Love Life is a Zikoko weekly series about love, relationships, situationships, entanglements and everything in between.
Mira (26) and Tom (30) connected on social media in 2015 but didn’t interact until 2023.
On this week’s Love Life, they discuss why Mira’s escape plan backfired spectacularly, what it means to build a marriage across continents and cultures, and how faith has kept them together through everything.
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What’s your earliest memory of each other?
Tom: We met on social media in 2015. We’d been following each other for about four years on Instagram and Facebook but barely interacted. We just existed in each other’s feeds, occasionally reacting to each other’s stories and keeping it moving.
Then, in 2023, I reacted to something she posted on her Facebook story — I can’t even remember what it was — and she responded. That’s when everything changed.
Mira: Tom’s account always seemed suspicious because he barely posted anything. I thought it was fake for years. Who has a profile with almost no posts?
At some point, he reacted to my Facebook story, and we started engaging with each other’s posts. Around the same time, though, I found out he was trying to talk to one of my friends, which I thought was weird. So I ignored him until he came around again in 2023. That’s when our story really began.
Right. Let’s talk about that first real interaction in 2023
Tom: It was just a normal conversation.
Mira: Was it normal, though?
When he reached out again, a part of me felt like, “oh, this fake account guy”. I wasn’t actively looking for a relationship, but I was open to possibilities.
I assumed he was in my DMs to flirt so I replied to see where the conversation would go. It was so random, but he started talking about African products. He was telling me how much he loved African black soap, shea butter and cocoa butter. Most people don’t care about those things the way he did. I remember thinking, “What exactly is this guy talking about?”
To make sure he was real, I asked him to send me a video. Once he did, I realised he wasn’t a catfish. But I was still confused about why he cared so much about African products.
Tom: I’ve had a deep interest in African culture since I was young. I remember telling my classmates in Europe that I’d marry an African. They laughed because there weren’t any Africans where I lived, but it was something I genuinely wanted. So finding out Mira was African felt like a real connection point for me. Like the universe was saying, “Yes, this is what you’ve been looking for.”
Nice. How did your relationship progress after that first conversation?
Tom: We actually stopped talking for a while and went back to liking each other’s pictures on social media. Then I travelled to Asia for a modelling job, and for some reason, I couldn’t get Mira out of my mind. So I reached out again. That’s when we started having video calls and really getting to know each other.
Mira: We talked for about three consecutive months as friends, and it felt like we’d never stopped talking at all. It was odd because we’d followed each other for years without talking, and then we suddenly couldn’t stop.
Tom is a model, so travelling is a huge part of his life. His work also helped him secure a modelling contract in the Philippines, where I lived at the time. So we made plans for him to visit.
Curious, Mira. You mentioned you weren’t exactly in the headspace for something new. What changed with Tom?
Mira: I saw his pictures and thought, “Okay, he’s cute.” But beyond that, he was calm and easy to talk to.
One thing that stood out was how present he was; he replied to messages in record time. I was used to guys taking hours to respond to “maintain” some kind of steeze. But that wasn’t Tom. He responded as soon as my messages came in, and I liked that. Before I knew it, I’d gone from not being interested in a relationship to wanting to see where things could go between us.
Makes sense. What was it like finally meeting in person?
Top: That was one hilarious moment. I arrived in the Philippines and went straight to the apartment my modelling agency provided. Later, Mira came to see me on her motorbike. The first thing I noticed was how shy she was. She looked like she wanted to turn around and go home.
Mira: I was incredibly nervous and shy. The funny thing is that he didn’t help matters. He seemed just as panicked, which made me wonder if he wasn’t happy to see me or if I wasn’t what he’d expected. I was ready to turn around and leave. But I reminded myself that we’d spent three months talking almost every day. No matter how awkward the moment felt, he was still the same person I’d been speaking to. So I stayed.
Looking back, I think we were both dealing with first-meeting nerves. Once we got past that, everything felt comfortable again. It was like we’d known each other for much longer than three months.
Tom: After our first meeting, we started going on dates and spending more time together. Mira stayed with me while I completed my three-month modelling contract in the Philippines.
