Sunken Ships is a Zikoko weekly series that explores the how and why of the end of all relationships — familial, romantic or just good old friendships.

For almost a decade, Kunle*(42) and Jimi* (42) were inseparable. Kunle thought that their friendship, which began in secondary school, would last the rest of their lives. However, an incident at a party in 2003 changed everything.

In this Sunken Ships, Kunle shares how their friendship began, the incident that damaged their bond and how it affected the way he views friendships.

What’s your relationship with Jimi like today?

We’ve been in the same friend group since we were eleven years old, but we rarely speak to each other, even though we still see each other often at events.

Whoa, that’s serious. Tell me how you met.

We met in secondary school in 1996, and our similar experiences and interests made us close. We were both in the boarding house, piano players and in the school choir.

What were the early days of your friendship like?

They were amazing. Music was one of the things that cemented our friendship. We started a ‘boy band’ with the three other guys in our friend group. We used to sit outside the hostel at night and serenade the girls we liked from across the gap between the boys’ and girls’ hostels. Among the five of us, though, Jimi and I were the closest. I saw him as my best friend.

Did your friendship remain even after secondary school?

Yes. After we finished secondary school, Jimi and I went to the same A-level school. It was there that I started noticing that while Jimi was a great friend, he didn’t have principles when it came to girls. Ultimately, this flaw led to the incident that permanently damaged our relationship.

Can you share what happened?

I had a massive crush on one of the girls at our A-level school, Amina*. To me, she was the most beautiful girl in our set. As soon as I became aware of my feelings for her, I confided in my best friend about it. He didn’t discourage my feelings and listened to me every time I talked about her. 

Was Amina the reason you and Jimi fell out?

To a degree, yes. However, it was the betrayal and lack of consideration from Jimi that actually fractured our bond. There was an incident at a party that made me realise Jimi didn’t value our friendship as much as I thought.

Tell me about it.

In 2003, a couple of friends and I put money together to throw a Valentine’s Day bash at a local nightclub. It was the talk of the town, and everyone’s anticipation was high. On the day of the bash, things were bustling. Boys who couldn’t get tickets were blowing up my phone, begging to get in, but I ignored all of them. When Jimi called to ask for entry, though, I was more than happy to let my best friend in. 

What happened after that?

Just before he went in, Jimi gave me a package to help keep safe. He said it was for his Valentine, so I made sure to be extra careful with it.  I hid it under one of the pool tables in the venue and continued my organiser duties. About an hour later, Amina showed up in a beautiful sequined mini dress. I was delighted when she let me hold her hand and lead her into the party, but I wasn’t ready for what happened next.

What surprised you?

I had gone to attend to some business at the party entrance when one of the other organisers excitedly rushed to meet me. He told me that Jimi was making out with one of the girls upstairs. I was delighted for my guy and went up to check on him and maybe tease him a little. What I saw broke my heart. In the dim light of the dancefloor, I saw Jimi kissing Amina.

Ah. Did you confront him about it?

No. I held myself together, stayed for the rest of the party and went home. For a week after, I didn’t say a word to either of them. I didn’t know what to say. I was too stunned. After that week, an even more surprising thing happened.

What was it?

Amina came up to me during our lunch break and asked to talk to me. She had hardly given me any attention before, so curious, I obliged her. 

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What did she have to say?

To my irritation, she started pleading Jimi’s case, saying he knew how I felt about her but was too nervous to tell me what was happening between them.

How did that make you feel?

I was very upset. It wasn’t enough that I had to find out about them in such a hurtful way. The fact that Jimi didn’t even try to talk to me himself added salt to the wound of the betrayal. I told Amina there was no problem and left it at that. I thought we could mend our relationship over time, but a few months later I realised there was no chance of that happening.

Why? What made you think that?

During the summer break, one of our secondary school friends visited from the UK. Jimi suggested that we all go and hang out at his girlfriend’s place. He had been keeping the fact that he was dating someone lowkey, so we were excited to meet her. We got to the house, and to my surprise, the secret girlfriend was Amina. 

Omo! That must have been a rude shock.

I didn’t even react. We all hung out like usual, and on my way home, I decided that my friendship with Jimi was definitely over.

Did you tell the other members of your friend group?

No, I didn’t want to make things weird. I knew I couldn’t get over what Jimi had done, so I simply kept my distance from him. That level of intentional betrayal was something I couldn’t wrap my mind around. The fact that he didn’t think to speak to me about it made me feel even worse

Did you still see Jimi around after A-levels?

Yes. We both got into OAU in 2004, but we never really spoke to each other again. Our friend group still hangs out every once in a while, and I run into him at events. But aside from the cordial greeting, I don’t say much to him.

Did that experience with Jimi affect your perspective on friendships?

Yes, I have found it difficult to trust the words of men or anyone else since then. If someone who I called my best friend could do that to me, what would others do if given the chance?

Do you think you’ll ever forgive Jimi for what he did?

It’s been many years since that happened. I have forgiven him already, I just haven’t forgotten what he did, and I’m not going to give him a chance to betray me like that again.

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