Love Life is a Zikoko weekly series about love, relationships, situationships, entanglements and everything in between.
Kenny (30) and Gbemi (30) grew up as childhood friends, but life pulled them in different directions for over a decade. When they reconnected in 2024, a casual catch-up turned into something deeper.
On this week’s Love Life, they talk about rekindling old ties, finding common ground between her feminist ideals and his traditional beliefs, and how something as small as ₦1k airtime almost tore them apart.
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What’s your earliest memory of each other?
Kenny: Gbemi and I have known each other since 2006 — almost 20 years now. We grew up in the same Lagos neighbourhood, and I was in JS1 or JS2 when we became friends. I never thought we’d be romantically connected one day. But yeah, that was about it.
Gbemi: Everything he said. We literally grew up together. He knew my mum, and I knew his siblings. We’d just say hello and hi to each other. It was strictly platonic, plus we were just kids at the time.
Kenny: We were always around each other until we all left for university around 2011 and lost contact. It took about 10 years before we reconnected.
How did that reconnection happen?
Kenny: This happened around February 2024. I was still in a relationship with my ex, but my mind kept flashing to Gbemi randomly for weeks. I was on a spiritual journey at the time, and after it ended, I still couldn’t stop thinking about her. I started getting uncomfortable, like, “What’s happening?”
One day, I realised her younger brother was following me on Instagram. I sent him a DM, we reconnected and started bantering from there. During one of our conversations, I asked about Gbemi. He said she was fine, unmarried, and was working somewhere in Lekki. Then I asked for her number, but he said he’d confirm with her first. He ultimately gave it to me after I paid him some money. He said he wouldn’t drop his sister’s number for free.
Anyway, I messaged her on WhatsApp, and she replied, “Is this Kenny?” Then she ghosted me for three weeks: no calls, no chats, nothing.
I was at work one night in April when she suddenly called. I was so happy—I’d been waiting for almost two months. We talked for close to an hour that night, and from there, we started talking regularly.
Curious, Gbemi. Why did you ghost him?
Gbemi: You know how Lagos is. A girl trying to find love in Lagos—you always have distractions everywhere. Sometimes you dabble in it and get hurt. Sometimes people come around, and you don’t even bother to acknowledge them.
I thought it was better when somebody you don’t know messes you up than when it’s someone from the neighbourhood. I know your family, you know mine. It would just be too awkward if we went home and ran into each other. I wasn’t looking for that kind of drama.
But I got bored one evening after work and thought, “Let me call Kenny back.” That’s how we got into it.
I should mention that I was also involved with someone else during that time.
Right. So, how did things progress between you guys over time?
Kenny: Our talking stage lasted three months — April, May, and June. Throughout those three months, we never met physically. We just caught up on all the missed years over the phone.
Gbemi: It was like reuniting with an old friend. But the thing is, we’d both grown — he had become his own man, and I had become my own woman. We’d lived different lives, had different experiences, and that shaped who we were.
Naturally, that meant we clashed a lot; our ideas and ideologies didn’t always align. I have strong feminist views, and he doesn’t necessarily share those. He’s more traditional and conservative.
So sometimes, when I’d express myself, he’d look at me like, “Why are you being stubborn?” And I’d tell him, “We’ve moved on as a society; don’t take us back to the 18th century.”
I couldn’t stand some of his outdated ideas— the man does this, the woman does that. Although we argued over things like that, we also shared many values, such as kindness and faith. He’s very God-fearing and kind, and that balance helped us. No matter how heated things got, we always made sure to hold space for each other. That was how we found our rhythm and balance.
Kenny: During this period, Gbemi told me that she’d broken up with her boyfriend. She said she’d had enough and didn’t want to go back to him. I consoled her and gave her about a month to let go. Then I asked her to go out with me on a date.
We met at Surulere and went to Lekki for lunch. That was the first time we’d seen each other physically in almost 15 years. That night at the lunch date, I asked her out, and she said yes. It was one of the happiest nights of my life.
Gbemi: When Kenny came along and said he liked me, I told him, “No, you can’t like me romantically. I have somebody in my life.” I don’t like messy situations. I can be in a relationship every three months, but I keep it clean. I don’t want to be hiding; it’s too much gymnastics for me.
That relationship was already on the rocks, but I was still hoping for the best. So when Kenny said he was interested, I said we could only be friends. He said okay.
When everything ended with the other guy, Kenny gave me his shoulders to lean on. He doted on me more, and we had video calls throughout the night. I knew where we were headed. It was only a matter of time.
We became official in June 2024.
Did you think enough time had passed between your breakup and when you agreed to date him?
Gbemi: Yes. I’d already started checking out of my previous relationship long before it ended. I’d given my all, and it just wasn’t working; the back and forth had drained me.
