Love Life is a Zikoko weekly series about love, relationships, situationships, entanglements and everything in between.
Olamide* (29) and Adura* (28) started out as coursemates who barely spoke, then grew close during a shared IT placement in 2019.
On this week’s Love Life, they talk about an unexpected dating proposal, a three-month silence that followed their biggest fight, and the spiritual messages that eventually brought them back together.
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What’s your earliest memory of each other?
Olamide: My earliest memory of Adura dates back to August 2018, when I attended an event at her church. We were coursemates, but we barely interacted. She was one of the prettiest girls in class, but she had a somewhat snobbish air, so I kept my distance.
That month, a friend who knew I was also a member of the Celestial Church invited me to a programme, and I obliged. I had no idea Adura was celestial or that she even attended the same church. I guess she was equally shocked to see me because she walked up and started a conversation.
Adura: I was actually surprised, I won’t even lie. For some reason, I’d never imagined him as a celestial church member. I actually thought he was Muslim because he was always super involved with some Muslim students in our class. Anyway, I went to him as he mentioned, and we got talking.
You guys were conversing during church?
Adura: Oh no. We were already about to wrap up. That was how I spotted him in the first place. I’d left my spot at the front to stretch my legs, and there he was. After that day, I started striking up conversations with him more in class. I’d invite him to church whenever I could. I just liked the fact that he was a celestial member too, and I wanted him to be more involved.
Olamide: I actually didn’t like that. In a way, getting all that sudden attention from her felt cute. I remember some of my friends teasing me and asking how I’d managed to bag the prettiest babe in the department. Still, I didn’t like how every conversation with her always circled back to church.
That day at her church’s programme, I’d specifically told her that I didn’t like being too churchy whenever I’m at school, so it felt weird that she was doing the exact opposite of what I liked.
Right. Did you share this reservation with her, though?
Olamide: I didn’t. It felt easier to avoid her, so that’s what I did. I wouldn’t respond whenever she reached out, and I’d take a different route if I saw her around campus. After lectures, I’d leave immediately instead of lingering. I think she got the message after a while.
Adura: Once I picked up on that, I stepped back and stopped pushing. I also realised I’d been too forward with the whole church thing. So we went back to how things used to be. This time, though, we exchanged pleasantries and kept it moving.
So, when did things pick back up between you two?
Olamide: 300 level. We found out we’d both gotten our I.T. placements at the same radio station in Osogbo. The same lecturer who’d helped with my posting had also helped with hers.
I remember him calling four of us to his office that day and giving us our letters. It was awkward when we realised we were heading to the same place, but it also felt like a relief. After that, we started talking again and planning how we’d spend the next couple of weeks. We were both staying with relatives, and our houses weren’t too far apart.
Adura: After we resumed, we started going home together every day after work. We also hung out together at work and just looked out for each other, especially since some of the staff weren’t exactly nice to interns. Being the only two people who understood each other’s struggles naturally brought us closer.
Was this when feelings entered the picture?
Olamide: I guess so. You can’t spend three months seeing and spending time with the same person almost every day without feeling a pull, especially if the person in question is pretty. Around the last month of our placement, I asked Adura to be my girlfriend. It was totally unplanned.
We’d gone out together one Saturday, and after spending the whole day together, I just blurted it out, “Will you be my girlfriend?” And she started laughing.
Adura: Even though he still doesn’t believe me, it wasn’t a mocking kind of laughter. The way he said it was just so funny, almost like a line he’d rehearsed from a movie scene or something.
But I actually saw it coming, if I’m honest. I already knew he liked me, and I liked him too. We’d been inseparable for months by then. Still, I didn’t give him an answer that day. Not for any particular reason. I told myself I needed time to think, but I don’t think I did any thinking.
Two days later, I sent him a text saying yes. We became official in November 2019.
Sounds sweet. What were the early days of the relationship like?
Olamide: They were sweet. By the time we resumed for 400 level, people were genuinely surprised. I don’t think anyone expected the two of us to be an item. We’d gone from barely speaking to a whole relationship, and that surprise felt sweet in a way.
