Love Life is a Zikoko weekly series about love, relationships, situationships, entanglements and everything in between.
*Araoluwa (25) and *Ade (31) met on WhatsApp in August 2024 through a friend’s matchmaking group.
On this week’s Love Life, they talk about their intense long-distance romance, how emotional trauma led to two breakups in one month, and why they got married less than a year after meeting.
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What’s your earliest memory of each other?
Araoluwa: The evening Ade messaged me on WhatsApp in August 2024. We were on a matchmaking platform a mutual friend ran.
I’d joined in June out of curiosity — the friend who ran it is a devoted Christian, and I found the idea interesting. I got matched with two guys before deciding the whole thing wasn’t for me. Then they shared Ade’s profile, and I was immediately drawn to his love for reading. I couldn’t stop thinking about it and asked the matchmaker to link us up. I told her I wasn’t necessarily looking for a relationship; I was just curious to know him. She got his consent, and we had our first conversation on August 19.
Ade: My memory isn’t far off. A close colleague suggested I join the matchmaking group, and I did it to humour him.
On the same evening, I asked the admin to share my profile. Within 15 minutes, she privately sent me Araoluwa’s profile. I was hooked by how she described herself as an avid reader. So I reached out.
How did the first conversation go?
Araoluwa: He texted me almost immediately after he got my number, and that was the beginning of our life together. Our first conversation was very cool, nothing out of the ordinary.
Ade: We introduced ourselves and talked. But she became unresponsive in the two weeks that followed. I’d send messages in the morning and wouldn’t get a response until late in the evening.
Araoluwa: It wasn’t intentional. I was extremely busy at the time, travelling a lot and barely having time for my phone. I explained and apologised at some point, and he understood.
Soon, we moved past small talk to personal stories about our lives. He mentioned that he’d never really been in a proper relationship. The last one was in 2017, and it barely lasted four months. I tried to find out what happened, but he said things didn’t work out, and I left it at that.
Curious, Ade. Did you consider moving on when she was unresponsive?
Araoluwa: Even the matchmaking person asked him if he wanted to be matched with someone else.
Ade: I declined. I didn’t want the burden of many talking stages. I was starting to build my life up, and wanted certain things to be in place. Moving on from potential love didn’t seem like a good call.
Initially, I was focused on making it work so that I could give feedback to my friend who’d made put in a lot of efforts to keep my love life alive. But eventually, I also wanted to focus on one and see where it leads.
Right. So, how did things progress between you two?
Ade: After we got past her unresponsive phase, we developed a friendship. We would discuss church, our jobs, family and a lot more. I also found out she was serving in Benin.
She was planning a trip to Lagos for a friend’s wedding during this period. I was super involved in her preparations and very much invested in her safety, which I think brought us even closer.
Araoluwa: Our friendship was completely pure and profound. I’d been with guys who weren’t curious enough to know more about me, but it wasn’t the case with Ade. He wanted to know everything and asked questions about my life, desires, and interests.
We also moved from texts to more phone calls. At some point, I slept off on him. Yet, he remained the most polite guy I’d ever encountered.
I enjoyed the attention I got and loved that I was being studied. Still, I noticed he was quite shy. He’d apologise before asking personal questions and often struggled to express his desires directly. But he made his intentions very clear whenever he finally chose to talk.
And how long did this friendship phase last?
Araoluwa: Three weeks. The wedding trip from Benin to Lagos was a turning point.
I’d travelled to Lagos to record a podcast, but had to rush back to Benin for an impromptu NYSC clearance. I also needed to return to Lagos the very next day.
I arrived in Benin around 11 p.m., and Ade had already found a hotel near the park for me. Then the crazy part: I’d forgotten my charger at the studio in Lagos, and my phone was almost dead. He sent me money to buy a new one. I found the whole situation a bit weird and surprising.
After that incident, I had to ask him what was happening because all his care and concern felt a bit much, especially for someone who hadn’t even met me in person. When I brought it up, he looked genuinely surprised. He said, “Oh, I’m just watching out for my partner.”
I was like, “What? You’ve not even asked me out.”
He was shocked. He genuinely thought that all the care, his expressions of interest, and subtle hints were enough, and I should’ve known we were already together.
Ade: Seeing her travel back and forth like that stirred something within me. I became intensely interested in someone so full of energy and life, and would make sacrifices for her friend despite the inconvenience. But yes, I hadn’t officially asked her to be my girlfriend. This changed when she flagged it.
Araoluwa: He asked me out on August 28th and got a yes on September 1st when I could say it to his face. Funniest part? I didn’t even get to say it to his face. We were on a date he had spent the entire week planning. I saw a schoolmate at the restaurant , and I introduced Ade as my partner. That was it. He didn’t waste time claiming me, too.
Must be nice. Now that you were in a relationship, what were the early days like?
Ade: They were a bit shaky for me. We started out as a long-distance couple — she was in Benin, and I was in Lagos. The distance apart, I felt overwhelmed by how fast everything moved. Yes, we’d gotten to know each other well, but the pace triggered a sense of déjà vu in me.
