Love Life is a Zikoko weekly series about love, relationships, situationships, entanglements and everything in between.
Idera* (26) and Priscilla* (29) matched on Facebook Dating in July 2024, but what started as a casual friendship turned into something deeper after Priscilla visited Idera in the UK.
On this week’s Love Life, they talk about navigating long-distance visits, breaking up with their partners, falling in love, and why, even in the UK, they still can’t tell their families they’re together.
If you want to share your own Love Life story, fill out this form.
What’s your earliest memory of each other?
Idera: I met Priscilla on Facebook Dating in July 2024. I was bored and looking for a casual fling because I was in a serious long-distance relationship at the time. I was in London, she was back home in Nigeria, and the distance was a lot to deal with. Anyway, Priscilla matched with me and I was excited. She only had one picture on her profile, but I thought she looked cute, so I swiped back. That’s how our story started.
Priscilla: My earliest memory of Idera is also from the dating site. After we matched, I sent the first message to get the conversation rolling. For me, I was only looking for genuine friendship and nothing more. After I said hi, we had a brief conversation and that was it. But there was something calm and genuine about our interaction. It didn’t feel forced, even though we were two strangers talking for the first time.
Curious, Priscilla. Why did you think a dating app was the best place to look for friendship?
Priscilla: I was in a complicated relationship at the time and wanted to opt out of it. But I wasn’t ready for another relationship, so I joined a dating site and made it very clear on my profile that I was only interested in friendship.
Right. So how did things progress after your first interaction?
Idera: We continued texting. By this time, we’d moved to WhatsApp. She sent me more pictures, and I was still convinced she was pretty AF. I lowkey thought we were going to smash, but we weren’t in the same city — another long-distance wahala. So we stayed as casual friends and texted occasionally.
Priscilla: During this period, we also talked about our love lives. I told her about my situation and, like she said, we just kept texting occasionally. Soon, we hit a brick wall and stopped talking for about two weeks because neither of us was making the effort to keep in touch.
Idera: Then, towards the end of the month, we met. She posted a picture that hinted she was travelling to London. I teasingly invited her to visit my city next. Surprisingly, she showed interest and visited. That was the first time we met.
How did that meeting go?
Priscilla: It was nice. Before we met, she asked if I was planning to be intimate with her. At the time, I wasn’t looking for anything serious. I thought maybe we’d just be friends, or spend time together to take my mind off things.
But when I saw her, everything shifted. The energy felt different in a way that’s hard to explain. My intentions changed immediately, and I realised this wasn’t someone I wanted in my life temporarily. She was someone I could build a future with. We spent time talking and enjoying each other’s presence.
We also got intimate, but it wasn’t deep or planned. It happened naturally in the moment, not out of pressure or expectation. We’d already connected emotionally, and the closeness just felt right. What stood out more wasn’t the physical part, it was how comfortable and safe we felt with each other. That day wasn’t about hooking up; it was about real connection, and that’s what stuck with both of us.
Idera: For me, she was even finer and hotter in person. We spent so much time talking, and I knew there and then that I really liked her. I also remember saying I loved her that night. Maybe it was my lustful mind talking, but the fact remains we both passed the vibe check that day.
Must be nice. Did that meeting speed up the decision to make things official?
Priscilla: It definitely did. We became a lot more into each other after that meeting. We stayed in touch, kept talking, and eventually planned to meet again. This time, Idera came to my city. That’s when she asked me out officially.
I told her I couldn’t say yes right away because she was still in a long-distance relationship with her partner in Nigeria. I didn’t want to be in the middle of that. I told her to sort things out first because it just felt like the respectful thing to do.
Idera: I actually felt some level of guilt because I really liked my partner too. When Priscilla brought her up, I made it clear I didn’t want to put her in a complicated situation. So, I took my time to think about what I wanted. I eventually cut off communication with my partner, but the decision wasn’t as easy as Priscilla thinks it was.
Why?
Idera: Even though it was a long-distance relationship, I genuinely liked the babe and had reassured her we could make it work.
However, she soon noticed I wasn’t paying as much attention to her anymore, and we started getting into petty arguments. I eventually had to come clean and tell her I was talking to someone else, and I’d like to pursue a relationship with her. It wasn’t easy, but it was a relief to know I could fully commit to Priscilla.
I see. So, did you have to pop the question again?
Priscilla: She never stopped asking. It was just necessary for both of us to do some housekeeping before committing to something new. I had some loose ends to tie up with my ex, she was sorting things out with her partner. Once we both had a clean slate, we started dating in October 2024.
Nice. What were the early days of the relationship like?
