Why You Can Cheat on Your Partner But Not Your Barber

January 26, 2022

Have you ever thought of cheating on your barber — maybe as a result of stress, distance, or the urge to try something new? Well, we’ve done groundbreaking research and concluded that cheating on your partner instead of your barber is a better solution. Need proof? Here you go:

1) Your barber will always know

With your partner, you may be able to take the secret to your grave. Especially if they trust you. But when you cheat, they’ll always find you out, knowing  that it  was not the haircut you left with last time you were there. Are you ready for that awkward conversation of, “Oh, so who cut you this hair?”

2) They’ve seen you at your worst

They’ve seen you with pieces of your hair sticking out, with everything uneven and your dye job fading, and yet, have chosen to stick by you. You can’t find that kind of loyalty everywhere. Don’t lose it by cheating. 

3) They’ve chosen to love you even with your big head

You can always try to hide your head from your partner, but your barber creates a safe space for your head to feel comfortable. Your barber has chosen the hill they would die on, and that hill is your head.

4) They always want you to be the best version of yourself 

Your barber is invested in your personal growth. They want you to always be the most good-looking version of yourself. Real ones…

5) Barbers communicate

Partners tend to disregard most things you’re saying, but your barber always listens. They ask you what you want and how you like it. At a point, they even start doing things without even asking you because you both are in sync. Can your partner give you that? 

6) They hide your shame

You may not have great edges or your hairline may be receding a little bit, but your barber will constantly hide those things that give you insecurities. They do it because they care. 

7) Barber’s revenge is the worsttt 

If you make the foolish mistake of cheating on your barber, they can just vex and give you the worst cut you’ve ever had. Do you want to be walking around the town looking like your hair was cut by a blindfolded child

8) They may have carried your hair for juju

They have so much access to your hair; what if they used some of it for rituals? Is that the kind of person you want to cheat on? Someone that might have your destiny in a plastic bottle in their room? Maybe that’s why things are happening the way they’re happening right now. 

9) Serious lies can be made against you

Barbershop gossip is a different level of gossip. Imagine you cheat on your barber and they start telling all their other customers that you cry when they cut your hair. Imagine the embarrassment. 

10) They can have another you in a minute

You need your barber more than they need you. If you cheat on them, you just opened up a spot on their roaster for someone with a nicer head and a fatter wallet. You lose. 

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