There’s a kind of love that blinds people so deeply, only others can help them see. But how far would you go to help someone leave a toxic relationship?
While some people prefer to stay out of messy situations, others step in and take matters into their own hands. We asked Nigerians to share the most extreme things they’ve done to help their loved ones finally walk away.
“I staged a fake prophecy with her mum” — Temi*, 30
My closest childhood friend was in a relationship that was all kinds of wrong. She’d become so dependent on this guy that he controlled everything, from her finances and looks to even the birth control pills she used. I realised how bad it was when she started reacting to the pills, breaking out and gaining weight, but said she couldn’t change them without asking him first. Watching her lose herself was hard, so when she told me he wanted her to move in permanently earlier this year, I decided to involve her mum.
I called her mum and told her everything. It felt like a betrayal, but I was genuinely scared for her. Thankfully, her mum was calm, discreet, and came up with a plan that still cracks me up whenever I think about it. She knew her daughter wouldn’t listen to anyone directly, so she decided to use her faith.
They attend a white garment church, and my friend takes prophecies very seriously. So her mum told her that during a prayer session, one of the prophets received a vision about her relationship. Using the details I’d shared, she described the boyfriend — his looks, habits, and temper — in ways that made the whole thing sound completely divine. Then she told her the prophecy warned that staying with him would lead to barrenness and eventually death.
To my surprise, it scared her enough to take it seriously. After months of hesitation, she finally ended things with him. To date, she has no idea we made the whole thing up. I still feel a bit bad about how far we went, but I don’t regret it.
“We catfished his girlfriend” — Sam*, 26
For a long time, my cousin has been in a relationship with a woman who doesn’t want anyone around him. Everyone in his life is a threat to her. Visiting them became uncomfortable because of her attitude. The last straw for me was hearing that she’d been telling her friends she was only with him for his money and planned to dump him when she was done. She also berated him in public and was verbally abusive. My cousin had become a shadow of himself, and it was painful to watch. No amount of talking could make him leave her.
Since he refused to believe anything I said, I decided to prove it. My friends and I planned an intervention. We got one of our guys who she didn’t know to start flirting with her. It didn’t even take a month before she was fully invested, asking for money and talking about hooking up. We took screenshots and sent them to my cousin with an explanation of what we had done.
I expected him to understand our intentions, but instead, he got angry. He accused us of sabotaging his relationship and even cut off the friend we used. They’re still together, and at this point, I’m convinced she’s charmed him. I’ve completely washed my hands of the situation.
“We hired boys to beat him up and blame her” — Fathia*, 24
When we were in uni, my roommate was stuck in a toxic situationship that had gone on for over a year. It was emotionally manipulative and sometimes violent. She’d come to me crying and asking for advice, but no matter what I said, she always went back to him. It was frustrating to watch. I couldn’t understand why it was so hard for her to leave.
One time, after a fight, he slapped her so hard her face was visibly swollen. Her braids were also pulled out. I was angry but didn’t know what to do. Eventually, I vented to one of our mutual friends, who’s a bit of a street guy. He got furious and said he’d send some boys to deal with the guy. I thought he was joking, so I laughed and said maybe they should pretend they were sent by one of her other men, just to scare him off for good.
I didn’t know he took me seriously until a few weeks later, when he told me his boys had gone through with it. They’d gone to the guy’s apartment and beaten him up, then sent me pictures of his swollen face. I was horrified but also satisfied.
It didn’t take long before the guy accused my friend, calling her a slut and threatening to report her to the police. Even though she swore she knew nothing about it, he refused to believe her and ended things. She was heartbroken for a long time, but I stayed by her side, pretending to be as shocked as she was. Deep down, I was just relieved she was finally free.
“I lied to keep them apart” — Rose*, 28
In 2017, my friends got into a relationship. The girl was my friend first. Since we all schooled together and shared similar hobbies, I became close to her boyfriend, too. Before long, I was practically their third wheel.
It didn’t take long to realise they were terrible for each other. They fought constantly, dragging me into every argument; from texting too much to liking other people’s pictures. He was jealous and controlling, and the drama was exhausting.
Once, they embarrassed me in the cafeteria, screaming at each other like a Nollywood couple until she stormed out crying. Everyone stared. Still, no matter how bad it got, they always found their way back to each other. They broke up and made up so often I lost count.
I was relieved when their most serious breakup happened in 2018, and they blocked each other. But months later, he texted, saying he still loved her and wanted my help to win her back. I was desperate to keep them apart, so I lied. I told him she’d moved on, met someone new, and even had an abortion, hoping it would end things for good.
Instead, it made him worried and even more determined. I panicked and confessed to her. Thankfully, she found it hilarious and agreed to play along. When he finally reached her, she acted out the story. It worked. He gave up and moved on. Years later, I’m just grateful my lies didn’t backfire.
“I drove across cities around midnight to help her leave” — Nengi*, 43
My younger sister was in a terrible marriage. Her husband beat her and the kids constantly. Whenever she called, I felt helpless. I’m a widow with three children, and she has four of her own. We lived many hours apart, so there was only so much I could do from afar.
In 2021, after another beating, she told me she was ready to leave. It was 8 p.m., but I didn’t think twice. I left my children at home, got into my car, and drove almost three hours to her house. Looking back, it was reckless. I’m a woman alone, and he’s a big man. My confrontation could have gone very badly.
When I got there, I told her to pack immediately. He said if I was taking her, it had to be with the kids and only the clothes on their backs. Still, we left for my place. I drove through the night, and we got home a few hours before dawn.
My house is a one-bedroom apartment. After that night, there were nine of us in that tiny space. It was chaos. Feeding was hard. My kids had to switch to public school so we could survive, but I refused to let her go back.
Now things are better. We’ve saved enough to start a small business for her, and she’s getting back on her feet. Her husband still refuses to take responsibility for his family, but I’ve stopped caring.
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