Marriage is supposed to be about openness, honesty and sharing your whole self with your partner. But what happens when “I do” slowly becomes “I’m not telling you this part”?
From secret accounts to salary raises, these married Nigerians share what they’ve chosen to keep hidden — for now.
“Prophets keep warning me about my mother-in-law, but I don’t tell my wife” — *Musa, 49
When different prophets mention your mother-in-law unprovoked, you start wondering if your home is really under spiritual siege or if it’s simply a coincidence. For *Musa, praying in silence is better than accusing someone’s beloved mum of spiritual warfare.
“My wife’s mother is a quiet, soft-spoken woman who minds her business in our presence. But over the years, I’ve been to at least four different churches — sometimes for prayers, sometimes just attending with friends — and somehow, someone always pulls me aside with the same message: ‘There’s a powerful woman in your family. She’s not what she seems.’
The last prophet was especially specific. He described my mother-in-law without me saying a word. He said she’s deeply spiritual, but her hands are not clean. He said she blocks certain things from flowing freely in her daughter’s home. He said I should be prayerful. The first time I tried to mention something vaguely related to my wife, just casually, she flared up. “Are you trying to say my mum is a witch?” she snapped. That was my cue to never bring it up again.
Now, when I hear things or get revelations, I keep them to myself. I simply pray and stay vigilant. The woman lives back in the village and barely calls us. She’s not the visit-every-Christmas type, and I prefer it that way. I send money when necessary and show respect when I must, but my guard is always up.
I know some people might say, ‘Tell your wife.’ But tell her what exactly? That her beloved mum is spiritually dodgy? It’s not a conversation I’m ready to have. Not until there’s undeniable proof, and not just prophecy.”
“I found a lump in my breast but never told my husband” — *Ronke, 42
*Ronke handled her health scare solo, not out of mistrust, but because sometimes, shared panic only makes things worse.
“Last year, I discovered a small lump in my left breast while taking a shower. It scared me, but instead of panicking or waking my husband, I quietly scheduled an appointment at a private hospital close to my office.
I didn’t tell anyone — not even my closest friend. I just needed time to process what this could mean. What if it was cancer? What if I had to start treatment? How would my husband take it? He’s supportive, but also the type to spiral with worry. I didn’t want to carry both our fears. Thankfully, it turned out to be benign. But here’s the thing: I still haven’t told him.
Not because I enjoy hiding things, but because I’ve convinced myself there’s no need anymore. It’s behind me now. I took care of it. He didn’t need to know then, and he doesn’t need to know now.”
“I’ve gotten two salary raises this year, but my wife doesn’t know” — Chuka, 33
Chuka started marriage with financial transparency, but quickly learnt that not all earnings are up for grabs. Now, he’s intentional about enjoying a little peace and the occasional soft life.
“Before we got married, I was very transparent about money. My wife knew how much I earned, how much I saved, and even what I planned to buy. But after we got married, something changed. Suddenly, she started keeping tabs on my salary dates. She’d say things like, “You should’ve been paid by now. Have you sent the electricity money?” or “This one you’re relaxing, your salary has entered, abi?”
Before I even opened my banking app, she’d already budgeted 60% of my money. She also believes that every extra Kobo I have should be channelled into joint goals or home upgrades.
So yes, I’ve had two salary increases in the past year. I told her I got a new role but downplayed how much it pays. If she knows, I’ll have no breathing space. I just want to be able to treat myself without feeling guilty or like I’m hiding receipts.”
“My wife doesn’t know I spend part of my salary the day I get paid on myself” — *Victor, 37
*Victor loves his family, but that salary day belongs to him and him alone. For him, it’s not selfishness, it’s self-preservation. He shares:
“I love my family deeply, but sometimes I feel I’m only alive for them. My salary is almost always gone before mid-month: school fees, rent, fuel, data, PHCN, and snacks for the kids. Even when I buy something small for myself, my wife makes me feel guilty. She’ll ask, “So you didn’t think of me or the kids?”
To protect my sanity, I started a ritual: On the day I get paid, I take a portion — sometimes ₦50k, ₦100k — and spend it on myself. It could be sushi at an expensive restaurant or a full-body massage session. I just need one moment to feel like I’m enjoying my hard-earned money. When I get home, I enter quietly and act like nothing happened. I don’t feel guilty about it. It’s the only time I feel I’m living for myself.”
“My ex sent me a huge gift before my wedding. My husband doesn’t know” — *Grace, 29
*Grace didn’t plan for her ex to return to her life with a seven-figure gift and no strings. But when life hands you a surprise alert, you don’t ask too many questions, you forward it to your safety net and keep it pushing.
“A few weeks before I got married, I randomly got a text from my first boyfriend. We hadn’t spoken in years, but he said he heard I was getting married and wanted to send me a gift. I didn’t think much of it until a seven-figure sum landed in my account.
The money went straight into my personal savings account. My husband doesn’t know this account exists; I’ve had it for years and kept it private. It’s my emergency fund, my safety net, and the first rule of that account is: don’t gist anybody. I don’t feel like I’m hiding something. I’m just protecting my peace. Maybe I’ll tell him… someday.”
“My queer friend saw my brother-in-law on Grindr. I’ve told no one” — *Busola, 34
When *Busola’s friend stumbled on her in-laws’ secret life, she chose silence over scandal. Outing someone, even by accident, isn’t on her to-do list, no matter how shocking the receipts are.
“Last year, one of my closest friends — who’s queer — casually mentioned that he matched with someone on Grindr who looked familiar. They chatted, and when the guy sent more pictures, my friend called me, shocked.
It was my brother-in-law. I didn’t want to believe it at first. My brother-in-law has never come across as queer. He’s married with kids and the classic Lagos hard guy. But my friend was sure. Thankfully, they didn’t meet up, but I’ve been holding on to this secret ever since.
I didn’t tell my husband. It’s not my place to out anyone, especially someone not ready to be outed. If he finds out on his own, so be it. But it won’t come from me.”
“I used to be a cultist in uni. My wife has no idea” — *Segun, 35
*Segun’s past life is a closed chapter. These days, he’s just a regular husband, not a campus demigod. For him, some skeletons are better left in the cupboard.
“It wasn’t one of the violent ones. Not the kind that kills or fights or initiates people with blood. It was more of a social cult, if there’s anything like that — bragging rights, access to parties, hierarchy on campus. I joined because my friends were in it, and it felt like the thing to do.
I left that part of my life the moment I graduated; it was something I buried with the past.
My wife knows about my wild uni days, but I’ve never mentioned this detail. Not because I’m ashamed, but because it’s irrelevant now. I’ve changed, and this version of me doesn’t need that stain.”
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