After years in a relationship that felt more routine than romantic, Kasim* (29) found himself restless and emotionally checked out. That dissatisfaction slowly grew into a double life, culminating in a fake pregnancy episode that nearly blew up his relationship.
In this story, he opens up about his infidelity and the hard lessons it taught him.
Let’s start at the beginning. How did you meet your girlfriend?
Faiza* and I have known each other since our secondary school days. Our mums were close friends, so we always hung out together. People used to joke that we’d end up together one day.
Over time, I came to see her that way. I asked her out, and we started dating in 2015. It wasn’t a surprise to anyone. It felt like we were just fulfilling what everyone already expected.
We stayed together throughout our university years. On paper, nothing was wrong with the relationship, but I began to feel restless as the years passed
Why?
She’s very conservative, and we didn’t see eye to eye on many things. When we started having sex, she made it awkward. She’d remind me we weren’t married and talk about how I’d promised to marry her. It made me feel guilty instead of enjoying the intimacy.
The standards she held me to also made it difficult for me to open up emotionally. I’d rather tell my guys about a problem than talk to her. I didn’t feel like I could be myself with her.
How did you handle those feelings?
For the longest time, I did nothing. My friends told me to end the relationship, but I felt tied to her. She’s my childhood friend, our families know each other, and I did love her. I just wasn’t sure we were truly compatible.
Then, in 2023, I met Salma* at a club. My friends, with whom I was partying, had invited her. Her energy was different: She was lively and very upfront about being attracted to me. I felt the chemistry when we danced, so I asked for her number. exchanged contacts and started talking.
Unlike Faiza, she was vocal about what she wanted, especially about her sex life. When we finally hooked up, the sex was addictive. That was when I started thinking seriously about ending things with Faiza and dating Salma instead.
Did you go through with the breakup?
I didn’t. A month in, I began to notice things about Salma that bothered me.
She was always billing me. At first, I didn’t mind because I could afford it. But it became excessive. There was also her temper and jealousy. One time at a restaurant we went to, Salma was very rude to a girl who only wanted to know what I had on my plate. Then she made us leave the restaurant immediately. It was embarrassing.
I decided to hold back on that decision. I told myself I liked Salma, but not in the same way I loved Faiza. By March 2024, she started pressuring me to define the relationship. Because I was still confused, I decided to date her while I tried to make a concrete decision.
Wow. How did you manage two relationships at once?
At first, it wasn’t difficult. Faiza still lived with her parents, so we didn’t see each other as often. Salma stayed closer to me and was more present.
The real issue came when Salma stalked my followers and found pictures Faiza had posted of us together around Eid. She was livid.
When she confronted me, I didn’t bother denying it. I told her I’d been with Faiza for years and explained I hadn’t told her because I was still unsure of what I wanted.
She stopped speaking to me, so I sent gifts to apologise.
Your game sounds familiar
I promise, it wasn’t to bribe her. I did it because I actually felt bad. In my head, if the relationship ended, I’d accept it. I just didn’t want us to end on bad terms.
Eventually, she came back and said she would ignore the fact that I had a girlfriend. In her mind, Faiza was now the side chick.
Did things change the dynamics of your relationships?
Not from my end, but Salma started to use it against me. Anytime she wanted something, and I refused, she’d accuse me of putting Faiza over her, and I’d eventually give in.
In December, Faiza decided she wanted to start a clothing business. I gave her money and helped her rent a shop. I didn’t know Salma was stalking her until she sent me screenshots of the shop and voicenotes insulting me.
Meanwhile, I’d just paid Salma’s hostel fees a few weeks before. I apologised to her because I didn’t want drama that would get back to Faiza. Inside, I was tired. It seemed that money was the primary concern for Salma. That shop incident really made me start detaching from her.
Fair enough. What happened next?
That same month, I met Diana*. A friend introduced us since we had the same line of work. After a few weeks of chatting, I developed a crush and told her about it. From there, we started talking more.
Somehow, she found out I had a girlfriend and asked that we keep things professional, as she didn’t want any trouble. I never confirmed it, but I had a feeling Salma had something to do with that. From there, I decided to just end things with Salma. I was getting ready to discuss the breakup when she sent me a scan and said she was pregnant.
