Benjamin* (25) didn’t set out to hurt his girlfriend. But between loneliness, temptation, and bad decisions, his relationship unravelled faster than he could fix it.
In this story, he opens up about his infidelity and the hard lessons it taught him.
Let’s start at the beginning. How did you meet your girlfriend?
I met my girlfriend, Jane*, in 2023 after an acquaintance posted her birthday pictures on Snapchat. I thought she was stunning, so I added her. She added me back, and we started talking. I told her straight up that I liked her, and she said she liked me too.
She was in her third year at uni, and since we lived in the same state, we saw each other often. We went on dates, hung out, and she had this calm, level-headed energy that made me want something serious—after my last toxic relationship, being with her felt refreshing.
A month and a half after we started dating, we had sex. It was awkward because she didn’t tell me it was her first time, and that complicated things.
In what way?
We weren’t sexually compatible. I’m a very sexual person, and I told her that from the start, but she didn’t seem to care about sex the same way.
Jane preferred to hold back while I did most of the heavy lifting., I tried explaining that our sex life would be better if she showed more enthusiasm, but she never took it seriously.
With my ex, we experimented with toys, kinks, and even explored anal play on some occasions. But Jane shut down those conversations immediately. I respected her boundaries, but the lack of effort soon became frustrating.
She also started complaining about my lifestyle. I never hid the fact that I smoked and partied a lot, but she suddenly she didn’t like that. It felt like she was judging me for being myself.
I can imagine. How did you handle that?
I ignored her complaints and stopped posting on social media so she wouldn’t be able to track my activities. One night, after telling her I was going to bed, I went clubbing with friends and ended up dancing with a girl. My friend recorded us, and because I was high, I posted the video on my Snapchat story.
Jane saw it and went off. She kept asking if I slept with the girl, but I hadn’t. We’d only danced. Still, she didn’t believe me. Things got tense after that, and a few weeks later, she went home for her IT. Our communication got worse from there. I was the only one putting in effort to keep the relationship going.
About two months later, I started spending more time with my neighbour, Lara*. We’d known each other for years but were just friends. She smoked too and once asked for my plug. A few days later, she invited me over for weed brownies to say thank you.
That night, we got high together at her apartment. One thing led to another, and we had sex. It wasn’t planned. I felt guilty, but I also told myself that since Jane was away and already thought I was cheating, I might as well just let it happen. It became a habit. I promised myself I’d stop once Jane got back.
And did you?
Not immediately. Lara was dominant, adventurous, and open to everything my girlfriend refused. It was easy to get addicted. I slipped back a few times, and Jane had no idea.
When my birthday came around in November 2024, Jane completely spoiled me. I felt terrible. It was obvious she’d saved money and put in so much effort to pull off her surprise. I told Lara we had to stop, and she agreed. I promised myself I’d stay faithful.
Right. Did you keep that promise?
Yes. I was on the right path until February this year when Jane asked to use my phone and found an old Snapchat video of me and Lara high together. We were extra cuddly and it looked bad. She was furious and said that she could tell it wasn’t my room.
I tried explaining that nothing had happened and we’d just hung out as friends, but she didn’t believe me. She asked for a break, and even though I begged, she insisted. Her decision to leave led me to make another mistake.
I was heartbroken and beating myself up badly. To distract myself, I went drinking that weekend, got high again, and ended up having unprotected sex with a random girl at the club. The next morning, I barely remembered what had happened the previous night.
Hmm.
Two weeks later, Jane reached out. She was willing to let go of the past and give us another chance. I thought the relationship was over, so I was happy. I swore I’d never mess up again, and we soon got our groove back.
About a month later, Jane started complaining about pain when she peed. I thought it was just a UTI and told her to visit the hospital. But nothing could have prepared me for the wave of shock that hit me after she called, crying and screaming, that she’d tested positive for chlamydia.
I immediately told her she couldn’t have gotten it from me. I didn’t have symptoms, and I’d not slept with anyone else since we reunited. But she insisted I was the only person she slept with and forced me to get tested.
And did that happen?
It did, Jane was insistent. When I took the test, they found out it had been in my system longer than in hers. That was how she found out I’d cheated.
I was embarrassed and ashamed. I confessed that I’d been so down after she asked for a break that I blacked out and ended up sleeping with a stranger. I begged her, paid for both our treatments, and apologised sincerely. But she was done with me. We broke up in April, and the separation was hard on me
I stopped smoking and going out as much. I was celibate for months. The whole experience really made me take accountability for my actions and realise she was right to leave me. I needed to slow down. I even started attending church more and focused solely on my work.
Did you hear from her again after that?
Yes, she reached out in July. She said she’d been thinking about us and wanted us to become friends with benefits. She wanted to avoid multiple sexual partners and thought I was a good option since we had shared history.
I obliged her request. That’s our present arrangement.
I see. You don’t think someone is going to get hurt again?
It’s unlikely. She’s clear on her stance and plans to cut me off once she leaves my city after school next year.
I know I hurt her deeply, but I still love her. I just hope that with time, she’ll reconsider her stance on our future together.
Help Shape Nigeria’s Biggest Love Report! We’re asking Nigerians about relationships, marriage, sex, money, and everything in between. Your anonymous answers will become a landmark report on modern Nigerian love.
Click here to take the survey. It’s 100% anonymous.
Read Next: “I Regret Starting A Joint Account”— 6 Nigerians on How They Split Bills with Their Partners