By the time it finally ended, I was already done. Even if Kenny hadn’t come along, I’d still have pulled the plug eventually. His presence didn’t speed things up; it just made it easier to move on.
Fair enough. What were the early days of your relationship like?
Kenny: The first three months were rough. Honestly, I even thought we’d break up at some point. We had a lot of compatibility issues and frequent clashes. There was just a misalignment.
Wait, you guys didn’t have a honeymoon phase?
Gbemi: We had one for a week. After that, reality set in. I came into the relationship still healing from my last one, and he was recovering from a broken engagement. So, both of us entered with our eyes wide open. It was like, “If you mess up, you collect.”
We weren’t soft with each other. Everything was intense. There were too many “No, you can’t do that” and “This isn’t what I want.” The relationship hit a rough patch in those first three months.
Kenny: I remember travelling to Oyo for a film shoot at KAP Village for about two weeks. We were only on video calls during that time, and one time she tried calling me, and I wasn’t reachable. She didn’t take that lightly at all.
She was upset with me for days, and we didn’t talk. I tried to reach out to her siblings, but she told me, “Don’t call my siblings. Don’t come.” I even went to her workplace in Lekki and didn’t find her. I thought that was the end.
After a 2-3 week stretch of silence, she finally messaged me. I asked if we were breaking up. She said no — that she’d thought about everything, done all the permutations in her head, and still found me worthy.
Gbemi: Another major issue that rocked our boat was an airtime situation. We were talking one night, and my data finished. He said he’d send me data, but because his network was bad, he ended up sending me ₦1k airtime instead. I woke up on Sunday morning and saw it. I was like, “What exactly is ₦1k airtime for?”
I called him and said, “No, this cannot work. You’re not going to start with this kind of thing. If you have capacity to do something for your partner, meet them at that capacity. Why are you lowballing me?” He later sent ₦5k, but I told him straight up: this is not it. If we’re going to be here and actually do a legit relationship, you can’t be playing in my face like this. It’s better for you not to offer than to offer something below expectations.
Hmmm.
Kenny: There’s a popular saying I learned growing up: “However you start is how you’ll end.” If you start with ₦10 million, that becomes the baseline.
In my mind, it was a small, thoughtful gesture since we were still in the early days. But she took it personally. I knew my babe was a high-class babe, and I knew I could handle the relationship financially. But I wanted to start from ground zero, to make sure she loved me for who I am, not for money.
I’d been engaged, and when it didn’t work out, I told myself, “You have to get this right. Let a woman love you for who you are, not for what you give her.”
Gbemi: Moving on, we also had issues about gender roles. Like I said earlier, I’m heavy on feminism, and he’s traditional. We’d have conversations about cooking, and he’d ask, “What’s your take on cooking?” I’d say, “I’m not big on cooking.” He’d be like, “So who will be cooking?” I’d say, “You. Don’t you eat?” All my responses were being taken out of context. He felt like I was too opinionated, stubborn, and that he couldn’t work with me.
On my side, I thought he wanted to try to break my wings. I believe my partner should be my greatest cheerleader, encouraging me, supporting me, doing their best for me, and I’ll give them the same in return.
But Kenny is a very kind person. After we’d give each other hell, we’d come back and say, “Is this how you want to continue? Is this how you’re going to be when we get married?” One thing he always said to me was: “This relationship is leading to marriage. Whatever thing you’re giving me hot for, we need to figure it out.” That was constant for us, and it really helped.
I see. So how did you guys eventually work around these issues?
Gbemi: It was very important for us to treat the relationship as a contract. We update the terms of our agreement from time to time and set policies for each other.
The terms include mutual respect: not screaming at each other when we have issues, keeping each other updated on our whereabouts, sexual satisfaction for both parties, trust that we’re building as we go, and acceptance of each other at every point in life.
We pray together. We have terms against cheating, and anything involving living with the opposite gender is a no-no. We have access to each other’s phones and chats. My WhatsApp DP is his picture, and his DP is my picture. We make it clear. We stay transparent with each other.
Kenny: It’s like having a contract with an organisation. It’s not just a relationship backed by love. Everybody’s eyes are open. The terms and conditions are stated here, and they must be obeyed.
There’s a price for non-compliance. However, it depends on the gravity of what has been done. For instance, if we get into it and emotions are heightened, and I raise my voice, Kenny will say, “Baby, you’re raising your voice.” That’s my cue to calm down.
The golden rules that must never be broken are: cheating and disrespect. Break those, and it affects the progress of our relationship.
Curious, though. How do you navigate your different views on feminism and traditional gender roles?
Gbemi: As much as Kenny is a traditional person, he’s kind. His kindness comes first and prevails in all situations. Some men are traditional and wicked — the wickedness prevails. But for Kenny, his kindness prevails. He’s able to empathise and meet me halfway, validate how I feel, and not just defend his gender.
