Sunken Ships: I Rejected My Best Friend, and Now We’re Strangers

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Sunken Ships is a Zikoko weekly series that explores the how and why of the end of all relationships — familial, romantic or just good old friendships.

When Cecilia* (28) met Kunmi* (32) at her first job in 2019, she had no idea he would become one of the most important people in her life. But in May 2025, Kunmi confessed that he wanted more than friendship. Cecilia didn’t feel the same way, and their once-close friendship began to unravel.

For this week’s Sunken Ships, Cecilia shares how rejecting her best friend changed their relationship and why she’s struggling to accept that someone who once felt like home might no longer be in her life.

How did you and Kunmi become friends?

We met at my first job in 2019. I was an assistant to a radio host, and he worked as a sound engineer at the company. I was the only other person at the office who watched anime, so we bonded over some of our favourite shows and became close.

We walked to the bus stop together after work every day, and soon, our coworkers started calling us besties. It felt true, so we didn’t fight it.

That’s cute. What was your friendship like?

It was such a safe place. I felt like I could talk to him about anything. I saw him as an older brother, and went to him for career or relationship advice. He also came to me whenever anything was bothering him about his family or his relationships.

At first, he was just my work bestie, but over time, I realised he was the person I felt most comfortable around.

When did things start to change?

Early last year, I’d just come out of a relationship because my ex had japa-ed to Europe. I told Kunmi how heartbroken I was and swore off dating. He joked that I deserved a loverboy like him and said I should give myself time to heal.

At first, I didn’t think anything of it. We’d always talked about our relationships, so I assumed he was being his usual self. But after that, he started making comments about how he’d never leave me to figure things out alone if we dated. I laughed because I thought he was just trying to cheer me up. I didn’t realise he was serious.

And when did you realise Kunmi had feelings for you?

He confessed in May 2025. We were talking one evening when he asked if I’d ever considered dating someone who already knew me very well.

When I asked what he meant, he said he’d liked me for a long time, and he felt we’d be good together because we already understood each other.

I was shocked. We were close, but I had never looked at him in that way. He was my closest friend, almost like family. The thought of dating him had genuinely never crossed my mind.

How did you respond?

I told him I cared about him deeply, but didn’t have romantic feelings for him. I’d also just come out of a relationship and wasn’t interested in dating anybody. I was still trying to get over my ex, and the last thing I wanted was to jump into something new.

I explained how I valued our friendship and hoped we could continue being friends. He said he understood, and the conversation ended without any argument. I even gave myself a pat on the back because I thought we’d handled it like adults.

Right. Did things change after that conversation?

Not immediately, but I started noticing little things. He stopped calling as often and became less interested in the random conversations we used to have. Before, he’d call just to tell me something funny that happened at work. Suddenly, I was the one initiating almost every conversation.

Whenever I asked if anything was wrong, he’d say he was fine or had been busy. I tried not to read too much into it because I knew he might need time to process his feelings.

Still, the difference was hard to ignore. We’d spent years being comfortable around each other, and now I felt like I had to think carefully about every interaction.

Did you bring this up with him?

Yes. I asked if my rejection had affected our friendship, and he insisted that everything was fine.

I started wondering if I had done something wrong by being honest with him.

Did you ever consider dating him to save the friendship?

Honestly, no. He’s a good person, and I know he cares about me. But someone being good to you doesn’t automatically mean you should date them.

Even if I’d been ready for another relationship, I would still have needed to genuinely want him romantically. I couldn’t manufacture those feelings just to keep our friendship intact.

Sometimes I wonder whether things would have been different if I had been in a better emotional place. But I remind myself that I didn’t reject him only because of my breakup. I simply didn’t see him that way.

What hurts most about the way things have changed?

We didn’t have a big fight. It just feels like I lost him because I couldn’t give him what he wanted.

I don’t blame him for needing space. Rejection can hurt, and I understand that he might need time to move on from his feelings. But I wish we could have found a way to navigate it without losing what we had.

Do you think your friendship can recover?

We’re still cordial, but I wouldn’t call us best friends. We don’t talk as often, and I rarely know what’s going on in his life.

Part of me still expects things to go back to normal, especially because we were friends for years before this happened. But I know I can’t make that decision for him. If he needs distance to move on from his feelings, I have to respect that.

I just wish he’d tell me honestly if he can’t be my friend anymore. It would hurt, but at least I’d know where we stand instead of wondering if I’ve lost him for good.