Many people would do everything but tell you they don’t want you in their space. Whether it’s a romantic partner, a friend, or even your own family, there comes a point when you realise you’re barely being tolerated.
In this story, five Nigerians share the moments they realised they weren’t wanted in a space. Some saw it coming, but others found out in the most embarrassing ways possible.
“He mistakenly sent me the message where he gossiped about me” — Christina*, 27
Nothing humbles you like realising you’ve become an inside joke. For Christina*, an accident exposed the truth.
“When my then-boyfriend, Tade* and I got serious, I started spending weekends at his place. His house was closer to my job than mine on the mainland, and I thought it made sense to attend his church together. I’m not even of the same denomination, but it felt like something couples do.
One Sunday, after service, one of his friends asked if I’d like to join the youth group. I’d barely opened my mouth when Tade said, ‘She’s not really a member. She just likes following me around.’
The way he said it made me uneasy, but I let it go. Later that week, the same friend sent me a flyer for a church picnic. I forwarded it to Tade with excitement, and a few minutes later, I got the same flyer back from him with a deleted message. Thank God for GB WhatsApp. The message read ‘I’m so tired. This babe can’t take a hint.’
I know he meant to send it someone else and mistakenly forwarded it to me. When I called to ask, he fumbled through some lame explanation. That moment opened my eyes to all the disrespect I’d been brushing aside. I didn’t even argue. I just slowly stopped showing up — first from church, then from the entire relationship.”
“She told my in-law I was bringing the boys I sleep with into her house” — Muheebah*, 43
For Muheebah*, what started as a generous favour quickly became a real-life Cinderella story. It didn’t take long to realise that nothing she did would ever be enough.
“I’d just gotten married when I landed a government job in Abuja. I couldn’t afford my own place immediately. That’s when my in-laws introduced me to Mrs. Shewa*, a family friend with a new ministerial appointment. She lived alone in a massive duplex and offered to let me stay there until I could afford my own space.
At first, I felt relieved. But after the first few weeks, her behaviour changed. The warmth disappeared. She started ignoring me and acting irritated whenever I greeted her. Then she rolled out rules: no music, no guests, and no staying out late. I followed everything since I didn’t want any issues.
She had a chef and a cleaner, but both of them left because of how difficult she was. She refused to replace them, so I ended up cleaning and running errands. Despite that, I still walked on eggshells around her.
The final straw was so ridiculous. My younger brother, who was in the university, got stranded after a field trip. He called me, and I told him to come over for the night. When I got home, I explained everything to Mrs. Shewa, introduced them, and told her he’d leave the next day. She nodded and smiled.
The next morning, I went to greet her and overheard her on a call with my sister-in-law. She told her I’d started bringing the young boys I sleep with into her house. She was talking about my blood brother. I froze.
I didn’t confront her. I just knew I had overstayed my welcome. Not long after, I begged a friend at the office to let me squat and moved out.”
“She lied that her generator was spoiled” — Raji*, 29
When a power fault chased Raji* out of his apartment, he thought he could count on his girlfriend. The many signs gave him a harsh reality check.
“I had dated this woman for a few months when the first real sign came, though I didn’t want to admit it then.
Until that point, she always visited me at my place. But one weekend, an electrical fault knocked out the light in my apartment for days. I didn’t want to sleep in the heat, so I called her and asked if I could stay over. She agreed, but her tone sounded far from excited. I assumed it was because I told her last minute.
When I got there, the vibe felt off. She wasn’t hostile, but she wasn’t warm either. She told me her generator wasn’t working. Lagos heat is no joke, and her apartment had no proper windows, so it was almost unbearable. I offered to take a look at the generator, but she told me not to worry. The next day was the same story. She kept asking when the electrician would fix my place and casually dropped hints like, ‘Hopefully it doesn’t take long o.’
By the third night, I knew something was off. She stepped out for an errand, and I used that opportunity to check the generator myself. To my shock, it worked perfectly. She had just refused to put it on.
I should’ve left at that point, but I was in denial. I was literally paying for our food, and could buy the fuel too. Why would she want me gone so badly?
Later that day, she mentioned her friends were coming over and asked if I’d still be around. I told her I’d love to meet them, and her face changed. She awkwardly said maybe she’d tell them not to come. I realised she didn’t want them to meet me. She’d met all my friends, but I hadn’t met any of hers. I started wondering if it was because I was short or not attractive enough. My mind was all over the place.
That night, I did something I’m not proud of. I went through her phone. That’s when everything clicked. She had been cheating. The other guy was on his way from Port Harcourt to visit her, and they had been making plans for weeks. I wasn’t even the main guy in her life.
She tried to gaslight me for going through her phone when I confronted her. But I had seen enough to know she didn’t want me around.”
“They told me that still living at home at my age was a shame” — Sharon, 33
Living with Nigerian parents past a certain age feels like a ticking time bomb. In Sharon’s* case, the only way out was the actual door.
“I never imagined a day would come when I’d feel like a stranger in my own parents’ house. But after I turned 30, the atmosphere changed.
Suddenly, every little thing became a problem. My mum started complaining that I lazed around, despite knowing I work remotely. She’d nag about chores and constantly compare me to my mates who were married with kids. Sometimes, it wasn’t even subtle. She’d say things like, ‘At your age, if you had a husband, you wouldn’t be living under our roof.’
My dad didn’t help either. He said I wasn’t contributing enough financially and needed to do better. Every complaint circled back to the same thing — my supposed failure to find a husband.
They don’t know I’m a lesbian. And with how they talk about queer people, I know they’ll never accept any version of my truth.. I thought I could manage a little longer while I saved up to move out quietly.
But the final straw came on a Sunday when my mum’s church friends visited. After the usual pleasantries, they pulled me aside and said I was embarrassing my parents. They called it ‘a shame’ that I still lived with my parents.. They accused me of being too picky, and one of them even offered to introduce me to a man in their prayer group.
That was it. I knew I couldn’t pretend the home I’d known all my life was safe or loving. I borrowed money for rent and packed my things the following week. It was very tough on me, but it was for the best.”
“He told me his family was coming over, but I knew I’d already been phased out” — Dele*, 25
Getting iced out of group plans tells anyone their time’s up. Dele* didn’t wait to be told twice.
“After NYSC, I moved to a new city to job hunt. I reached out to a long-time friend with spare accommodation, and he was kind enough to let me stay with him for a while. Honestly, things started off great. We’d cook together, hang out, and gist late into the night. It felt like a comfortable extension of our university days. But after a few months, another friend of his came to visit, and everything changed.
It started subtly. They’d only talk when I wasn’t around, and whenever I asked where they were going, they gave vague answers. I’d be home alone while they went to the cinema or parties, and when they returned, they’d laugh and talk about it.
At first, I thought I was overthinking it. But even small conversations became awkward. My friend even started snapping at me over little things. Gradually, I started feeling like an intruder. Then one day, he casually mentioned that his family might be coming over for the holidays and that things might get a little tight. He didn’t say it outright, but I got the message. I just wish the situation had been handled better.”
If you want to share your own story, I’d love to hear it here.
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