Priscilla: They were genuine and calm. We got to know each other better, and it was easy to be ourselves. I remember one night when we stayed up late talking for hours about life, family, and random things, and by the end of it, I knew this was different. It wasn’t rushed; our connection grew naturally. It felt like a friendship that quietly turned into something deeper.
Idera: I have similar memories, except there was also a part where she thought I wasn’t giving her enough attention. That wasn’t the case, I was extremely busy with schoolwork, and it was hard to balance my personal life. But things got better when I completed my dissertation in January 2025.
There was also the issue of distance, but we found a way around it. My city is about four hours from hers, and we made it a habit to visit each other as often as our schedules allowed.
Priscilla: We also called, texted, and made time for each other despite busy schedules. The effort and consistency were definitely there.
Sounds like it was all smooth sailing.
Priscilla: Not quite. One thing I noticed early on was that Idera could be a bit nonchalant, especially when it came to planning visits or keeping the connection strong. I started to feel like I wasn’t a priority, and that hurt. There were moments I felt I was showing up more than she was, and I questioned if I was the only one really trying. It created doubt for me.
Idera: I was honestly just overwhelmed with school. I tried to explain, but Priscilla didn’t understand how much I was overexerting myself. I was struggling with multiple deadlines and the pressure to finish with a distinction. It was a lot, and I wish she understood that.
Priscilla: But instead of walking away, we talked about it, and I had to be honest about how I felt. It wasn’t easy, but it helped us understand each other better. Those early challenges forced us to communicate more clearly and work on how we show love and effort.
Idera: I also had my issues with Priscilla. I felt she lied to me about her relationship status. In July, when we started talking, she told me she was single. But months later, she said she was talking to someone else at the time. It was a red flag; I didn’t understand why she’d hide it. I was open about my situation and saw no reason for her not to be.
Priscilla: I didn’t lie. I made it clear from the start that my relationship was complicated and I wasn’t open to a new one. I told her I was single and just wanted us to be friends because I had no intention of dating then. But it’s all water under the bridge since we’re here now.
Fair enough. And how have you been able to resolve other issues? Especially Idera’s non-challancy.
Idera: Communication. We talk as much as we can, even when it’s uncomfortable. It’s also been easier to create time for her since I completed my programme. She’ll definitely agree I’ve improved.
Priscilla: It definitely wasn’t a quick fix, but I agree that with school out of the way, it was easier to focus on us and talk out our issues. Even then, there are still hurdles we’re learning to navigate together.
What do you mean?
Priscilla: It’s been hard dealing with external pressure. Not everyone understands or accepts our relationship, and that can be tough — especially from family. My parents constantly pressure me to get married. It sometimes feels like we’re in a never-ending race to protect what we have, just to keep our peace. Unfortunately, I’m not out yet, even though I live in a country where it doesn’t matter. I still don’t have that courage.
Idera: It’s pretty much the same for me. I live with my sisters, and they’re not aware of my sexuality. We’ve learnt to keep our relationship to ourselves, even though we’d like to share it with our families. It’s just more peaceful this way. I’m not ready for family drama.
But how do you both see the future of this relationship?
Idera: Nothing’s going to stop me from spending the rest of my life with Priscilla. We plan to get married eventually and have a kid or two together.
Priscilla: We see something real and long-term. We’re not rushing, but we’re intentional. We want to keep growing together, supporting each other, and building something solid step by step. If we keep choosing each other the way we are now, the future looks promising.
I imagine so. But do you see a future where your families will be accepting of this relationship?
Priscilla. My brother? Yes. My parents? I’m not sure that’ll ever happen. Either way, I don’t need their support to live my life.
Idera: I feel the same way. It doesn’t matter if my family is accepting or not. My sisters are cool, but I know they’ll never be okay with my sexuality if they find out.
What’s the best thing about being with each other?
Priscilla: I feel safe and at peace with Idera, and that’s not something I’ve felt in many places. There’s a calmness in the way she loves me, even when she’s not saying much. I can be fully myself without fear of judgment. She gives me space to breathe and grow, but she’s also there when I need her most. I wouldn’t have it any other way.
Idera: My baby is such a beautiful woman who makes my life easy. She has everything I need in a partner and makes it a point to let me know I’m loved.
If you want to share your own Love Life story, fill out this form.
Right. How would you rate your love life on a scale of 1-10?
Idera: I’d give us an 8. Our relationship is perfect and peaceful. We genuinely love each other, and that’s the most important thing, even though we’re not yet out to our families. The missing points are because we’re not living together yet, and I don’t make enough money to spoil my baby the way I’d like to.
Priscilla: I’d give us an 8 too. It’s not perfect, but we both try. We show up for each other, and there’s lots of love and peace between us. Honestly, that’s what matters most to me.
*Names have been changed to protect the identity of the subjects.
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