Sunken Ships: I Lost My Marriage and My Best Friend to One Big Secret

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Sunken Ships is a Zikoko weekly series that explores the how and why of the end of all relationships — familial, romantic or just good old friendships.

When Damilola* (28) met Fade*(28) during NYSC camp, she had no idea their friendship would eventually lead her to her husband. But after marrying Isaac*, the man Fade had introduced her to, Damilola discovered that they had both kept a major secret from her.

For Sunken Ships, Damilola shares how discovering her husband’s obsessive-compulsive disorder (OCD) after their wedding affected their marriage, why she felt betrayed by the friend who played matchmaker, and how the experience changed the way she approaches relationships.

How did you and Fade become friends?

We met at NYSC camp in 2018 and became friends almost immediately. She was a church girlie like me, and we got along well. Even after camp, when we were posted to different local governments, we stayed in touch. We talked regularly and were quite close.

At some point, she found out that I was single and open to meeting new people. She offered to introduce me to one of her single male friends, Isaac*.

Oh. And how did that go?

He was really sweet and charming. We hit it off after Fade introduced us, and soon we were talking on the phone almost every day. Things progressed naturally from there, and we started courting in 2019.

I liked how deliberate he was about his cleanliness. He was particular about washing his hands and keeping his things sparkling clean. He took his faith seriously, too, which was important to me in a partner.

I’m guessing the relationship was a smooth ride.

It was good. We dated for about a year and a half, and I didn’t have any major concerns.

The only thing I found a little unusual was that he never allowed me to visit his house. I knew where he lived, and had even been to the gate of his building, but I never went inside. I didn’t think too deeply about it at the time because we were abstaining from sex until marriage.

He proposed in 2021, and we began preparing for the wedding. That was when I began noticing some strange things about him. He was very insistent on having a small ceremony and how certain things should be done.

On the wedding day, for instance, he seemed visibly distressed when he couldn’t recite Psalm 91 over his new shoes twice before wearing them. I thought he was just being dramatic, but I didn’t realise his behaviour might point to something deeper.

What was the actual marriage like, considering these little things you’d noticed?

Isaac was difficult to live with. I realised that his need for things to be done a certain way went beyond being neat or particular. He had repetitive routines that he struggled to stop, and if something interrupted them, he’d become so anxious and panicked that he couldn’t sleep or sit still.

For example, cooking became one of our biggest problems. Whenever I used the gas cooker, Isaac wouldn’t take my word for it that I’d turned off the burners. He’d keep checking them and sometimes get out of bed in the middle of the night to check again. He said he was worried that a gas explosion could happen while we slept, but his constant checking kept me awake.

Eventually, I started buying food instead of cooking at home. It was frustrating, but I wanted to be able to sleep without being disturbed.

Did you try to talk to him about this?

Six months into our marriage, I became so frustrated that I begged him to explain why he behaved that way. That’s when he confessed that he had Obsessive-compulsive Disorder (OCD). He said he hadn’t told me while we were dating because he was afraid I wouldn’t marry him if I knew.

Suddenly, some of the things I’d noticed during our courtship made more sense. It was a lot to take in. These weren’t occasional habits, they were part of his everyday life, and I was struggling to adjust to them. I hadn’t known what living with him would involve because I hadn’t known about his condition before we married.

I didn’t feel like I’d had the opportunity to understand his condition or consider what living together would look like before making a commitment as important as marriage.

Did you speak to anyone about what was happening?

I was worried about what people would think, so I turned to Fade first. I wanted to talk to someone I trusted who wouldn’t judge me for feeling frustrated with Isaac.

Surprisingly, she admitted that she’d known about Isaac’s OCD all along. She said she hadn’t told me because she wasn’t sure I could handle it and didn’t want the information to change how I saw him. She thought he was a good guy.

I couldn’t believe it. This was someone I considered a close friend, yet she’d known something so significant about the man she was introducing me to and said nothing. I felt betrayed. I also felt foolish for trusting them both without questioning whether there was something I needed to know.

Did this affect your relationship with Fade, though?

I withdrew from her after that conversation. I couldn’t get past what had happened. I felt she should have told me, regardless of whether she thought I could handle it or not.

I should have had the information and been allowed to decide for myself whether I wanted to pursue the relationship.

What about Isaac? Did this affect your marriage too?

Yes, it did. I tried to make the marriage work, but living with his compulsions and routines became too difficult for me. I hadn’t expected marriage to be like that, and eventually, I realised I couldn’t continue.

I told my family about his OCD, and they supported my decision to leave. They agreed that Isaac and his family should have told me about his condition before the wedding so I could make an informed decision.

There was very little pushback from his family when I decided to leave. I moved back to my parents’ house in 2022, and our divorce was finalised in March 2026.

Has this experience changed how you approach relationships?

I still want to get married and settle down eventually, but I’m more cautious now. I want to take my time getting to know someone and make sure that we’re being honest with each other.

I understand that no marriage is perfect, but I believe there are certain things you should know about a person before deciding to spend your life with them. I don’t want to find myself in a situation where I’m discovering major secrets after I’ve made a big commitment.