He’d always say, “As long as you don’t hate me, be a feminist.” I’d say, “There’s you, there’s your gender. You have to exist outside of your gender.” The fact that your gender is the perpetrator of the most vile things doesn’t mean you have to defend it just because that’s your gender. We’re able to agree on most of those issues.
Also, Kenny is domesticated. I’m not big on doing domestic chores at home, and he fills that gap. He’ll just do it easily—no stories, no excuses. Sometimes I’ll even complain that something isn’t properly done, and he’ll say, “You won’t do this thing, but I’m doing it and you’re still complaining?”
Because of these things about him, I can see that at his core, he’s empathetic, kind, gentle, and he listens. That’s what’s important.
Kenny: One thing I’d say is that we complement each other. We’re like toothpaste and toothbrush — we just fit. For example, she hates leaving dirty plates overnight, so she washes them before bed. But on the days she doesn’t, I do it first thing in the morning. I also warm food and make sure everything’s set before she wakes up. Little things like that keep us connected.
Nice. It’s been a year and some months together. At what point did you realise you’d truly fallen in love?
Kenny: For me, love is not a feeling. Love is commitment and understanding. That’s my definition. I’ve always loved her from day one. I was committed to understanding her.
But the time I knew she really loved me was this January. I was extremely broke. One day, she came around even though I’d told her not to because I didn’t like her visiting when I was broke.
Gbemi didn’t listen. Instead, she went to the market, bought soup and different food items with her own money, came home, cooked for me, cleaned everywhere, and took care of me. Then she gave me an extra ₦25,000 to hold on to that month. She messaged me saying, “I don’t like that you’re not able to share your pain with me.”
I was literally crying on the bus ride home. I thought, “I’ve met the bone of my bone.” That’s when I knew.
Gbemi: For me, it was last year. Kenny was very supportive in helping me transition into tech.
I saw how selfless he was about it, and I thought, “This is a very nice trait. I hope this is genuine.” I’ve accused him of not being genuine a number of times because what he’s offering isn’t something you commonly find in a typical Nigerian relationship without added drama. But he’s been quite consistent, and it’s made me realise I’m in love with him.
Fair enough. Considering the shared history with your families, how involved are they in your relationship?
Gbemi: That incident where Kenny called my siblings marked a turning point for us. We decided we’re never going to bring family in to sort out issues for us. That boundary had to be established. He’s more family-oriented than I am, so it’s easier for me to say, “Don’t involve my family in this.” Even when he’s talking to my mum and indulging her, I’m like, “Stop, stop. Bye-bye, mummy. We’ll talk to you later.”
Both families are involved, but there’s a clear boundary.
Kenny: Everything she said. Gbemi’s really cool with my younger sister, who frequently visits my place. They’re really good together. Her mum also checks up on me and prays for me. Still, we understand the boundaries and try not to push them.
Neat. What’s the best thing about being with each other, and how has this relationship changed you?
Gbemi: Kenny is ambitious and driven. His hunger for success rubs off on me a lot. He’s tech-oriented, smart, and intelligent. I tell him, “When we have kids, I want them to have your intelligence.”
For somebody like me who struggles with focus, when I’m around Kenny and there’s something I have to do, he’s like, “Bring the laptop, let me show you how it’s done.” A few days ago, he was helping me with a front-end project. The way he was doing it made me feel like I was back in university, watching my 400-level boyfriend solve a complex math question. He drives me to want to be the best version of myself.
Kenny: Gbemi has changed me in so many ways. I used to have some emotional instability, and she’s helped me with that. The relationship has also changed me in terms of financial prudence and listening. I used to be a very poor listener before, but now I’m much more patient. I can let her talk, and I’ll just be quiet because I know we’ll resolve it eventually.
She likes to be protected and provided for, and that’s pushed me to do better financially.
On a scale of 1-10, how would you rate your relationship?
Gbemi: 10 over 10. In a world full of chaos and mischief, it’s not easy to find your own person. It’s not easy to find somebody who gets you and is even willing to understand you. It’s not easy to have somebody who sees you for who you are and encourages you to be the best at whatever you do. Everybody else is trying to one-up the other person. But I’ve found my guy.
Kenny: I’d say 10, too. This is the longest relationship I’ve been in. I look forward to it becoming a century. She checks all my boxes.
What’s the future of this relationship?
Kenny: Bright. We will definitely inform Zikoko about the actual marriage deal very soon. We have plans for certain things we want to achieve before I pop the big question.
Gbemi: Marriage brings out different sides of you, so we’ll see. But what I’ll get in marriage is a man who loves me 100%, who cares about me, who provides, who protects, and who loves me completely. I’m looking forward to it.
If you want to share your own Love Life story, fill out this form.
