Sunken Ships is a Zikoko weekly series that explores the how and why of the end of all relationships — familial, romantic or just good old friendships.

Kachi* (28) had always been drawn to Favour* (26) since they were kids. Over the years, she became a constant presence in her life; checking in, walking her home, studying with her, buying her birthday gifts and making space for her, even when Favour rarely did the same.

But every unanswered message and one-sided effort forced her to confront a painful possibility: what if the friendship she cherished existed only in her head?  

For Sunken Ships, she shares how years of chasing validation from someone she admired slowly eroded her self-esteem and why walking away was the only way to find it again.

Tell me how you met.

We attended the same church as kids, but I didn’t become drawn to her until 2014, when her mum passed away. She’d battled an illness for a long time before she died.

I saw firsthand the toll it took on her family, and I wanted to be there for her. In between offering comfort and companionship, our bond started to grow.

What were the early days of your friendship like?

Even though grief had brought us close, things still moved at a slow pace; she spent most of the year at boarding school. I’d only see her during the holidays, but we always got along well. For some reason, I thought the feeling of friendship was mutual.

Anyway, we continued the holiday-period arrangement for some time until she graduated in 2016. By that time, she spent more time at home while she awaited admission into university. She joined the same church workers’ society as me, and after our meetings, I’d walk her home. If she missed a meeting, I’d drop by to check on her.

That’s sweet. So at what point did you first notice cracks?

The funny thing is, I never quite did. I thought we had a great friendship. She gave me every reason to believe that she valued our friendship.

I remember we also promised to exchange birthday gifts in 2016. I was working at the time, so I gave her money to make her hair and bought her a beautiful dress. Seeing how happy she was made me happy too. She promised she’d get me something special for my birthday. 

But she never kept that promise.

Oh.

I got nothing from her. Even worse,  she didn’t post me on her social media, which stung. I honestly can’t even remember getting a birthday message from her.

The Naira Life Conference is returning on August 22, 2026, in Lagos! Come learn from finance experts and industry leaders, and partake in unfiltered conversations about building wealth and diversifying your income stream in a country like Nigeria. Real stories, expert advice you can actually use, and a community ready to build wealth together. Secure your spot here.

Curious. Did she know it was your birthday?

Yes. She kept telling me to be patient because she hadn’t found the right gift yet. She made that promise over and over again, but nothing ever came.

Right. Why didn’t you walk away?

That should have been my first lesson in reciprocity, but I really liked her. She was a representation of the person I hoped to be, so I wasn’t ready to let go of the friendship. I suppressed my feelings and carried on as if nothing had happened.

So did things improve after that?

Not really. We started studying for JAMB together. After work, I’d go to her house so we could study and talk about everything we wanted to do when we got into university. 

Eventually, we got into different schools, and we were back to a long-distance arrangement.

This time around, I couldn’t ignore the cracks. I was always the one checking in. She started a business in school, and she’d only reply promptly when I wanted to patronise her. Otherwise, she’d leave my messages unanswered for days.

Did you ever bring it up?

I did, but she said balancing the business and school was tedious. But the funny thing was that the only time she’d reach out first was when she was coming back to Lagos for the holidays.

Even then, it started to feel like the friendship was one-sided. She constantly posted photos with her other friends, but never me. The only time she did was in 2018, and that was because we’d done a photoshoot together. Even though the friendship battered my self-esteem, I stayed in it.

Then a few years later, my father passed away. 

I’m sorry. Did she show up for you? 

It was one of the hardest periods of my life because I was away at school and couldn’t come home immediately. She sent me her condolences and promised to visit my mum, but she never did. Even after I returned home, she still didn’t visit.

 Despite that, I still refused to accept that the friendship was one-sided. I loved looking at her WhatsApp status, but eventually, she stopped responding altogether.

So when did you decide you’d had enough?

There wasn’t a big incident or fight. I just started working on my self-esteem, and I realised I didn’t have to accept scraps of friendship. 

My fiancé, whom I thank God for, really helped me see myself differently. He constantly reminded me that I was worthy of friendships where the effort was mutual. That was the motivation I needed to cut her off.

And did you have any regrets afterwards?

Honestly, I expected to be heartbroken. Instead, I felt relieved. I felt free.

Till this point, I don’t even know if she’s aware that I’ve cut her off, but I don’t care. 

Fair enough. If she reached out today, would you give the friendship another chance??

No. I think I gave her more than enough time to pour into our friendship. That time has now passed. I don’t wish her evil, but I no longer want her in my life.

Hey, if you’d like to share your own #SunkenShips story with Zikoko, fill out this form!