Sunken Ships is a Zikoko weekly series that explores the how and why of the end of all relationships — familial, romantic or just good old friendships.
When Ifeoluwa* (21) met Tomi* (21) in 2020, it was as if their friendship was meant to be. Their sisterhood blossomed as they continued university, but cracks started to appear in their bond.
In this Sunken Ships story, Ifeoluwa shares how her sisterhood with Tomi developed, how their relationship unravelled and how she’s dealing with the aftermath.
How did you and Tomi meet?
We met in March 2020. We were both doing our undergraduate clearance, and I had helped her with some of the process when she was having issues. After that, we started going to classes together before we all got sent home for the lockdown.
What impact did the lockdown have on your friendship with her?
It actually brought us closer together. We would interact with our social posts and talk about what we’d do when the lockdown was lifted.
What about after the lockdown?
In 2021, we still weren’t allowed to resume fully. We would only come to school for special practical classes. During those weeks when we had the practical classes, Tomi and I would stay together at a friend’s place. I later got my own place, and she constantly visited me. This also deepened our bond.
What was your friendship with Tomi like?
It was less like we were friends and more like we were sisters. I saw her as my closest confidant, and there was nothing that happened in my life that I didn’t report to her immediately. I thought she regarded me in the same way, but I was wrong.
We were so close that when I showed up at my popular haunts without her, people would ask me where my “wife” or “bestie” was. I loved her very much.
When did you notice any red flags in your friendship with her?
It was after our third year in school. I had changed my course the year before and had to go back to 100 level. She did the same in 2022 when she was in 300L. Afterwards, I noticed some distance between us for the first time.
Did you try to speak with her about it?
As soon as I noticed, I brought it up. But because starting over in a new department can be daunting, I understood when she said that she was just a bit busy with schoolwork and thought nothing of it. After all, I was trying to get excellent grades as well. It was during one of my reading sessions that I came across some disturbing information.
What kind of information?
One night in 2023, I went for an overnight reading session with a few other students in my department. While there, I got a call from an ex-boyfriend who was trying to rebuild a friendship with me.
While we were talking, he asked if Tomi had told me they were getting really close in 2024.
What did he mean by “close”?
That’s exactly what I asked him. He said they were talking so often that Ayo*, a classmate who was trying to start a relationship with Tomi at the time, got jealous and told him to back off. I was more than a bit shocked at what my ex told me. Tomi never mentioned that they spoke at all, speak less of getting so close that they made one of her potential partners jealous. I wasn’t sure what to do and tried to play it off like Tomi had already mentioned it. But my ex could tell I was surprised.
Did you tell her when you found out?
Yes, I wanted to hear her side of the story. Tomi just shrugged it off. She admitted that she and my ex were talking every day, but she claimed it was just a friendly connection.
How did you react to her response?
I asked her for some space. I took two days away from talking to her to think about what she said. I eventually reached out because I missed her, and I told her I wasn’t happy about the way I found out about her talking to my ex. This was mostly because we had ended things on a bad note, and she knew that I had him blocked at the start of the year because I was so upset with him.
Regardless, I forgave her, and our friendship continued because I wasn’t about to let a man come between me and my best friend.
What was your friendship with her like after that?
I thought we’d just go back to normal, but that wasn’t the case. Tomi became even more distant. Especially In February, 2025, I noticed I just couldn’t get a hold of her. At first I thought it was because our original set mates are graduating this year and she felt bad about it. I wanted to be there for her emotionally because I felt the same pangs about their graduation.
How often did you try to reach out to her?
I reached out to her every day like I usually would, only I wasn’t getting the same daily responses I used to get. In April, my lover was sick in the hospital and I went to be with him. I posted a snap of the hospital and she texted to sk if I was ill. When I told her I wasn’t she didn’t even ask why I was at the hospital, she just stopped replying.
Did this bother you at all?