I loved how caring Adura was at the time. We spent time together; she always wanted to cook and just make sure I was fine. You’d have thought she wasn’t a student like me. But it was mutual. I also didn’t play about her at all. Everyone around me knew.
Adura: Everything he said. But I think my favourite part was that I still managed to get him to go back to church. I mean, we were in our final year, and we needed God more than ever. Cooking is one of my love languages, so I loved feeding him. He’d give me money, and I’d cook different things just so we could focus on other important things. It genuinely felt like we were a young couple.
Right. Were there any parts of the relationship that didn’t feel perfect?
Olamide: Definitely. Adura can be extremely headstrong. Once she decided she wanted to do something, there’s no changing her mind, no matter how I approached it. It used to worry me so much, but I tried not to focus on it. I kept telling myself it wasn’t much of a problem.
Adura: I noticed he could be somewhat bossy and controlling. He always blamed it on the firstborn syndrome, but I think it was more than that. We’d have back-and-forth about things as little as what we should eat. Like him, I told myself disagreements were normal at that stage because we were both still learning to understand each other. Plus, we always sorted out any issues within a day or two, so there was no cause for alarm.
I think we only ran into major issues after we graduated.
What major issues?
Adura: After we left school, I returned to Ibadan, and he went back to Lagos. We relied entirely on phone calls and texts to keep in touch. But we were always fighting and arguing over who hadn’t picked up a call or who hadn’t texted first. Small things somehow became bigger issues than they needed to be.
I felt like he genuinely didn’t trust me. He’d keep bringing up how I was pretty and could easily be snatched by someone else in Ibadan. I hated when he said things like that, but he kept doing it, almost like he couldn’t help himself. He’d also make random video calls just to see if I was truly where I said I was, and other times he wanted details about what I was doing.
But I never entertained that. I wasn’t going to let him have that level of control over me. Whenever he made weird requests, I’d tell him straight up that I wasn’t doing what he asked. He used to get so mad.
Olamide: I’ll admit that insecurity was real for me during that distance. Not seeing her every day like I used to made my mind wander in directions probably shouldn’t have. And we’ve discussed this before, but one of her friends in Ibadan didn’t make things easier. I don’t know what the babe’s intentions were, but she kept randomly sharing updates about Adura. Almost like she was trying to pass a “see what your babe is doing” message across. I only entertained her a few times before I told Adura.
But we were dealing with other issues. On top of everything was the fact that she just never listened. It felt like she’d become more determined to resist anything I said now that we weren’t physically together. And the painful part is that sometimes it’s not even like I’m being bossy or commanding her. Sometimes, I’m genuinely pleading. Our NYSC posting is a good example of that.
What do you mean?
Olamide: I wanted us to both serve in Lagos since I was already there, and she also planned to relocate there eventually. Plus, we’d get to be together again and move on from the back-and-forth of texting and calling. To my utter surprise, Adura refused. She said she wanted to serve in Ibadan. I tried to convince her every way I could, but she was adamant. I was almost going insane because then, I started to think that maybe she wasn’t thinking about us in the long term like I was.
Adura: So, the thing is, at that particular time, I wasn’t ready to move to Lagos. It wasn’t just about the relationship. Practically speaking, who would I even live with? How would I settle in? Olamide offered to sort all of that, and I should at least move to Lagos first. But I wasn’t convinced. Yes, I loved him and knew I could trust him, but I wasn’t comfortable uprooting my life on those terms.
When the time came, I did as I said and served in Ibadan. That decision caused a rift between us. He felt like I wasn’t invested in a future together, and I felt like he was trying to force a decision on me. I think we stopped talking after camp. We tried to stay in touch during camp, but the communication just felt forced. At some point, we both stopped trying.
I hear you both on not wanting to force a decision and thinking about the future. But what do you think would have been a fair compromise?
