forward to when this is all over is going on leave for like 2 weeks. Just travelling to a place where all I have to do is sleep, wake, eat and not talk too much. All this talking every day at work is making my throat pain me already; I need to rest.

I’m going to the market to buy ingredients for my meal preparation. I am back to work again tomorrow until when all this blows over. Then I can finally get to rest my throat and my eyes.

Check back every Tuesday by 9 am for more “A Week In The Life Of” goodness, and if you would like to be featured or you know anyone who fits the profile, don’t hesitate to reach out.

While we have your attention, click here to find out everything you need to know about the Hantavirus that just killed a man in China.

Read A Week In The Life of A Coffinmaker here, and A Week In The Life Of A Keke Napep Rider here. Don’t forget to share with a friend!

Reach out to me: hassan@bigcabal.com if you want to be featured on this series.
“A Week in the Life” is a weekly Zikoko series that explores the working-class struggles of Nigerians. It captures the very spirit of what it means to hustle in Nigeria and puts you in the shoes of the subject for a week.

Today’s subject is Chief Ogunsekan, a coffin maker. He tells us how being the boundary between the living and dead has shaped his outlook of the world.

MONDAY:

I wake up by 6 am today. I usually don’t wake up this early unless I have a burial to plan. I go to the mortuary to prepare a corpse for lying-in-state which is by 10 am. I supervise my boys as they bathe and make up the body for the church service. Bodies that have been in the mortuary are embalmed, so they don’t smell. This makes the work bearable. The mortuary delays us till around 8 am but we still make it in time for the service.

By 11:30 am we proceed to the cemetery for the final rites. I am providing a full package for the client and that involves cameraman, band boys, wreath, casket, ambulance, and pallbearers.

My pallbearers are in charge of lifting the casket to the burial ground. The coffin is lowered into the ground and this signifies the end of my service. I go over to collect my balance from the bereaved. Because burials are expensive, we allow part payment until the rites are finished.

Some people pay us from the money friends spray them on the day of the burial. Others from asoebi money they gather. We understand how expensive burials are, so we give them this option.

My client is trying to be funny. They say they have spent more money than they bargained for and they don’t have my balance. I tell my boys to go and rent diggers and shovels so we can remove the body and take our casket. No payment, no service. Everyone looks worried and eventually, the guests at the burial raise a loan for my balance. I thank them, pay my staff and head back to the office. Just another day at the job.

TUESDAY:

The office opens at 8 am. I have someone who opens the office for me so I don’t have to go in that early. I am now a chief in my hometown so this means I can’t focus on only one stream of income. Being a chief means spending money and this is why I have another business that adds to my income: I import shoes, shirts and sell to retailers. Life is funny because 23 years ago, I never would have imagined that I would be a chief or even be able to rent a house.

For the first three years when I started selling coffins, I used to sleep in between them, on top of them, underneath them. I was struggling so bad that I couldn’t afford to rent a house. Also, because I started this business quite young, people would run from me. Many people were sure I was going to die quickly so they avoided me completely.

You bury so many people in 20 years that you no longer keep track. Sometimes, people on the road see me and thank me for my service. I always try to remember who they are: Is this the person I helped drive a body overnight from Lagos to Calabar? Or was it Lagos to Abia?

These days I am no longer as involved in the business because I am now a titled person. I don’t have time like before because I have too many pressing issues to take care of. I am in charge of making preparations to crown a new king so I have to shuttle between my hometown and Lagos almost every week.

WEDNESDAY:

Today, my ten-year-old daughter is at the office to assist. She grew up watching me interact with customers so she has become prolific at selling. She understands how to price and offer customers various packages. One of her tactics is to tell customers that they should patronise her daddy because it’s out of this business she will get money for feeding for the next day. So, even when I am not around, they always ask for my number and call saying my daughter has convinced them to patronise me. I am proud of how sharp she is.

When I first told her mum, my wife, what I did for a living, she was shocked. I was not surprised because the women I had dated in the past had also been shocked and worried. There is a belief that because of this job, I will invite spirits into my life. That when I sleep, they will disturb me or even have conversations with me. I had to calm her down and reassure her that work doesn’t come home with me. Also, I tell them that as long as you didn’t kill the person, you have nothing to be afraid of.

