Love Life is a Zikoko weekly series about love, relationships, situationships, entanglements and everything in between.
Olayinka, 24, and Emma, 24, have been dating for four years. Today on Love Life, they talk about meeting in university, navigating a long-distance relationship from Ajah to Ibadan and almost breaking up over a chat.
What is your earliest memory of each other?
Olayinka: I met her at church in January 2017. I was with my cousin when I saw this fine babe. Her vibe was different from other women around. She seemed confident and I loved what she was wearing. My cousin encouraged me to talk to her, and I did. I introduced myself and asked for her number.
Emma: I remember this boy walking up to me and saying, “Hey, my name is Olayinka. Can I know your name as well?” His shirt, trousers and glasses made him look really young. I thought he was one of those boys that’d text you sup pwyty every day. In my head I was thinking, I don’t have time for these small boys, but I answered him.
Asking for a friend: Olayinka, how did you get her to continue answering you?
Emma: Let me just tell you. He asked if I lived around. When I said yes, he told me about the school fellowship he attended and offered to give me the direction. I gave him my number. He has been calling me every day since then.
What did you people talk about during these calls?
Olayinka: Our respective days. Emma is expressive and easy to talk to. I didn’t have to think hard to carry a conversation with her. We could philosophise about life or talk about school. I think that’s what made bonding with her so easy.
I also thought she was boujee. As a child, she spent holidays in America so she could list different types of pasta and cheese while I, on the other hand, grew up in Ogun state and the only pasta I had eaten was spaghetti. I found that fascinating. I only ever heard of certain things through her.
Emma: I loved getting to know him. He was an interesting person to talk to. He was smart and funny. I could tell him anything and he’d have the perfect response. That’s how we talked ourselves into a relationship.
Gist me, how did that happen?
Emma: Well, first, he became my best friend. I already had a boyfriend whom I was dating because he was a really smart coursemate, and I needed to pass my courses. However, I started to feel Olayinka more than my boyfriend. I didn’t say anything about it to Olayinka and six months after we met, he left for his IT in Lagos.
After he travelled, my phone got stolen, and we didn’t talk for about two months. We found each other again on Twitter and resumed our everyday conversations.
Olayinka: I missed her in those months we didn’t talk. When I found her on Twitter, I was so happy. Our conversations picked up from where they stopped. We would text all day while I was at work and then I would call her at night.
Emma: And then those conversations became spicy.
Olayinka: LOL, yes. It started randomly. I wanted to picture her in my head, so I asked what she was wearing.
Emma: I told him what I was wearing and asked what he was wearing too. Soon, it became a thing we did that progressed to other things.
I realised that I liked having those kinds of conversations with him. They were intense and made me feel all sorts of emotions. My boyfriend, on the other hand, wasn’t giving me this kind of energy.
You were still with your boyfriend?
Emma: Yes, he was the only person I could live with in Ibadan during the holidays. I didn’t want to go all the way to Port-Harcourt before another session resumed, so I stayed with him till December 2017.
Olayinka, how did you feel about that?
Olayinka: I knew she wasn’t exactly happy in her relationship and enjoyed talking to me more. Whenever I told my friends about her, they pointed out that I really liked her, but I guess I didn’t know how to make a move. One day, after she said something that made me laugh, I thought about how much I loved talking to her and never wanted that to stop, so I blurted, “Why aren’t we dating?”
This was a year after we met each other.
Emma: I said, “I don’t know. Do you want us to date?” He said we could try and I was like, “All right then. You’re my boyfriend now.” When I returned to school, I broke up with the other guy and just like that…
You two have been dating for four years now. How has your relationship grown in that time?
Emma: I don’t think much has changed between us. We still text and call each other as often as we did at the beginning of the relationship. Spicy conversations are still our thing. We still have the same vibe — inside jokes, nonstop laughter and teasing. But we’re graduates now.
Olayinka: Me too. We could talk for hours about nothing in particular, and it would still be an interesting conversation. We’ve had our bad days. For example, when I graduated, she was still in school and we had to be a long-distance couple for a while.
What was that like?
Olayinka: First of all, we couldn’t see each other as often as we used to. I was in Lagos and she was in Ibadan. It got so hard.
