Love Life is a Zikoko weekly series about love, relationships, situationships, entanglements and everything in between.
Gbotemi* (28) and Tife* (27) met through family in 2022 and built a relationship that felt destined for marriage.
On this week’s Love Life, they talk about how relocating abroad shifted their dynamic, why Gbotemi’s suggestion to open the relationship caused their biggest fight, and how they’re still figuring out if their love can survive the distance.
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What’s your earliest memory of each other?
Gbotemi: 2017. I didn’t know much about her except that she was my cousin’s girlfriend. She attended our granny’s burial, and I remember telling my cousin to check on her when I noticed she sat alone at the table. I didn’t see her in person again until March 2022, when we agreed to a date.
A date? Did I miss something?
Gbotemi: Well, my cousin and Tife broke up. To be honest, what they had wasn’t really a relationship. They were both fresh out of secondary school seeking uni admission. At that stage, relationships were a status thing — nobody dated because they knew anything about love. Anyway, I teased my cousin at some point, asking him to give me a babe. He shared Tife’s pictures, and she looked a lot different from the babe I saw years earlier. I asked my cousin if she was the one, and he confirmed that they didn’t have anything going on again. That was how we kicked things off.
Tife: Gbotemi hit me on WhatsApp and claimed I saw him at the party, but I couldn’t remember. His cousin had so many cousins, and I always struggled to tell them apart.
Anyway, his cousin reached out to me and saidhe shared my contact with his cousin. I was livid and asked why he thought doing that without my consent was okay.
Then Gbotemi sent a whole epistle the following day, introducing himself and sharing how we met at his grandma’s burial. I just responded monotonously because I was mad about how he got my contact. But then, he shared his pictures, and I liked what I saw. But I didn’t act on it. I think we had a few basic conversations in the first few days. In my head, whatever it was would die a natural death. It didn’t.
Hmmm. Tell me about it.
Tife: A few weeks after our initial chat, he texted me out of the blue to ask if I’d like to go on a movie date. My first instinct was to turn him down because my date the previous week spent the whole time complaining about the price of everything.
But I told myself, “Let me just go. They’re rich, and he’ll probably be able to afford a cinema date.”
My expectations were low, but the date was actually really nice. He was easy to talk to, and our interaction differed greatly from when we texted. I let my guard down a little when I realised he’s a cool guy.
Gbotemi: Our conversation got a lot better after that date. Weird thing is, I wasn’t looking for a relationship when I asked my cousin to link me up. It was just something we did; we’d randomly tease each other and share contacts with female friends. But I think the pull to Tife was strong because she wasn’t a complete stranger. And, she was 10x prettier than when she was in the “situationship” with my cousin.
Curious, Tife. How did you feel about dating your ex’s cousin?
Tife: Gbotemi’s cousin hardly ever makes the list of my exes. We never even exchanged a kiss. We were both still young and clueless and didn’t know what we were doing. So even though he likes to think I’m an ex, I don’t think we were in a relationship. So, it wasn’t weird that Gbotemi and I could potentially become an item.
Right. So, how did things progress between both of you?
Gbotemi: We went on more dates, and started to know each other on a more personal level. She was funny, smart, and super creative. We both worked in advertising and had similar frustrations with the industry, so we bonded over that, too. I realised I genuinely liked her and wanted to pursue something serious, which surprised me because I wasn’t looking for a relationship.
Tife: I remember thinking, “This guy is actually serious.”
Gbotemi was intentional. After a month, he’d met my friends and we were always together after work. He even started spending weekends at my place. I know this sounds cliche, but he really felt like the missing piece in my life. I didn’t think twice when he asked us to make it official.
You both didn’t think you moved too fast?
Gbotemi: It felt that way and didn’t at the same time. Tife was a familiar stranger in a way, so for me it felt like getting to know this person I’d already known from a distance. Then the whole process felt rushed because I was asking her out in under one month. A part of me felt like we needed more time to build, but did I listen to that part? No.
Tife: Everything he said. Knowing his cousin was also some form of assurance that he’s a well-behaved kid.
Right. What were the early days of the relationship like?
Gbotemi: Perfect. I’m not even exaggerating. We were inseparable. Our jobs were demanding, but we carved out time for each other. We had late-night dinners, weekend getaways, even spontaneous weekday meetups when we worked on the island. I genuinely thought I’d found my person.
Tife: My favourite part of our early days was how we barely had any unnecessary drama or fights. You know how people say the honeymoon phase passes and things start unravelling? There was never that. I’ve never mentioned this to him, but I was constantly waiting for a fight, but there was nothing. If we disagreed, we would resolve it in an hour or two. Even my mum liked Gbotemi, and that’s rare. She never commented on previous partners, but she always asked after him, which was a sign.
Must have been nice. Did things ever shift gears at some point? Did your worries of a fight hold true?
Tife: Oh well, not how I expected, but my worries came so quickly. The first major shift came when I got my relocation plans in order. I’d always planned to leave for my master’s, and I shared this with Gbotemi. But every time I did, he’d say we shouldn’t borrow grief from the future and focus on the present. My visa finally came through in 2023, and everything started feeling weird.
What do you mean?
Tife: I was excited about moving, but the reality of leaving behind my family and someone I genuinely loved hit me hard. Suddenly, we were counting down the days, and every time we hung out, I kept thinking, “Is this the last time we’ll do this?”
Although we talked about making long-distance work, I could feel the physical distance building in my chest. I didn’t want us to be one of those couples who broke up over distance or relocation.