THURSDAY:

I like to believe that there are blessings that come with this job after death. The funeral master covers up the many secrets of the dead and there are rewards that come with that. From the people at the cemetery to the ambulance drivers, coffin makers, pallbearers, they all play a role in covering up for the dead so they will all get rewarded.

This job has given me the fear of God. If you do this job and you are still wicked, your punishment starts from here. Not hereafter. My job is a constant warning that life is vanity. In my short time, I have seen people die in so many different ways; dying in their sleep, dying during prayers. After seeing all of these, you can’t tighten the world to your chest or even be wicked.

If our politicians did a job like this and had the constant reminder of death, we would all be better off for it. They have never done this kind of job before and were just thrust into power so there is no fear of God. If it was that before the person became appointed in the role, the person washed a dead body, or dug a grave, the person would understand the vanity of it all.

FRIDAY:

At the office today, an ambulance passed by and I said a prayer for the person in it to survive. Even though people die every day, I never pray for them to die so that my business will move. They are human beings like me so I must wish them the best because one day too, it’ll be my turn. You hear of the length some sellers go to make sales, some use juju around their shop to increase sales. You hear of others who go to the wards in hospitals to peep at patients and wait for them to die. I don’t bother with all of these because if there’s one thing I am sure of; we are all going to die. I am just hoping for a non-painful death.

What prompted me to start this work was that one day I realised that people die every day. I started out making furniture but business was slow and I was barely surviving, I even tried business but the gbese from buyers was just too much. But I came to the realisation that people die every day and people would want to be buried so I decided to try this business.

I go to bed at around 9/10 pm. I don’t have a lot of friends. Ever since I became a chief, a lot of people now greet me even though I don’t know them. Popular people don’t have friends so I don’t go out much and that’s why I go to bed early.

SATURDAY:

Today, someone came to rent my ambulance for burial and I told them: “This ambulance is a Formatic R class so it costs N150,000 per day within Lagos. Around Ogun, Ibadan, Osun, it’s N300,000 per day.” They didn’t expect such a cost. Now add this with the cost of a casket and other expenses, you can easily reach a million naira in expenses. So, what I do is ask them for their budget and offer them services based on that budget. It really is tough.

One thing that always surprises people is how expensive burials cost. Caskets range from N150,000 to N250,000 to N500,000 to N1 million. Depending on what you are hoping to get. Also, depending on additional services provided, it increases.

The struggle actually never ends. I am consoled by the fact that the day of death is the day of rest so I keep trying while I am here.

SUNDAY:

Today, I travel to my hometown for chieftaincy matters. I am a kingmaker, an Apena. This means that I am in charge of some of the rituals that the king must partake in. So, I must go home to supervise the preparations.

People ask me if I am scared of the rituals involved and I wonder why I should be. How can I be scared of what my forefathers have been doing before me? Something I was born into. I tell them that tradition is like learning a craft and I started since I was young so I have mastered it.

As long as I know that we are not hurting anyone, there is nothing to be scared of. I am a tough man and can do what most people can’t do. I have slept in the same car with dead bodies while transporting them interstate. In the past, I have dug graves. I have also had to bathe a corpse. So, what do I have to be afraid of?

I am not harming anyone and I am forever preparing for death so I have nothing to fear. I will be back to Lagos in 5 days time because I really have a lot of things to attend to on this journey. Then we start all over again until our day of rest finally comes.

**This conversation was had in Yoruba and was edited and condensed for clarity.

Check back every Tuesday by 9 am for more “A Week In The Life Of” goodness, and if you would like to be featured or you know anyone who fits the profile, don’t hesitate to reach out.

Reach out to me: hassan@bigcabal.com if you want to be featured on this series.
Today’s subject is Odunayo, a Keke rider. She tells us how she navigates being a breadwinner, a traditional chief, and a woman in a male-dominated field.

MONDAY:

My day starts really early. I live with my mum and my two children. But I am a single mum. So, that means I have to wake up early every day to find daily bread for my children.

A side effect of waking up that early is that I don’t have time to be bothered about my looks. I quickly rinse my body, throw on a random dress and dash out. I must pick the first wave of workers trying to beat the Monday morning Lagos traffic.

