Sunken Ships is a Zikoko weekly series that explores the how and why of the end of all relationships — familial, romantic or just good old friendships.
Yemi*(27) and Chika*(26) met online and quickly became close friends. Despite not having met in person, they shared a deep bond.
In this Sunken Ships, Yemi shares how their friendship of over two years fell apart due to sudden distrust, disrespect and a final lie on her birthday that made her realise their friendship was never as mutual as she thought.
What was the moment that made you realise this friendship was sinking?
She lied to me about sending over a birthday gift to impress a guy she was seeing. When I didn’t hear from her after that, I knew our friendship was done.
Tell me how you guys met.
We became close on social media. She followed me on Instagram in 2023, and she would respond to my story posts, message me about personal stuff she was going through, and I’d do the same. I was always there for her when she needed me because I saw her as a true friend.
Did you guys ever meet up to hang out?
Not in the beginning. We lived in different cities. I’m based in Lagos, while she lived in Rivers State with her family. When she told me she was considering moving to Lagos for her service year in 2025, I was delighted. I wanted more friends who lived close by because several of my friendships are long-distance. But our first fight before we met dampened my excitement for her to move to my city.
What was that fight about?
It was money-related. I lent her some money, and she ghosted me even though she knew I was unemployed at the time. That was around the time she disrespected my mum as well.
Whoa. That’s a lot, tell me what happened?
In March 2025, she asked to borrow some money. I didn’t have much to spare because I had just quit a stressful job and I wasn’t making an income anymore, but I felt obligated to help her because she was my friend and I’d do anything to help the people I care about. When she initially borrowed the money, she swore that she would pay me the next day. But the next day turned into a week, then a month. Two months passed, and I didn’t see my money.
Ah. Was that the first time she burrowed money from you?
No, for the duration of our friendship, I’d help her out with some money if she were ever in a bind and tell her to pay me back when she could. I had done that a few times, so I didn’t have any issues helping her out with a loan every now and then.
Ah. Did you ask when she’d be able to pay you back?
Yes, I did. After the second month had passed, I called her and asked about when she would be able to pay back, but her response was cold and vague.
How did that make you feel?
I thought I had just caught her at a bad time and decided I’d reach out again later.
Okay, when was the next time you reached out?
About two weeks later, I had run out of money because I hadn’t found another job quickly enough. I had a small business on the side, but that wasn’t going well either, and I was desperate for some income. I sent Chika a message, begging her to repay the money, as it would have helped resolve several issues I was facing at the time.
What was her response?
She was just as cold as before, making me feel guilty for asking for my money because she was going through a hard time as well, prepping for the three-week NYSC orientation camp. It was around this time that she stopped taking my calls completely.
Did this make you scared that she would never pay you back?
No, I knew she wasn’t going to run away with my money, but the delay was frustrating. In June, I needed to contribute some money to help with a household repair. I remembered Chika and gave her a call to remind her about the money. I was in my mum’s room with my sister and took the call on speaker. She was very flippant about it and ended the call quickly without stating when I should expect the money. I was cool about it as usual, but her attitude annoyed my mum and my sister.
Did they directly get involved?
Yes, they did, even though I expressly asked them not to.
Why didn’t you want them to interfere?
I thought that it made me look a bit childish that my mum would have to get involved in a disagreement I was having with a friend, so I told them to let it go and that I had it under control.
So how did they get involved?
Well, first my mum got curious about my friendship with Chika and started asking questions about where we met, how long we had been friends and if I had gotten my money back. This scrutiny made me call Chika again a few days later, but she didn’t pick up.
How did this make you feel?
I was beyond frustrated. I sent her a long message about her holding on to the money she loaned was upsetting me because she knew I was having a difficult time after quitting my old job. It wasn’t as if she didn’t have the money because I saw her posting things she bought in camp on her Instagram stories, she just didn’t want to pay me back. I told her I was going to ask again and deleted her number.
What happened after that?
My mum asked if I had gotten my money back, and I told her to forget about it and that I would get the money from another source. My mum and sister didn’t want to let it go, though, so my sister went into my phone behind my back and took Chika’s number.
I see, what did they do with it?
My mum sent her some voice messages introducing herself and spoke to Chika as if she were a daughter. She told her how I was struggling and how it was unfair that she stopped taking my calls just because of a loan between friends. She urged her to reach out to me, and that was that.
Did she call you like your mum suggested?
Yes, but it only escalated our issues.
How do you mean?
She called me and angrily accused me of reporting her to my mum. It was the first time I had heard of the voice messages, so I was confused. She said that if it were the mother of a random goat that sent her those messages, she would have blocked the person, but because of our history, she only deleted my mother’s messages without listening to them. She warned me not to do it again.
How did that make you feel?
I was initially embarrassed because I had warned my mum and sister not to get involved. But the way Chika spoke about my mum and the fact that she didn’t even honour her with a response made me see red. She didn’t even apologise or take accountability; she was just yelling on the phone.
So what did you do?
I told her off sternly and asked her to pay me back my money and never to disrespect my mum or my family ever again.
What did she do?
She sent me back my money the next day and stopped responding to me everywhere.
Wow, that’s cold. Did you reach out to her again?
Yes, I did. I felt bad that we had such a nasty argument and wanted to see if we could reconcile. I gave her a call a few weeks later and asked if she had sorted her posting and accommodation in Lagos. Her reaction irritated me even more.
What did she do?
She didn’t respond to my message and instead put a screenshot of it on her WhatsApp status with the caption, “This one doesn’t know the kind of friend she has. Does she think I’ll come down from my high horse to apologise?”
Omo! Did you respond to that?
Yes, o. I immediately messaged her and scolded her for it. I thought it was wild that she would set me up for her friends to insult me without putting up the backstory of what led to our disagreement in the first place.
How did she respond?
She sent me a long message on Instagram apologising and asking for us to be friends again. I decided to give her one more chance, and we reconciled. Our friendship wasn’t as close as before because I found it hard to trust her, but I was willing to try again.
Did you wax stronger after that?
No, actually, several more small incidents increased the distance between us, but the last straw for me came on my birthday.
What happened?
She called me while she was visiting a guy she was seeing. She wished me a happy birthday and asked me to send her my address so she could send a gift over. I thought that was a pleasant surprise and shared my details.
It turned out that there was never any gift. She never followed up or shared the rider’s details. I figured out that, given her history, it was most likely that she only mentioned the gift to impress the guy she was with.
What did you do when you came to that conclusion?
I decided to let the friendship go. I soft-blocked her on all our social media and deleted her number. She’s toxic and an insincere person, and I can’t deal with that right now.
Do you think you’d consider reconciling with Chika if she were to reach out?
No, my peace of mind is very important to me, and I can’t do the mental gymnastics of constantly second-guessing if my friend is being honest with me or not.
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