At 33, Chuka* believes he’s confronting the effects of his decisions. Between a six-year relationship that collapsed abroad and a secret entanglement that left lingering consequences, he’s had to relearn what love and partnership mean.
In this story, he unpacks the relationships he’s encountered in his search for love.
What’s your relationship status, and how do you feel about it?
I’m single and ready to mingle. I’ve been single for almost three years now, and I wonder if things would’ve turned out differently if I’d made better decisions.
Why do you feel that way? Walk me through your dating history.
My first relationship started in my third year of university with Aisha*. We met through sports. I played basketball while she played volleyball, and we were always around each other during training and competitions. She was gorgeous and very good at her sport. I had a crush on her for a while before I finally approached her, and we started dating in 2014.
We made a good couple, but we kept breaking up and returning because of religion. She was Muslim, and I’m Christian. We initially agreed to respect each other’s beliefs, but religion became the main issue. Five months in, she ended things the first time because she said her dad was an “Alfa” and would never approve.
I convinced her to come back because I didn’t think it was a big deal. But my mentality changed when I told my mum about her. When I mentioned Aisha’s name, my mum said God forbid I end up with a Muslim.
Oh.
We attempted to find a solution to the issue. However, things got worse in February 2016 during our NYSC registration. The network at the cybercafé was down, so we decided to rest at my house, which was nearby. My mum was around and treated her really badly. I introduced Aisha, and my mum just walked away without acknowledging her. I tried to cover up by saying she was angry with me, but Aisha didn’t believe me. She left my house and returned to the cafe.
After that incident, we gradually drifted apart. Even though I begged and we eventually got back together, things weren’t the same. When our NYSC postings were announced, and we were posted to different states later that year, the relationship died naturally.
How did you move on from that breakup?
It didn’t hit me hard because I’d mentally prepared myself months before. After Aisha, I met other people, but I wasn’t ready for anything serious. I stayed focused on building my career. It took almost two years before I met Diana* and had my most serious relationship.
Tell me about Diana. What was that relationship like?
We met in 2018 on a Friday evening after closing from work in another state and boarding a bus home. We sat beside each other, and she had a terrible stomach upset. The driver refused to stop at first, even though she asked, so we shouted at him until he finally did. She always said she started liking me when I gave her my last bottle of water so she could wash her hands.
We exchanged numbers, went on a date before I returned to my base, and kept talking. She told me she liked me, and we started dating. Months later, she met my mum, who liked her, and a year later, I met her family, and they loved me too. It was a good relationship, and I could see a future with her.
But by our fourth year in 2021, communication became a real issue. My job made regular visits hard, and she always had excuses for why she couldn’t travel to see me. We argued a lot about it. That was around the time I met Layefa* and got into a fling with her.
Wait, what? How did that start?
Layefa was an undergraduate at the state university near my work accommodation. I met her at a snack shop when she didn’t have enough money and was calling her friend to pay. It was just about ₦1,200, so I covered it. She thanked me, and that was that. Later, we ran into each other again, exchanged contacts, and started talking. One thing led to another, and we started hooking up.
At that point, things with Diana were shaky. I wasn’t thinking straight. I’m human, and the attention from Layefa felt convenient, especially since Diana and I barely saw each other.
Right. How did you manage both relationships?
I never saw it as two relationships. Diana was still my main focus, and I always saw the thing with Layefa as temporary, but it dragged on for seven months. She was much younger and still in school, and even though we were intimate, I treated her more like a younger sister.
Things got complicated when she started talking about our future and even moving in with me. I kept dodging the conversations because that wasn’t going to happen. Meanwhile, Diana and I were entering our fifth year, and both families kept asking when we’d get married. That pressure, plus the guilt I felt, pushed me into making a decision.
I proposed to Diana in December 2021 and ended things with Layefa. When she insisted on knowing why, I told her the truth. She was furious. She threatened me, cursed me, and swore I’d never have peace in relationships. But I’d made my decision and wasn’t fazed.
How did things go with Diana after the proposal?
For a while, our relationship seemed fine. But about five months later, she said she wanted to travel for her master’s because she finally got the scholarship she’d been trying for. I didn’t think it was the right time because I wasn’t ready to relocate, but she insisted.
When she left in July 2022, the distance affected us badly. She blamed the six-hour time difference, and I was the only one making an effort to communicate frequently. Then, in April 2023, she posted an Instagram story with a white guy, and they looked too close. She said he was her coursemate, but I found his Instagram through the school page and saw several pictures of them together.
When I confronted her, she eventually admitted they were sleeping together. I suggested counselling and asked that we move up the wedding plans before her program ended, but she said I was pressuring her and blocked me everywhere. Her family couldn’t appeal to her on my behalf either. I was devastated. We’d spent six years together.
That must’ve hurt. Did you try dating again?
Four months later, my mum introduced me to Blessing* from church. She was a nice girl, but I was still grieving Diana, and she felt I treated her like a stranger. We only talked for three months before she cut off communication, saying the distance caused by my job didn’t align with what she wanted.
After that, I didn’t date for a long time. I even lost my job late last year, so relationships were the last thing on my mind. At some point, I even wondered if Layefa’s curses were manifesting because everything was falling apart. But I’ve changed a lot since then. I’m actively looking for someone now and hoping for the best.
I hope it works out. How have these experiences shaped your idea of love?
They taught me that love is a compromise that only works when both people are willing to meet in the middle. With Diana, we didn’t choose each other consistently. I let my issues push me toward Layefa when I should’ve faced things head-on. And Diana also chose her career and someone else over me. These days, I even think about what compromise might’ve looked like for Aisha and me.
I’ve learned that no one is perfect. You just need someone who’s willing to meet you halfway.
Finally, how are the streets treating you? Rate it on a scale of 1 to 10.
It’s a 3/10 for me. I don’t enjoy single life. I’m getting older, and I’d like to settle down before 35. I want a family and someone to do life with.
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