Today on the way out, I run into thieves at the junction to my house. I am scared, but luckily they recognise me. They are boys from the street; I have been good to them in the past so they let me go. Saved by the occasional N200 I dash them. As long as I keep my mouth shut and continue to be good to them, I will be fine. This is the final sign that I must move out of this area. This is not a place to raise children or even be out so early.

Usually, I work till 12 noon or 1 pm, but since the Keke ban in Lagos, I have to stop working by 10 or 11 am. Before the ban, I could pass through plenty of routes but now, I can’t. This means that work ends earlier than usual for me because the banned routes are the busiest and also where Taskforce can seize my keke from me.

It’s no longer safe to be out because of the ban. I have been a Keke driver for two years and my mum has been super important in making this job easy for me. She cooks and takes care of the children because I leave the house so early and come back late. Sometimes, I wonder how I would have juggled this job with being a present mother in the life of my kids. I have two boys aged 16 and 18 years and they mean the world to me.

When I get home, my mum has cooked rice so we talk as I eat.

Then I take a bath and sleep because I have to leave for the evening shift which starts at 4 pm.

Evenings are different. I take my time to bath, makeup, and carefully select my clothes. It’s always good to look presentable, after all, I am not suffering. When passengers I picked in the morning see me in the evening they don’t believe it’s the same person.

As I drive out, a neighbor calls and asks if I am going for a party, I shake my head and tell her I am off to work. I come back home by 9 pm and I see my kids. We stay up late watching film.

TUESDAY:

The kids clean the Maruwa this morning because I am too tired to stand up. They understand that this is how we feed and they are more than excited to play their part in making daily bread.

My mummy makes me agbo of lime and ginger to help me get through the day. I have to stand up and go to work no matter how I feel and the agbo helps.

Thankfully, I am the owner of my Keke so whatever I make is mine to keep no matter what time I leave the house. People who are on hire purchase can’t afford to take the whole day off. On a slow day, I make N4,000. Out of that, I have to buy a ticket at the park for N1,300. Many owners ask for N3,000 a day delivery. Out of that, there is still money for fuel to consider. If you leave your house late for any reason and you don’t own the Keke, just know you are going to work for the owner on that day.

By 10 am, I set off for home but there is a little problem. I need to urinate and I can’t hold it till I get home. The issue now is getting a clean toilet to use because I am worried about getting a toilet infection. Thankfully, I find a filling station with someone I know on duty. Once I get into the toilet, I quickly start my ritual of toilet cleansing with my trusted disinfectant that’s always in my bag. I wipe down with tissue, and once I am done, wash my hands with the small soap I also carry.

I can finally focus on going home.

WEDNESDAY:

Today, some men tried to bully me but I stood my ground. The first warning I got when I started this job was to not carry strange men because there are keke snatchers around.

Three strange men wanted to charter my keke to an unfamiliar location but I refused. My spirit was unsettled and the warning flashed in my mind. I refused the request and offered to put them in a colleague’s keke but they insisted on mine. After the back and forth, one of them spat on me and another one started to hit me. I succeeded in fighting them off. The worst part was that none of my male colleagues came to help me. Maybe it’s because I am the only woman in this park but I felt bad. Everyone kept on minding their business as if nothing was happening.

Being the only woman in this job is tough but I have to show no weakness. The men will pounce if I falter. I am not soft and nobody can ride me because I am a chief back in my hometown. When I first started this job, people at home kept on asking “Why will a chief drive keke?” I ignored them and now these same people are asking me to teach them how to get into the business.

As a chief, I know what and what to do if I want to deal with them but I won’t because I am also a Christian.

I thought I had gotten used to being in a man’s world: the occasional hugs from behind, unsolicited pecks, and “my wife” statements. I consider it a hazard of the job and put up a smile so it doesn’t get out of hand. After all of that, we still always go drinking together so I believe it’s all one love. However, this incident just saddens me.

I am going to drink today. Two bottles of Star for the pain and after, I will go home to sleep because I have to go again tomorrow.

THURSDAY:

I got stained today in the middle of a trip. My period came early. After dropping the last passenger, I went home to change. Again, one of the hazards of the job.

Periods are hard for me because driving is very uncomfortable and I can’t afford to take the whole day off. I still have to wake up the same time I usually do and go on as if everything is normal. I already earn less than the men, so I have no choice.

