A few days ago, we spoke to married women about the fantasies they secretly crave but can’t bring themselves to explore. Now, it’s the men’s turn.
From wanting to bring someone else into the bedroom to desiring experiences they could never say out loud, these husbands share the desires they’ll probably never act on.
“I want to watch my wife with another man, but I can’t say it”
Most Nigerian men lose their minds at the idea of another man touching their wives. But Femi*? He wants to see it happen. He shares:
“I know it sounds mad, but I like the idea of watching her with someone else. Not because I’m not attracted to her, but something about it turns me on. The thing is, I can never say it out loud. She’d never understand, and even if she agreed, I don’t think I could handle it in reality. The thought excites me, but I know it would mess with my head after.”
“I want us to watch porn and masturbate together, but it’s ‘haram’”
For Yusuf*, some fantasies aren’t just off-limits in his marriage — they’re frowned upon by God, but that hasn’t stopped him from considering the possibility.
“I was raised in a strict Muslim household, so I already know watching porn or touching yourself is a grave sin. My wife is even more religious than I am, so there’s no way I can suggest it. But I feel like watching it together could make things more exciting. Sometimes, I try to guide her fingers to her private part but she’s always quick to yank her hands off. If I ever mention bingeing porn together, she’d probably start praying for my deliverance.”
“I want to try roleplay, but my wife will just laugh me out of the room”
Listen, not all fantasies are wild — sometimes, it’s as simple as pretending to be strangers meeting for the first time. But for Tunde*, even that feels like a lost cause.
“One time, I tried to get creative and told my wife we should roleplay as two strangers meeting in a hotel. She burst out laughing and said, ‘But I’ve already seen you naked and know your full government name, how are we strangers?’ I get it, but I just want something different. The unpredictability excites me, but I know if I ever introduce myself as ‘Mr. Adewale from HR,’ she’ll laugh until we have to cancel the whole thing.”
“I want to experience rimming”
For Patrick*, his fantasy isn’t out of place, but in Nigeria? It might as well be.
“I’ve read things, I’ve watched things, and I know what I want to try. But I also know my wife would look at me differently if I ever suggested it. The way Nigerian men are raised, anything that involves your backside is immediately suspect. I know my wife loves me, but the second I say, ‘Babe, would you be open to eating me out?’ I can’t even begin to imagine the drama that’ll unfold. Knowing my wife, it wouldn’t end at rejecting the idea. She’ll probably bring it up with a third party.”
“I want to bring another woman in, but I love my life”
Many men have toyed with the idea of a threesome, but the thought of actually suggesting it to their wife? A death wish. And Femi* knows this well.
“Let me be honest; the idea of a threesome has always crossed my mind. But so has the thought of my wife causing chaos. I know she wouldn’t even let me finish my sentence before shutting it down. I have friends who joke about it with their wives, but me? If I even jokingly bring it up, she’ll suddenly start watching my every move. ‘Why are you laughing too much at that waitress?’ ‘Why did you like that Instagram post?’ Next thing, I’m explaining things I never did.”
He adds, “I know a friend that tried it, and they haven’t been the same since. The man thought he was winning, but his wife ended up enjoying it way more than he did. It’s a fun fantasy, but in real life? God forbid.”
“I want us to attend an orgy together”
Some men fantasise about bringing one person into the bedroom—Jide*? He wants a packed room.
“I don’t know if it’s curiosity or just something I need to experience at least once, but the idea of an orgy excites me. Not just watching, but participating with my wife by my side. The thing is, I also know the consequences. Nigerian marriages aren’t built to survive that kind of thing. Even if we both agree in the moment, the aftermath would be the problem. One day, she might randomly bring it up and say, ‘So you really enjoyed your fellow man touching you that much?’ Next thing, I’m trying to do unnecessary shalaye.”
“I want period sex, but she won’t let me”
For Ade*, a week off sex every month because of her menstrual cycle feels unnecessary, but his wife sees it as non-negotiable.
“I don’t understand why it’s such a big deal. For me, it’s just another part of her body’s natural cycle, and it’s not like I find her any less attractive during that time. But my wife? The second her period starts, she acts like she has an ‘Out of Service’ sign on her forehead. I’ve told her we can take precautions—towels, showers, whatever makes her comfortable — but she won’t even hear of it. She says it feels ‘unclean’ and that she just wants to rest.
“I’ve tried initiating things a few times, thinking maybe she’d change her mind in the moment, but she just gives me a look like, ‘Are you mad?’ So now, I don’t even bother. I just wait for the red light to turn green again.”
If you find yourself relating to their stories, here’s a helpful guide on navigating sexual conversations with your partner.
READ THIS NEXT:We Asked 10 Nigerians To Share the Wildest Fantasies on Their Sex Bucket List
