Love Life is a Zikoko weekly series about love, relationships, situationships, entanglements and everything in between.
Gboyega* (30) and Charles* (28) met at a rave in March 2025. Months later, a steady run of casual sex turned into something neither of them could fully define.
On this week’s Love Life, they open up about navigating mismatched expectations and the chances of building something real when one person is still healing from old emotional wounds.
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What’s your earliest memory of each other?
Gboyega: We met at a rave in March 2025. It was my first time at one, actually. My friend invited me, but he had an emergency and couldn’t make it at the last minute. I didn’t want the ticket to go to waste, so I went alone.
I felt completely out of place. Everyone seemed to know each other, and I was just standing there watching. After an hour, I decided I’d had enough and started heading out. That’s when we ran into each other.
Charles: Yup. I remember. I’d been going to raves for a while, so the scene wasn’t new to me. But that night, I noticed this guy standing awkwardly by himself. He stared at people like he didn’t know what to do with himself.
Anyway, I desperately needed to charge my phone, so when I saw him with a power bank, I walked up and asked if I could borrow it.
Gboyega: He seemed friendly, so I said yes. Then I told him I was actually on my way out. He looked disappointed and asked me to stay, as the night was just getting started. He convinced me to stay until his phone charged, at least.
I ended up staying the whole night. We talked and danced a bit. We shared a Bolt ride home when the rave ended the next morning and exchanged numbers and Instagram handles.
I’m guessing you guys stayed in touch after that night.
Gboyega: Not really. We followed each other on Instagram, but we didn’t chat much. We were both just living our lives.
Charles: I did stalk his page, though. I’m not going to lie; I wanted to see what kind of person he was. But when I looked through his posts, I saw him with a lot of women. So I assumed he was straight and left it at that.
So what made you think otherwise?
Charles: He kept commenting on my posts, especially on WhatsApp. Not normal comments, suggestive ones. The kind of comments that made me wonder if there was something more to it. One day, I just asked him directly: “Are you queer?”
Gboyega: To be fair, I had a mission sending those comments and wondered why it took him so long to say anything. I told him I was bisexual and currently single.
Charles: That was a red flag for me. I’ve had experiences with bisexual guys before, and most of them were just looking for sex. They weren’t interested in anything serious. So when Gboyega said he was bi, I immediately thought, “Okay, here we go again.”
Gboyega: I didn’t know he felt that way. We just kept chatting casually for the next few months. Sometimes we talked about work, other times we talked about movies. He kept trying to invite me to more raves, but I wasn’t really interested. I didn’t exactly enjoy the first one, and I didn’t think another one would change my mind.
Right. So when did things change between you guys?
Charles: Around August. We’d been talking for a few months, and one day, Gboyega suggested we meet up at his place.
Gboyega: I was upfront about it. I told him I wasn’t looking for anything serious, just casual sex. I wanted to make sure we were on the same page.
Charles: I said yes because I was attracted to him. And a part of me thought it could lead to something more. But I also knew it probably wouldn’t happen either way. I went because, as I said, I was attracted to him and also wanted to get some.
We started meeting up regularly. Once or twice a week, depending on our schedules. It was easy, no strings attached. We’d hook up, talk for a bit, and go our separate ways.
Gboyega: It wasn’t just sex, though. We’d talk about our lives, our days, and things we were going through. It felt like a friendship, too.
Right.
Charles: After a few months, I realised I was catching feelings. I’d look forward to seeing him for the sex, the conversations, and the time we spent together. I began to wonder about him, his family, and his plans for the future, as well as more serious matters.
Was Gboyega aware of your feelings?
Gboyega: I didn’t realise he was feeling that way. I thought we were both on the same page and understood this was just a casual thing. To be clear, I didn’t see him as just a sex buddy: he was more like a very good friend that I also got to have sex with.
Curious. Why weren’t you interested in a committed relationship, Gboyega?
Gboyega: My last relationship ended badly. I was with a woman for almost three years, and she cheated on me multiple times. I forgave her the first time because I thought she’d change. But she didn’t. The second time broke me. I couldn’t trust her anymore, and I couldn’t trust myself to know when someone was lying to me.
When we finally broke up, I was a mess. I spent months trying to piece myself back together. I’m better now, but I’m not healed. Not enough to give someone my full self in a relationship. It wouldn’t be fair to either of us.
Charles, did you know about his past relationship?
Charles: He mentioned it, but not in detail. I knew he’d been hurt, but I didn’t realise how deeply it affected him until a few months ago. We were at his place, and after we were done, I asked him what we were doing, and he jokingly said we were friends who sleep together. Then I told him I wanted more than that.
And how did you respond, Gboyega?
Gboyega: I told him the truth. I care about him and enjoy spending time with him, but I’m not ready for a romantic relationship. I explained everything about my ex, including how I’m still working through trust issues and how I don’t want to bring that baggage into a new relationship.
Fair enough. Do you think you can continue without a label, Charles?
Charles: I don’t know. Some days I’m okay with it. I tell myself that what we have is enough. Other days, I feel like I’m wasting my time, as if I’m holding on to something that’s never going to become what I want. But I don’t want to leave because I like him and it feels like we could be something real if he’d just let us.
Gboyega, do you see a future where you could commit to Charles?
Gboyega: I don’t know. Right now, I can’t promise him anything. I’m still figuring myself out. I’m still learning how to trust again. If I commit to him now, I’ll just end up hurting him when my trust issues come up. And they will come up because they always do.
Curious, though. What kind of trust issues are you dealing with?
Gboyega: I overthink everything. If someone doesn’t reply to my text for a few hours, I start wondering what they’re doing, who they’re with. I check social media obsessively, looking for signs that they’re being dishonest with me. I know it’s not healthy, but I can’t help it. That’s what my ex did to me. She made me question everything.
I’ve been thinking about therapy for a while. I just haven’t taken that step yet.
Charles: I get his point, but I often feel frustrated because I’m not his ex. I haven’t given him any reason to doubt me. But I also understand that healing takes time.
Right. Do you both see other people?
Charles: No. At least, I don’t. I don’t know about him.
Gboyega: I don’t either. I’m not interested in seeing anyone else at the moment. But we’ve never actually discussed exclusivity, and I also don’t want to make promises I can’t keep.
I see. What’s the best thing about being with each other?
Charles: He makes me feel seen. When we talk, he actually listens. He remembers things I tell him. He’s thoughtful in ways that surprise me. That’s why it’s so hard to walk away. Because underneath all of this, I know he cares about me.
Gboyega: Charles is patient. He’s understanding, even when I know I’m not giving him what he needs. He’s also funny and easy to be around. I genuinely enjoy his company, not just the physical part.
How would you rate your love life on a scale of 1-10?
Charles: Maybe a 7. It’s good in some ways, but the lack of commitment makes it incomplete. I can’t fully invest in something that doesn’t have a future.
Gboyega: I’d say 7.5. We have something real, but I know I’m holding us back. If I were in a better place emotionally, this could easily be a 10.
What does the future look like for you both?
Charles: I don’t know. I’m hoping he’ll eventually be ready to commit. But I also know I can’t wait forever. At some point, I’ll have to decide whether to stay or go.
Gboyega: I want to get better. I want to be someone who can show up fully in a relationship. Whether that’s with Charles or someone else, I’m not sure. But I owe it to myself to heal first.
*Names have been changed to protect the identity of the subjects.
If you want to share your own Love Life story, fill out this form.
