Sunken Ships is a Zikoko weekly series that explores the how and why of the end of all relationships — familial, romantic or just good old friendships.

When Bidemi*(32) met Ire*(30), he was certain that she was his forever person. That changed when they disagreed about some important parts of their future together.

In this Sunken Ships, Bidemi shares the story of how their love began, the worst breakup of his life and how he’s slowly putting himself back together.

When did you know your relationship with Ire was over?

I walked into a party in December 2025 with a lady on my arm and saw her there with her new boyfriend. We saw each other and didn’t say a word to each other the entire night. I hated it.

Whoa. Take me back to the beginning.

I met her at a small art exhibition in Ibadan in 2021. As soon as she walked into the room, I couldn’t take my eyes off her. I struck up a conversation with her that afternoon, and for the next four years, she became my everything.

Did you guys start dating immediately?

Not officially, I asked her to be my girlfriend three months after we started talking. But I knew from the minute I saw her that I wanted her in my life.

What were the early days of your relationship like?

They were the best days of my life. We started dating not long after we met, but it felt like I had known her all my life. She was sweet, caring and beautiful. It helped that we had the same interests in films, art and food. We spent so much time together that our friend groups merged. Her friends became mine and mine hers.

Wow, that sounds like an amazing connection. Why did things start going awry?

In 2024, we began to disagree about some very important parts of our future together.

Tell me about that.

Within the first year of us being together, I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with Ire, so we would discuss at length about what we wanted out of life. We agreed on everything. I don’t want kids, and she didn’t want any either. I’m not religious, and neither is she. It was perfect.

What changed?

I can’t pinpoint what changed, but all of a sudden, in our third year together, Ire started talking about having kids when we settled down.

Ah. How did you react to that?

At first, I thought it was a joke, but when I found out she was serious, I became uncomfortable. I come from a very dysfunctional family, and so I have never wanted to have my own children. I pour all that energy towards taking care of my younger siblings. Her situation is similar to mine, so when she initially said she didn’t want children, I totally understood.

Did you guys have a conversation when she changed her mind?

Yes, we did. I hated it because it was the first time we couldn’t meet in the middle about an issue. She wanted a child or two, and I didn’t see myself having the bandwidth to handle even one.

So what did you do?

We shelved the conversation and continued our relationship, but that disagreement sat heavily between us. Over the course of the next year, it became apparent that we had to make a tough decision.

What happened?

We met each other’s families. Her parents are lovely, and I really enjoyed all the time I spent with them. My mum adored Ire and after that started asking me when we would go and see her people. I think the seriousness of our relationship dawned on Ire then because a few weeks after meeting my mum, in April 2025, she broke up with me.

Whoa.

It hurt so much. She cried, and I cried, but I understood. I wanted to tell her that I would gladly have a child with her if it meant we would stay together, but Ire knows me too well. She would have refused because it’s not what I really wanted.

Tell me about how you handled the split.

I was a mess for months. I threw myself into work during the week and into alcohol on the weekends. It felt like someone was tearing my heart into little pieces. I had to block her on all our social media because seeing her face online made me so sad.

Do you know how she handled it?

Some of our friends tried to tell me how sad she was, but I didn’t want to hear about her. It hurt too much.

Did you guys ever talk after that?

She called me on my birthday in August, and it was a hard conversation.

Why?

The sound of her voice brought back so many feelings and memories that I had to stop myself from begging her to come back to me. I cried after that call.

How has healing been since you split?

It’s been hard. At the beginning, it felt like I was suffocating, but slowly, it started getting easier. Though I held a little hope that we would find each other again one day. But that’s over too.

Why did you give up hope?

I saw her at a party with someone else in December 2025. I had also come to the party with someone else, and that’s when I realised that our chapter was over. It felt like we broke up all over again, but I had to accept it.

Would you reconcile with her if you found out you were on the same page again?

In a heartbeat. I have never felt that way about anyone else. I would take that leap any day.

Have you dated anyone since your split?

Only casually. My heart still feels too raw to share it with anyone. I’m want to take my time to heal before getting into another serious relationship.

*Names have been changed for anonymity.

Hey, if you’d like to share your own #SunkenShips story with Zikoko, fill out this form!