Most of us remember our first crush — the sweaty palms, the racing hearts, and the confusing whirlwind of emotions.
But what happens when that crush is on another girl, and no one ever told you that could even be a thing? For these Nigerian women, their first girl crushes were tender, dizzying, and sometimes heartbreaking introductions to queerness. From hostel cuddles to secret love letters and silent heartbreaks, they share the moments that made them stop and think, “ Whoa, I like like her.”
“I’d never kissed anyone before, but I remember I wanted to kiss her so badly” — Chinasa*(25)
Chinasa* got her queer awakenening in SS3 when she bonded with one of her roomates in the hostel. Her racing heart told her it was more than just a platonic feeling.
“I had my first girl crush in SS3. Her name was Aanu, and she was one of my roommates in the hostel. She was the most beautiful and incredibly kind woman I’d ever known. She’d rub my back when I was tired and sometimes wash my clothes. Whenever she got close to me, my heart would start racing. I didn’t even know I was gay then. I think she was the beginning of my questioning.
One day, Aanu said we should dance. We were in our housewear, in the middle of the hostel, and she pulled me in to teach me how to ballroom dance. She was taller than I was, so I kept looking up at her. I’d never kissed anyone before, but I wanted to kiss her so badly. She looked perfect in her tank top and skirt.”
“Another time in the dining hall, I was eating plantain, and she asked for some. I said she could share it with me, and she just grabbed my face and bit off the rest of the plantain from my mouth. My face was hot. I couldn’t look her in the eye. I’d get flustered and giggly whenever I was around her. Sometimes I’d ask if I could get in her bed with her, and she’d agree, and we’d cuddle.
The feelings were so confusing. It’s been years, and I’ve tried looking for her after school. Not for any reason, just to see what she has been up to.”
“I’m 23 now, and I actually looked her up recently” — Bolwa 23*
Bolawa* had a crush on her friend’s sister, who was much older than her. Looking back, she thinks she already had a good eye for women even then.
“My first crush was my friend’s sister. I was 11 and she was way older — maybe in her late teens or early 20s. I don’t think we ever spoke one-on-one, but looking back, it was obvious I had feelings. Everybody knew I thought she was prettier than her other sister, who was everyone’s fave.
I’m 23 now, and I actually looked her up recently. I’m way over the crush, but I have to admit, young me had a good eye.”
“She’s still, to this day, the most amazing girl I’ve ever met” — Tina*(25)
Tina* always knew she liked girls, but only desired to pursue her first crush in 2022. It didn’t end how she hoped it would but she cherishes the experience.
“I knew I was attracted to women, but I never had a real crush or wanted to pursue one. That changed in 2022.
I had my first real crush on a coursemate in school, and I didn’t even meet her until our fourth year. We started talking online and found out we had so much in common — music, hobbies, TV shows.
When I found out she was also queer, I was excited because it raised my hopes that we would get together. I loved that phase of my life because it was the first time I found the courage to tell someone I had a crush on them. She turned me down, and I cried, but she’s still the most amazing girl I’ve ever met.”
“I never told her about my feelings because I wasn’t sure she was queer” — Bamike*(28)
Bamike*’s first girl crush was a classic case of bad timing. Her crush liked someone else and by the time she confessed felt the same way, Bamike had moved on.
“I was 22 when I had my first girl crush. I met her at a cafeteria in school, and it was like I got hit by a truck. She was two years younger and so beautiful. She was studying medicine while I was studying sociology.
We soon started talking and bonded over our love for books. But I never told her about my feelings because I wasn’t sure she was queer. She had a crush on one of my male friends at the time. Four years later, she finally confessed that she also had a crush on me, and I almost went mad. I wish I had acted on my feelings then, but I still loved how genuine and powerful my emotions felt when I was into her.”
“She was beautiful, strict, but very kind” — Romade* (30)
Romade*’s feelings for the hostel prefect in her boarding house were more than admiration for a senior. She shares how her crush made her feel content when she was around her.
“I was in SS1 when I moved into the hostel and fell in love with the hostel prefect in SS3. There’s no other way to describe it — it was love. Maybe it was because she reminded me of my mum. She was beautiful, strict, but very kind.
She eventually became my school mother because I was looking for any excuse to get close to her., My feelings were so consuming. Every time I was around her, I just felt content. We still keepin touch. She’s married now with two kids, but she’ll always be my first love.”
“ I would write her love letters and hide them in the books we exchanged” — Tamilore*(29)
Tamilore* walked into the dream world of teenage love with her first crush, but it all came crashing down after her crush got scared.
“Those first few weeks of a new crush are unmatched. It was like I was in a hazy dream world. But then my crush got scared and told her mum. Her mum said we were possessed by lesbian spirits and everything fell apart. It caused a lot of problems for both of us.
My parents changed my school. I went through deliverance services and beatings. It was an awful time. The worst part? We stopped talking. I felt betrayed that she would expose us like that, but looking back, I understand. She was a scared and confused teenager. I loved it when the crush began, but the aftermath was terrible”
“I was confused by my feelings at first” — Yetunde*(26)
Yetunde* started off feeling like she had only platonic feelings for her friend until she couldn’t deny it any longer.
“My first girl crush was a friend I met in 100 level during orientation week. I thought she was cool, and we started off as friends, but soon enough, I developed feelings for her. It was hard not to because she was so beautiful, and she spoke so intelligently. She’d schooled abroad, so that was a factor.
I didn’t realise I was crushing on her at first. It took months to admit that’s what was happening. After a year, I finally found the courage to come clean about my feelings, but she turned me down. She said she was straight. It was devastating then, but I’ve gotten over it now.”
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