In 2017, I was in a relationship that started just as quickly and ended within four months. The babe ghosted, leaving me with questions — whether what we had was even real. Even though Araoluwa wasn’t who wronged me, I started viewing our relationship through the same lens. So I pulled back because I didn’t want history to repeat itself.
I eventually said I needed to slow things down and asked if we could take a break. I couldn’t keep up with the speed.
Araoluwa: The early days were unusual for many reasons. Ade wasn’t like any Yoruba man I’d dated before, so I genuinely didn’t know what to expect. He’s naturally reserved, and it really showed. Sometimes, he found it awkward when I said “I like you a lot” — like he didn’t know how to respond. And there was the spending. He wanted to spend a lot of money on me, which caught me off guard. I thought it didn’t feel like it came from a place of care. I realised he was doing it partly because he’d been told that’s how you “keep” a woman. So naturally, we hit a few roadblocks until we found a fix.
Did he ever share his concerns about feeling rushed?
Araoluwa: Yes, he did. As Ade began to settle into the reality of our relationship, I noticed he held back. At first, I assumed it was something I’d done, but that wasn’t the case. We had a conversation, and I found out he was overwhelmed by how smoothly everything was going. It triggered a trauma response we had to unpack together. I had to start asking questions about his last relationship.
Did you guys ever move past this?
Araoluwa: We didn’t. He broke up with me twice in October — once before we saw each other again, and once after.
The second time, he said he didn’t think we’d work out and even prayed that I’d meet the right person. I accepted it, but I was so hurt. God, I cried. I was angry because I wasn’t even trying to date anyone at the time — and now, he broke my heart after making me feel something real.
But we couldn’t stay away from each other.
I’m curious how you broke up, got back together, then broke up again.
Araoluwa: When he broke up with me the first time, I wasn’t angry. I understood. It was his first real relationship, and he still had walls up. Even after the breakup, we stayed friends.
When I returned from service, we went on a date and had our first kiss. Afterwards, he said he couldn’t do without me and asked to get back together. Things became even more intense: we started praying together, studying the Bible, syncing calendars, and sharing emails. I had already prayed and felt God’s approval, so I was fully in.
Despite everything, he still had his fears. He panicked when things didn’t go as expected, especially when I showed I could be independent. I knew how to love without losing myself, but that calmness unsettled him. He mistook my peace for indifference.
Then, one Friday, we went on a date. It was such a beautiful but exhausting day. I’d been around people all day and told him I needed to rest. He was still excited and wanted to keep talking, but I needed quiet.
He was hurt when I told him I’d talk to him. Maybe he couldn’t understand why I’d want space from someone I claimed to love. I texted him later that night, we chatted briefly and it felt like everything was fine again. The next morning, I decided to call just to check in.
That’s when I got his long breakup message. He poured everything out —how he didn’t think I was truly into the relationship, how he felt unsure and overwhelmed. He said he’d been praying and felt like God was telling him to walk away. He ended it with a prayer for me to find a good man. In his words, “You’re a really good woman.” That message broke me. I’ll never forget that day.
Two breakups seem intentional, Ade. What exactly was going through your mind?
Ade: I was just trying to slow things down and focus on what I felt was a bigger priority — my career. Everything between us was moving so fast, and I didn’t want to get my hopes up to be disappointed. I’ve been hurt before, and those emotional crashes affect your productivity and peace of mind. So I tried to be cautious.
But at the same time, I couldn’t completely let go. We had connected deeply in such short time that it felt like we’d known each other for years. That sincerity made it hard to walk away.
Still, I was scared because it reminded me of the past, when something that felt real turned out not to be. But somehow, despite all that fear, we’re still here today. It took a lot of apologising and being intentional on my part.
How did you feel about him walking away again, Araoluwa?
Araoluwa: I was LIVID. The audacity to involve God and pray about me getting my own husband? I didn’t even reply, I just left it. I cried my eyes out, and my sister had to console me. She also asked me to speak to him because she didn’t think he seemed like a guy who would just end things like that.
Did you?
Araoluwa: Not immediately. I ignored him at first. I questioned myself, asking if I was doing too much or not. In between all of this, I had a friend who stayed the course and helped me keep a sane mind. And that’s why I could even return to him the third time. I remember responding to his breakup text later, saying it was okay, and he would always have a friend in me. And I archived his chat.
When we spoke the week after, he asked to stay friends, and I agreed. I still genuinely enjoyed our friendship and didn’t mind holding on to that.
And because of the kind of man he is, I knew setting the right boundaries wouldn’t be a problem. That was until it was time to come back to Lagos from Benin. He planned a date and asked to try again. I couldn’t say no.
Why did you ask to be with her again, Ade?
Ade: It was about realising and owning up to the fact that I was wrong about my conclusions. I saw how past experiences influenced my decision, and I didn’t want the past to deprive me of losing something true and genuine. So, I gave it yet another shot.
