Sunken Ships is a Zikoko weekly series that explores the how and why of the end of all relationships — familial, romantic or just good old friendships.
When Aduke* (22) hit it off with Michael* (21), she thought they were going to become a couple.
She was shocked at first when he dumped her for another girl in their class, but shock quickly changed to satisfaction after she saw how that relationship unfolded.
How did you feel when you realised it was over between you and Michael?
At first, I was gutted. He was the first person I ever had strong feelings for, and to be cast aside like I was nothing cut deeply. But nothing made me happier than seeing what that girl did to him.
Before we get into that, take me back to the beginning. How did you meet?
We were taking the same elective course in 2018. He was good looking but what drew me to him was that he was the smartest person in our class. He got my number from the course group chat and texted one day asking me out for lunch, and I said yes.
How did the date go?
It was amazing. We started having lunch together every day even though we were in different faculties. We also texted each other every single day just to catch up. Soon, I realised I had feelings for him. I tried to hide it because I didn’t have much experience with boys, but he caught on. One day in May 2018, after our usual lunch together, he confessed he liked me, and I told him about my feelings.
So you started dating?
No, it was more like a situationship. We kissed a few times and went on a few movie dates, but we wanted to take it slow. I was fine with this, but less than a month after he confessed to me, Michael started acting strangely.
How do you mean?
At first he started missing my calls. He would then text me in the evening saying he was busy and wasn’t able to talk. I found this surprising because this boy had once left mass just to pick up my call.
The biggest shock was when he started missing lunch. Suddenly, his timetable was clashing with our lunch hours and we could only have lunch once a week on the weekend.
How did you handle these sudden changes?
I tried to be understanding at first. Michael was on a first class and I didn’t want to distract him. I also figured that since we were taking it slow, it was all part of our gradual shift into becoming romantic partners. I kept making these excuses for his behaviour till a friend of mine gave me some shocking gist.
What did you hear?
She told me how a girl in her hostel, Janet*, was raving about her new boyfriend, Michael. After listening to her description of him, she became sure it was “my” Michael and came to tell me as soon as possible.
Did you ask him about this new babe?
Yes o. I told him I wanted to see him in person urgently, so he came to my hostel the next evening. When I asked him about Janet, he became sheepish and gave me a hollow apology about how he didn’t know how it happened, but he had fallen for her. It was a foolish excuse because I knew it was because she had the biggest bum in that class.
How did his response make you feel?
It pained me like mad. It felt like a gut punch, but I was determined to be cool about it, so I kept my distance from both of them. But nothing made me feel better than seeing the way she treated him during their relationship.
Ah, what did Janet do to him?
She showed Michael premium pepper. First, she had him on a tight leash. He wasn’t allowed to do tutorials anymore because she didn’t like “girls flocking around him.” Then, just a month after they started dating, Janet cheated on him. Not just once o, but for the rest of their four-month relationship. It was so funny to hear him crashing out when he caught her making out with someone else one evening.
Did he try to reach out to you during this time?
Yes he did. He came to ask for my advice in August. He wanted to know whether to leave her or forgive her again for her many indiscretions.
What did you tell him?
I told him to follow his heart. He forgave her again, but she eventually left him for a richer guy in September. It was his turn to be heartbroken, and I can’t lie, I enjoyed seeing him feel the same thing I felt.
How was your relationship with Michael after his break-up?
The same way it was after he broke my heart; we were acquaintances. He tried to ask me again for lunch after his split with Janet, but I lied and told him I was busy. I wasn’t about to let anyone “manage” me because they couldn’t get the person they wanted.
Did this experience affect the way you saw love?
Not really. I just charged it to the game and kept it pushing. I even had other crushes before the end of that year. I believe your person is yours, and if another person can “steal” them away, then they weren’t really for you.
What lesson did you take away from this experience with Michael?
I learned that what goes around comes around sooner than you’d expect. It was very satisfying to see the cards love dealt him after treating me like I was disposable.
Do you think you and Michael could ever make up?
No. That ship has sailed, and I’m not looking back.
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