As a woman, I have to stop work as early as 8 pm or 9 pm because it gets unsafe and I also have to go home to my kids. The men can work until as late as 10 pm or 11 pm. The men earn as much as N10,000 because they work longer hours but the highest I have ever made from this job since I started is N8,000. Even that money was because I had a private client that chartered my keke so that’s what boosted my sales.

Thankfully, my mum is home when I get in. She prepares agbo for menstrual pain. It’s a combination of turmeric, ginger, lime and clove that I saw on Facebook. It helps to reduce some of the pain and discomfort. My dad is a herbalist so I don’t find it difficult to drink agbo as I was raised on it.

After drinking my agbo, I lie down for a bit. I will go out again in the evening because it’s business as usual.

FRIDAY:

The hardest part of this job is the insults: Insult from the passengers, from drivers on the road. From everyone. Even with how well dressed and respected I look, the insults never stop.

Today, a male driver asked me if I was crazy for not allowing him to overtake me and I asked him if he doesn’t have a wife at home because I can’t imagine that he talks to his wife like this.

Along the way, I got stopped by a council officer and he said my license has expired. I explained that I have paid for renewal at the local government and they said I should wait for three days. This is just the second day. He said I had to pay a fine of N5,000 to which I refused. I shouted at the top of my voice to call the attention of other people to the situation. I was lucky that people gathered and after listening to us, begged him on my behalf. He let me go grudgingly. This is not the first time he is harassing me. He’s always charging me for one flimsy reason or the other. I am happy I got off today.

I go drinking by 7 pm because I have had a rough day coupled with menstrual pain. My trusted Star is always here to comfort me. The only thing I do to relax is drink; I don’t date. Men will disappoint you and make your life complicated. The last guy I dated broke my heart so bad that it affected my concentration. I almost hit someone while driving because I was too lost in my thoughts thinking about the breakup. It took me a really long time and a lot of tears to get over it.

This is someone that I would close work early for just so I could spend time with him after a long day. Someone I would cook food for out of whatever I made in a day. I have come to realize that only a few men can date a woman with children and not run, so I don’t bother with dating. All these young young boys all think the same way and that’s sex. Maybe I should try an older person. For now, when I feel lonely, I talk to myself. When I want to relax, I turn to my trusted bottle of Star. It can’t disappoint me.

SATURDAY:

I wake up by 4:30 am today even though I don’t need to. Saturdays are slow and I don’t go out until 10 am because no one is rushing to work. It’s mostly just the people going for owambe that are on the road.

I do some mild stretches because it helps with body pain. As a keke driver, only one leg is active; the one that presses down on the brake and throttle. The other leg remains inactive all the time and hurts. To reduce the pain, I must exercise and weekends are the only time I can do this.

I leave the house by 10 am but midway I start to feel sleepy. My body is used to resting by this time and protests against change in routine. To battle sleep, I play some Sule Alao to keep me alert. After that, I follow with some Olamide tracks to keep up the tempo. I can’t sing the lyrics off the top of my head but once the music starts, I match them word for word.

SUNDAY:

I get the same question every Sunday on my way to church. “How do you drive your keke with 6-inch heels?” I laugh and tell them that the trick is not to put too much pressure on the brake and start to brake far before you are near the other vehicle. Everyone looks impressed when I tell them this obvious fact.

Sundays are for a lot of things. In the morning, my kids, my mum, and I all go to the church in my keke. I tie gele, wear my heels, do my makeup and off we go.

In the afternoon after church, I take out time to cook for my children so they can eat my cooking. I know they enjoy grandma’s food but they should also eat mine. I prepare stew for the week for them and we generally spend some time catching up and talking about the previous week.

By 4 pm, I go out to work to make “change”. My target is N2,000. So that I can give my boys N1,000 to hold and be happy and also to fill up my tank for the week with the remaining N1,000. I can’t be stopping to buy fuel on Monday morning when people are rushing to work. It will delay both the passenger and how much I can earn from my morning runs.

By 8 pm, I return home to sleep. I talk for a bit with my mum and the boys before going to bed. It starts all over again tomorrow.

**This conversation was had in Yoruba and was edited and condensed for clarity.

Check back every Tuesday by 9 am for more “A Week In The Life Of” goodness, and if you would like to be featured or you know anyone who fits the profile, don’t hesitate to reach out.

Reach out to me: hassan@bigcabal.com if you want to be featured on this series.

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