Curious, Araoluwa. Considering the whirlwind of emotional rollercoaster you’d been through, how did you know he wouldn’t walk away again?
Araoluwa: God. It was just God. I prayed about it and let Ade be. When he reached out yet again, I could tell he had thought it through. His friend was also involved. He apologised on his behalf and tried to explain what he was dealing with. On his end, Ade also involved my friend and asked her to talk to me.
But I wasn’t just going to accept him with open arms again. I laid out my non-negotiables, and one of them was seeing a therapist to heal and move past what was holding him back. Plus other personal agreements we’ve agreed to keep private.
Ade: We also agreed to have brutally honest conversations about our fears and worries, instead of acting out on them. I moved from putting her through some of those difficult moments to discussing my feelings. She started to understand much more about what was going through my innermost mind — something I wasn’t sharing before — and it helped us coast through.
Araoluwa: He really put in the work for that third chance. It’s so wild to think he proposed a month after that experience.
Speaking of the proposal, when did you both realise you’d truly fallen in love?
Ade: The second break-up put things in perspective for me. I realised I didn’t want to lose her again, and I knew she wasn’t playing around. I asked God for a sign, and I went all in when I got my answer. I asked her to be my wife on December 5, 2024.
Araoluwa: Deep down, I always knew he was the one. I was just scared that one day, he might wake up and say he was done. So when he proposed, I had to be sure I was emotionally ready for that next step. I spoke to my dad and my close friends, and they all counselled me. But in the end, I made the decision independently and prayerfully. He also asked to meet my parents to get their blessing, so I knew he was serious and it would happen soon.
Right. And when did you get married?
Araoluwa: February 15th, 2025.
Ade: Although we’ve not completed the activities yet. We still have the main event coming up in a few weeks.
Congratulations to you both. How’s married life been so far?
Ade: It’s blissful. We’re growing in love, planning our future together, and also planning something private to celebrate our one-year anniversary next year.
Araoluwa: I wouldn’t advise anyone to take the path we did without God’s clear backing. Ade and I might look similar on the surface, but our approach to life is very different. I like to talk things through immediately when I’m hurt; I need emotional closeness and deep conversations.
On the other hand, he prefers to step back, process, and give me space, which can feel scary for someone like me. But we’re both committed to the peace and purity of our marriage, so we put in the work. We went for paid premarital counselling, submitted ourselves to mentorship, and it’s wild how far we’ve come in such a short time.
Curious. In what ways have you been tested?
Araoluwa: Intimacy can reveal things you didn’t notice before. I hate being caught off guard, so I plan everything. But my partner? He sometimes acts like he’s not thinking about important thingsonly for me to find out he’s already five steps ahead. This happened a lot during wedding planning.
We also clash a lot because I don’t like chaos or disorder, but I’ve accepted that we’re just different people. For example, we’re also very nontraditional—I’m keeping my surname after marriage. I’ve always feared losing myself in marriage, but he’s intentionally ensured that doesn’t happen.
Any drama from wedding planning?
Ade: Mostly from extended families having preferences on how they want things to be done, and our insistence on keeping a low profile.
Araoluwa: We’ve decided that the most important thing bringing us together shouldn’t ruin this relationship. People advise and try to tell you how to do things; some are even scared on your behalf and ask if you’re sure every minute. Wedding planning has taught me a lot. At the end of the day, it’s our journey, and we’ll only make the best choices for our lives.
Right. But have these questions caused any doubt for you?
Ade: Not for me. People who don’t get what they want tend to sow doubts in your mind. But as long as Araoluwa and I are aligned on what we want, every other opinion is secondary.
Araoluwa: To be honest, yes. I sometimes asked him to slow things down and questioned whether we were ready for this phase. We even fasted and prayed about it multiple times to be sure, especially when something triggered my doubts. But over time, I realised most people don’t care that deeply. I had to build my own conviction, and I’m glad I did. Marriage, like life, isn’t perfect. Bad days don’t mean you made the wrong choice.
What’s the best thing about being with each other?
Ade: I’ve seen Araoulwa express wisdom in the most unlikely scenario. She’s there to pick me up when I’m out of ideas. She’s helped me grow in patience, she’s supportive, and she challenges me on spiritual leadership. I wouldn’t have it any other way.
Araoluwa: Ade challenges me all the time. I love the fact that he’s an independent thinker who isn’t easily swayed by public opinion. He’s an intentional man who’s extremely patient with me, and I’m thankful to be doing life with him.
How would you rate your love life on a scale of 1-10?
Araoluwa: Funny how we do this with ourselves a lot. I rated it 7 last week because we just settled a fight. But today I’d say 8. We’re deliberate about how we experience love and life with each other. And I love it for us.
Ade: I’ll give us a 9. Our love feels unconditional and intentional despite the shortcomings within our short time together.
If you want to share your own Love Life story, fill out this form.
