Whether it’s a job, a relationship, or just the way someone looks on Instagram, jealousy has a way of creeping into even the closest friendships. For most people, the feeling is uncomfortable, and sometimes a little shameful.
In this story, five people open up to Zikoko about the moments jealousy reared its head in their friendships and how they handled it.
“I didn’t notice that the jealousy was building till I caught myself comparing her Instagram photos to mine.” — Jemima* 26, F
Jemima* started going to the gym to get fit and feel better but she began feeling jealous of her gym buddy when she wasn’t seeing results as fast as she would have liked.
“I know people say jealousy is a normal feeling but it’s such a jarring thing to feel towards your friend. In 2021, I and a good friend became gym buddies. We both had body goals we were working towards and tried to motivate each other. By 2022, my friend had smashed her goals and was looking great while I had gained more weight. I didn’t notice that the jealousy was building till I caught myself comparing her Instagram photos to mine.
I didn’t talk to her about it though, I was afraid of how she would take it if I spoke up about feeling jealous. Instead, I took my time to work on my insecurities privately because it wasn’t her fault that I thought she looked better than me.”
“I got jealous when my best friend started dating my crush.” — Remi*, 30, F
Remi* had never been jealous of her friends until her bestie started dating her uni crush. She shares how an honest conversation years after helped her resolve the feeling.
“My best friend started dating someone I had a massive crush on in uni. I pretended to be fine with it, but inside, I was boiling. I introduced them, and she knew how much I liked him. It got to a point where I stopped replying to her texts because it felt like she was throwing it in my face. We tried to talk it out, but harsh words were exchanged, and we stopped being close for a few years. We reconnected in 2020, had an honest conversation about it, and rekindled our friendship. In the gap when we weren’t close, I had to learn that jealousy is a normal feeling. It doesn’t make me a bad person, I just needed a space to be honest about my feelings. I’m glad our friendship survived that.”
“I was jealous of my friends because because I’m a late bloomer” — Abraham*, 26, M
Abraham* shares how his slow development compared to his mates led hi to jealousy and how sharing his feelings with a friend helped him feel better.
“I would say I’m a late bloomer. My parents experienced a financial downturn right after I finished secondary school, so I watched all my friends go to university and graduate while I stayed working menial odd jobs to keep body and soul together. It’s not like I wasn’t happy for them, I just wished that good things would happen to me too.
It was this month that I finally found a safe space to share how I felt with my closest friend, and it made me feel so much better. He didn’t judge me or try to make it seem like I didn’t want the best for him. He’s been sending me free online courses I can take when I’m off work. I hope to get my first certification by mid-2026.”
“My jealousy rose when my best friend moved abroad and made new friends.” — Mike*, 28, M
Mike* was happy when his best friend moved abroad for school but started getting feelings of jealousy when he felt like he was being replaced.
“I don’t think jealousy makes you a bad person if you handle it correctly. My closest friend moved out of Nigeria in 2015 and watching him settle into his new American life made me really happy. A few months after, he started making friends and I felt like I was being pushed out of his new life. Our texts dwindled and we didn’t speak for months but one day, he called me and asked why I had been distant.
I shared my fears about being replaced and ho he made me feel. I thought he would get upset but he reassured me immediately. It was like a weight was taken off my back. If you feel jealous of your friend, I think you shout give talking it out a shot. It resolves more than you think.”
“I got jealous when she got a job before I did” — Kemi*, 29, F
Kemi* and her friend started job hunting together to keep each other motivated. Kemi’s feelings started to change when she noticed she was the only one sharing job applications.
“A friend and I had been job hunting together since the start of the year. I would share any job openings I saw so that we would both apply, but I noticed she hardly sent any to me. Then last month, she called me in the middle of the night, asking me to help her with an assessment test for a job she never told me she applied for. I helped her out, and she got hired almost imediately. I felt really jealous that, despite her not being as open-handed as I was with the job applications, she got a job before I did.
I didn’t like the feeling, and I kept my distance until I felt more in control of my emotions. I didn’t raise the issue with her either, before it seemed like I wasn’t happy for her.”
READ NEXT: I Lied About Being Kidnapped To Leave A Toxic Marriage
