Sex Life is an anonymous Zikoko weekly series that explores the pleasures, frustrations and excitement of sex in the lives of Nigerians.
The subject of today’s Sex Life is a 32-year-old heterosexual woman who realised she only enjoys sex with people she’s not supposed to sleep with — what she calls “forbidden sex”.
When did you start having sex?
After university. But I’d done other kinds of sexual stuff before then. Everything minus penetrative sex.
Is there a reason you waited until after university?
Saving myself for marriage and all that.
So, what did you think about sex the first time you had it?
It was just there. I didn’t feel like I had been missing out on anything. It probably didn’t help that it just felt like something I wanted to tick off my list. It wasn’t even with someone I was emotionally or sexually attracted to.
Why did you want to tick it off your list though?
I was about to turn 25. I expected that I’d be married by then or at least in a stable relationship, but I wasn’t. So, I had a bunch of things I decided to do before 25. Sex was on the list.
When did you eventually have good sex?
I actually had really good birthday sex a few months after my first time. It wasn’t great, but I thought, ‘Hmm, okay. I can see why people like sex so much’.
It helped that I had always had a crush on the guy. The downside was he was a friend’s ex and still had feelings for my friend. It got messy and I almost lost that friend.
I told myself that I wasn’t going to have sex with anyone that wasn’t a boyfriend or partner ever. Specifically, I told myself to never have sex with people I knew. That was my rule.
Was it hard seeing that rule through?
At first, no. I wasn’t having sex steadily, but when I did it was really bad. I was actually attracted to the guy and we were on our way to starting a relationship, but the sex sucked.
I honestly just believed I had a problem. Then one night I was working late, I began flirting with a colleague, and we had sex multiple times in his office and in the open workspace. It was the bomb. Scary but also the bomb.
I should mention that no kind of romantic or sexual relationship was permitted between the staff in our office. I never believed I’d break that rule, seeing as I was one of the people who fought to have it in place.
A few weeks later, I discovered the guy was engaged. At first, I was furious with him and accosted him for not telling me, but that led to very hot argument sex. My orgasm was more explosive than before.
I squirted on the office rug. I didn’t even know my body was capable of that.
Wild. Did you continue seeing him?
No. He broke it off a week to his wedding, saying he really wanted to be committed. That made me want to chase him more. I didn’t though. My pride would never allow me.
Was it at this point the rule became a problem?
Not yet because I didn’t even see the pattern. Then I had great sex with another friend’s ex, and I realised the danger was the appeal. I saw that it’s the thing they said I shouldn’t touch that always got me excited.
That was when my rule became a problem. If I’m being honest, it didn’t even become a problem. I just threw it away and began a steady sexual relationship with the friend’s ex.
I told myself I technically wasn’t doing anything wrong because they weren’t dating.
So, you told her?
After months of an internal battle, I did and she didn’t even care. That’s supposed to be good news, but my attraction for the guy just went down. Perhaps it was the way she made it seem like he was her left-over. I don’t know. I sha broke things off with him.
But you knew it was a thing.
Not even just with the people I sleep with or where I sleep with them, but also the kind of porn I watch. My preferences are typically stepbrother and stepsister or stepmother and stepson or lecturer and student.
After I turned 27, I realised I was ready to settle down. So when I started dating, I decided to explore roleplay. I told my man that it was my only fetish. He was very open to trying it with me.
We create all these circumstances we think are typically forbidden, complete with scripts oh. We even get the required outfits and go to places where we can act it out properly.
Yup. For example, when we want to play sugar daddy and sugar baby, we start on a campus and end up in a hotel. I’m sure people will think we’re weird, but there’s nothing like finding a partner that matches your energy.
Fair point. And there’s no BDSM involved?
None of that, please, dear.
What’s your favourite roleplay scenario?
Married church minister committing adultery in the church office. Keep me anon.
LMAO. What’s your sex life these days?
I have a new craving and it’s to fuck handymen, like a carpenter or a mechanic. I don’t know if it’s the porn talking, but I just feel like sex with these type of men would be super lit.
Right. But you’re still dating?
Does your partner know about your craving?
Oh, yes, he does. He thinks I’m crazy. Haha. Maybe we’ll open the relationship, I don’t know, but I’m happy with where we are.
So how would you rate your sex life?