Sunken Ships is a Zikoko weekly series that explores the how and why of the end of all relationships — familial, romantic or just good old friendships.
When Damola* (26) tried to get some help from his friends when he was in a tight spot, their mocking response made him reconsider whether the friendship was worth continuing at all.
In this Sunken Ships, he shares how he joined his friend group and how he came to the painful decision to end their friendship.
What moment made you realise that your friendship had gone downhill?
I tried to borrow some money from my friends because I was in a tough spot, but instead of helping me out, they mocked me, and that spelt the end of our friendship. It hurt me a lot.
Take me back to the beginning. How did you become friends with them?
I met them in my first year at the Polytechnic, Ibadan* in 2015. Tife*, John*, Tobi* and I bonded over our shared love for football and became very close after a few months. It helped that we were in the same hostel. It meant we spent a great deal of time together.
How would you describe the dynamics of your friendship?
We were very close. We went to school together every day, relied on each other, shared our resources when we had them, and even our families knew how close we had become. I really thought that we would stick together through school, and beyond but that wasn’t the case.
What changed?
A rift began to grow between me and the others in the group when they became involved in internet fraud.
How did that happen?
In January 2016, after the Christmas break, Tobi came to school flaunting a new iPhone. We were all surprised and thought he had received it as a Christmas gift, but he said he had bought it himself.
Did you ask how he got the money?
Yes, but he only gave vague answers about how a ‘friend’ abroad had sent it to him. After class that day, we tried to press him for more information about the phone.
How did he respond?
He told us about how he had learned to get money from guys online by pretending to be a girl on Snapchat. Then he raved about how lucrative it was and even offered to teach the rest of us how to do the same. The other boys were interested and took him up on his offer, but I didn’t.
Why did you refuse?
My conscience wouldn’t let me. I wasn’t raised to steal. I knew that I couldn’t be proud of myself doing something like that. Also, I was afraid of getting in trouble with the police.
Okay, what happened after that?
The boy started making a lot of money very quickly. They spent it on girls, clothes, shoes, and gadgets. Their popularity at school soared overnight.
Did any of your parents or people in authority ask where all this extra money was coming from?
We were away from home, so our parents didn’t notice the boys’ sudden lifestyle changes. Only John’s mum asked once when he paid for his younger brother’s school fees, but he told her he was doing ‘small online jobs’.
Wow. Okay, what happened next?
They started pressuring me to join them in the different scams they were doing. I refused each time, but I thought we could still maintain our friendship, and I would just ignore what they did. But what happened soon after made me realise that it wouldn’t be possible.
Tell me about that.
I needed some money to fix my laptop screen. I thought I could borrow the money from my friends, but the way they responded cut me deep.
What did they say?
They taunted me, saying, ‘Sebi, you said you don’t want to do what we’re doing,’ and laughed at me. I wouldn’t have minded if they had just said no, but I couldn’t stand their mockery. I eventually got the money I needed from my uncle and withdrew from the group after that.
Did they ever try to reach out to you when you drew back?
Only a few times. It was usually an invitation to a party or an outing, but I always found an excuse to be absent. I didn’t want to be in their company anymore. Eventually, they stopped reaching out, and I think my life was better off for it.
Did it hurt to leave the friendship so suddenly?
Yes. For a few weeks after I decided to pull back from them, I was a loner. I didn’t make another proper friend till my second year in school.
That’s wild. Do you know how they’re doing now?
I’m not sure. All three of them dropped out in the middle of our second year. I heard that they moved to Lagos, but I focused on my schooling instead.
Do you think you’d consider being friends again if they stopped doing fraudulent work?
No. I think we’re better off apart. Even when they had extra resources, they mocked me instead of helping me out. Also, the fraud is hard to ignore. Those are not the kind of people I want in my life.
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