Sunken Ships is a Zikoko weekly series that explores the how and why of the end of all relationships — familial, romantic or just good old friendships.

For almost twenty years, Susan (30)* believed her friendship with Sarah (30)* was unbreakable. They had developed a close bond from their childhood into adulthood.

That belief was shaken when Susan learned from someone else that her best friend had made a life-changing move without telling her, forcing her to confront the unpleasant fact that their friendship would never be the same again.

How did you feel when you learned that your best friend had taken such a big step without telling you?

I felt hurt and betrayed. I cried for days, wondering if I did anything to her that made her see me as her enemy. The worst part of it all was that she didn’t even tell me. I heard it from someone else.

Let’s start at the beginning. How did you become friends?

We met in 2004. She had transferred from a different primary school and joined my primary 4 class.

Whoa, that’s a long time. Did you guys become close quickly?

No. We didn’t talk to each other for most of that school year, until I had a brief conversation with her about a book her brother had taken from me. From there, we realised that we lived in the same neighbourhood and decided to start going home together. That’s how our friendship grew.

Did you guys ever have big issues that threatened your friendship?

Not really. We had the typical disagreements that friends often have, but we always resolved them quickly enough. However, what she pulled in 2023 was too much for me to ignore.

READ ALSO: I Watched The Love Of My Life Marry Someone Else

Tell me what happened.

In 2023, I found out that Sarah had moved out of the country with her husband and didn’t breathe a word of it to me. The worst part is that I heard it from someone else.

Ah! How did you find out?

I was chatting with a mutual friend, and he asked if I was still in touch with Sarah since she had moved abroad. 

How did you react?

I didn’t believe it. In my mind, there was no way Sarah would want to do something like that without telling me at all. Aside from the fact that she was like a sister to me, I had served as her maid of honour at her wedding the previous year. I was even planning to visit her when our mutual friend mentioned it. I was so confident that he became unsure if she had actually made the move since he had heard the news from someone else.

Did you call her to confirm whether it was true? How did she react?

To double my shock, she didn’t deny it. Instead, she tried to bypass the fact that she had actually made the move without telling me anything. She kept asking who told me. It was as if that was more important to her than giving me a reason for keeping her decision a secret.

How did that make you feel?

I couldn’t wrap my head around the betrayal. I asked her if I had been a bad friend to her, and she said no. It felt like she thought I had bad intentions for her, and that’s why she didn’t tell me about her plans. I cried for days and then decided that I was done being friends with her.

Did she try to apologise?

Yes, she did, but only after weeks of trying to get me to reveal who told me about her secret japa. It was clear to me then that she didn’t view our friendship the same way I did.

Did you accept her apology?

Yes, I had to. She wouldn’t stop apologising, and I started to feel weird about it. She still reaches out once in a while to ask how I’m doing. We’re cordial now, but I distanced myself from her, and I definitely don’t see her as my best friend anymore.

Do you think time can heal your friendship, and it can go back to how it used to be?

No, never. I’m done with that friendship.

Did this experience affect how you approached the other friendships in your life?

It affected my other friendships for sure. I stopped extending as much grace to my other friends. It took me calling myself to order and reminding myself that not everyone will behave the way Sarah did to relax a little. It’s not a feeling I wish on anyone. It’s been a journey to return to how open I used to be.

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