Olamide: Honestly, I don’t know what that would have been. She’s currently in Lagos, and I just think that the service year was a waste of time in our journey. I wasn’t asking her to move to Lagos on a whim; it was already a part of her plans. And that’s what she’s eventually done.
Adura: But I moved when it was convenient for both of us to do so, financially and otherwise. Also, I forgot to mention that I suggested we visit each other, but he just wanted me to be fully in Lagos.
Let’s move on. How did you guys reunite?
Adura: It was still during the NYSC service year. At that point, my family already knew Olamide, especially my mum. She used to ask after him, and they’d occasionally speak on the phone.
One day, about two or three months after we’d stopped talking, my mum randomly asked after Olamide. I said he was fine, and then she asked if everything was fine between us. I was reluctant at first, but I knew if I didn’t tell her, she wouldn’t let me rest, or she’d even call him. So I told her we weren’t speaking. And then she said she had a dream and wanted us to visit our prophet.
When we got to church that Sunday, we requested an audience, and then my mum explained the dream. Then the prophet explained that Olamide and I had a promising future together if we were patient with each other. He specifically said I should embrace the dove’s spirit and be gentle in my ways.
After we left, my mum told me to call Olamide, but I didn’t.
Why?
Adura: Even though I trust the word of God and whatever the prophet said, I just felt like things would happen naturally. We’d not spoken for months, and it would just seem desperate if I suddenly reached out to talk about a vision. In fact, it would seem like I’m trying to trick him or something. So I just kept praying and waiting for a sign.
Olamide: Funny thing is, I’d also gotten a similar message in church. A member had told me I was fighting with someone who could make my life better. She didn’t say who specifically, but when she asked if there was someone I wasn’t on good terms with, Adura immediately came to mind. Then she said I should reconcile with whoever it was and be patient with them.
Usually, I’d always share messages like that with my mum, who’s also deeply spiritual. But for some reason, I didn’t. After I said my prayers that night, I texted her, “Can we talk?” Then I switched off my phone and went to bed. I don’t even know why I did that.
When I woke up the next morning, she’d read my message, and I saw that she had deleted something she’d sent. I called her that same morning, and we just talked. She said she was visiting Lagos the next weekend, and I said we could talk in person.
That weekend, we both shared the message we’d received. It felt awkward afterwards because, deep down, we were still mad at each other. The messages didn’t automatically fix the way we’d parted.
That makes sense. But did things get better?
Adura: Not immediately. Things still felt awkward for the next few months. What we knew didn’t change anything overnight. I was still in Ibadan, and he was still in Lagos, which was exactly part of what had caused our issues in the first place.
Olamide: We only got back fully when she moved to Lagos in early 2023. We’ve been riding it through since then. Not like we’re perfect, but at least we’re still here.
But is there anything you’re doing differently now?
Olamide: I still catch myself wanting to control certain things, but I’m more aware of it now than I was before. I try to check myself before it turns into an argument.
Adura: I’ve softened a bit, too, though I won’t pretend my stubbornness has disappeared completely; that’s just who I am. But I think we’ve both learned that the relationship can survive our individual flaws as long as we’re willing to be patient with each other.
Got it. What’s the best thing about being with each other?
Olamide: For me, it’s how much she genuinely cares, even underneath the stubbornness. The version of her that used to cook soup for me in school hasn’t really gone anywhere. She still shows up for me in ways that matter; she just also won’t let me push her around, which, honestly, I’ve come to respect more than resent.
Adura: I’d say for me, it’s the fact that he always means well and genuinely cares about me. I’ll be honest, a lot of times when he’s suggested a better way to do things, he always turns out right. Even if it doesn’t always look like I agree, I’m always thankful he’s someone I can call my own.
On a scale of 1 to 10, how would you rate your love life?
Olamide: I’d say an 8. There’s still room for both of us to grow, especially around trust and control on my end, but I’m confident we’ll keep working on it.
Adura: I’ll also say an 8. We’ve survived the worst, so I have no doubt we’ll keep figuring the rest out together, one issue at a time.
*Names have been changed to protect the identity of the subjects.
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