*Dayo, 26, never expected his biggest competition in love to be his own brother. But for years, every woman he’s liked has somehow ended up with him instead, leaving Dayo confused, hurt, and questioning their relationship.
In this story, he shares how his brother’s charm created a silent rivalry, why it’s affected his trust in relationships, and the one question he’s scared to ask: what if his brother has always known what he was doing?
This is Dayo’s story, as told to Adeyinka
People say older brothers are meant to protect you. But what happens when your older brother becomes the reason you can’t fully enjoy your relationships? That’s what I’ve been quietly dealing with for years, the fact that my brother has a habit of getting close to the girls I like, and somehow, he always gets them.
We are just two years apart, and we’ve been inseparable since childhood. From nursery school to university, we’ve attended the same schools, lived in the same hostels, and moved through life like a duo. It’s never felt like the typical older-younger brother relationship. If anything, people assume we’re twins because of how tight we are. Same jokes, same friend groups, same routines.
The closeness extended to our social circles. If I had a new friend, it was only a matter of time before my brother became their friend. He has this cool appeal that makes people gravitate towards him. I’ve never minded sharing the spotlight with him. If anything, it made life easier. He’d help me navigate situations, give advice, and sometimes even hype me up. But things always got complicated when it came to women, specifically, the ones I liked.
I noticed it for the first time in secondary school. I had a crush on a girl in my class. I told my brother about her, just gist between brothers. Nothing serious had even started, but I was excited that I liked someone, and she seemed to like me too. A few days later, I noticed my brother talking to her in the hallway. Not just a casual “hi” but a full-on conversation, laughing like they’d known each other forever. At first, I thought maybe I was overthinking it. But the pattern repeated itself. Every time I told him about a girl I liked, he’d find his way into her life, sometimes subtly, other times very directly.
It didn’t bother me much back then because nobody was dating. They were just teenage crushes and school friendships. But when we got to university, things got real.
There was this girl I liked—a law student whose hostel was two blocks away from ours. She was quiet and friendly, and we’d shared a few brief conversations. I told my brother about her one evening. I even mentioned that I was thinking of asking her to hang out properly. He nodded like he was just listening.
The next time I saw her, she was in our room with him. She acted like we were all close friends, but I could barely look her in the eye. Apparently, he’d run into her on campus and invited her over. He didn’t think it was a big deal. I wanted to confront him but didn’t even know how to start. Was I going to accuse my brother of hijacking a girl I wasn’t even dating yet?
They started dating a few weeks later.
That moment shifted something in me. It wasn’t the relationship that hurt — I barely knew the girl — but he’d inserted himself again, like he always did, and didn’t see anything wrong with it. When I brought it up, he acted like I was being dramatic. “You didn’t say you were serious now,” he said. “You only said you liked her.”
But that’s precisely the point. I liked her. I trusted him with that information, and he still made a move.
It didn’t end there. It became a recurring pattern. If I had a female friend I spoke about often, he’d find a way to befriend her. Sometimes, I’d see him texting them or making plans to hang out without telling me. It felt like I was always one step behind. The most frustrating part? No one else seemed to notice. Not our friends or my parents. Whenever I hinted at it, people would laugh and tell me I was being overly sensitive.
I started holding back. I stopped telling him about women I found interesting. I became cautious around him, especially concerning my personal life. But even with all that, the paranoia didn’t go away. It’s one thing to deal with jealousy from strangers. It’s another thing entirely when it comes from your brother.
Right now, I’m in a relationship. But to be honest, I don’t feel secure in it. Before I asked her out, I made sure there was no way my brother could cross paths with her. I kept our interactions lowkey. I didn’t introduce her to my friends who were connected to him. I didn’t even post her. I’ve been managing a private relationship, not because I want to, but because I’m afraid.
I keep thinking, what if she meets him one day and they click like he always does with the others? What if I become a third wheel again in a story I started? It’s exhausting. I’ve thought about bringing it up properly. Sitting him down and laying everything out. But how do I do that without sounding petty or insecure? How do you say, “Hey bro, can you stop stealing the women I like?” without creating tension? And what if he genuinely doesn’t realise he’s doing it? What if he’s just being his usual friendly self and I’m the one projecting?
But then again, what if I’m not?
What if he knows? What if a part of him enjoys having the upper hand, even if it’s subtle? I hate thinking like this. It makes me feel small and bitter. But these are the thoughts I carry. This whole thing has started to affect how I see him. I find myself pulling away. I’ve built a fence around myself, and even though he hasn’t said anything, I know he feels it too.
Sometimes, I imagine what the future will look like. What happens if we both fall for the same woman? What if I get married and start worrying that my wife will prefer his company to mine? What if one careless moment with the wrong woman drives a permanent wedge between us? I’ve asked myself if I should speak to our parents about it. But what would I even say? “Mummy, I think my brother keeps stealing the women I like.” It sounds ridiculous. They’d probably laugh and tell me to focus on my own game. Even my friends don’t get it. They say things like, “You dey reason am too much.” But they haven’t lived through it like I have.
I don’t hate my brother. I still love him. He’s been my closest person since I was a child. We’ve done life together in ways most siblings never get to experience. But I won’t lie, something is breaking.
Maybe one day, we’ll talk or maybe I’ll keep navigating life like this, always guarding my heart, not just from heartbreak, but from my own blood.
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