It’s no secret that Nigeria is a homophobic country with a low tolerance for the LGBTQ+ community. I wanted to highlight the more positive queer experiences and so I spoke to a few queer people about what it’s like having supportive parents and how that has influenced their lived experiences.
“My parents love and accept my partner. It means the world to me.” — *Fatima, 24. Lesbian
What do you wish more parents of queer kids understood?
I wish they understood how hard it is for the queer child to be different from every one around them. Their child didn’t just wake up and decide to be different to spite them; they’re figuring life out, too. I remember coming out to my mum. She just sighed and told me she couldn’t imagine the amount of mental stress I had been under trying to figure my queerness out on my own. That made me start crying because being seen so clearly by my mum was a relief beyond words. I wish more parents of queer kids put themselves in their children’s shoes so better conversations can be had.
What has their support looked like?
Their support has looked like warmth, especially to my partner. I love how intentional they are about making her feel like a part of the family. It stands out for me and warms my heart because she is my world, and they treat her like it.
I know my parents deep down are not fully onboard with my lifestyle because of their faith, but I love that they try to accept that I am my own person, having my own experiences, and they let me do my own thing while still loving me.
“My parents stand up for me and I love it.” — *Tolu, 24, Nonbinary
What do you wish more parents of queer kids understood?
I wish they understood that their silence speaks louder than they think. I am acutely aware of my mum’s facial expressions when I dress in a more femme way, even though she tries to hide it. I also wish they understood that even the smallest gestures matter when trying to reassure their child that they’re accepted the way they are. Your child’s queerness doesn’t dishonour you, rejecting them based on that is what is dishonourable.
What has their support looked like?
My parents stand up for me in front of my extended family members. If someone says something about me being effeminate, my mum will say they should leave her child alone, and I love it. Even though we don’t always agree, it helps me feel secure knowing that I have love at home.
“Knowing I don’t have to pretend to be what I’m not at home takes a burden off my shoulders.” — Chika, 21, Lesbian
What do you wish more parents of queer kids understood?
I wish they knew that their support can be the difference between a child who thrives and a child who barely survives. I already feel like society hates me, and knowing I don’t have to pretend to be what I’m not at home really takes a burden off my shoulders.
What has their support looked like?
It’s in the little things. My mum will often buy rainbow-themed things for me. She’ll come home with a shirt that has a rainbow on it and say, “Chika, I know you’ll like this one.” I think it’s adorable. I know she struggles with accepting my sexuality, but the effort she puts into trying to understand me warms my heart.
“Queerness is not a failure or a phase” — *Azeez, 30, Gay
What do you wish more parents of queer kids understood?
That queerness is not a failure or a phase. I wish more parents knew that trying to “protect” us by silencing or denying our identity only makes us feel more isolated and othered.
What has their support looked like?
My mum doesn’t play about me and defends me at every turn from my siblings and the rest of our extended family. There’s a lot of pressure from home for me to “marry a nice girl” and “settle down”, and my mum tells me to forget about it and do what I want. I love that there’s at least one person in my corner.
“We don’t need to be fixed.” — *Jeremiah, 27, Gay
What do you wish more parents of queer kids understood?
They need to understand that their child isn’t lost. We don’t need to be fixed, we need to be loved and seen.
What has their support looked like?
I recently started dating, and they asked me to bring him home for a visit. It’s a huge leap from their initial reaction to me coming out to them as gay. It makes me feel like I can show them more of myself than before.
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