Yes it did. It was an unusual feeling to not be able to speak to Tomi as often as I liked to. I tried to take it in stride but our conversations had dwindled to only once a week. It meant there was a lot going on in my life that I wasn’t telling her about.
Like what?
Like the fact that I had become good friends with the ex I mentioned earlier, and he had asked me to keep it lowkey. Usually, I would at least tell Tomi about something like that, but after I wished her a happy birthday, I didn’t hear from her for over two weeks, even though I had tried to reach her. So I stopped texting to see if she’d miss me enough to reach out to me. To my surprise, she didn’t text even once.
Wow, that must have stung.
It hurt so much. Even though I had stopped texting her, I still sent her snap streaks every day. In May, I sent her a snap of me in the hospital for a fractured knee. I had hurt myself during sports practice and needed someone to follow me to the hospital. But as usual, I got no response. Instead, I heard from other students that she had gone to watch the other athletes play after I went to the hospital.
Did you try to speak to her after that?
Yes. I sent her a message and tried to make her see that the distance between us was hurting me, and I didn’t feel like we were as close as we used to be. I wanted us to meet and talk it
How did she respond?
She said she was busy but would look for a date we could meet to talk. She never got back to me on that, and our friendship took a big hit after that.
What happened?
My ex randomly asked me out for drinks one night, and I accepted. While we were out, he dropped a bomb on me. Tomi was dating Jesse*.
Who is Jesse?
Jesse used to be a very close male friend. However, we fell out in January 2024 when he exposed his genitals to me during a late-night reading session. I told him I wasn’t interested, but he kept trying to coerce me. I had to call my other male friends to help run him off. I told Tomi about this when it happened, and I assumed we both cut him out of our lives, so I was shocked when my ex said they were together.
Did you confront Tomi about this?
No, I couldn’t. When my ex saw how shocked I was, he begged me to keep it a secret. He didn’t want anyone to know I heard it from him. I tried to gently pry the information out of Tomi, but she never gave it up. That choice made me start to reconsider our friendship. I felt so betrayed that I started acting out.
Can you share how?
I started drinking heavily, I shaved my head, and I cried a lot. My lover was thankfully a big emotional support during this terrible period.
When did everything come to a head?
It was a week before our exams in July 2025. I drunkenly went out to get food with my lover and ran into Jesse, Tomi and a group of their friends at the place. I was shocked to see her, but called her aside to ask her if it was true she was dating Jesse. She tensed up and didn’t say anything.
What did you do when she didn’t respond?
I burst into tears. I couldn’t believe that she betrayed me like that. It was embarrassing to crash out in public that way, but I was overwhelmed with emotion. The worst part was that Tomi didn’t seem affected. She just kept saying, “I don’t know what to say,” over and over. She left with Jesse and his friends, and I found my way home, where I swore to have nothing to do with her again.
What has the aftermath been like?
It has been awful. I fell sick with stress-induced malaria right after and had to be hospitalised until a day before my exams. I threw myself into my exams to distract myself, but it’s like the ghost of our friendship has haunted me ever since.
People ask where Tomi is or how she’s doing everywhere I go. I’m not interested in rehashing this story with everyone, so when people ask, I just tell them we had a falling out.
What about your mutuals? How do they handle the rift between you and Tomi?
No one around me mentions her anymore. It’s like they were also looking for a chance to distance themselves from her. This isn’t to say she doesn’t have her own friends, it’s just that we don’t share close mutuals anymore.
How has this friendship breakup affected your other relationships?
I now find it very difficult to trust anyone. I don’t think I’ll ever let anyone get as close to me as Tomi did. I’m afraid they’ll hurt me again.
What if Tomi reached out to apologise? Would you ever rekindle your friendship with her?
I’m a forgiving person so it’s possible I might oblige if she reaches out maybe five years from now. But I know our friendship can never be the way it was before.
What does the future hold for you now?
I’m focused on maintaining my good grades and graduating. Tomi is the furthest thing from my mind right now.
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