We’d already grown so comfortable with each other online that being together in person made everything feel more real. We eventually started dating because it felt natural and right.
Wait, when did you ask her out?
Mira: There wasn’t a formal “Will you be my girlfriend?” moment. We just found ourselves inside a relationship. With Tom, I could be completely myself. He loved me exactly as I was, which meant a lot to me as a Nigerian who grew up in an Asian country. I know how difficult dating can be when you’re constantly navigating stereotypes and assumptions. Even when I dated other Nigerians, I didn’t always feel as secure as I did with Tom.
I never felt like I had to second-guess who I was around him, and my feelings naturally grew deeper because of that.
Still, I had to ask questions at some point. Like, “What we have is great, but what are we?” And he was like, “We’re together. We’re in a relationship.”
That was towards the end of 2023.
Fair enough. So what happened after you completed your contract, Tom?
Tom: I had to leave the Philippines, which meant we were thrown into a long distance relationship for a year.
It wasn’t easy, but we stayed consistent. We video-called every day, spent hours talking and remained present in each other’s lives despite the distance.
Mira: We actually had a conversation in the park before he left. He was completely honest with me. He said he didn’t know what the future would look like. He wasn’t from my country, and he was constantly moving around for his modelling career. He couldn’t promise how things would work long-term.
I was sad because I knew how hard long distance could be. But I trusted God. I believed that if what we had was genuine and real, it would work out regardless of the distance.
So when did you reunite?
Tom: A year later. I returned to the Philippines, and I came back knowing I wanted to marry her.
Mira: I’d always made it clear that I wanted to date with marriage in mind. I didn’t want to invest years in anything that wasn’t going anywhere. Still, I didn’t expect things to move that quickly.
When he told me he believed I was the right person for him and wanted us to get married, I was shocked. But I said yes immediately. I didn’t need to talk to anyone. I just knew. We’d communicated so much and spent so much time together, even across distance.
What inspired this decision, Tom?
Tom: Long distance was incredibly hard. There were temptations, loneliness, moments of doubt and darkness. But our faith kept us together. We called each other every day. We prayed and studied the bible together. We spent a lot of time talking about our beliefs. That spiritual foundation became our anchor. When I came back and saw her, I knew it was time to commit fully. It was time to marry her.
Mira: Faith played a huge role for me, too. I grew up in a very Christian family, and my parents showed me what faith looked like in practice. As our relationship progressed, I saw Tom become more intentional about his relationship with God. His growth made me feel secure about our future.
I knew that even with the distance and all the challenges we faced, God was with us. That was one of the major reasons I said yes to marrying him.
When did you get married?
Mira: December 2024. My parents were surprised that I was marrying someone who wasn’t Nigerian, but they never opposed the relationship.
They also saw how intentional Tom was. He called constantly, stayed involved in my life and always showed up for me. They could see he was serious about me. The long distance didn’t worry them because they saw his commitment was genuine.
Tom: My parents were separated at that time, so the wedding logistics were complicated. But we had them on a video call during the ceremony.
The wedding itself was beautiful. I had to wear traditional Nigerian attire and do the traditional Nigerian wedding dances and customs. Her family made me go down on the floor and say all sorts of things in Yoruba. It was all new for me and I was nervous about it. But it was fun. I enjoyed it. I loved wearing the outfit and experiencing her culture directly. It was one of the best days of my life.
What were the early days of marriage like?
Tom: Everything was fine at first, but we quickly realised marriage was different from dating.
Mira: The first year particularly wasn’t easy, and it had nothing to do with our marriage. We didn’t have issues transitioning to living together or adjusting to each other, but I had some unexpected health issues that made it hard for me to be present the way I wanted.
Beyond that, there were huge practical challenges. Long distance is great when you’re dating, but when you’re married, you’re suddenly thinking about where to settle, how to build a life together, nd where to have kids.
His job requires constant travel. If he stops, he has to start over in a completely new field. And as an interracial couple, finding a place to settle with all the immigration paperwork and requirements is complicated. Instead of enjoying a honeymoon phase, we spent a lot of time figuring out logistics.
