Love Life is a Zikoko weekly series about love, relationships, situationships, entanglements and everything in between.
Tomi and Anu (early 30s) met as teenagers at a New Year party in 2009.
On this week’s Love Life, they talk about a decade of drifting apart and reconnecting, the life-changing accident neither of them saw coming, and the moment Anu proposed marriage before he ever got the chance to ask.
What’s your earliest memory of each other?
Tomi: 2009. We met her at a New Year’s party through a mutual friend. I was about 17 and went there to dance. But that day at the party, I spotted Tomi and just couldn’t stop staring at her. I’d never felt that kind of pull toward anyone before. It turned into a full-on staring competition between us.
However, I didn’t know how to approach her because I was clueless and had never really toasted a babe before. After we left the party, I went to our mutual friend and gave a thorough description of Anu. I described her face, nose, eyes, and what she was wearing. Then she said, “ Oh, that sounds like Anu,” and gave me her number.
Anu: My earliest memory of Tomi isn’t so different. I noticed him staring at me intensely at the New Year’s party, and I remember thinking, ” Why is this guy looking at me like that?” I was shy, so I just stared back without saying anything. We didn’t talk that day at all; we just kept looking at each other across the room.
Then, I think the next day after the party, our mutual friend asked me if she could give him my number. She told me this guy liked me and wanted to reach out, and I said she could give him. I was just 15, and I wasn’t thinking about relationships. I just expected us to have normal conversations and keep it moving. And that’s exactly what happened. As Tomi mentioned, we were both still really young, and it was a new experience for us. So it was only natural that we started as friends.
Hmmm
Tomi: We spent the next couple of months just getting to know each other. We mostly talked at night, using the MTN night call plans, since daytime minutes were expensive.
We’d just talk about our likes, dislikes and what we both wanted for ourselves in the future. We were both raised by single mothers, so we were naturally quite disciplined and weren’t thinking about anything physical or intimate.
And how long did this phase last?
Tomi: We talked for almost a year before anything was official. One night out of nowhere, Anu said, “Babe, do you realise you haven’t actually asked me out?” And she was right. As a first timer, I’d gotten so lost in the friendship phase that I didn’t even realise I had to make that move. After she raised it, I asked her to be my girlfriend, and that was how it started.
Anu: I remember bringing it up because I think my friends had been asking if he’d asked me out yet, and I realised he genuinely hadn’t. So I just said it to him directly. At that time, we’d been talking for about a year, so there was no point in telling him I needed to think about his request or anything like that. So he got a yes on the spot.
Sweet. What were the early days of the relationship like, especially since you were both still so young?
Tomi: They weren’t bad. We had the boyfriend-and-girlfriend tag, but much of the relationship was still about building a strong bond. We barely ever met physically, and people find that hard to believe now. In the whole time we dated, I think we saw each other in person maybe four times. If I wanted to see her, I’d take a longer route home just to pass her street and catch her on the balcony. I’d tell her, I’m almost at your balcony, and we’d just smile and wave at each other. It was very Romeo and Juliet.
Anu: Again, I need to mention that we were always both so shy because it was a new experience for us. Even on calls, there were times when we’d just get quiet because we didn’t know what to say. Still, it was a beautiful experience for both of us; we were just fond of each other in a very innocent way. But things took a turn for us around 2011.
Oh. What happened?
Anu: My family had to move to another city rather abruptly because of financial struggles. I didn’t tell him or call him about the move; I just left. I guess I didn’t want to involve him in what we were going through at the time. It was a whole lot of personal family struggles.
Tomi: That move was a huge shock. But before she moved, there was a Boxing Day party at my place that I wanted her to come to, but she didn’t show up. I ended up dancing with one of the girls at the party that day, and I think word must have gotten to her, building some resentment. It was probably why she didn’t tell me about her family’s move.
Is that right, Anu?
Anu: In a way. I was already dealing with my mum’s illness and a lot of personal struggles, so hearing about him dancing with someone else just added to everything. I convinced myself he’d moved on to someone else, and between that and the move, I just decided to focus on my own life.
So I’m guessing you guys broke up around this period?
Tomi: Well, it wasn’t like we had any official conversation to call it quits. We just drifted apart after the move, and eventually, we only checked on each other once a year through Facebook messages. I took it hard, though.
After she moved, I remember crying myself to sleep at night, playing sad music. It was a whole lot of strong emotions on both sides that we didn’t know how to handle. She was dealing with life, I was dealing with her absence and even the circumstances around which she left. We didn’t know how to handle something like that, which is why the drift happened. Eventually, even the occasional calls stopped, and just like that, we spent a decade apart.
Must have been hard. Did you guys date other people during this period?
Tomi: I dated a few people, maybe up to five over that decade, but I never dated more than one person at a time; that’s just not who I am. None of those relationships worked out the way I hoped, but they also helped me grow in a way. I was getting more experience and maturing where necessary. In a way, my heart was always still drawn to Anu.
Anu: I dated other people too, but if I’m honest, what I felt for those people was never as strong as what I felt for him. There was always something different about him that I couldn’t quite explain to anyone else. Through those years we weren’t speaking, I’d check his Facebook page and see pictures of him and his lovers. In my head, I just concluded that he’d moved on, and I honestly wished him well.