Emma: This happened during my final year in school. My project was kicking my ass, and I couldn’t cope. Olayinka and I weren’t talking as much because he was also busy with work.
Olayinka: Yeah. I called as often as I could, but calls are different from being there physically. I also had work. I would leave my house by 7 a.m. and get home by 8 p.m. By that time, I would be too tired to talk.
I wanted to be there for her, but I wasn’t able to comfort her the way she needed.
So what changed?
Emma: At the height of all of this, Olayinka called me one day and said, “Where are you? I’m outside.” The moment I saw him, things started to make sense again.
After that visit, travelling to see each other became a regular thing for us. I would travel from Ibadan to Ajah to see him. That helped me get through final year. When I was done, I stayed in his house for three months before going to my house in Port-Harcourt. When it was time for service, I worked it to Ibadan.
Olayinka: Yeah, so we’re currently living in the same city. This means we get to see each other regularly and things have been great.
Aww. I’m curious about your biggest fight. What was it about and how did you resolve it?
Emma: There was one time I suspected him of cheating. This was in 2020, during the three months I spent in his house. At 1 a.m. one night, I saw a text from a girl he used to be intimate with. I wondered why she was texting at that time, but I didn’t check the message. I waited till he had read it before looking at the conversation. She had texted that she was horny and sent a bunch of porn gifs. He was laughing with her. He didn’t tell her to stop.
I refused to talk to him for two days. I didn’t even know how to address it. I thought about breaking up with him.
Olayinka: I was worried too. Initially, I wasn’t sure what was wrong but eventually, she told me what I did. My first reaction was to be defensive. I asked why she was looking at my phone without my permission.
Emma: And I apologised for that.
Olayinka: Yeah, but I was also wrong. I encouraged the girl instead of shutting down the conversation.
Can you tell us why?
Olayinka: I didn’t have any reason not to. She’s someone I had been intimate with, and I didn’t think anything was wrong with the conversation. After Emma and I talked about it, I understood where I went wrong. I was so scared I’d lose her over something as silly as that chat.
I acknowledged that what I did was wrong and promised to be more transparent with Emma. To show accountability now, she’s allowed to check my phone whenever she wants.
Emma: That conversation was very heated. At some point, we even cried, but we eventually resolved it. We went to bed cuddling.
There’s this myth that says, “The longer the relationship, the more likely a couple is to open their relationship.” Do you see that in your future?
Emma: LOL. Please, nobody should open any relationship o.
Emma: He’s not opening any relationship.
Olayinka: LMAO, yeah.
Emma: I mean I get that we have fantasies and stuff, but I’ve watched a lot of movies, and read a lot of tweets about open relationships. I don’t want any of that in my life right now. Thank you.
Olayinka: I’m with you on this. It’s not something I want. I’m happy to keep reinventing my relationship with Emma without having to open it. I don’t think we need any extra body to keep things spicy.
Emma: I am atarodo enough for the relationship.
LOL, I hear you. What’s one thing you find attractive about your partner?
Emma: It’s how he low-key looks like a girl. His hair, his nails, his piercings. Ugh I’m wet.
Olayinka: LMAO. For me, it’s her beauty. I’m always so happy whenever I wake up next to her. I’m also attracted to her intellect. She’s a very creative person, and I enjoy the conversations we have with each other. I could keep going, but let’s save time.
I said one thing o. What’s the best part of the relationship?
Olayinka: Our general vibe. She’s someone I can tell everything, and I love how we banter. Then there is the sex
Emma: My mother might read this, but I have to admit that the sex is fire. I like how he also knows the positions that drive me crazy. But most importantly, I like how open and comfortable we are with each other during sex. I think that’s what makes it so good.
Aside from that, just being in this relationship with Olayinka is the best part for me. Whenever I’m sad or overwhelmed, I look at him and think, “Wow. This is one good thing that’s going well in my life.” I really appreciate that. Also, again, the sex.
Noted guys, noted. If somebody gave you ten million dollars today to leave this relationship, would you?
Emma: If I take the money, we will do facial surgery for Olayinka so nobody will know it’s him when we resume our relationship. He’d also have a different name, and we’d move to a different country.
Olayinka: LMAO. Ten million dollars is a lot of money, but I don’t think I would take it because I know I will eventually make that money.
Emma: So I’m the bad guy? Fuck you.