Tom: The good thing is that those challenges never affected our marriage itself. We never got to a point where the external challenges affected our love or made us want to leave. We kept communicating, praying and working through things together. And things got better over time. We stopped fighting our circumstances and accepted that long distance, travel and cultural differences would always be part of our story.
What were some specific challenges you had to work through?
Mira: The biggest challenge was figuring out where to build our life. We both didn’t grow up in one place. Tom left Europe when he was 18 to model. I grew up in the Philippines, not Nigeria. So we didn’t have a home country to return to together. That was complicated.
Finding a place where we could legally settle with all the paperwork was hard. Eventually, we chose Europe because my passport is stronger. But that meant both of us had to adjust to a new culture.
We also had differences in how we organise things. Tom is extremely organised. He obsesses about where everything is placed. If something is missing, even something as small as a pair of socks, he needs to know exactly where it is. I’m the complete opposite. I just throw my things anywhere. If I can’t find a pair of socks, I’ll just buy another one. Why stress about a pair when I can just get new ones? For him, that’s torture. He would obsess about finding that specific pair of socks. We argued about that a lot in the beginning.
But here’s the thing that really got me. I thought I married outside of Nigerian culture to escape certain expectations. Then I found out he wants me to cook African food more than any Nigerian guy probably would want.
Tom: Yes, I really love African food. I grew up dreaming about African culture, about marrying an African woman, and experiencing African traditions. Now that I’m married to Mira, I want to experience all of it, including the food. I want her to cook jollof rice, fufu, and all these traditional meals. But I’m also learning to cook some of it myself. Her mum also helps out a lot.
Mira: I was so frustrated because I grew up in the Philippines. I’m not the best cook when it comes to African food. I don’t even eat some of these meals because I don’t know how to cook them properly. I remember thinking, ” Oh, wow, I thought I escaped the matrix”. But here I am, married to a white European guy who wants jollof rice and fufu more than I do. It was ironic.
Screaming.
Mira: I think it’s all about making compromises. My mum cooks real African food for him. Sometimes we go to African restaurants. Sometimes he gets to eat at my aunt’s house. And I’ve learned to cook some simple things. We figured it out.
Speaking of Tom’s job, did you ever struggle with jealousy or insecurity, Mira?
Mira: Absolutely. During the long-distance stage, it was hard not to overthink. The modelling industry is full of beautiful women, and I sometimes wondered whether he’d eventually find someone better. I remember him casually mentioning that one of his colleagues was pretty, and I spent far too much time thinking about it afterwards. But Tom is very honest. He doesn’t talk about other women in a way that makes me uncomfortable. And I realised that I’m also beautiful.
Plus, I know him. If he wanted to be with someone else, he would just tell me directly. He would never cheat. He’s not wired that way. Once I realised that, I stopped overthinking. I trusted him, and it’s worked out.
Sweet. What’s the best thing about being with each other?
Tom: For me, it’s finding someone I can talk to about everything. Mira’s not only my partner; she’s also my best friend. We know everything about each other. There are no secrets or walls between us. And I love that about her. I love that about us.
Mira: Tom is present. Even during our year of long distance, he was always there for me. He’s loyal, honest and vulnerable. He’s not afraid to show his emotions or be strong when I need him. I love that balance. And the best part is that we’re helping each other become better versions of ourselves. We’re growing together spiritually, emotionally, in every way.
By December, our marriage will be two years. And we have some big news that we’re excited to share.
Oh?
I’m pregnant. We’re going to have a baby soon. I feel like God made him to be my partner in this life.
Congratulations, guys. Excited for you. On a scale of 1 to 10, how would you rate your love life?
Mira: Definitely an 11. We’ve survived almost two years of marriage. We navigated a long-distance relationship for a year. We overcame unexpected health challenges. Everything we thought would break us, we got through it with God.
His constant travelling is still a challenge sometimes. But right now, we’re in such a good place. We’re really happy.
Tom: For me, it’s also an 11. Maybe even higher. I believe that everything, the good and the bad, is bringing us closer together and strengthening our relationship.
I couldn’t ask for more.
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