So at what point did you guys reunite?
Tomi: That was around 2018. It happened right after I came out of a relationship where I’d been cheated on. I was completely heartbroken, and one night, while scrolling through old Facebook messages, I saw Anu’s name. I just thought, let me check on this babe. We started talking again, I asked for her WhatsApp number, and the conversation picked up from there, much more openly this time. I remember pouring out my mind to her about what I’d gone through. In a way, I just felt she’d understand. I lowkey knew she’d been keeping tabs on me and knew what my dating history looked like when we were apart. I was always open about who I was dating; I never had any reason to hide, so I knew she wouldn’t doubt my innocence in whatever had happened with the lady.
Anu: When he reached out, I actually felt a bit some type of way that he was sharing all these details about his heartbreak with me before I’d shared anything with him. Still, I allowed him to pour out his mind and listened.
Somewhere in my mind, I felt like maybe God was bringing us back together, especially since I was single and had been praying for a partner around that same time. Outside of his relationship troubles, it just felt really good to reconnect with him after so many years apart.
I can imagine. So, who made the move to bring the relationship back?
Tomi: That was me. I asked her out on a date that same week we reconnected. I didn’t want to waste time. We met and went to the mall in Ikeja. When I saw her walk up in this red dress, I just thought, ” This girl hasn’t changed at all.” She was still as pretty as ever, and I knew then that I still wanted her.
That same day, I asked if we could restart things properly, and she said yes almost immediately.
Wait, what? You didn’t have any reservations that he’d just come out of another relationship, Anu?
Anu: To be honest, I had mixed feelings. A part of me was happy and excited that I’d reunited with my first love, and I was even expecting him to ask us to get back together. But another part of me was cautious; I didn’t want to just be someone he used to heal from heartbreak.
Eventually, I decided to trust God and give it a chance anyway. I didn’t think it was a coincidence that he returned to my life around the same time I was asking God to send me my partner.
I see. And Tomi, did you feel like you’d fully healed before starting things up again with her?
Tomi: If I’m honest, no. I hadn’t fully healed at that point; it had only been about two weeks since that breakup. But the moment I saw her again, something shifted. It felt like it reignited everything we’d had before, and it stopped being about healing from someone else. I already knew the kind of person she was from years back; she wasn’t someone chasing different men around, and that mattered a lot to me. I just felt like, ” What am I even waiting for? Everything I want is right in front of me.”
And I went for it.
Got it. What did dating look like the second time around?
Tomi: We were a lot more intentional and grounded this time. I’d drive her to work sometimes, we’d go to church together, go to programs and camp meetings, really trying to build our future with God at the centre of it. Things went well for about a year, and then we hit another roadblock.
What do you mean?
Tomi: I started struggling financially. I was trying to build a business, and I set all these insane targets for myself, like I needed to have made a certain amount of money before I could commit to marriage. When those targets weren’t hitting, I started convincing myself she deserved someone who could already provide more than I could at the time.
Instead of being honest about it early, I started misbehaving, hoping she’d get frustrated and leave on her own. Eventually, I told her outright to move on, that I wasn’t ready and didn’t know when I would be. I stopped picking up her calls for weeks after that.
Anu: I was confused and wondered what had changed. I remember telling him nobody was rushing him, that we could figure things out together, and that we should keep trusting God. But he insisted he needed time, so eventually I just stopped reaching out. I didn’t want to impose myself on him even though I wasn’t ready to let go. I was heartbroken all over again, especially because we’d already been planning a future together in our minds.
I moved on with my own life after a while, but the universe still had other plans for us.
What other plans?
Tomi: On September 12, 2019, while driving an Uber passenger, we were attacked. We got stuck in traffic on a bridge, and two men approached the car, one of them armed. He demanded my phone, and in the chaos, I reached for where I’d hidden it, and he shot me. I passed out briefly and woke up to my passenger screaming. Thankfully, some policemen drove me to the hospital. We were stuck in traffic for about an hour while I was bleeding out.
At the hospital, doctors found out the pellets had lodged beneath my brain and removing them could cause damage. Some are still lodged near my jaw and nose today. Anyway, I was transferred to the teaching hospital in Ikeja. After checking the extent of the damage to my eyes, the doctors told me I might never see again.
I was in complete shock. Depression set in almost immediately.
I’m so sorry. How did Anu find out?
Tomi: My brother knew I’d been seeing her, even though we weren’t speaking at the time. While I was still admitted, he felt like I needed someone. So he took my phone, found her number, and called her himself. I had no clue he’d done that.
Anu: I got a call from his brother at work. Honestly, in the moment, I completely forgot we weren’t even on speaking terms. All I heard was “hospital,” so I left work immediately and went there. I sat outside for hours because his siblings didn’t fully recognise me at first; it had been years. It wasn’t until his mum came out and saw me still waiting that I was finally let in to see him.
I couldn’t even process what I saw once I entered the ward. His face was heavily bandaged and swollen; it was terrible to see. I didn’t cry in front of him, but I broke down once I stepped outside. When I finally went in, I just held his hand without saying anything at first.