Whoa. How did you take the news?
I was shocked. I was close to tears, begging her to have an abortion. I wasn’t ready to be a father, and we still had our whole lives ahead of us. She said she’d think about it, but made it clear the decision was hers alone.
From that point, she used the pregnancy to keep me on a leash. Her financial demands became ridiculous. She’d bill me for cravings, and I felt I had no choice but to comply. I was constantly anxious and barely slept. I even considered ending things with Faiza, because if Salma kept the child, everything would eventually come out.
Nearly three months later, in May, she finally agreed to terminate the pregnancy — on the condition that I’d stay loyal to her. She told me the procedure and aftercare would cost ₦650k. I was too relieved to question anything and sent the money immediately.
It didn’t take long before I realised the entire pregnancy had been a lie.
How did you find out?
I told one of my guys how much I paid, and he insisted abortions weren’t that expensive. He joked that what if she was never pregnant and had just duped me.
I started thinking about it. I checked the hospital name on the scan and realised it didn’t exist. I rechecked the account name of the supposed nurse I’d transferred the money to and saw it was a Marvella, which was her roommate’s name.
I managed to get the roommate’s number and texted her about the pregnancy. She told me she wasn’t involved. Salma had just asked to use her account for a transfer and later dashed her some money. She said Salma likely lied about being pregnant, else she would have noticed.
When I confronted Salma, she insulted me as usual and stuck to the story that her bank had issues. She tried to make me believe I misheard when she said it was the nurse’s account.
At that point, I was done. I told her I wanted to end our relationship. Even though she called me names and tried to guilt-trip me for “forcing” her into an abortion, I stood my ground. I blocked her everywhere this July.
So your first girlfriend stayed in the dark till the end?
Faiza eventually found out. After the breakup, Salma somehow managed to get her number and messaged her. She insulted her and threatened her, saying I made her “kill our child” because of Faiza and that she’d deal with her for that.
Faiza sent me the screenshots and asked me to explain. I broke down and told her I’d messed up. I didn’t tell her every single detail, though. I framed it like a one-night stand that turned into blackmail. I told her Salma was using it to force me to date her and had lied about being pregnant.
Faiza was really hurt, but she believed me and forgave me. I was moved by how much she trusted me, and promised myself I’d stay loyal to her. But along the line, Marvella and I started texting frequently.
Oh dear.
Our relationship was initially purely platonic. She’d heard Salma cursing me out after the breakup and texted to check on me. From then on, we texted from time to time.
She was a chill babe, and I started to consider the possibility of getting with her.
Her link to Salma didn’t bother you?
To be clear, they were never really close. They just shared an apartment. She also mentioned that Salma had already brought another guy to their place. That made me feel less guilty about even speaking to her.
We were just talking and vibing, but there was potential for more. She also seemed to enjoy our friendship and would often initiate our conversations.
I see.
We had a good rapport until she suddenly disappeared in September. For about a week, there were no texts or replies from her. I was worried and kept trying to reach out. When she finally responded, she told me to leave her alone.
I pushed for a reason, and she explained that someone had told Salma we were talking. It turned into a fight in their apartment. According to her, Salma brought out a knife and threatened to stab her. She said she couldn’t even sleep in the house for a while.
She cut me off completely for her own safety, and I understood. That was the last time I considered anyone except Faiza.
So, where do things stand with Faiza now?
I honestly think she’s my best bet. I realise now that, even though I was unsatisfied and restless, I should’ve addressed our issues instead of going outside.
Now I’m trying to give us another shot. If things don’t work out with her, I think the fair thing is to end it and then start dating fresh, rather than keeping her hanging while I explore other people.
I feel a lot of guilt because she’s always seen me as her first and her last. She’s talked about us getting married for years. Knowing what I’ve done behind her back doesn’t sit well with me.
If there’s one thing I’ve learned, it’s that cheating doesn’t magically fix dissatisfaction. It just multiplies it and turns it into consequences beyond control.
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