Sunken Ships is a Zikoko weekly series that explores the how and why of the end of all relationships — familial, romantic or just good old friendships.
Bisi*(25) and Laide* (24) met and grew up in the same church and Bisi thought she’d found a sister for life. They navigated school, family drama, and everything else together.
In this story, Bisi shares how a bond she once held sacred unravelled through betrayal, silence, and the influence of a toxic boyfriend.
How did your friendship with Laide start?
We met when I was five and she was four at the church our families attended together. We became inseparable from then.
What was your friendship with her like?
Our friendship was always amazing. We were basically sisters. Our church friendship grew to encompass the other aspects of your lives. Our families, school friends, and neighbourhoods knew we were besties. I was more expressive and extroverted than she was, but it always felt like if we were together, there was nothing we couldn’t face. We stayed close throughout secondary school, but things started changing afterwards.
What changed?
I graduated from secondary school before Laide because I was a year older, and wrote my JAMB exam to get into Unilag. For a long time, Laide and I had always planned to attend Unilag for our undergraduate degrees, so it was a huge disappointment to me that I didn’t get in the first time. By the next year, Laide had graduated as well and we wrote JAMB together for Unilag again but we both didn’t meet the post UTME cut off.
Her brother who was a junior lecturer at Unilag, pressured us to change our preferred course even though I didn’t want to. I suggested waiting for the second admissions list, but he insisted it would increase our chances of getting admitted. When I refused because my family saw my side of things, he started shouting that I was too strong-headed and I was being disrespectful. I ended up changing courses to appease her brother, but I didn’t get an admission offer.
Later, I found out that Laide got her admission offer to Unilag. I was delighted for her until I found out she didn’t change courses like we agreed. I felt cheated because it was my idea to wait for the second admissions list, but her brother shut it down.
Did you talk to her about how you felt about this?
Yes, I did, she promised me that she changed her course but her brother probably pulled some strings for her. I forgave her and after a while, we reconciled and things went back to the way they used to be. I attended the Polytechnic in Ibadan instead and decided to retake JAMB the in 2019 to gain admission into the University of Ibadan.
How did your friendship with Laide change now that there was some distance between you?
There were no changes at first. We still talked on the phone a lot, and we told each other everything. However, other people weren’t supportive of our friendship.
What do you mean?
Laide told me that some of our friends were uncomfortable with how close we were. They claimed I had an undue influence over her and her decisions. I thought that was crazy because Laide had the exact same amount of influence over me and my own decisions. We were just really close like that.
What was your response when she told you this?
I just shook it off and told her not to pay them any mind but I noticed that we were drifting apart after that conversation. I still tried to keep up with her, but she wasn’t visiting home as often as she used to and wasn’t responding to me on the phone either. I eventually gave up and kept my distance.
Did she try to reach out to you when she noticed this?
Yes, she reached out to me during the covid lockdown and we reconciled. I remember telling her that I didn’t want anything to come between us or ruin our friendship. For a while after that it looked like we were healing our relationship then her boyfriend, Emmanuel* came into the picture.
Tell me about him.
I didn’t know much about him at first. They broke up because Laide couldn’t keep up with some of his bad behaviour but after a while she asked me to talk to him, because she wanted them to get back together.
How did that conversation go?
I spoke to him, hoping to help my friend but I found that he had no boundaries and he overshared about their private and intimate moments — even the ones Laide hadn’t shared with me yet. Like how they had a health scare and how he had once suspected he got an STD from Laide. I stood up for my friend, and later, I told her I didn’t like him.
Did this affect your friendship with Laide?
Yes, it did. For the first time in our friendship, it felt like we were on opposite sides. She defended Emmanuel and got back together with him. They even moved in together even though I warned her against it. Since then, I became their third wheel and their middle man when they had fights. It was emotionally exhausting.
Did you try to explain this to Laide?
Yes I did but her boyfriend and her brothers kept telling her that I was a bad influence because I was more outspoken about my reservations when it came to Emmanuel or Laide’s decision to move in with him. Our disagreements put a huge strain on our relationship.
What was the final breaking point for you?
It was after we graduated from school. I went to visit her and Emmanuel, and they got into a heated argument. During the fight, Emmanuel made a gesture that made my phone fall down, and the screen broke. He didn’t seem apologetic or remorseful about it, in fact he spoke to me quite rudely which annoyed me.
I was pressed for money at the time, so I couldn’t afford to fix it. I just managed the phone as it was. A few weeks later, I was on the phone with Laide, and she asked if I had fixed my phone. I told her I hadn’t fixed it yet because it would have cost me ₦16,000. I think she assumed I was demanding the money from her because she started yelling that that was too expensive for my kind of phone. I told her I didnt want any money from her, I was just letting her know, but the conversation deteriorated from there. After the call, I saw she sent me ₦4k. I immediately asked for her account details to send the money back but that made her even more upset.
What did she say?
She said that this was the stubbornness that Emmanuel was always talking about. She threatened that if I sent the money back, it would mean the end of out friendship. By that point, I was one playing third fiddle to the other people she prioritised over me. I sent her back the money and our relationship has not gone back to the way it was since.
How have you been dealing with this distance between you and your former best friend?
It was very hard at first. My mum asks after her constantly. She knows something has happened but I don’t want to paint her in a bad light to my family. I miss her terribly but I hate the way she and her man treated me. I heard that her boyfriend and family members have been saying bad things about me, but I have never heard anyone say she defended me.
Would you ever take the opportunity to reconcile with her if one came up?
I would. I love her deeply, and losing her friendship has felt like losing a sibling.
I recently graduated, and she wasn’t invited to the celebration. It hurt, however, I feel so much better without the drama and toxicity that she and Emmanuel added to my life. I hear they’re still together, and I wish them the best, but I refuse to tangle myself in their issues.
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