Gbotemi: On one hand, I was genuinely happy for Tife — it was something she’d always wanted. But at the same time, I couldn’t shake off the anxiety. I started imagining all the things that could go wrong. Like, what if she got there and met someone? Or realised she didn’t need me anymore?
We were enjoying our moments, but I was also bracing for impact. It messed with my head because it was the first time I realised love isn’t always enough to make things simple. The challenges you face and overcome define love, and I knew this was one. So, against better judgment, I suggested we continue dating as a long-distance couple.
And how did that go?
Tife: Gbotemi was supportive throughout the process of preparing to leave. He was also there with my family when I left in December. We couldn’t do all the lovey-dovey stuff because my siblings and parents were all in our business, but it felt nice to have him there. We promised to make it work.
Most of 2024 was great. It went even better than we both imagined, and we started thinking, “Maybe this could work.” We did video calls, late-night texts, sexted when necessary. But the energy started dropping when I properly settled abroad.
Gbotemi: Yeah. The beginning wasn’t bad because we were both trying, but after a while, life got real. I got promoted, and it came with madness — back-to-back campaigns that robbed me of barely sleep. She was also adjusting to life abroad, and our schedules worsened things. Before we knew it, we went from talking every day to random texts here and there.
Tife: Sometimes, when he replies late or forgets to check in, I remind myself how crazy his work is. But it also hurts because I’m trying. I work, go to school part-time, and manage life in a new country. I just wish we would prioritise each other more.
Did you guys ever find a way to work around the distance?
Gbotemi: At first, we tried to fix it by setting call schedules and planning online movie dates. But it always felt forced. One night, after a really shitty week, I just blurted it out: “What if we opened the relationship?” I didn’t mean it to sound like I was tired of us. I just thought maybe it’d take some pressure off.
Tife: That conversation still annoys me. I remember being quiet for a few minutes because I couldn’t believe he said that. To me, suggesting an open relationship sounded like giving up, and something he’d be considering the whole time. Like, if you love someone, shouldn’t the whole point be figuring things out together, not outsourcing affection? That conversation led to the biggest fight we’ve ever had. The idea of an open relationship implied that he was already moving on.
Gbotemi: I tried to explain myself, that it was about surviving the distance. But I don’t think it landed the way I meant it. She was hurt, and the more we spoke about it, the more it felt like we were just putting a plaster on a bullet wound. We were talking less, checking in less, and now, every time we speak, it feels like we’re avoiding the real conversation on if this relationship still has legs.
So, where would you say things stand right now? Is either of you considering breaking up??
Tife: I’ve thought about it a lot this year. I love him, but I’m tired of feeling like I’m holding onto something that’s slipping away. I haven’t decided because I’m hoping we can fix things.
Gbotemi: I feel empty every time I imagine life without her. But there’s no denying that the relationship feels different these days — it’s like we’re forcing something that used to be easy. And if there’s a chance to find a solution that works, I’d like us to explore it.
Gbotemi, I have to ask. Why exactly do you want to open the relationship?
Gbotemi: I think it’s just me trying to adapt to reality. We’re in different countries, we barely talk, and I feel like we’ve lost the fun part of our relationship. I thought opening things up could help us ease the pressure, so we’re not constantly frustrated about what we’re not getting from each other. But I get why she’s upset about it.
Tife: Upset is an understatement. It’s like saying, “I still want you, but I want to see other people too.” I’m already struggling to keep us afloat, so the idea of adding more people into the mix just feels like confirmation that he’s halfway out the door.
Gbotemi, do you honestly think you could navigate emotional attachment to two people? Doesn’t that scare you?
Gbotemi: It does. That’s part of why I haven’t pushed the idea further since Tife said no. I don’t think I’m wired for the whole balancing-act thing. I get attached easily, and I know myself. I feel like I said it out of frustration, but when I sat with it, I realised it might create more problems than it solves. I just want us to be happy, and if that means shelving that idea, then so be it.
So, where do you both see the future of this relationship?
Tife: I don’t have all the answers right now, but I know I’m not ready to give up. This year has been rough, but I still love him. I just think we need to find new ways to show up for each other, even from a distance.
Gbotemi: Same. The love’s still there, and that counts for something. We just need to reset, take things one day at a time and be more intentional. I’ve decided to stick to monogamy because it’s what she wants, and I genuinely want to see if we can fix this. Plus, I was considering moving at some point, but it’s like every country has gone gung-ho on their immigration laws. I guess we’ll keep trying until there’s nothing left to try.
Fair enough. What’s the best thing about being with each other?
Gbotemi: She’s my peace. When work is mad and I doubt myself, she reminds me I’m smart. She calls me out on rubbish but still believes in me like no one else does.
Tife: He makes me feel safe. Like, no matter how crazy the world gets, this one person has my back. I miss that now more than ever.
How would you rate your love life on a scale of 1-10?
Tife: Right now? A 6. The love is there, but the distance is getting harder to manage, and we’re avoiding conversations we need to have. But I guess we’ve started taking steps in the right direction.
Gbotemi: I’ll give it a 6. We’ve been on autopilot for a bit, but the love is undoubtedly there.
Do you think this relationship will survive?
Tife: I don’t know. I hope we both fight for it, but I also know I can’t do it alone. If things don’t change soon, we might drift too far apart.
Gbotemi: Same. I love her, but love alone won’t cut it. We need to get back to being intentional.
*Names have been changed to protect the identity of the subjects.
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