Tomi: The first thing I asked her was why she’d even come after everything I’d put her through. She just told me to shut up, that I’d started again, and that she was there, full stop. That was the first time I cried after the accident, though she couldn’t see it because of the bandages.
Anu: After that day, I kept going back to visit him, even after telling myself I’d stop so it wouldn’t look like I was trying to force myself on him again. I couldn’t stay away, though; I genuinely wanted him to be okay.
A few weeks after the accident, I brought up marriage.
Wait, what?
Anu: I remember thinking, instead of going back and forth to visit him all the time, what if I were just there permanently. Before I said anything to him, I sat with the idea for a while and asked myself honestly if my decision was driven by pity. I’ve read enough to know marrying out of pity doesn’t work. Once I was sure it wasn’t that, I told him plainly, “Babe, why don’t we just get married?”
Tomi: My first response was, “Are you blind, can’t you see that I’m blind?” She told me to stop and said that she wasn’t marrying me because I was blind, she was marrying me because of the man she saw inside me, someone she could build a future with.
How did that actually make you feel, Tomi?
Tomi: I was genuinely surprised because I didn’t think anyone would choose to stay long-term with me in that state. I was still depressed at that point, and I’d even asked doctors at one point to just give me something and let me go. So when she proposed marriage, it didn’t fully make sense to me at first. But I also knew I couldn’t repeat the mistake of pushing her away again. I decided to trust it and told my mum I wanted to get married.
How did your families react?
Anu: It was smooth on my end. I told my sister first, and she encouraged me to tell my mum. My mum’s response was that plenty of people with two working eyes still end up in bad marriages, so if he was a good man and this made me happy, she didn’t see a reason to stand in the way.
Tomi: My side was smooth too. My mum had already grown fond of her without even knowing our full history, just from how homely and respectful she was whenever she visited.
Our wedding was small, just a court wedding, no big party. We didn’t want to spend heavily on a celebration; we wanted to save and invest instead. Around that time, our story started spreading online, and people heard about the accident and her choice to stay, which inspired many. Some started sending financial support, which we used to start building. She started her own business, and I got an Uber car running again.
Nice. What did those early years of actually living together as a married couple look like?
Anu: Those early years were tough. We started out living in a family house, and there are lots of painful memories from that period we’d rather not revisit.
Tomi and I were fine, though. We’d known each other since we were teenagers, so it never felt like starting from scratch with a stranger; we were already close friends underneath everything. We had a few hiccups around conflict resolution, but we scaled through.
What sort of issues?
Anu: I go quiet when I’m upset. Instead of saying anything out of spite and anger, I’ll just withdraw into myself. But because Tomi can’t see my face, he wouldn’t always know something was wrong unless he picked up on my tone. It took me time to learn to actually say what was bothering me instead of expecting him to sense it.
Tomi: I’m a big believer in communication. I talk about it often, even in our content. I kept encouraging her, tell me when something’s wrong, don’t hide it from me, I can’t see your face so I need you to use your voice.
Over time, she’s really grown in that area. On my end, I had to learn to be more patient with how I express frustration. I can get loud when I’m upset, though I’ve never raised a hand or insulted her, that’s something I promised myself long ago because of what I watched my mum go through. We’re not a perfect couple, but considering our unique situation, we’ve grown considerably.
Love it. You mentioned your story spreading online around the wedding. Is that how you got into content creation?
Tomi: Yes, that grew out of it. We started small on YouTube, just sharing our story, then moved into short-form content, comedy skits, and everyday moments. People kept telling us how inspiring it was, so it slowly became something we built intentionally, not just for income, but because we realised we had something worth sharing.
Content creation is also my main source of income these days, alongside the things I’d already been building, like driving. It’s not as much as what she earns, but it matters, and it’s something I’m genuinely proud of.
Curious. Do you have children, and are they aware of your condition?
Anu: We have two. Our son is old enough to understand what happened to his dad. Our daughter is still very young, but she seems to sense it in her own way. She’ll take his hand and guide it toward things, or move out of his path when he’s walking, so he doesn’t bump into her, without anyone teaching her to do that.
After six years of marriage, what would you say is the best thing about being with each other?
Anu: His positivity. He has this spirit that makes it hard to sit with him and stay negative about your life. He’s helped me grow so much in that area, because I used to spiral badly whenever something went wrong, and now I catch myself handling things much more calmly because of him.
Tomi: For me, it’s her strength. She carries a lot: work, the house, caring for me, and she rarely complains. The challenges we’ve been through together have made us more resilient, not less connected. We’ve built something real, and there’s a peace between us that I wouldn’t trade for anything, even the millions I once thought I needed before I could commit to her.
On a scale of 1 to 10, how would you rate your love life?
Tomi: I’d give it a 9.5. No marriage is perfect; we still have disagreements, but how you handle those moments determines a marriage’s strength over time. We’ve been intentional about not letting issues sit unresolved, and that’s kept us solid.
Anu: I’d give the same, 9.5. He’s my husband, but he’s also my friend, my business partner, and honestly, one of the people I trust most in the world.
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