Sunken Ships is a Zikoko weekly series that explores the how and why of the end of all relationships — familial, romantic or just good old friendships.
When Opeyemi* (28) and Aanu* (28) met in secondary school, they bonded over novels, art, and a shared sense of loyalty. For years, they were inseparable, the kind of best friends people mistook for sisters.
But when Aanu started dating someone who Opeyemi tried to advise against, the friendship that once felt unbreakable suddenly began to fall apart.
What was the moment you realised that your friendship with Aanu was over?
When she chose her cheating boyfriend over our friendship and tried to blame me for straining their relationship, I knew then that it was time for me to stop putting my energy where it wasn’t wanted.
That’s wild. Tell me how you and Aanu met.
She joined our SS1 class in 2011 after transferring from a different school. We both liked art and novels, so we bonded very quickly. After a month, we became seatmates and stayed close till the end of secondary school.
How would you describe those early years of your friendship?
They were great. She was someone I could confide in, and I felt safe in our friendship. I believe she felt that way as well. We spent so much time together both in and out of school that if I went somewhere by myself, people would ask why she wasn’t with me. We were like sisters.
What changed?
We went to the same university after graduation in 2013, and with our new freedom, we started dating. The problem was that Aanu had terrible taste in boys. She always seemed to pick the worst ones. As her closest friend, I would support her as best as I could, but watching her make those bad choices was difficult.
How did this make you feel?
It annoyed me, but I gave her the benefit of the doubt. I felt that we were still young and learning how to navigate romance, so I stood by her. Things took a bad turn in our 300L when she started dating the worst guy ever.
Tell me about that.
He was a very good-looking and popular engineering student, a year ahead of us, but he was a serial cheat. His escapades were public and embarrassing. She was always crying about something he did, and I hated seeing her that way. After their first anniversary, he cheated on her again. When she came to me in tears, I encouraged her to leave him, and she did.
That’s great. What was the issue?
She got back together with him a month later but didn’t tell anyone. One day in October 2017, a mutual friend texted me asking if Aanu and her ex were still together. When I told her they weren’t, she said she saw them together looking chummy. I immediately texted Aanu to confirm if it was true.
What did she say?
She told me that he apologised and they talked things through. When I tried to tell her that the same thing would happen again because she kept giving him chances, she said I shouldn’t speak badly about her man.
Ah. What happened after that?
I was shocked and stopped replying to her messages. We didn’t see or reach out to each other for a couple of days. Then I reached out to her, asking to talk. I wanted to be sure she was making the decision to date him again with a clear head.
How did the talk go?
It never happened. She sent me a message saying that her boyfriend wasn’t comfortable with our friendship and that the main reason they kept having problems was that my constant advice was putting a strain on their bond. She rounded off the message saying that we should spend some time apart so she could focus on her relationship.
Omo, that’s crazy.
I kept rereading that message over and over. A girl I had known since I was fourteen was just going to throw our friendship away because of a cheating man? I couldn’t believe my eyes.
How did you respond?
I just replied with “Sure”. I didn’t want to force it, but I knew in my heart that it was the end of our friendship.
How did you handle the end of your friendship with someone who was like a sister?
It hit me hard. For a while after, I was wary of letting other people in because I didn’t want to go through that again. I would see something funny or interesting and almost send it to her before I remembered that we weren’t friends anymore. It sucked. I still miss her sometimes.
Did she ever try to reach out to you since then?
Yeah, when we graduated in 2018, she sent me a congratulatory message and even invited me to her graduation party. I didn’t respond.
Fair enough. Do you know if she and her boyfriend stayed together?
I heard from our mutual friends during our service year that he broke up with her because he “couldn’t handle long-distance relationships”.
Do you think you can reconcile and rekindle your friendship with her?
No, I don’t think we can be friends anymore. Even if we somehow started being friends again, it will never be the way it used to be.
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